Chocolate Jokes

Contents

Funniest Chocolate Jokes

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt... 1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

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Funny Chocolate Jokes
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Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Guy: No, minding his own business.

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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use? her/she

Score: 971

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him... Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

Score: 506

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.”

He said, “Have to love Easter, baby.”

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Kids these days are so stupid They actually believe I've got chocolate in my van

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A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar.... Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Kid: No, minding his own business.

Score: 340

Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle? So that it'll fit inside the box.

Score: 295

What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar prefer? Her/She

Score: 249

I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.

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What pronouns should you use with a chocolate bar? Her/she

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What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk? Cacao

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Chinese magican Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

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My Ex-Wife was like a box of chocolate Everyone got a piece

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Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts. Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

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Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb When they dug the remains up they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it and after months of intense research they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.

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I grew up in a rough part of town... The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.

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Life is like a box of chocolate... ... it doesn't last long for fat people.

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I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

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An Affair [OC] I recently had an affair with a jar of chocolate spread ..... If you see my wife, you better Nutella

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New machine at the gym There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.

Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.

Score: 75

Archeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

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What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.

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What pronouns do you use to address a chocolate bar? Her/she

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What sound does a chocolate gun make? Cacao!

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My friend just told me he has a chocolate lab. Turns out it's a dog, not a place. Bummer.

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Exes are like chocolate. They'll kill your dog.

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There was a new machine at the gym... After using it for 30 minutes, I felt sick. Maybe I bought too many chocolate bars...

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Chocolate mousse isn't my cup of tea... I find it off pudding.

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My Jewish wife was mad at me for making lame puns, so she punished me by lacing my chocolate coins with LSD. It was a real gelt trip.

Score: 11

How did the hipster burn his mouth from hot chocolate? He drank it before it was cool.

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Why is Toblerone chocolate triangular? No other shape would fit in the box.

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Did you hear about the ice-cream vendor found dead in his van covered in strawberry sauce and chocolate sprinkles? Police say he topped himself.

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What's the difference between chocolate and a dead hooker? You can feed one to your dog

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My Dad made a joke abput chocolate It wasn’t that funny, i only snickered

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Back in my day, I used to be able to go to the store with $1 and get 2 sodas, 3 chips, and a chocolate bar... Nowadays there are CCTV cameras everywhere.

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What do you call a chewbacca with chocolate in his hair? A chocolate chip Wookiee

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What do you call kinky chocolate? S&M&M

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A woman walks into a bar with a kid, holding brown paint in one hand, paintbrushes in the other. The bartender says: "Is that your son? He isn't allowed in here."

The woman says: "I promised I would give him a chocolate bar, so everybody start painting."

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New Chocolate Jokes

They say "life is like a box of chocolate, - you never know what you're going to get" but I think it's more like a bag of skittles... I'm colourblind.

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JAMAICA: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. BAHAMAS: Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.99. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Jamaica: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. Bahamas Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.75. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63 Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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I'm not sure which is more scary during this pandemic quarantine... ...the Coronavirus itself, or the fact that I just ate the last of my wife's period chocolate.

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For breakfast I covered my Dad in chocolate then ate him. I love coco pops.

^(a 'double dad' joke)

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Dogs weren't allowed in Mr. Wonka's factory. He did however have a chocolate lab.

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I made a solar system using chocolate. That's the only way I'm going to eat Uranus.

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What do you get when you mix chocolate and a lizard? A choc-o-dile.

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My Dwarf Girlfriend has been feeling a little bit down recently. So when she gets home, I'm going to give her a nice bunch of flowers, a box of chocolate, and run her a nice hot sink.

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I asked my wife if she would give me a twirl She spun around on the the spot... so i smacked her and took her flakey chocolate bar.

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My chocolate egg had special inner foil, and a grand prize inside: on-set passes to the filming of Multiverse of Madness! Thanks for the Strange, gold Kinder!

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My dog tried chocolate for the first time today She loved it to death

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Do you know what they call a Chewbacca with chocolate suck to good face? A chocolate chip wookie

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the school system is really flawed I mean, if I have 562 chocolate bars and eat half, I'm not going to need to know how many chocolate bars are left, I'm gonna need to know how to write a will & testament.

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You want to be the chocolate to my peanut butter? Cause there may be a million ways to eat a Reece’s, but there is only one right way to eat you.

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Some joker lost his book logging all of his chocolate-covered English toffee bar purchases. It was a Heath ledger.

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How do you start a prayer to cure an obsession with chocolate? Godiva problem...

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How do you make a chocolate omelette? With Easter Eggs!

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According to a new study being obese can cut your risk of dementia Or in other words fat people are less likely to forget where the chocolate is kept

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