If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Mrs Hawking.
What does a vegetable get in bowling? A-spare-I-guess
What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon? The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.
what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both pear
What do you call an emo vegetable? A despair-agus
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?
One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
What kind of table is good for your health?
This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece!
It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.
A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.
What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable.
My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO. Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.
A vegetable walks into a bar... Just kidding, he'll never walk again.
Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek
What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli
What's Michelle's favourite vegetable?
(I'm sorry I'll leave now...)
What is Donald Trump's favorite vegetable? Leeks
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable patch? Seizure Salad
What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli
What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool? Radish
I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns I hope they turnip somewhere
What does a cannibal do when he eats a vegetable? He throws away the wheelchair.
What is a kinda cool vegetable? Radish
Which part of a vegetable isn't edible? His wheelchair.
Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset? He was a melon-cauliflower.
What do you call a ward full of coma patients A vegetable garden.
Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to? It's all ears!
Here's a joke from the 80s
Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."
The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"
Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."
What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Barackoli.
if you were a fruit you'd
be a fineapple
And if you were a vegetable l'd
visit you everyday in the
I once knew this vegetable joke ..but then they pulled the plug
I recently got a job at a Vegetable farm. It's hard work, but i get a decent celery.
A vegetable joke: One day, Mr. Lettuce and Ms. Kale got into a fight over who wears green better. Ms. Kale looks at Mr. Lettuce and says, "I will kale you" and Mr. Lettuce says, "Lettuce fight"
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South? A vegetable can get married
What's the least favourite vegetable of the Trump administration? Leeks.
I was going to tell a vegetable joke But I wasn't sure if you would carrot all.
What do you get if you put a coma patient in a hot bath? Vegetable soup
What's the difference between a vegetable sitting and a thown American? One is a seated yam and the other is a yeeted sam.
What vegetable never gets lost in the fridge? Parsnips b/c they always turnip!
What do you call a vegetable that doesn't take care if it's children?
A dead beet dad
Hope you liked my OC joke
I asked my friend if you are what you eat what vegetable would you wanna be? He said a vietnam war veteran.
What’s the worst part of the vegetable? The wheelchair
Kim Jung Un just became hid most hated rival A vegetable
What vegetable can you add to a heavy pot of water to make it lighter? Leeks!
Did you hear about the pregnant vegetable? It had a miscabbage.
What did the police officer say to the perp holding a rotten, purple vegetable?
Drop that funky beet!
What did the police officer say to the perp holding Allen Ginsberg?
Drop that funky beat!
What do an overflowing bathtub and a vegetable have in common? The best thing with them is to pull the plug.
What do you call a vegetable that can fly? Christopher Reeves
What do you call a vegetable that isn't very good? A subparsnip.
I've been growing a beard for six months now. Everyone else at the vegetable patch is super confused.
What do you call a group of coma patients who suddenly wake and start singing? Vegetable medley.
What is the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair
What’s the tastiest part of a wheelchair? The vegetable
What do you call a very special vegetable? A miri-kale
Some people say cucumbers are a fruit, while others say they are a vegetable. It's a pickle alright.
What vegetable makes you smarter? Stephen Hawking
What is the Trump administrations least favorite vegetable? Leeks!
Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to? Because it's all ears!!
How to tell the difference between a cucumber and a sea cucumber You ask it, and if you drown, it's a sea cucumber. If you don't, you're talking to a vegetable.
How to tell the difference between a cucumber and a sea cucumber? Ask it, if you drown - it's a sea cucumber. If you still alive - you're talking to a vegetable.
What do you get if you put 100 paralitycs in a hot tub? A vegetable soup