Taco Jokes

Contents

Funniest Taco Jokes

Funny Taco Jokes

I got gas today for $1.39 Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night... The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.” I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead, moron.”

I'm Mexican I'm not offended by taco jokes or fiesta jokes. But Immigration jokes?
They cross the line.

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well actually he said "less McDonald's" but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant

I got gas today for $1.49. I couldn't believe it was that cheap. Then again, I don't know what else I expected going to Taco Bell.

Taco Bell forced to shut down temporarily... Due to the Corona virus the shortage of toilet paper has made this step a necessity.

Happy International Women's Day! Or as I like to call it, Taco Tuesday

I love Taco Bell so much that I even enjoy being *asked* what style of tacos I want... I get hard every time.

In case of Taco emergency... Dial 9 Juan Juan.

Mexican word of the day: wheelchair Theirs only 1 taco left, so wheel chair.

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell today! Technically he said, 'Less McDonalds' but I'm pretty sure I knew what he meant.

My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.

I got gas for $1.08 today... ...too bad it was from Taco Bell.

I think Taco Tuesday sets a bad example for children. They need to grow up knowing that they can eat tacos every day of the week.

What is the name Tinkerbell’s Mexican sister? Taco Bell.

my doctor told me to eat more taco bell well actually he said “less mcdonalds” but i’m pretty sure i know what he meant




src: tumblr

What's the difference between a hard and soft shell taco from Taco Bell? About 25 seconds in the microwave.

So I'm sitting there watching TV with my dad when commercials come on. T.V.: *"Taco Bell's taco 12-pack says, 'my 11 friends and I are set..."*

Me: "HA! More like I'M set."

Dad: "I know, right? You don't even have 11 friends."

I got gas for $1.69 the other day From taco bell

DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.

I got gas today for $1.09! Too bad it was from Taco Bell.

My doctor said I need to eat more Taco Bell He actually said I was constipated, but I understood what he meant.

What did the mexican get on his SAT's? Taco crumbs

In a surprise move, Taco Bell is acquiring Taco Bueno... It's a hostile tacover.

A taco and a burrito walk into a bar. The taco starts talking the bartender's ear off while the burrito stays silent and sips his drink. Finally the bartender says, "Hey, why is he so quiet?"

The taco replies, "Oh, sorry. I'm just a lot more open than he is."

What'd the Mexican say when he was upset? I don't want to taco bout it.

Did you know Tinker Bell got a fat older brother? His name is Taco Bell.

If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen.. It tastes exactly like poverty.

A joke told to me today by a little old man at Taco Bell completely out of the blue Why was the man fired from his job at the orange juice factory?

He couldn’t concentrate.

My dad’s Mexican and my mom’s Canadian... But I don’t wanna taco boot it

Today this pervert offered me a taco to see me naked. So I replied... What do I have to do to get a burrito?

A taco walks into a bar and sits down The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here."

What do you call a mute Mexican No taco

What is a restaurant for robots called? Dell taco

So I managed to get 2 gallons of gas for only $1.99 Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell

Life is like a taco It falls apart

As a good luck charm my baseball team eats taco bell before every game. To help us get more runs than our opponent.

Guys! Seriously, I got gas for a $1.75. At Taco Bell.

Popular Topics

New Taco Jokes

Why do ghosts avoid Bed Bath and Beyond after eating Taco Bell? They don’t want to get the sheets!

I've always liked tortillas better than taco shells They're just a more flexible ingredient.

What did the Mexican say after getting divorced? I don't wanna taco bout it

Two blonde Mexican girls walk past a Taco Bell. One looks at the other and says "Hey, I didn't know we owned a telephone company."

I drove by the Taco Bell drive-thru last night and it was empty. Then I realized everyone is out of toilet paper!

All of this toilet paper hoarding is going to lead to a toilet paper mafia and, eventually, Godfather And he’ll say, “You come to me on the day of Taco Bell, and you ask me for a favor. “

I'm starting a new get-fit routine I'll get this pizza to fit in my mouth, I'll get this taco to fit in my mouth, I'll get this burger to fit in my mouth...

Someone asked me "Wheres the Taco Bell" I said all over the toliet

Why do Chevy owners like Taco Bell? Because it’s somewhere they can go to get something to actually run good.

I got gas for 99¢ today from Taco Bell

I got gas for $0.99! Too bad it was at Taco Bell

I just got gas for $1.50 Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell

I got gas for $1.99 today. Thanks Taco Bell.

What's Taco Bell's secret sauce recipe? No idea, they keep it under wraps.

I'll show myself out.

What do you call a beautiful woman who likes Mexican food? Taco Belle.

A man died after a taco eating contest. Do you know how many tacos he ate? Not enough.

how does a bear see a person in a sleeping bag Soft taco

What does a chicken taco say? Guawk guawk!!

I really like burritos I could taco about them all day

I really hope the Boston Celtics don't sign Taco Fall to any contact in the NBA. So he could join the Minnesota Timberwolves. With Jordan Bell in the team, we will have the Taco Bell frontcourt.

The end

Did you know that Taco Bell names an item after the sound that you make after you eat it? No, there isn’t a “mmmm”. It’s the chalupa.

I was gonna tell a joke about Mexican food But now I don’t want to taco bout it.

Who do you call when you have a taco emergency in Mexico? 9 Juan Juan

If Tinkerbell had a Latina sister, what would her name be? Taco Bell.

What do you call taco sauce protectors? Mild Protective Services

People complain that Taco Bell isn’t authentic. But it gets the job done for half the price of other restaurants and nothing is more Mexican than that.

What is the difference between PetSmart and Taco Bell? The internal temperature of the gerbil.

What does a white supremacist's order at Taco Bell? A KKKsadilla

How do you get out of a Mexican jail? Taco Bail

If your taco gets arrested what do you need to bring to the jail? Taco bail.

What did Bishop Charles Ellis grab at Taco Bell? an Ariana Grande.

Why did Taco Bell stop making songs They do wraps now

Just passed a road sign advertising Blue Taco brand tacos... My wife asked me, "Is that the female equivalent of blue balls?"

Spanish Stores End in "ía" For instance, florists is florería. Lavandería is a laundromat. But what do you call Taco Bell for short?

Diarrhoea

A man messaged his ex : Just now ate a tuna taco and suddenly you came in my mind “ She messaged him back : “ just now ordered a mini hot dog , it came in just 2 minutes. Suddenlu you came in my mind “

A man messaged his ex : Just ate a tuna taco and suddenly you came in my mind She replied : just now ordered a mini hot dog and it came in 2 minutes , suddenly you came in my mind

Dear Diary.. ..today I ate Indian food and Taco bell.

Thus, I will call you "Dear Diarrea" for the next two days.

How do you make a taco stand? You take away its chair.

liam neeson is the taco bell of actors it’s the same 4 ingredients 50 ways but i always have to try their new taco just in case my breath gets taken again

What do you call a Taco Bell merged with a Weinerschnitzel? A beanerschnitzel.

I’m so sorry...

Popular Topics

Long Taco Jokes

a guy thing..

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I
was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in
between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old
daughter, and she was clean. The I realized that Matt had not asked to
go
potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes
with
me."
Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?
"No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was
getting worse. Sooooo....I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an
accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks
and
yelled.... "SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 100 people nearly
choked
to
death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to
eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!

Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came
over
and
thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!
Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were
leaving,
bent
over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the
same
thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point like
you
did.
Edit: I did not expect this thing to blow up. This is a joke hence in /jokes. Thanks for the all the up votes .

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training

And I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. The I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident? "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo....I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.... "SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!

Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!! Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

**Golden Retriever**: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

**Border Collie**: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

**Dachshund**: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

**Toy Poodle**: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

**Rottweiler**: Go Ahead! Make me!

**Shi-tzu**: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .

**Lab**: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

**Malamute**: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

**Cocker Spaniel**: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

**Doberman Pinscher**: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

**Mastiff**: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

**Hound Dog**: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

**Chihuahua**: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

**Pointer**: I see it, there it is, right there...

**Greyhound**: It isn't moving. Who cares?

**Australian Shepherd**: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

**Old English Sheep Dog**: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Topical Joke Takeover 8/7/13

A dead shark was discovered on the New York subway. People wondered how a dead shark ended up on a train to Queens… and the answer is, he took the B train from Yankee stadium.

…subway riders said the dead shark was about the tenth grossest thing they’d seen on that morning’s commute.

Anthony Weiner has apologized for calling his 69-year-old mayoral opponent, “Gramps.” But the apology went too far when Weiner pointed out that “69” is his favorite number.

President Obama told Jay Leno that, “We don’t have a domestic spying program.” Obama said, “Come on, it’s a *global* spying program.”

The new cover of Ebony Magazine features celebrities wearing hoodies, in solidarity with Trayvon Martin. The images are pretty compelling, George Zimmerman saw the magazine and called the police fourteen times.

According to reports, Al Qaeda may have developed a liquid explosive, that can turn clothing into a bomb. As a precautionary measure, the FBI has asked Kate Upton to burn all of her clothes.

In Ohio, a man was shot after he tried to keep his friend from driving drunk. After the drunk man shot him, he ran away… so, mission accomplished?

Chris Brown has announced that after his next album, he’s quitting music. That’s Chris Brown’s style; hit it and quit it.

Chris Brown said, “He’s tired of being famous for a mistake.” “I’m not!”, replied Kim Kardashian.

Taco Bell plans to roll out their new breakfast item “Waffle Tacos” to the public soon. Currently they’re only available at medical marijuana dispensaries.

…And unlike competitors who stop serving breakfast at 10am, waffle tacos will be available until 4:20.

…the waffle taco narrowly edged out Taco Bell’s other breakfast idea: “Pancake Nachos.”

Bruce Willis has dropped out of “The Expendables 3” after he demanded $4 million dollars, for four days of work. The studio then made a counter-offer of zero million dollars, for zero days.

…of course it’s too late to rewrite the screenplay, so the role of Bruce Willis will be played by Sinead O’Connor.

(Thanks for reading, hope you laughed at a few of them!)

Some Polish Sausage

A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "You must be Polish"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something."
" If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?"
"Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"
" Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?"
"Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
"And If I'd asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
" Well, I probably wouldn't."
"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."

Three doggos

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle.
“That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?”
“Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” said the Poodle.
“I guess it’s hopeless.
That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...
“Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Throwback Joke: Liver and Cheese

Some backstory, there was a tornado at boy scout camp one summer and we were assembled in the valley in an attempt to stay safe and the counselor told us that he would laugh at any joke we told. So I told this one:
"Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”
...He didn't laugh at all, he was just like ok. Hopefully you guys like it better.

3 Construction Workers

Three construction workers are working on the top of a skyscraper: a Mexican, an Italian, and an Irishman. The lunch whistle blows and so they sit down on an exposed beam overlooking the city to eat.

The Mexican opens his lunchbox and finds a burrito. "Another burrito? Everyday my wife packs me a burrito- I'm sick of it. If I get a burrito one more time I'm jumping." Then the Italian opens his lunch. "Spaghetti? Everyday I get spaghetti. I'm sick and tired of it. If I get spaghetti one more time I'm jumping." Then the Irishman opens his lunch. "Corned beef and cabbage?? I get this every single day. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time I'm jumping with you guys."

The next day rolls around and they're all sitting on the skyscraper ready for lunch. The Mexican opens his lunch first- it's a burrito. He jumps. Then the Italian opens his lunch and it's spaghetti again. He jumps. Finally the Irishman opens his lunch and finds corned beef and cabbage- he jumps too.

A couple of days later everyone is at the funeral for the men. The Mexican's wife is beyond grief. "If only he would have told me! I could have made him a taco or something..." The Italian's wife is in the same state. "If only I had known... Why didn't he tell me??" They look over to the Irishman's wife, who's just standing there with her arms crossed looking at the grave. They ask her, "What's the matter, don't you feel the least bit guilty?"

She turns to them and says, "Don't look at me- he packed his own lunch."

Icarus arrives at the airport.

Ahead of him, a husband and wife shepherd their two children, a boy and girl, toward their gate.

"Dad, can I have a taco before the flight?" The boy asks.

The father sighs, relenting. "All right."

Three hours later, Icarus lands. His father waits outside, ready to greet him.

"Good to see you!" He exclaims, then pauses, looking at Icarus's suit. "Geez, you got vomit all over you. What happened?"

Icarus shrugs. "I flew too close to the son."

An Irishman, a Mexican and an American are in an Plane...

The Irishman throws a potato out of the plane,
"Why did you throw a potato out of the plane?" asks the Mexican and the American.
"Because there is far to many in my country," replies the Irishman.

The Mexican then throws a Taco out of the aeroplane.
"Why did you throw that taco out of the aeroplane?" The Irishman and the American ask.
"Because there are far too many in my country," the Mexican replies.

Then the American throws the Mexican out of the aeroplane.
"Oh my God! Why did you do that?" The Irishman asks.
To which the American replies.

"That was my taco."

edit: I realise that it is a plane, not an plane, forgot to proofread.

An English, American and Mexican Guy Climb Up Everest...

They decide to sacrifice some things from their country as they are overflowing with these specific things. The English man grabs some tea and pours it off and says ' i have too much of this in my country' the Mexican man throws a taco off and says ' i have too much of this in my country' and finally the American guy grabs the Mexican and throws him off and says ' i have too much of this in my country'.

A Mexican, Asian, black, and white guy

are traveling in a plane when suddenly one of the engines gives out. They agree they need to lighten the load in order to land safely.

The Mexican takes out a taco and says, "we have enough of these in our country" and throws it overboard.

The Asian takes a bag of rice and says "we have enough of these in our country" and throws it overboard.

The white guy picks up the black guy and throws him overboard.

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I have a ton of bombs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. Once they got off they saw a boy who was crying while holding a basketball. They approached him and asked what was wrong.

"A basketball hit my head!" he said gesturing with the one in his hand.

They saw another boy who was crying and eating a taco. They went over and asked him what was wrong.

"I looked up and a taco hit me in the eye!" he said gesturing to the taco.

They saw one more boy who was laughing and crying at the same time. They asked him what was wrong and he said, "I farted and my house blew up!"

Edit: I didn't know it put the long flair automatically

three construction workers

There were three construction workers and each of them always ate the same thing for lunch.

1st worker : "I'm tired of sandwiches it's always sandwich, sandwich, sandwich!"

2nd worker : "I'm sick of tacos! urgh..."

3rd worker : "Ahh how i hate beans! I eat them everyday!"

The second day it was the same thing for lunch.

1st worker : "If tomorrow I get sandwiches for lunch I'm going to jump from that bridge and kill myself!"

2nd worker : "One more taco and I'm jumping off that bridge and killing myself!"

3rd worker : "Beans again? If there's beans for lunch tomorrow I'm gonna jump from that bridge and kill myself!"

And yes, as always, the next day they had the same thing for lunch. So all of the three men jumped from the bridge and killed themselves.

The wives of the men were really sad and were crying for their husbands.

1st wife : "I would've never packed him sanwiches for lunch if I knew he would do that!"

2nd wife : "I would never had packed him tacos if I knew that would happen!"

3rd wife : "I wouldn't pack him beans if I knew that would happen but I don't get why he did that since he packed his own lunch!"

Topical Jokes 5/10

Selena Gomez has revealed that she’s now writing songs for Justin Bieber. Which explains why Justin Bieber’s new album is about how he’s madly in love with Justin Bieber.

A restaurant in Florida is now serving lion-meat tacos. Lion meat is a big change for Florida, because most taco stands serve human flesh.

Syria has stated they will supply Hezbollah with “game-changing” weapons. The game-changing weapons being supplied include: self-firing bazookas, piloted predator drones, lethal Nerf guns, and of course, angry hamster grenades.

Online multiplayer game World of Warcraft has lost ten percent of its players in the last three months. Well, they didn’t exactly “quit”, they're just locked out of the house.

78,000 people have applied to live on Mars for the rest of their lives. Of course on Mars there are no intelligent life, jobs, or breathable air… so it’s a lot like America.

…the sad news is most of the applicants simply aren’t qualified to die in outer space.

After her son was shot, a mother in Texas visited WebMD for treatment instead of taking him to a hospital. She said went to WebMD after she couldn’t find any medical advice on Urban Dictionary.

…the woman says she understands her mistake, and next time she needs to contact the police, she’ll immediately Google “911.”

Amazon is reportedly developing a smartphone with a 3D screen. Finally, smartphone users have absolutely no reason to look up!

Grocery chain Whole Foods may have sold chicken salads that were labeled as “vegan.” Vegans immediately knew something was wrong, because the salad tasted good.

In an attempt to regain ratings, all four hosts of “American Idol” are being replaced at the end of this season. The new judges are Honey Boo Boo Child, a photo of John Travolta, and the guy who sings “Gangnam Style.”

Two Carnival Cruise passengers are missing off the coast of Australia. The rest of the passengers are unfortunately still on the cruise.

Just wanted to note, Jimmy Fallon did a joke identical to mine on 5/8, for those of you that think my writing isn’t tv-ready.

Fallon:

Bill Clinton was being interviewed recently, and he said that despite all the speculation, Hillary hasn’t said anything to him about running for president in 2016. Though in fairness, she hasn’t said anything to him since 1998.

Reddit monologue:

Bill Clinton has said Hillary “hasn’t mentioned” a 2016 presidential run. Which isn’t saying much, because Hillary hasn’t spoken to him since 1997.

Two cops are going through a Taco Bell drive through.

Unknowingly, the woman working is being held up in a robbery. She leaves a note on a cop's napkin indicating that there are two armed men inside. Upon discovery of the note, one of the officers reads the message aloud. To which the other replies," I hope there are two armed men inside. How could they roll tacos with just one arm?"

So my friend sent me an invitation to this club

He said that they arranged taco Tuesday at the club. I didn't really feel up to it so I initially declined. He said it was fine but then kept inviting me every week. Every week I kept declining until I eventually gave in and agreed to come.
"Why do you want me to go so badly?"
"Well I know you've been feeling down recently so I thought it would cheer you up."
I arrived the following week to find a group of eight people sitting in a circle of chairs all staring at me.
"So where are the tacos?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you serious? You've been pestering me for weeks to come here and now you're going to tell that there aren't any tacos?"
"There's not meant to be any tacos."
"So why do you call it taco Tuesday?
"It's not taco Tuesday, it's talk 'O Tuesday. This is a mental health awareness club and on this day we express our feelings and talk."
"Oh."

Vittore Santos decided to enter a Christmastime food competition. Entrants were to make 100 tacos and arrange them in the shape of a Christmas Tree.

The winner would win $10,000. Vittore made his tacos and arranged them into a truly majestic Christmas tree shape with taco ornaments and a taco star on top. All that was left was to wait for the judges and camera crew to come by.

While he was waiting, a man dressed as The Grinch pointed at him and made a mad dash for his taco tree. But Vittore wasn't about to let anything happen to all of his hard work. He gave The Grinch a swift kick and got him away from the tree. The Grinch fell to the ground and scurried off. After another fifteen minutes, The Grinch put on a fake mustache and trenchcoat in the hopes of getting close enough to the three, but his The Grinch costume gave him away in an instant and Vittore scared him off.

Finally the time had come for the judges and camera crew to make their way to Vittore's tree. He was watching them intently but failed to notice the Grinch sneaking up to the tree. By the time Vittore noticed him, it was too late. The Grinch had grabbed a taco and stuffed it into his mouth. And even more unfortunately, he had grabbed a lode-bearing taco and the entire tree came crumbling down into a big taco heap.

The judges arrived just in time to see Vittore's ruined taco tree. One of them approached Vittore to inquire as to how this took place.

"What happened here? That's a real mess of tacos. I feel bad for you, son."

"I've got 99 tacos cuz The Grinch ate one."

An Aussie and a Mexican Hitch a Ride on Air Force One

An Aussie backpacker and his Mexican mate managed to hitch a ride on Air Force One. They were sitting with their packs beside a pile of parachutes sharing a taco and a vegemite sandwich when an explosion rocked the plane and it started going down. There was a mad rush as people started grabbing parachutes and jumping from the plane.

“I’m sorry,” said the stewardess, “you hitchhikers will have to be last.” This seemed fair enough, so the hitchers waited until everyone else had jumped.

“Crickey, looks like we get the last two chutes mate” said the Aussie.

Just then the President came along. He was running late as he had been watching the drama unfold on Fox. “Sorry,” he said. “But I am a great great man, one of the best men. I am the brains of America. The country can’t survive without me so I will need one of the chutes.” And so saying, he strapped on a pack and leapt from the plane.

“What should we do now?” the Mexican asked the Aussie. “There are two of us and only one parachute.”

“Don’t worry mate, don’t worry at all,” said the Aussie. “The brains of America just took my backpack.”

"I'm so hungry..."

Raul: "I'm so hungry! I might die of hunger."

Teacher: "You know, there are some kids in the world, like African children, who don't know where their next meal is coming from so you shouldn't complain."

Raul: "I don't know where my next meal is coming from either..."

Teacher: "Oh my! Do your parents not let you eat?"

Raul: "I eat all the time. I just don't know where it's coming from. Could be from Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, or even Wendy's!"

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