If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Mrs Hawking.
What does a vegetable get in bowling? A-spare-I-guess
What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon? The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.
what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both pear
What do you call an emo vegetable? A despair-agus
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?
One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
What kind of table is good for your health?
This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece!
It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.
A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.
What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable.
My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO. Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.
A vegetable walks into a bar... Just kidding, he'll never walk again.
Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek
What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli
What's Michelle's favourite vegetable?
(I'm sorry I'll leave now...)
What is Donald Trump's favorite vegetable? Leeks
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable patch? Seizure Salad
What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli
What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool? Radish
I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns I hope they turnip somewhere
What does a cannibal do when he eats a vegetable? He throws away the wheelchair.
What is a kinda cool vegetable? Radish
Which part of a vegetable isn't edible? His wheelchair.
Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset? He was a melon-cauliflower.
What do you call a ward full of coma patients A vegetable garden.
Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to? It's all ears!
Here's a joke from the 80s
Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."
The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"
Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."
What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Barackoli.
if you were a fruit you'd
be a fineapple
And if you were a vegetable l'd
visit you everyday in the
I once knew this vegetable joke ..but then they pulled the plug
What did the D.J. say to the Vegetable Farmer? Lettuce turnip the beet.
A vegetable joke: One day, Mr. Lettuce and Ms. Kale got into a fight over who wears green better. Ms. Kale looks at Mr. Lettuce and says, "I will kale you" and Mr. Lettuce says, "Lettuce fight"
My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies
What's the least favourite vegetable of the Trump administration? Leeks.
What do you call a sauna full of coma patients? A vegetable steamer.
Why could the tomatoe outrun the broccoli? Because he wasn't a vegetable.
What's the difference between a ginger and a vegetable? One's brain dead and the other is good for you
What's Dr.Dre's favourite vegetable? Beets
How do you introduce an exhausted red vegetable to a steak? "Beat beet, meet meat."
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people A vegetable garden
What’s the worst part of the vegetable? The wheelchair
I've been growing a beard for six months now. Everyone else at the vegetable patch is super confused.
What's the difference between a vegetable sitting and a thown American? One is a seated yam and the other is a yeeted sam.
A Brit, a Scandinavian and an American all entered their village fete's giant vegetable show. The swede won.
A man asked me does every sentence I say have to contain a vegetable... I said not nece-celery
What do you call a very special vegetable? A miri-kale
What do you get if you put a coma patient in a hot bath? Vegetable soup
What’s the one vegetable you wish you bought when you have a flat tire? Asparagus.
Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was It was a big dill
What's a thot's favorite vegetable? An Artichoke.
What do you call a vegetable that's sorta cool? Stephen Hawking
What vegetable makes you smarter? Stephen Hawking
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Easy, Just push him in front of a bus.
What Do You Call A Catatonic In A Sauna? A steamed vegetable
What vegetable is always burnt? Chard.
What do you call a vegetable that doesn't take care if it's children?
A dead beet dad
Hope you liked my OC joke
What did the first vegetable say when asked to prove its sentience? I think therefore I yam.
What is Nixon's absolutely favorite vegetable? Ahhhh-ruhh'galaaaa.
How do you turn a pumpkin into a different vegetable? You throw it up in the air and it comes down squash!
What did the vegetable get in bowling? A spare, I guess.
What kind of vegetable do people farm indoors after it rains? Leaks
What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.
How did the vegetable die? He artichoked.
What vegetable is the best at fighting? BROCC LEE
They say you are what you eat Well I don't want to become a vegetable
What's an executioner's favorite vegetable? Decapotatoes
How much does it cost to grow a vegetable? Depends on how good your insurance is.
Who is the world's most avid environmentalist?
She planted trees, picked up litter, and married a vegetable.
What kind of vegetable is the craziest to eat? [OC]
Plantains – it's just bananas!
Thought this up while at work today, might not be original but it gave me a chuckle :)
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? By giving it severe permanent brain damage.
What is Donald Trump's least favorite vegetable? Leeks!
Her: If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. Me: If you were a vegetable, I'd pull the plug.
What's the hardest part when it comes to eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.
There's only one vegetable I like Stephen Hawking
I found out how to turn a fruit into a vegetable. AIDS.
I was going to tell a vegetable joke But I wasn't sure if you would carrot all.
What's the hardest part about being a vegetable? The male nurse.
Which vegetable parties the most? The turnup
What do you get when weeds start growing in a vegetable garden? Baked potatoes.
Humans share 50% DNA with bananas. Which means that I'm a fruit *and* a vegetable.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a therapy pool? Vegetable soup
What's the difference between general and special relativity Ones in charge of an army and the others a vegetable
What is the official vegetable of United Airlines? Beets
Name a girl who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Steven Hawking's wife
Whats the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair
What is a plumber's favorite vegetable?
*my little brother gave me this
I applied for a job recently because it offered something that would appease my vegetable fetish. Apparently an 'attractive celery' means something different.
Vegetable rationing Some supermarkets are rationing lettuce, I think this is just the tip of the iceberg...
What is the most literary vegetable? A punion
What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair (credit to my physics teacher's wife)
What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? Elton John in a coma.
Why should you work for a vegetable factory? Because they offer a good celery.
Image sharing sites before E3 are just like a toy vegetable stand Full of fake leeks
I was gonna make a vegetable pun But i thought it'd be too corny
What's Jian Ghomeshi's favorite vegetable? Artichoke.
What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure?
what is a vegetable's favorite singer?
what is a fly's favorite singer?
gnat king cole
What is the national vegetable of Germany?
What is the national vegetable of Germany?
What do you call a chicken vegetable? Bawk Choy