Hilarious Guitar Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Guitar Jokes

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection. The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 14598

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her "First offender?"
She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 9020

Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar.... I said, is that a fret?

Score: 1965

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?" She replied: "No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."

Score: 612

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

Score: 606

For sale: Guitar

Yoyo

Puppet

Kite

£5 for the lot

Genuine reason for sale

No strings attached

Score: 523

Score: 485

This guy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, “Is that a fret?”

Score: 423

My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said "maybe".

Score: 407

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?" Woman responds, "No, Your Honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

I just heard this one, so sorry if it's a repeat.

Score: 281

A woman is on trial... ...for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks, "First offender?"

The lady replies, "No your honor. First a Gibson then a Fender."

Edit: Grammar.

Score: 279

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge: “First offender?”

Lady: “No first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

Score: 248

Guitar The only time you can break a g string while fingering a minor without getting arrested.

Score: 224

Why do pedophiles like to play guitar? Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

Score: 222

What a weird day! First I found a hat full of money. Then I was followed around by some guy with a guitar.

Score: 187

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. "First offender?" The judge asked. "No" said the bailiff, "First a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 178

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 165

My old guitar teacher was arrested yesterday... He got caught fingering A Minor.

Score: 158

My neighbour knocked on my door at 3 in the morning. Can you believe that, 3AM?!
Luckily for him, I was still up playing my electric guitar.

Score: 121

It's been a bit of a strange day... First I found a hat full of money... Then I got
chased down the road by an angry man with a
guitar?

Score: 121

A man is on trial for beating his wife with his guitar collection The judge asks, "first offender"? The man replies, "No, first a Gibson; then a Fender."

Score: 114

I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."

Score: 102

My friends are like my guitar. I don't have a guitar...

Score: 98

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Because he was fingering minors.

Score: 97

What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter? Amanda Lynn

Score: 86

What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist? By selling your guitar.

Score: 86

What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.

Score: 84

Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar I asked him, "Is that a fret?"

Score: 78

Someone said they'd attack me with the neck of their guitar... "Is that a fret?"

Score: 77

It's been a strange sort of day. First I found a hat full of money... and then I was chased by an angry weirdo with a guitar.

Score: 75

A guitar teacher was arrested. Teacher was caught fingering a minor.

Score: 70

Women is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judges says, "First Offender?" She says, "No, First a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 66

What got the guitar teacher arrested? Fingering A minor

Score: 65

What a the difference between a sofa and a guitar player? The sofa can support a family.

Score: 55

Guitar joke A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

Score: 48

How do you get the guitar player off of your porch? Pay for the pizza.

Score: 36

As a chemist, i'm not very good at the guitar... ...anyway, here's van der Waal

Score: 24

What did the guitar say to the ukulele? Uke, I am your father.

Score: 20

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Allegedly he fingered A Minor.

Score: 20

Piracy is killing the music industry I mean, have you tried playing guitar with a hook?

Score: 18

New Guitar Jokes

Bass guitar is so easy to learn... ...Even bass* players can do it.

*For bass players the joke is you’re dumb.

Score: 2

Why was the guitar teacher get arrested For fingering a minor

Score: 2

I just bought a chordless electric guitar Because I’m terrible and don’t know any.

Score: 0

Jimmy Hendrix could play the guitar with his teeth But Kurt Cobain could play the shotgun with his toe

Score: 0

My friend said he's learning bass guitar... ...Something about this sounds fishy.

Score: 4

Why did the kid's guitar teacher go to jail? Because he fingered A minor

Score: 0

How can you tell when there's a guitar player at your door? They dont know when to come in and they're using the wrong key.

Score: 2

Cara Delevinge is able to play the guitar behind her back Thats nothing guys. My ex was able to play me behind my back.

Score: 4

I knew a guitar player who died... He was going to a gig when he crashed his pickup into the bridge and broke his neck. It appeared his pedal had stopped working.

Score: 9

So my guitar teacher got arrested. He got arrested for fingering A minor.

After he plucked her G string...

Score: 14

Did you hear about the lightning that hit the guitar? It really struck a chord.

Score: 2

Which guitar string is the sexiest of them all? The G string.

Score: 2

What did the musician say to the bully who said he would beat him over the head with his own guitar ? “ you know I feel like that’s a fret.”

Score: 1

R Kelly decided to become a singer after a great performance in a high school talent show, but he later learned to play guitar for a different reason. He enjoys fingering minors.

Score: 9

Why did the paedofile learn guitar? So they could finger A minor.

Score: 1

Why was the guitar player jailed? He fingered A minor

Score: 10

What do you call a prejudiced 4 stringed guitar player? A racist bassist

Score: 5

I was at an auction that tried to pass off a guitar as the one Prince wrote Purple Rain on. You could tell it was fake because Prince puts stars over his i's.

Score: 1

Roy Moore is learning guitar chords and he's starting with A Minor

Score: 12

You can tune a guitar but you can't tune a fish Unless you play bass

Score: 2

My friend was a pretty good guitarist But that one time he stepped in a puddle while playing his electric guitar on an old, badly grounded amp, he became a great conductor.

Score: 2

I always thought about playing the guitar But there were just too many strings attached

Score: 12

I broke my g string while fingering a sweet minor On my guitar

Score: 0

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’

She says, ‘No, first a Gibson!’

Score: 3

I'm a chemist and I can play the guitar Anyway, here's Van der Waal

Score: 4

Im so good at guitar, That my neighbours decided to throw a brick at my window so that they could hear me better!

Score: 5

I'm fed up of my room-mate just throwing his guitar on the floor. It's time I made a stand.

Score: 2

Doc, will I be able to play guitar after my arm heals? Doc: Of course

Dude: Sick! I couldn't do that before!

Score: 1

Why did the guitar teacher get arrested? Fingered a minor.

Score: 5

We should hang people with guitar strings Then they could go out on a high note

Score: 2

A man is arrested for robbing a guitar store. The policeman reports him as a 'first offender; thief'.

"No", says the man, "first I stole a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 2

I play a little guitar But I'm saving up for a big one.

Score: 6

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?"

She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

Score: 12

What do you get when you give a kid a guitar and a pic? A rattle...eventually.

Score: 3

Why does Snoop Dogg always have that guitar on stage but yet he never plays it? For show.

Score: 2

I've been trying to learn how to play Sublime songs on guitar... I haven't made any progress yet because I don't practice Santeria.

Score: 2

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? Homeless

Score: 18

What does a stripper and a guitar have in common? The G-String is always going off.

Score: 8

Decided to use guitar strings in my weed eater... But now my yard seems a little flat.

Score: 2

I love my guitar collection.... but one of the guitars is a bit different from the rest, I think he's a bit acoustic.

Score: 2

A man returns to the music shop with his new guitar He goes up to the manager and complains "How could you sell this to me?"

The manager responds "What's the problem? We sold you a guitar, no strings attached!"

Score: 6

Don't fret. You're not a guitar.

Score: 12

I asked my doctor... Hey will I be able to play guitar after my hand operation?

Yes.

Oh that's great because I can't play a lick now.

Score: 1

A woman was arrested for killing her husband with a guitar. When brought before the judge he asked her "first offender?" And she replied "no first was a Gibson THEN the Fender. "

Score: 3

I play guitar underwater To drown my solos.

Score: 2

What did the Russian monarch's guitar playing son want to be when he grew up? A rocktsar

Score: 2

Want to know how to keep your guitar sounding good? Stay tuned.

Score: 4

Why did the guitar teacher get arrested? Because he was an arsonist.

Score: 2

What do a lover and an electric guitar have in common? You'll get a lot of feedback if you're not fingering them correctly.

Score: 4

What do you call a synthesizer-guitar that's out of tune? A Synthaxe error!!!

Score: 3

Michael Jackson should have become a guitar player. He loved fingering minors.

Score: 8

How did the guitar player bust the G string? He was fingering A Minor.

Score: 5

Trump walks up to the mexican border and takes out his guitar. Anyway here's wonderwall.

Score: 1

What did Al Gore play on the guitar? An algorithm.

Score: 6

My friend asked me how I got so good at guitar. I told him I'm use to fingering minors.

Score: 5

Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."

Score: 3

Guitar players are actually quite a religious bunch... They've all found Gsus at some point.

Score: 4

A couple weeks ago I saw a sign on a telephone pole that said "learn guitar in 30 days." I can't wait. Just a few more days and I'll be able to play the guitar.

Score: 2