What does the narcissistic cow say?
I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.
If Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and Dennis Dugan are in a plane and the plane crashes, who will survive? American comedy films.
My life is like a romantic comedy
Except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes.
> HA! Hilarious and original! Encore!
Had to stop following Business Insider for the headline: "Amy Schumer's new comedy movie is shockingly awful" I can't trust anybody who finds that shocking.
Everyone laughed at me when I said I wanted to do stand up comedy Well, no one's laughing now
3 American Comedy shows walk into a bar and...
This punchline is not available in your country.
Sorry about that.
I once entered ten puns in a comedy competition hoping one would win. But, no pun in ten did.
My friend had purchased an extra stand-up comedy ticket for me. I turned him down. After all, I could never enjoy jokes at other people's expense.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
I would like my comedy award now please
There's an ISIS comedy night coming up... I would go but i'm fairly certain they're all going to bomb.
Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
Secret To Comedy
Guy 1: Hey! Ask me "What is is the secret to comedy?"
Guy 2: Okay ... What is the sec-
Guy 1: TIMING!!!
sorry if it sucks
Louis CK returned to the stage last night with a 15 minute set at the Comedy Store in New York. He needed the exposure.
Why did the cannibal bring his silverware to the comedy club? He heard there would be an open Mike.
I told my wife I was going to do stand-up comedy
She said, "You're joking"
I said, "I told you I was good"
A miner said he could make anyone laugh
He showed me something
And I immediately burst out laughing
What was it?
A shiny yellow stone
It was comedy gold
Why can't they just share the hedge?
One of my favourite jokes to come out of the Edinburgh Comedy festival :-)
Yesterday, I had a blast roasting this random fat guy in a comedy club the audience loved it but some said it was a little too spicy for their taste.
A sitcom about a 9/11 hijacker was in the works for Comedy Central But it never made it past the pilot episode
What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel?
Edit: I've been told this is apparently a real drink... whatever, classic comedy
A boy asks a magician...
A boy asks a magician: how did you get into comedy and magic?
The magician: It was because of my parents, my mom made me and my dad disappeared.
Me, practicing my comedy routine and my favorite Central Asian sport simultaneously *\*crickets\**
Stand-up comedy is a great gig for a zombie. Either they are dying up there, or they are killing it.
The government recommends all gatherings of 10 or more people to be canceled in these trying times I'd just like to remind everybody my comedy show is STILL On tonight.
A social activist was performing a standup routine at his local comedy club. He always had trouble getting his message heard, but tonight for some reason, his ideas were really popular. The real comment is always in the jokes
A chicken once tried doing stand up comedy But it got booed off stage for fowl jokes. It's a shame really, it was only avian a laugh.
There is a Monsters Inc Comedy Show in Disney World and you can send in jokes to be included, here's mine (it was included)
What's a swamp monster's favorite holiday treat.
I’m into white women and into white men
or as I like to say “Poly wants a cracker”
(Credit Jon Gabrus on Comedy Bang Bang)
I was late to a comedy show and the guy on stage said why are you late that's rude
I told him sorry it's because my wife is pregnant
He then asked How long till the baby is due
I said about 9 months
I am going through a nasty, unmutual divorce because she didn't love me anymore, and my new girlfriend is a paralegal who is helping me file. There is no punchline. I just can't help but laugh at this weird comedy sketch I've been thrust into.
I attended a comedy seminar once... It was horrible, they needed more trees. Because comedy comes in trees.
T-Rex: Hey look a shooting star! Make a wish.
Raptor: I wish i was dead lol.
T-Rex: Me too Lmao
Raptor: aye it looks like its getting closer
They say comedy is tragedy plus time. I guess that means when I turn 40, I should be pretty goddamn funny.
The trouble with comedy I thought seriously about doing stand up comedy, and thought no way, what if they laugh at me?
10 puns entered the annual comedy contest of their town
At the end, someone from the audience asked - so who won ?
The judge replied : No pun in ten did
I used to do stand up comedy with former WWE Superstar Rikishi He was the butt of all my jokes
I did a comedy routine for a paraplegics' charity event once I got moderate applause, but I was disappointed when I didn't get a standing ovation.
Apparently doing your homework while watching stand-up comedy is quite difficult You'd have to read in between the lines
Here is a real life comedy story
A guy in Nepal got imprisoned when he made a review saying a movie was bad
He was accused of destroying the film industry and the career of the actors
Imagine the directors of the emoji movie knowing this
My comedian friend arranged a date with a girl and didn't show up. She wasn't pleased. Some people just don't appreciate stand-up comedy these days.