Guitar Jokes

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection. The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her "First offender?"
She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar.... I said, is that a fret?

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?" She replied: "No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

For sale: Guitar

Yoyo

Puppet

Kite

£5 for the lot

Genuine reason for sale

No strings attached

This guy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, “Is that a fret?”

My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said "maybe".

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?" Woman responds, "No, Your Honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

I just heard this one, so sorry if it's a repeat.

A woman is on trial... ...for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks, "First offender?"

The lady replies, "No your honor. First a Gibson then a Fender."

Edit: Grammar.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge: “First offender?”

Lady: “No first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

Guitar The only time you can break a g string while fingering a minor without getting arrested.

Why do pedophiles like to play guitar? Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

What a weird day! First I found a hat full of money. Then I was followed around by some guy with a guitar.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. "First offender?" The judge asked. "No" said the bailiff, "First a Gibson, then a Fender."

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

My old guitar teacher was arrested yesterday... He got caught fingering A Minor.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 3 in the morning. Can you believe that, 3AM?!
Luckily for him, I was still up playing my electric guitar.

It's been a bit of a strange day... First I found a hat full of money... Then I got
chased down the road by an angry man with a
guitar?

A man is on trial for beating his wife with his guitar collection The judge asks, "first offender"? The man replies, "No, first a Gibson; then a Fender."

I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."

My friends are like my guitar. I don't have a guitar...

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Because he was fingering minors.

What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter? Amanda Lynn

What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist? By selling your guitar.

What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.

Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar I asked him, "Is that a fret?"

Someone said they'd attack me with the neck of their guitar... "Is that a fret?"

It's been a strange sort of day. First I found a hat full of money... and then I was chased by an angry weirdo with a guitar.

So I sold my guitar... I sold my guitar to a man with no hands.
So I said to him: "So how are you gonna work that then?"
He shrugged and said: "I'll play it by ear."



All Gratuities payable towards My Uncle Chris.

So my guitar teacher got arrested. He got arrested for fingering A minor.


After he plucked her G string...

A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings His instructor told him don't fret

R Kelly decided to become a singer after a great performance in a high school talent show, but he later learned to play guitar for a different reason. He enjoys fingering minors.

I knew a guitar player who died... He was going to a gig when he crashed his pickup into the bridge and broke his neck. It appeared his pedal had stopped working.

A guitarist goes to a bar He orders a gin and tonic

then pulls out his guitar and starts playing.

The bartender asks, "diet tonic?"

To which the guitarist replies:

"No, Pentatonic."

Today I broke a G string while fingering A minor Dammit, playing guitar is hard!

What instrument did the chemist play in the band? The base guitar.

Cara Delevinge is able to play the guitar behind her back Thats nothing guys. My ex was able to play me behind my back.

What did the piano say to the guitar? You're out of key.