Stoner Jokes

My stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap earlier today... He was high on my list of priorities...

My stoner neighbors got divorced but it's okay because they got joint custody

My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks. She's kind of high maintenance.

How to propose to a stoner: Marriage ya wanna?

The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

Did you hear about the stoner ghost? He got arrested for possession

What do you call a stoner with down syndrome? A baked potato.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.

What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop? High maintenance

I used to be a stoner in my home country... ...but then I started to respect women

Where do stoner cars store their weed? In potholes.

How do you propose to a stoner? Marriage, you wanna?

How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend? “Marriage, you wanna?”

Why couldn't Medusa pass a drug test? Because she was a stoner.

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked on purpose

What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

What's a stoner's favorite cheese? Mun Cheese!

What kind of poker do stoner cows play? High Steaks

A cop pulls over a stoner The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the stoner replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."

What does a stoner with Parkinson’s disease do in the morning? Shake and bake.

What do you call a stoner lizard? Mariguana

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is high on my list of priorities.

My stoner buddy just rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is now high on my list of priorities.

What did the stoner say when he proposed to his girlfriend? Marriageyouwanna?

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked more than once

How did the stoner die? From blunt force trauma

Officer: "....How high are you?" Stoner: "No officer....it's hi how are you!"

If a stoner was giving you orders... Would you address them as "your highness"?

A dyslexic stoner enters a competition. He comes out on pot.

A vegan, a runner, and a stoner walked into a bar They all told me in the first minute.

What do you call a stoner from Alaska? A baked Alaskan.

How do you make a stoner scared? Tell them that their joint is on fire.

What do you call someone that speaks more than one language, and also smokes weed? A Rosetta Stoner

Scientists have found a chemical in marijuana that can be used to develop a cheap printer ink. The first *stoner* cartridges ship in early 2018.

A stoner walks into the house and asks his mother a question Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being stoned?

Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot

I never thought I'd become a stoner I guess I was just too high.

What do you call a stoner engineer? Mary chain

What do you call a stoner who had his weed seized? Disjointed.

Never mess with a Stoner they've got friends in high places.