Chocolate Jokes


Funniest Chocolate Jokes

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt... 1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

Score: 3265
Funny Chocolate Jokes
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Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Guy: No, minding his own business.

Score: 1216

What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use? her/she

Score: 971

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him... Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

Score: 506

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.”

He said, “Have to love Easter, baby.”

Score: 447

Kids these days are so stupid They actually believe I've got chocolate in my van

Score: 358

A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar.... Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Kid: No, minding his own business.

Score: 340

Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle? So that it'll fit inside the box.

Score: 295

What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar prefer? Her/She

Score: 249

I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.

Score: 207

What pronouns should you use with a chocolate bar? Her/she

Score: 192

What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk? Cacao

Score: 172

Chinese magican Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

Score: 150

My Ex-Wife was like a box of chocolate Everyone got a piece

Score: 141

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts. Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

Score: 128

Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb When they dug the remains up they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it and after months of intense research they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.

Score: 109

I grew up in a rough part of town... The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.

Score: 107

Life is like a box of chocolate... ... it doesn't last long for fat people.

Score: 104

I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

Score: 88

An Affair [OC] I recently had an affair with a jar of chocolate spread ..... If you see my wife, you better Nutella

Score: 84

New machine at the gym There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.

Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.

Score: 75

Archeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

Score: 71

What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.

Score: 66

What pronouns do you use to address a chocolate bar? Her/she

Score: 66

What sound does a chocolate gun make? Cacao!

Score: 65

My friend just told me he has a chocolate lab. Turns out it's a dog, not a place. Bummer.

Score: 64

Exes are like chocolate. They'll kill your dog.

Score: 64

There was a new machine at the gym... After using it for 30 minutes, I felt sick. Maybe I bought too many chocolate bars...

Score: 62

Chocolate mousse isn't my cup of tea... I find it off pudding.

Score: 60

A pair of twins were in a cake shop... They were looking for a birthday cake but just couldn’t decide on a topping.

Twin 1: “I want chocolate”

Twin 2: “I want skittles”

Twin 1: “How about we do Rock Paper Scissors?”

Twin 2: “Why would I want that on my cake?”

Score: 6

What's the difference between chocolate and a dead hooker? You can feed one to your dog

Score: 5

My Dad made a joke abput chocolate It wasn’t that funny, i only snickered

Score: 5

Trivia: If you stood every single Starbucks employee around the equator... I would totally steal a white chocolate and raspberry muffin.

Score: 5

Hard to really appreciate the joy of Easter when I’ve already been eating chocolate for 27 days straight Happy Easter!

Score: 4

What do you call a chewbacca with chocolate in his hair? A chocolate chip Wookiee

Score: 3

Back in my days I could go to the store with a dollar and come back with a bag of chips and two chocolate bars. But nowadays they have cameras.

Score: 3

A woman walks into a bar with a kid, holding brown paint in one hand, paintbrushes in the other. The bartender says: "Is that your son? He isn't allowed in here."

The woman says: "I promised I would give him a chocolate bar, so everybody start painting."

Score: 2

My dog tried chocolate for the first time today She loved it to death

Score: 2

My chocolate egg had special inner foil, and a grand prize inside: on-set passes to the filming of Multiverse of Madness! Thanks for the Strange, gold Kinder!

Score: 2

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New Chocolate Jokes

They say "life is like a box of chocolate, - you never know what you're going to get" but I think it's more like a bag of skittles... I'm colourblind.

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JAMAICA: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. BAHAMAS: Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.99. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Jamaica: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. Bahamas Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.75. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63 Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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I made a solar system using chocolate. That's the only way I'm going to eat Uranus.

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My Dwarf Girlfriend has been feeling a little bit down recently. So when she gets home, I'm going to give her a nice bunch of flowers, a box of chocolate, and run her a nice hot sink.

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I asked my wife if she would give me a twirl She spun around on the the spot... so i smacked her and took her flakey chocolate bar.

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What do you do if you get chocolate spread on your girlfriend's clothes? Nutella

Score: 2

Do you know what they call a Chewbacca with chocolate suck to good face? A chocolate chip wookie

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What does a chocolate bar do when you tell it a joke? Nothing, it just snickers

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You want to be the chocolate to my peanut butter? Cause there may be a million ways to eat a Reece’s, but there is only one right way to eat you.

Score: 1

I really enjoy a nicely deconstructed Black Forrest cake It's fantastic, I just leave out the cream, the chocolate, the sponge and the cherries, allowing me to enjoy the wholesome Kirsch

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What do they call snickers chocolate bars in the ghetto? Sniggaz.

Score: 2

Some joker lost his book logging all of his chocolate-covered English toffee bar purchases. It was a Heath ledger.

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My ex-girlfriend is like a chocolate She killed my dog

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How do you make a chocolate omelette? With Easter Eggs!

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According to a new study being obese can cut your risk of dementia Or in other words fat people are less likely to forget where the chocolate is kept

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