Vegetable Jokes


Funniest Vegetable Jokes

If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.

Score: 843
Funny Vegetable Jokes
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What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Mrs Hawking.

Score: 681

What does a vegetable get in bowling? A-spare-I-guess

Score: 678

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon? The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

Score: 407

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both pear

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What do you call an emo vegetable? A despair-agus

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What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.

EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

Score: 99

What kind of table is good for your health? A vegetable!

This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece!

It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.

Score: 83

A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.

Score: 74

What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable.

Score: 72

My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO. Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.

Score: 69

A vegetable walks into a bar... Just kidding, he'll never walk again.

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Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek

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What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli

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What's Michelle's favourite vegetable? Barackoli

(I'm sorry I'll leave now...)

Score: 58

What is Donald Trump's favorite vegetable? Leeks

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What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable patch? Seizure Salad

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What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli

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What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool? Radish

Score: 37

I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns I hope they turnip somewhere

Score: 35

What does a cannibal do when he eats a vegetable? He throws away the wheelchair.

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What is a kinda cool vegetable? Radish

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Which part of a vegetable isn't edible? His wheelchair.

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Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset? He was a melon-cauliflower.

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What do you call a ward full of coma patients A vegetable garden.

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Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to? It's all ears!

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Here's a joke from the 80s Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."

The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"

Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."

Score: 24

What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Barackoli.

Score: 23

Hey girl if you were a fruit you'd
be a fineapple
And if you were a vegetable l'd
visit you everyday in the

Score: 23

I once knew this vegetable joke ..but then they pulled the plug

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What's the least favourite vegetable of the Trump administration? Leeks.

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What do you get if you put a coma patient in a hot bath? Vegetable soup

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Why should you work for a vegetable factory? Because they offer a good celery.

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What's the difference between a vegetable sitting and a thown American? One is a seated yam and the other is a yeeted sam.

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What do you call a vegetable that doesn't take care if it's children? A dead beet dad

Hope you liked my OC joke

Score: 3

A man asked me does every sentence I say have to contain a vegetable... I said not nece-celery

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A Brit, a Scandinavian and an American all entered their village fete's giant vegetable show. The swede won.

Score: 3

I've been growing a beard for six months now. Everyone else at the vegetable patch is super confused.

Score: 2

What vegetable makes you smarter? Stephen Hawking

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New Vegetable Jokes

What’s a Chad’s favorite vegetable? “A Sperry gus” (asparagus - shoe brand)

Haha! Okay cya!

Score: 1

I asked my friend if you are what you eat what vegetable would you wanna be? He said a vietnam war veteran.

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What’s the worst part of the vegetable? The wheelchair

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Kim Jung Un just became hid most hated rival A vegetable

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Did you hear about the pregnant vegetable? It had a miscabbage.

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What did the police officer say to the perp holding a rotten, purple vegetable? Drop that funky beet!

What did the police officer say to the perp holding Allen Ginsberg?
Drop that funky beat!

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What do an overflowing bathtub and a vegetable have in common? The best thing with them is to pull the plug.

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What do you call a vegetable that can fly? Christopher Reeves

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What do you call a vegetable that isn't very good? A subparsnip.

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What’s the tastiest part of a wheelchair? The vegetable

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What do you call a very special vegetable? A miri-kale

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What’s the one vegetable you wish you bought when you have a flat tire? Asparagus.

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Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was It was a big dill

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What's a thot's favorite vegetable? An Artichoke.

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How do you turn a pumpkin into a different vegetable? You throw it up in the air and it comes down squash!

Score: 2

What is the Trump administrations least favorite vegetable? Leeks!

Score: 1

Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to? Because it's all ears!!

Score: 0

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