Hilarious Stoner Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Stoner Jokes

Score: 2531

My stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap earlier today... He was high on my list of priorities...

Score: 288

My stoner neighbors got divorced but it's okay because they got joint custody

Score: 174

My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks. She's kind of high maintenance.

Score: 152

How to propose to a stoner: Marriage ya wanna?

Score: 137

The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

Score: 109

Did you hear about the stoner ghost? He got arrested for possession

Score: 94

What do you call a stoner with down syndrome? A baked potato.

Score: 92

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.

Score: 92

What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop? High maintenance

Score: 83

I used to be a stoner in my home country... ...but then I started to respect women

Score: 71

Where do stoner cars store their weed? In potholes.

Score: 57

How do you propose to a stoner? Marriage, you wanna?

Score: 40

How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend? “Marriage, you wanna?”

Score: 38

Why couldn't Medusa pass a drug test? Because she was a stoner.

Score: 31

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked on purpose

Score: 30

What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

Score: 29

What's a stoner's favorite cheese? Mun Cheese!

Score: 28

What kind of poker do stoner cows play? High Steaks

Score: 26

A cop pulls over a stoner The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the stoner replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."

Score: 26

What does a stoner with Parkinson’s disease do in the morning? Shake and bake.

Score: 25

What do you call a stoner lizard? Mariguana

Score: 25

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is high on my list of priorities.

Score: 24

My stoner buddy just rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is now high on my list of priorities.

Score: 22

What did the stoner say when he proposed to his girlfriend? Marriageyouwanna?

Score: 22

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked more than once

Score: 19

How did the stoner die? From blunt force trauma

Score: 19

Officer: "....How high are you?" Stoner: "No officer....it's hi how are you!"

Score: 17

If a stoner was giving you orders... Would you address them as "your highness"?

Score: 17

A dyslexic stoner enters a competition. He comes out on pot.

Score: 16

Police: How high are you? Stoner: N-No officer! It's "Hi, how are you?"

Score: 15

What did the Japanese stoner say? Toke yo

Score: 8

What does a stoner do if he sees a spaceman? He parks in it, dude.

Score: 8

What does a stoner use to cut wood? A saw dude

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What does a stoner cut down trees with? Ah sah dude

Score: 7

Stoner goes to the doctor A stoner goes to the doctor complaining he sees cats playing soccer every night when he falls asleep. The doctor recommends he stays up for a night. Stoner says ok but he can't miss the final tonight.

Score: 6

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? The stoner doesn't scream when it's baked.

Score: 6

How do you get a one armed stoner out of a tree? Wave at them..

Score: 6

A vegan, a runner, and a stoner walked into a bar They all told me in the first minute.

Score: 5

A drunk driver will run a stop sign. A stoner will wait for it to turn green.

Score: 5

New Stoner Jokes

A group of stoner farmers wanted to come up with their own variation of “grass fed beef.” So, they fed cows weed and then sold the beef. It was a high steaks operation.

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What does a British stoner get at 5 pm? Teapot.

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What did the stoner say to the boulder? Rock on.

Score: 0

What do you call someone that speaks more than one language, and also smokes weed? A Rosetta Stoner

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How do you make a stoner scared? Tell them that their joint is on fire.

Score: 2

What do you call a dumb stoner who’s been in the sun for too long? A twice baked potato!

Score: 1

Whats the difrence between a stoner and me The stoners dating my girlfriend

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What do you call a stoner from Alaska? A baked Alaskan.

Score: 2

Never mess with a Stoner they've got friends in high places.

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I once went high to my construction... I once went high to my construction job. The supervisor sent me home. Mfw I am the stoner that the builder refused.

Score: 2

What do you call a long haired stoner that does the things he tells others not to do? A hippie-crite!

Score: 2

Did you hear about the fundraiser for the school's stoner club? It was a baked sale.

Score: 3

An undercover cop approaches a career stoner and asked him, "Hey man, I'm looking to score some coke."

The stoner thinks about it for a moment and asks, "Is Pepsi okay?"

Score: 1

What is it called when a stoner falls down and starts shaking violently? A T.H.Seizure

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Stoner? One enjoys being baked.

Score: 3

What do you call a stoner who had his weed seized? Disjointed.

Score: 1

What do you call a stoner's wife? Mississippi (Mrs Hippy)

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What do you call a stoner engineer? Mary chain

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What do you call a stoner king? His highness.

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What's the most efficient type of weedeater? A stoner in a police raid.

Score: 2

I never thought I'd become a stoner I guess I was just too high.

Score: 1

Have you heard the one about the constipated stoner? Try as he might, he just couldn't get off the pot.

Score: 3

A stoner walks into the house and asks his mother a question Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being stoned?

Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot

Score: 1

A drunk will blow through the stop sign! A stoner will wait for the stop sign to turn green.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a nerd and a stoner? One gets high scores, while the other gets high on scores.

Score: 3

Scientists have found a chemical in marijuana that can be used to develop a cheap printer ink. The first *stoner* cartridges ship in early 2018.

Score: 1

How did the cannibal prepare a stoner? They baked him.

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What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common? They both have difficulty getting high.

Score: 2

French Stoner Joke: 80

Score: 3