My stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap earlier today... He was high on my list of priorities...
My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks. She's kind of high maintenance.
What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.
What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
A cop pulls over a stoner The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the stoner replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."
My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is high on my list of priorities.
My stoner buddy just rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook. He is now high on my list of priorities.
What is the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver passes a stop sign, the stoner waits for it to turn green.
Two Stoners are walking down the street. They pass a dog licking its balls. The first stoner says. boy I sure wish I could do that!! The second Stoner says you better pet him first.
What's the difference between a stoner and a alcoholic? An alcoholic will run a stop sign while a stoner will wait for it to turn green
My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint. He is now high on my list of priorities.
Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class? Because a watched pothead never FOILS.
What did the stoner say when someone tied his shoes together? "Damn. These are laced and I'm tripping!"
A group of stoner farmers wanted to come up with their own variation of “grass fed beef.” So, they fed cows weed and then sold the beef. It was a high steaks operation.
My little sister joke
A stoner man took his door to a door repair services to fix it.
His friends asked he if wasn’t afraid that someone might break into the house and rob them.
He said, I am not afraid because I still have the keys.
I tried being a stoner for the first time today. The person I threw the rock at didn't appreciate it though.
Dracula decides to target people who smoke weed He tells the other vampires to search for them. "Find them all, look everywhere, leave no stoner unturned"
What do you call someone that speaks more than one language, and also smokes weed? A Rosetta Stoner
If a sarcastic stoner is high and dry...
And the old plane's future is up in the air...
Then my joke started on a high note til I ended up winging it.
I almost never watch movies my stoner friends tell me to watch Even though they come highly recommended.
Did you hear about the stoner who had a stash that never went stale or moldy? He used to spend hours stoned just staring at it... I guess it's true what they say, a watched pot never spoils.
My stoner friend is on the 'seaweed' diet... He sees weed, then smokes it in the parking lot at Red Lobster
How did the stoner feel when he jumped into a vat of marijuana infused vodka? He was in high spirits
My stoner friend didn't have any rolling papers so he asked if he could use my to-do list. He was high on my list of priorities.
Chemistry teacher asked the class if they'd ever heard of Amino acids.
My stoner buddy raises his hand and says "yeah if you drop too much of those you get amino headache!"
I once went high to my construction... I once went high to my construction job. The supervisor sent me home. Mfw I am the stoner that the builder refused.
What do you call a long haired stoner that does the things he tells others not to do? A hippie-crite!
An undercover cop approaches a career stoner
and asked him, "Hey man, I'm looking to score some coke."
The stoner thinks about it for a moment and asks, "Is Pepsi okay?"