Monkey Jokes

Contents

Funniest Monkey Jokes

Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 12470

TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 2781

If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare... ...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.

Score: 724

Someone told me today that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Pretty obvious, since I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 476

What do you call an exploding monkey? A baboom.

Score: 321
Funny Monkey Jokes
Score: 248

Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away His funfair will be held next Monkey

Score: 229

What do you call a monkey holding a fire cracker? A Baboom!

Score: 203

Two monkeys entered a bath. Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot

Score: 199

Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.

Johnny said with confidence "the desk".

Score: 151

What do you call an explosive monkey? A baboom

Score: 119

The creator of predictive text died today His funfair is next monkey

Score: 107

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a monkey? Banned from the zoo.

Score: 98

The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey

Score: 72

What type of key opens a banana? A Monkey :3

Score: 62

A new study showed that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I dont remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 55

TIL I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 47

Study shows that people eat more bananas than monkeys I don't even remember the last time I ate a monkey!

Score: 46

What do you call a exploding monkey? A baboom

Score: 40

They say that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can definitely believe that. I mean, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 36

It's true that the Russians where the first to send a dog into space It's also true that the Russians were first to put a monkey into the white house

Score: 34

What do you get when you put human DNA in a monkey? A lifetime ban from the Zoo

Score: 31

Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I thought this made sense completely. I didn't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 30

What do you call a monkey terrorist? A Baboom!

Score: 29

Two monkeys are sitting in a bath... One monkey says “oooh oooh aaah aaah!”

The other says “put some cold water in then!”

Score: 29

I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister... It was wrong on so many levels.

Score: 28

A young muslim couple go out hunting and shoot a monkey The woman asks, "Shall we eat him?"

The man replies, "No, that's haram, bae!"

Score: 28

The man who invented autocorrect just died. His funfair will be on Monkey.

Score: 27

Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons

Score: 25

What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.

Score: 24

The inventor of auto-correct has died His funfair will be next monkey.

Score: 23

It turns out humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Score: 16

What do you get when you microwave a monkey? Rhesus pieces.

I'll let myself out.

Score: 14

What's the difference between an art school student and a monkey? Monkeys can do math.

Score: 12

A man went back to a pet store fuming. "Excuse me," he said to the pet shop owner. "That trained monkey you sold me yesterday died!"

"Wow," the owner replied. "He could never do that trick when I owned him."

Score: 10

What do you call a monkey that likes to gossip? A blaboon.

Score: 7

Did you know that humans on average eat more bananas than monkeys? Nobody I know has ever eaten a monkey before

Score: 6

What do you call a monkey without a tail a monkev

Score: 6

What do you call a homeless monkey in the woodwind part of an orchestra? The oboe bonobo hobo.

Score: 5

Why did the first monkey... Fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

A joke told by my dad many a time.

Score: 5

Popular Topics

New Monkey Jokes

If the sequel to "Tiger King" was made in China what will it be called? Monkey Ming - Murder, Masks and Mandarin

Score: 0

What did the monkey say when the lawnmower ran over his tail? It won't be long now.

Score: 0

wHY DONT STUPID SRE PE0PLE DUMV 😬😬😬 bec AUS THEY HAVE MONKEY SKIN (0BAMA) 👴🏿👶🏿🤵🏿🤰🏿🙇🏿‍♂️🙋🏿‍♂️💁🏿‍♂️🙆🏿‍♀️🙅🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♂️🙍🏿‍♀️🙎🏿‍♀️👸🏿🤴🏿💂🏿‍♀️🧚🏿‍♀️-------->🐒🐵🙈🙉🙊🦍

Score: 0

What do you call a monkey that works with hookers? A Pimpanzee

Score: 3

If lion is the king of the jungle, then what is a monkey? An animal.

P.S. courtesy of my 6 year old niece.

Score: 2

What do you call troubles in the banana trade? Monkey business in the stalk market.

Score: 1

What do you call a monkey thats been ripped to shreds? Rhesus pieces

Score: 2

What do you call a monkey ripped into shreds? Rhesus pieces

Score: 4

Why did the first monkey fall of the tree? He was shot.

Why did the second monkey fall of the tree?

He was also shot.

Why did the third monkey fall of the tree?

Peer pressure.

Score: 1

i once drew a picture of a monkey ising only my feet. He wasn't impressed.

Score: 0

What do you get when you cross a monkey and donkey? Beaten by two angry animals

Score: 1

Just listen to Arctic Monkey’s latest album I’ll give it a 4 out of 5

Score: 1

What did the bird say when the monkey stole its food? "...Toucan play it this game."

Score: 2

What's your moms favorite monkey? Macaque.

Score: 3

What do you call a laboratory monkey that went through a meat grinder? Rhesus pieces.

Score: 1

My best friend is a monkey... he's a prime mate.

Score: 1

What do you call an exploding monkey? BA BOOOON!

Score: 2

What do you call an explosive monkey? BA BOOOON!

Score: 2

Sad news, the guy who invented predictive text just died. His funfair is next monkey

Score: 2

Two monkeys in a bath One monkey goes 'Ooh Ah ah ahh'

The other monkey says 'Well put some cold in then!'

Score: 4

Widowmaker and Reaper are the worst heroes in Overwatch. All they had to do was kill ONE monkey, a Zookeeper is a better shooter than these doofs!

Score: 4

A monkey called King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping pong and have a sing-song. What noise does his doorbell make? Buzz

Score: 1

Popular Topics