Stoner Jokes

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Funniest Stoner Jokes

Funny Stoner Jokes
Score: 2531

My stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap earlier today... He was high on my list of priorities...

Score: 288

My stoner neighbors got divorced but it's okay because they got joint custody

Score: 174

My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks. She's kind of high maintenance.

Score: 152

How to propose to a stoner: Marriage ya wanna?

Score: 137

The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

Score: 109

Did you hear about the stoner ghost? He got arrested for possession

Score: 94

What do you call a stoner with down syndrome? A baked potato.

Score: 92

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.

Score: 92

What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop? High maintenance

Score: 83

I used to be a stoner in my home country... ...but then I started to respect women

Score: 71

Where do stoner cars store their weed? In potholes.

Score: 57

How do you propose to a stoner? Marriage, you wanna?

Score: 40

How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend? “Marriage, you wanna?”

Score: 38

Why couldn't Medusa pass a drug test? Because she was a stoner.

Score: 31

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked on purpose

Score: 30

What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

Score: 29

What's a stoner's favorite cheese? Mun Cheese!

Score: 28

What kind of poker do stoner cows play? High Steaks

Score: 26

A cop pulls over a stoner The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the stoner replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."

Score: 26

What does a stoner with Parkinson’s disease do in the morning? Shake and bake.

Score: 25

What do you call a stoner lizard? Mariguana

Score: 25

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is high on my list of priorities.

Score: 24

My stoner buddy just rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is now high on my list of priorities.

Score: 22

What did the stoner say when he proposed to his girlfriend? Marriageyouwanna?

Score: 22

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked more than once

Score: 19

How did the stoner die? From blunt force trauma

Score: 19

Officer: "....How high are you?" Stoner: "No officer....it's hi how are you!"

Score: 17

If a stoner was giving you orders... Would you address them as "your highness"?

Score: 17

A dyslexic stoner enters a competition. He comes out on pot.

Score: 16

Anything recommended by a stoner Comes highly recommended.

Score: 9

A vegan, a runner, and a stoner walked into a bar They all told me in the first minute.

Score: 5

What did the stoner musician hit me on the head with? A blunt instrument

Score: 4

Did you hear about the fundraiser for the school's stoner club? It was a baked sale.

Score: 3

What do you call a long haired stoner that does the things he tells others not to do? A hippie-crite!

Score: 2

What do you call a stoner from Alaska? A baked Alaskan.

Score: 2

How do you make a stoner scared? Tell them that their joint is on fire.

Score: 2

What do you call someone that speaks more than one language, and also smokes weed? A Rosetta Stoner

Score: 2

Scientists have found a chemical in marijuana that can be used to develop a cheap printer ink. The first *stoner* cartridges ship in early 2018.

Score: 1

A stoner walks into the house and asks his mother a question Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being stoned?

Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot

Score: 1

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New Stoner Jokes

A group of stoner farmers wanted to come up with their own variation of “grass fed beef.” So, they fed cows weed and then sold the beef. It was a high steaks operation.

Score: 0

What does a British stoner get at 5 pm? Teapot.

Score: 0

What did the stoner say to the boulder? Rock on.

Score: 0

What do you call a dumb stoner who’s been in the sun for too long? A twice baked potato!

Score: 1

Whats the difrence between a stoner and me The stoners dating my girlfriend

Score: 0

Never mess with a Stoner they've got friends in high places.

Score: 1

Why did the jeweler buy weed? Because he was a stoner

Score: 1

What do you call a stoner who had his weed seized? Disjointed.

Score: 1

What do you call a stoner engineer? Mary chain

Score: 1

I never thought I'd become a stoner I guess I was just too high.

Score: 1

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