Hilarious Vegetable Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Vegetable Jokes

If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.

Score: 843

Name a vegetable that's kind of cool. Radish

Edit: Source: Am a dad

Score: 752

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Mrs Hawking.

Score: 681

What does a vegetable get in bowling? A-spare-I-guess

Score: 678

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon? The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

Score: 407

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both pear

Score: 107

What do you call an emo vegetable? A despair-agus

Score: 103

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.

EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

Score: 99

What kind of table is good for your health? A vegetable!

This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece!

It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.

Score: 83

A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.

Score: 74

What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable.

Score: 72

My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO. Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.

Score: 69

A vegetable walks into a bar... Just kidding, he'll never walk again.

Score: 68

Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek

Score: 61

What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli

Score: 59

What's Michelle's favourite vegetable? Barackoli

(I'm sorry I'll leave now...)

Score: 58

What is Donald Trump's favorite vegetable? Leeks

Score: 51

What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable patch? Seizure Salad

Score: 47

What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli

Score: 38

What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool? Radish

Score: 37

I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns I hope they turnip somewhere

Score: 35

What does a cannibal do when he eats a vegetable? He throws away the wheelchair.

Score: 35

What is a kinda cool vegetable? Radish

Score: 29

Which part of a vegetable isn't edible? His wheelchair.

Score: 29

Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset? He was a melon-cauliflower.

Score: 26

What do you call a ward full of coma patients A vegetable garden.

Score: 25

Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to? It's all ears!

Score: 24

Here's a joke from the 80s Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."

The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"

Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."

Score: 24

What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Barackoli.

Score: 23

Hey girl if you were a fruit you'd
be a fineapple
And if you were a vegetable l'd
visit you everyday in the
hospital

Score: 23

I once knew this vegetable joke ..but then they pulled the plug

Score: 21

What did the D.J. say to the Vegetable Farmer? Lettuce turnip the beet.

Score: 20

A vegetable joke: One day, Mr. Lettuce and Ms. Kale got into a fight over who wears green better. Ms. Kale looks at Mr. Lettuce and says, "I will kale you" and Mr. Lettuce says, "Lettuce fight"

Score: 18

My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies

Score: 15

What's the least favourite vegetable of the Trump administration? Leeks.

Score: 13

What do you call a sauna full of coma patients? A vegetable steamer.

Score: 13

Why could the tomatoe outrun the broccoli? Because he wasn't a vegetable.

Score: 11

What's the difference between a ginger and a vegetable? One's brain dead and the other is good for you

Score: 10

What's Dr.Dre's favourite vegetable? Beets

Score: 10

How do you introduce an exhausted red vegetable to a steak? "Beat beet, meet meat."

Score: 8

New Vegetable Jokes

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people A vegetable garden

Score: 4

What’s the worst part of the vegetable? The wheelchair

Score: 2

I've been growing a beard for six months now. Everyone else at the vegetable patch is super confused.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a vegetable sitting and a thown American? One is a seated yam and the other is a yeeted sam.

Score: 4

A Brit, a Scandinavian and an American all entered their village fete's giant vegetable show. The swede won.

Score: 3

A man asked me does every sentence I say have to contain a vegetable... I said not nece-celery

Score: 3

What do you call a very special vegetable? A miri-kale

Score: 2

What do you get if you put a coma patient in a hot bath? Vegetable soup

Score: 7

What’s the one vegetable you wish you bought when you have a flat tire? Asparagus.

Score: 2

Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was It was a big dill

Score: 2

What's a thot's favorite vegetable? An Artichoke.

Score: 2

What do you call a vegetable that's sorta cool? Stephen Hawking

Score: 6

What vegetable makes you smarter? Stephen Hawking

Score: 2

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Easy, Just push him in front of a bus.

Score: 2

What Do You Call A Catatonic In A Sauna? A steamed vegetable

Score: 2

What vegetable is always burnt? Chard.

Score: 2

What do you call a vegetable that doesn't take care if it's children? A dead beet dad

Hope you liked my OC joke

Score: 3

What did the first vegetable say when asked to prove its sentience? I think therefore I yam.

Score: 4

What is Nixon's absolutely favorite vegetable? Ahhhh-ruhh'galaaaa.

Score: 2

How do you turn a pumpkin into a different vegetable? You throw it up in the air and it comes down squash!

Score: 2

What did the vegetable get in bowling? A spare, I guess.

Score: 3

What kind of vegetable do people farm indoors after it rains? Leaks

Score: 2

What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.

Score: 4

How did the vegetable die? He artichoked.

Score: 3

What vegetable is the best at fighting? BROCC LEE

Score: 8

They say you are what you eat Well I don't want to become a vegetable

Score: 3

What's an executioner's favorite vegetable? Decapotatoes

Score: 5

How much does it cost to grow a vegetable? Depends on how good your insurance is.

Score: 2

Who is the world's most avid environmentalist? Mrs. Hawking

She planted trees, picked up litter, and married a vegetable.

Score: 4

What kind of vegetable is the craziest to eat? [OC] Plantains – it's just bananas!

Thought this up while at work today, might not be original but it gave me a chuckle :)

Score: 4

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? By giving it severe permanent brain damage.

Score: 2

What is Donald Trump's least favorite vegetable? Leeks!

Score: 3

Her: If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. Me: If you were a vegetable, I'd pull the plug.

Score: 3

What's the hardest part when it comes to eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.

Score: 1

There's only one vegetable I like Stephen Hawking

Score: 6

I found out how to turn a fruit into a vegetable. AIDS.

Score: 3

I was going to tell a vegetable joke But I wasn't sure if you would carrot all.

Score: 8

What's the hardest part about being a vegetable? The male nurse.

Score: 2

Which vegetable parties the most? The turnup

Score: 8

What do you get when weeds start growing in a vegetable garden? Baked potatoes.

Score: 3

Humans share 50% DNA with bananas. Which means that I'm a fruit *and* a vegetable.

Score: 2

What do you call a quadriplegic in a therapy pool? Vegetable soup

Score: 3

What's the difference between general and special relativity Ones in charge of an army and the others a vegetable

Score: 1

What is the official vegetable of United Airlines? Beets

Score: 1

Name a girl who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Steven Hawking's wife

Score: 5

Whats the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair

Score: 1

What is a plumber's favorite vegetable? A leek

*my little brother gave me this

Score: 3

I applied for a job recently because it offered something that would appease my vegetable fetish. Apparently an 'attractive celery' means something different.

Score: 3

Vegetable rationing Some supermarkets are rationing lettuce, I think this is just the tip of the iceberg...

Score: 4

What is the most literary vegetable? A punion

Score: 1

What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair (credit to my physics teacher's wife)

Score: 1

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? Elton John in a coma.

Score: 1

Why should you work for a vegetable factory? Because they offer a good celery.

Score: 6

Image sharing sites before E3 are just like a toy vegetable stand Full of fake leeks

Score: 2

I was gonna make a vegetable pun But i thought it'd be too corny

Score: 2

What's Jian Ghomeshi's favorite vegetable? Artichoke.

Score: 4

What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure? A hearti*choke*.

... :D

Score: 2

what is a vegetable's favorite singer? elvis parsley

what is a fly's favorite singer?

gnat king cole

Score: 1

What is the national vegetable of Germany? What is the national vegetable of Germany?

*Michael Schumacher.*

Score: 1

What do you call a chicken vegetable? Bawk Choy

Score: 3