Lightbulb Jokes

Contents

Funniest Lightbulb Jokes

Funny Lightbulb Jokes

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to blog about how empowering it was.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb just burned out; this is not the time to discuss it.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. You don't need a lightbulb when you have a glass ceiling.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Who needs a lightbulb when you've got a glass ceiling?

How many american rugby fans does it take to change a lightbulb Both of them

I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb Then I realized that my life was a joke...

How did the hipster burn his fingertips? He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool.


[rimshot]

How many ninjas does it take to... Where did that lightbulb come from?!

How many dead hookers does it take to change the lightbulb in my basement? ...Well, it's not 5.

The difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb You can unscrew a lightbulb.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None.

They just beat the room for being black and arrest the lightbulb for being broke.

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb has to *want* to change.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb Has to be more than 20 because my basement is still dark

How many fat activists does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb is beautiful the way it is. Society needs to change and learn to accept and stop shaming lightbulbs that don’t conform to its standards.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Apparently not four as my basement is still dark

How many Irishman does it take to change a lightbulb Two: one to hold it in place, and the other to drink until the room spins.

What is the difference between a pregnant lady and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Again with the victim blaming, jerk? Don't tell us to change the lightbulb, tell the lightbulb to not need changing.

How many people in denial does it take to change a lightbulb ? There is nothing wrong with the lightbulb.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a long time and the lightbulb has to want to change

How many Google plus users does it take to change a lightbulb ? All of them actually . Two to hold the ladder and one to change the lightbulb .

How many Freudian scientists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis
LADDER I MEANT LADDER!!

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb? Two; one to change the lightbulb and one to write a song about how good the old one was.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to beat the room for being black.

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. But the lightbulb has to really WANT to change.

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? 2. One to hold the lightbulb and the other to drink until the room spins.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb You can unscrew a lightbulb

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

how many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? probably just one, but we may never know because they're all way too busy coming up with lightbulb jokes.

Why does it take many hands to fit a lightbulb ? Because many hands make light work.
(This is my first attempt at a joke on here)

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer is 50. One to change the lightbulb and 49 to say they can do better.

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one. But the lightbulb has to really want to change.

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but first the lightbulb must decide to change itself.

What did the lightbulb say to the other lightbulb? Watt up

How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb Must be more than nine because my basement is still dark

How many feminist does it take to change a lightbulb Trick question, feminists can't change anything

How many Comcast customer service agents does it take to change a lightbulb? ...

Is the lightbulb plugged in sir?

Popular Topics

New Lightbulb Jokes

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman One can get unscrewed

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? It doesn't matter. The lightbulb has to want to change itself first.

Today I got a job in the lightbulb installation field. The future is bright.

How many idiots does it take to change a lightbulb? 21

One to hold the lightbulb and the rest to turn the room around

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant women? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? 3 lawyers .One climbs the ladder , the 2nd one to push it and the 3rd one to sue the lightbulb company.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb needs to want to truly change.

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb ? Only one if the lightbulb really wants to change

How many dead baby’s do you need to fix a lightbulb Apparently more then 11 cause my lightbulb is still broken

How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb. One
But the lightbulb has to really want to change.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant babysitter? Can’t unscrew the babysitter

When Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb he threw a huge party It was well lit

How many alcoholics does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the lightbulb in place and one to drink until the room spins.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and your wife? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

How many computer scientists does it take to change a lightbulb 0 to 1

How long does it take an idiot to change a lightbulb Tell me when you’re done

How do you get trump to change a lightbulb You tell him Obama put it in

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant hooker? You can unscrew the lightbulb

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one,but the lightbulb really has to want to change.

How many Harvard Graduates does it take to change a lightbulb One: all they need to do is hold the lightbulb in place and wait for the world to revolve around them

How many millennials does it take to change a lightbulb One to hold it and the rest of the world to revolve around them

How many substance abuse counselors does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

What's the difference between a hooker and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb

Why does the lightbulb get nervous around humans? They turn him on.

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But the lightbulb really has to want to change.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 2. One to change the lightbulb and the other to shoot the room for being black.

How many shop stewards does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the lightbulb and four to sit on folding chairs and watch. You got a problem with that?

How many cops does it take to fix a broken lightbulb? No idea but the cops beat up the room for being black and the lightbulb for being broke

Whats the difference between a pregnant hooker and a lightbulb You cant unscrew a pregnant hooker

How many redditors does it take to post a lightbulb joke? N + 1
1 to post a good joke, N to repost the joke till it's dead.

How many Communists does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb contains the seeds of its *own* revolution.

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a married couple? A lightbulb actually gets turned on

What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb? You can unscrew the lightbulb

How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? Zero. Because all they'll do is argue about which lightbulb to use and it never gets changed.

How many white men does it take to change a lightbulb One

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant girlfriend? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

To replace the lightbulb I could either stand on a chair or get a small ladder... I chose the latter

i'd tell you a joke about my lightbulb but... its kinda screwed up...

How many peopledoes it take to change a lightbulb in Germany? Just one Germans are very efficient and not very funny.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in Poland?

Just one Germans are very efficient and not very funny.

Popular Topics

Long Lightbulb Jokes

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.

Professor held an oral exam

He was in a good mood and the student that he questioned wasn't prepared enough.
'Look here, I can't give you a passing grade based on your answers. I will however let you pass if you tell me how many lightbulbs there are in this room?'
The student counted carefully and confidently said '32'.
The professor started laughing and reached for his bag:
'Nice try but I got one in my bag, see you next month'
A month passed and the student came to try his luck again.
'I remember you. You failed my lighbulb test last time. So tell me and if you answer correctly I won't question you further. How many lightbulbs are in this room?'
The student looked him in the eye and said '33'.
The professor laughed even harder than last time:
"Oh silly you, I didn't bring a spare lightbulb with me this time"
The student smirked, reached for his bag and triumphantly said 'oh, but I did'.

Tech Joke: Changing a light bulb

A window user, a Linux user and an apple user all need to change a lightbulb in their respective homes. They split up and the windows and apple user meet back up 5 minutes later

Windows User: Did you get it fixed?

Apple user: No, it can't be cganged so I need to find a new house; how about you?

Windows User: Yeah I changed it, but now the toilet won't flush.

After some time the two become worried because the Linux user hasn't come back yet. They go to his apartment and find him sitting in the middle of the floor with a set of instructions and a box of parts. The Windows user asks what he's doing to which he replies "what does it look like? This lightbulb isn't going to build itself"

How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?

I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.

How many basement dwellers and deplorables does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's ridiculous I saw on CNN that Hillary has already changed the lightbulb Plus it's not dark and the light bulb isn't broken and anyway who told you it was broken Vladimir Putin? What are you sexist?

How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

Trains

HE LOVED DRIVING TRAINS

In fact, it was his passion. Ever since he was a little boy, his dream was to drive trains. Soon after high school, he got an apprenticeship, and a little while later he got his train-driving liscence and started his career. Oh, the joy! He was having the best time of his life, his dream fulfilled. This went on for a while, until he accidentally crashed the train. Several passengers died, and being responsible for those deaths, was tried for mass homicide. He was sentenced to death by electric chair. When the day came, the executioner asked him what he wanted for his last meal. He replied, "Just a banana, nothing more." A little confused the executioner got him his banana, and waited. After the train driver was finished with his banana, the executioner sat him down in the chair, and flipped the switch. Light flashed, electricity went everywhere, and the only lightbulb in the room shattered. After the smoke cleared, to his amazement, the executioner saw that the train driver was in fact still alive. Not one scratch on him. An ancient bohemian law states that anyone who survives execution must be a god, and so shall be set free. So the train driver was let go. A little while later he ended up getting back his train driving licence, and resumed his career. After a while, he crashed the train again, and several people died. He was tried and again sentenced to death by electric chair. When the day came, the executioner asked him what he wanted for his last meal, and he requested a banana. Once he was finished with it, the executioner sat him in the chair and flipped the switch. Lights flashed, electricity went everywhere, and the only lightbulb in the room shattered a second time. After the smoke cleared, to the amazement of the executioner, the train driver was once again unhurt. He got his license back, resumed his career, but he crashed the train a third time. Then he was tried, and sentenced to death by electric chair. For his last meal he asked for a banana, finished it, and the executioner sat him in the chair, and flipped the switch. Light flashed, electricity went everywhere, and the only light bulb in the room shattered a third time. He was once again not injured. Full of bewilderment, the executioner asked him: "You have survived execution three times. What do the bananas have to do with it?"

To which the train driver replied "Oh, it has nothing do do with the bananas; I'm just a really bad conductor".

I knew this lightbulb that was in a really toxic relationship with her boyfriend. They kept breaking up and getting back together again. It happened dozens of times before I finally told her-

“You really need to get out of this on-off relationship.”

I was trying to change a lightbulb in the ceiling fan

My wife saw me struggling to reach it since it was pretty high up.

She said, "Let me get something for you to stand on. Do you prefer the ladder or the step stool?"

I said, "I'll take the latter."

So she brought me the step stool, just like I asked.

The French Test Drive

An American couple took their honeymoon in France, and they loved it so much they decided they just had to live there. But the costly move left them in financial hardship. Eventually, they did both find jobs, but on opposite ends of the city, so they decided to buy a car.

"This one," said the car dealer, "has all safety features included standard." So, they went for a test drive, and after several miles they were almost as in love with the car as they were with each other.

"But how will we afford the monthly payments, honey?" bemoaned the driver.

"We could save a lot of money if you would quit drinking wine and spirits, babe," replied the passenger.

"Oh yeah, well we would save even more if you would stop leaving all the lights on in the house, day and night, dear," the driver retorted. The passenger sighed.

"The car really is lovely. Tell you what," offered the passenger. "I'm willing to unscrew every lightbulb in the house until the car is paid for, if you're willing to forego alcohol for the duration. At that rate we'll have more than enough. What do you say?"

The driver considered this for a moment, and smiled. "It's a deal, my love," and the two lovers shook hands. Suddenly, there arose a deafening "BANG!" as all the car's airbags deployed at once. After making sure they were both alright, they called the dealership, who sent out a tow truck with a mechanic.

As the couple shook off their shock and alarm and the tow driver hitched up the car, the mechanic connected a wireless adapter to the diagnostic port under the dashboard, and began taking readings on a smart phone.

"What happened!?" cried the driver, "We didn't hit anything!"

The mechanic read from the screen. "It seems the car detected a dry Versailles dim pact."

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

It depends on the economist:

How many right-wing economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the invisible hand will take care of it.

How many keynesian economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them, in order to shift tha aggregate demand to the right and generate more employment and consumption.

How many marxist economists does it take to change the lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

I'm translating it from portuguese, hopefully it's right spelled and not a repost.

A man goes to visit a lightbulb factory

The factory is very hot and sweaty and the work is clearly hard, even so the man says to a worker, "you seem happy."
"Why on earth would you think that?" replied the worker.


"Well, your constantly making light of things"

School assigment

Jack and his class got an assigment in school, Where they had to bring in things you can put in your mouth.

The next day the teacher was examining what the kids brought in. Jackie brought pacifier, Sam brought chocolate and so on.

When she came to see what Jack has brought in , she noticed a lightbulb in his hand.

"Since when do we put lightbulbs in our mouth?" She asked bewildered.

To which he replied:

"well last night I was headed to the toilet, and when I was passing my parents bedroom I heard my dad say: turn of the light so I can finally put it in your mouth."

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a Facebook group?

* 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
* 15 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
* 8 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
* 18 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
* 7 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
* Another 7 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
* 23 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jackasses.
* 3 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
* 16 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
* 250 to post meme's and gif's.
* 20 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
* 13 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
* 17 to post 'Following'.
* 37 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
* 8 to ask if the brands of light bulbs used are worth the money.
* 20 to tell them that if they like the light bulbs, buy them.
* 16 People to post "I can't see S$%\^!" and use their own light bulbs.
* 6 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
* 8 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
* 5 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
* 14 to comment "Me too".
* 6 to post to the page that they will no longer post or are leaving because they cannot handle the $!%cking light bulb controversy.
* 6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
* 23 to ask if there is a flounce in progress.
* 350 to post flounce memes.
* 5 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
* 14 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
* 2 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb.
* 5 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
* 6 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
* 1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

An Indian chief goes into town...

For the day to run some errands for the tribe. When he comes back everyone notices that he is carrying a box of things he purchased. Inside they see there is a light bulb.

They found this quite odd, considering they didn't have electricity. Of course, he is the chief so no one questions him. As the day is coming to an end, they are very perplexed about this light bulb. Finally someone asks him, "chief, why did you buy a lightbulb if we have no electricity?"

In response the chief calls together the whole tribe. He gets them to all stand in a big circle. Next he places the lightbulb in the dirt in the exact middle of the circle. Finally he commands everyone to join hands together.

Miraculously, the light immediately begins to illuminate when everyone joined their hands.

The chief then speaks in a very chief ten commanding voice, "many hands make light work."

How many union construction workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Twelve. Two to drive the lightbulb across the state, one to supervise, two to hold "stop/slow" signs, one to make sure traffic cones are arranged alphabetically, one to actually change the lightbulb, and 5 to stand around with hands in their pockets. With union breaks every 30 minutes it should take no more than 2 weeks

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because before Judeo-Christian masculonormativism was used to subjugate women, it was actually the women of the society who self-generated light for the whole village, and the lightbulb is just another tool of the oppressive patriarchy we live in today so why don't you read a book and educate yourself instead of making stupid jokes designed to deny women their right to exist in a testosterone-infested testicularchy?

A Collection of "How many X does it take to change a lightbulb" Jokes

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and One to develop an algorithm to change lightbulbs efficiently.

Engineers:
One. One to change the lightbulb.

Electricians:
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to argue about how much they get paid, and one to argue with the unions.

Time Travelers:
One. One to change the lightbulb and another to hold the ladder.


I *may* add more in the future :)

Popular Topics