Guitar Jokes

Contents

Funniest Guitar Jokes

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection. The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 14598

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her "First offender?"
She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 9020

Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar.... I said, is that a fret?

Score: 1965

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?" She replied: "No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."

Score: 612

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

Score: 606

For sale: Guitar

Yoyo

Puppet

Kite

£5 for the lot

Genuine reason for sale

No strings attached

Score: 523
Funny Guitar Jokes
Score: 485

This guy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, “Is that a fret?”

Score: 423

My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said "maybe".

Score: 407

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?" Woman responds, "No, Your Honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

I just heard this one, so sorry if it's a repeat.

Score: 281

A woman is on trial... ...for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks, "First offender?"

The lady replies, "No your honor. First a Gibson then a Fender."

Edit: Grammar.

Score: 279

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge: “First offender?”

Lady: “No first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

Score: 248

Guitar The only time you can break a g string while fingering a minor without getting arrested.

Score: 224

Why do pedophiles like to play guitar? Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

Score: 222

What a weird day! First I found a hat full of money. Then I was followed around by some guy with a guitar.

Score: 187

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. "First offender?" The judge asked. "No" said the bailiff, "First a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 178

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 165

My old guitar teacher was arrested yesterday... He got caught fingering A Minor.

Score: 158

My neighbour knocked on my door at 3 in the morning. Can you believe that, 3AM?!
Luckily for him, I was still up playing my electric guitar.

Score: 121

It's been a bit of a strange day... First I found a hat full of money... Then I got
chased down the road by an angry man with a
guitar?

Score: 121

A man is on trial for beating his wife with his guitar collection The judge asks, "first offender"? The man replies, "No, first a Gibson; then a Fender."

Score: 114

I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."

Score: 102

My friends are like my guitar. I don't have a guitar...

Score: 98

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Because he was fingering minors.

Score: 97

What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter? Amanda Lynn

Score: 86

What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist? By selling your guitar.

Score: 86

What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.

Score: 84

Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar I asked him, "Is that a fret?"

Score: 78

Someone said they'd attack me with the neck of their guitar... "Is that a fret?"

Score: 77

It's been a strange sort of day. First I found a hat full of money... and then I was chased by an angry weirdo with a guitar.

Score: 75

How do you get the guitar player off of your porch? Pay for the pizza.

Score: 36

So my guitar teacher got arrested. He got arrested for fingering A minor.


After he plucked her G string...

Score: 14

A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings His instructor told him don't fret

Score: 10

R Kelly decided to become a singer after a great performance in a high school talent show, but he later learned to play guitar for a different reason. He enjoys fingering minors.

Score: 9

I knew a guitar player who died... He was going to a gig when he crashed his pickup into the bridge and broke his neck. It appeared his pedal had stopped working.

Score: 9

A guitarist goes to a bar He orders a gin and tonic

then pulls out his guitar and starts playing.

The bartender asks, "diet tonic?"

To which the guitarist replies:

"No, Pentatonic."

Score: 9

Guitar players are actually quite a religious bunch... They've all found Gsus at some point.

Score: 4

What instrument did the chemist play in the band? The base guitar.

Score: 4

Cara Delevinge is able to play the guitar behind her back Thats nothing guys. My ex was able to play me behind my back.

Score: 4

What is a fisherman's favorite musical instrument? The bass guitar.

Score: 3

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New Guitar Jokes

I just bought a chordless electric guitar Because I’m terrible and don’t know any.

Score: 0

Jimmy Hendrix could play the guitar with his teeth But Kurt Cobain could play the shotgun with his toe

Score: 0

A woman is on trial for beating her fiance to death with his guitar collection. The judge says "first offender?" With a quizzical look the woman says "first a Gibson, then a Fender."

Score: 0

Why did the kid's guitar teacher go to jail? Because he fingered A minor

Score: 0

What was Michael Jackson’s favourite guitar chord? A minor ;)

Score: 0

Jeffrey Epstein is a terribile guitar teacher He only know how to finger A minor

Score: 0

Did you hear about the lightning that hit the guitar? It really struck a chord.

Score: 2

Which guitar string is the sexiest of them all? The G string.

Score: 2

What did the piano say to the guitar? You're out of key.

Score: 3

What did the musician say to the bully who said he would beat him over the head with his own guitar ? “ you know I feel like that’s a fret.”

Score: 1

Why did the paedofile learn guitar? So they could finger A minor.

Score: 1

I was at an auction that tried to pass off a guitar as the one Prince wrote Purple Rain on. You could tell it was fake because Prince puts stars over his i's.

Score: 1

I broke my g string while fingering a sweet minor On my guitar

Score: 0

Why does Snoop Dogg always have that guitar on stage but yet he never plays it? For show.

Score: 2

Trump walks up to the mexican border and takes out his guitar. Anyway here's wonderwall.

Score: 1

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