My stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap earlier today... He was high on my list of priorities...
My stoner neighbors got divorced but it's okay because they got joint custody
My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks. She's kind of high maintenance.
Did you hear about the stoner ghost? He got arrested for possession
What do you call a stoner with down syndrome? A baked potato.
What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.
What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop? High maintenance
I used to be a stoner in my home country... ...but then I started to respect women
Where do stoner cars store their weed? In potholes.
Stoner walks into a bar
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar
Blunt force trauma
How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend? “Marriage, you wanna?”
What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked on purpose
A cop pulls over a stoner The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the stoner replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."
What kind of poker do stoner cows play? High Steaks
What does a stoner with Parkinson’s disease do in the morning? Shake and bake.
What do you call a stoner lizard? Mariguana
My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is high on my list of priorities.
What did the stoner say when he proposed to his girlfriend? Marriageyouwanna?
My stoner buddy just rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is now high on my list of priorities.
What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked more than once
How did the stoner die? From blunt force trauma
If a stoner was giving you orders... Would you address them as "your highness"?
A dyslexic stoner enters a competition. He comes out on pot.
What is the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver passes a stop sign, the stoner waits for it to turn green.
How do you get a stoner to comprehend what you're saying? Put it bluntly.
What do you call a stoner who is also a nudist? Smokey the bare
Why is the stoner communist always top of his class? Because he gets high Marx
Anything recommended by a stoner Comes highly recommended.
Two Stoners are walking down the street. They pass a dog licking its balls. The first stoner says. boy I sure wish I could do that!! The second Stoner says you better pet him first.
What does a stoner use to cut wood? A saw dude
What does a stoner do if he sees a spaceman? He parks in it, dude.
What did the stoner say to the boulder? Rock on.
What's the difference between a stoner and a alcoholic? An alcoholic will run a stop sign while a stoner will wait for it to turn green
What did the Japanese stoner say? Toke yo
My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint. He is now high on my list of priorities.
What does a stoner cut down trees with? Ah sah dude
Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class? Because a watched pothead never FOILS.
What do a cheezit and a hungry white stoner have in common? Both are baked snack crackers.
What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? The stoner doesn't scream when it's baked.
What does a stoner call his money bag? Pottmonee.
What did the stoner say when someone tied his shoes together? "Damn. These are laced and I'm tripping!"
What do you call a sculpture that loves to get high A stoner
A group of stoner farmers wanted to come up with their own variation of “grass fed beef.” So, they fed cows weed and then sold the beef. It was a high steaks operation.
How did the vegetarian Stoner like his pizza? Herbivore, and herb after.
My little sister joke
A stoner man took his door to a door repair services to fix it.
His friends asked he if wasn’t afraid that someone might break into the house and rob them.
He said, I am not afraid because I still have the keys.
What echo did the stoner hear today? Four twenty twenty twenty
I tried being a stoner for the first time today. The person I threw the rock at didn't appreciate it though.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a stoner? A stoner has papers
Dracula decides to target people who smoke weed He tells the other vampires to search for them. "Find them all, look everywhere, leave no stoner unturned"
What does a British stoner get at 5 pm? Teapot.
What do you call a stoner that lives in a mountain? A cave maaaan
What’s the difference between a stoner and the sun? 1s already burnt out. aaaaHA
Stoner joke If you wish for your genie to turn into a rock, they have to granite!
What is a stoner bro's favorite tool? A saw, dude
What do you call someone that speaks more than one language, and also smokes weed? A Rosetta Stoner
If a sarcastic stoner is high and dry...
And the old plane's future is up in the air...
Then my joke started on a high note til I ended up winging it.
Are you a stoner Cuz I think weed be cute tother ;)
I almost never watch movies my stoner friends tell me to watch Even though they come highly recommended.
How do you make a stoner scared? Tell them that their joint is on fire.
What do you call a dumb stoner who’s been in the sun for too long? A twice baked potato!
Did you hear about the stoner who had a stash that never went stale or moldy? He used to spend hours stoned just staring at it... I guess it's true what they say, a watched pot never spoils.
What did the stoner have for dinner? Pot Roast
What do you call a stoner from Alaska? A baked Alaskan.
What did one stoner noodle say to the other? Pasta blunt homie.
My stoner friend is on the 'seaweed' diet... He sees weed, then smokes it in the parking lot at Red Lobster
How did the stoner feel when he jumped into a vat of marijuana infused vodka? He was in high spirits
Never mess with a Stoner they've got friends in high places.
Why did the jeweler buy weed? Because he was a stoner
What did the stoner musician hit me on the head with? A blunt instrument
My stoner friend didn't have any rolling papers so he asked if he could use my to-do list. He was high on my list of priorities.
Chemistry teacher asked the class if they'd ever heard of Amino acids.
My stoner buddy raises his hand and says "yeah if you drop too much of those you get amino headache!"
How does a stoner propose?
He says, "marry wanna?"
I once went high to my construction... I once went high to my construction job. The supervisor sent me home. Mfw I am the stoner that the builder refused.
What do you call a long haired stoner that does the things he tells others not to do? A hippie-crite!
Did you hear about the fundraiser for the school's stoner club? It was a baked sale.
An undercover cop approaches a career stoner
and asked him, "Hey man, I'm looking to score some coke."
The stoner thinks about it for a moment and asks, "Is Pepsi okay?"
What is it called when a stoner falls down and starts shaking violently? A T.H.Seizure
A drunk driver will run a stop sign. A stoner will wait for it to turn green.
How do you get a one armed stoner out of a tree? Wave at them..
What do you call a stoner who had his weed seized? Disjointed.
What do you call a stoner engineer? Mary chain
What do you call a stoner king? His highness.
What's the most efficient type of weedeater? A stoner in a police raid.
I never thought I'd become a stoner I guess I was just too high.
A stoner walks into the house and asks his mother a question
Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being stoned?
Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot
A drunk will blow through the stop sign! A stoner will wait for the stop sign to turn green.
What did the stoner liberal say to the conservative? Alt-right alt-right alt-right
What do a cheezit and a hungry white stoner have in common?
Both are a baked snack crackers.
Edit: a word.
What did the stoner ask the ocean? How much for a gram of seaweed?
Why did the Jewish Stoner die happy? He was baked.
How to properly propose to a stoner Marriage-you-wanna?
Stoner goes to the doctor A stoner goes to the doctor complaining he sees cats playing soccer every night when he falls asleep. The doctor recommends he stays up for a night. Stoner says ok but he can't miss the final tonight.
What did the French stoner say? 80 blaze it
What did one stoner say to the other? "Hi."
What do you call a stoner from Anchorage? A Baked Alaskan.
What did one stoner say to the other when they ran out of weed?
Fuck this music sucks.
What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common? They both have difficulty getting high.
What did one hash brownie say to the other?
We're so baked.
What did the stoner say to his friend?
I'm so high,I can hear the brownies talking to each other.
What do you call a stoner with Down's Syndrome? A Baked Potato.
French Stoner Joke: 80