Otter Jokes

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Funniest Otter Jokes

Funny Otter Jokes

My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me. She left me in otter disbelief.

What do you call an otter that just got glasses? A see otter

Did you hear that some aquatic mammals escaped from the zoo? It was otter chaos!

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making by making you an otter you can't defuse.

What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman? At least the otter knows he's not a seal.

Why did the otter want to work at NASA? So he could go to Otter Space.

I’m writing a children’s book about a female otter that goes to college. It’s called Alma Otter’s alma mater.

I get beavers and similar animals mixed up. I otter know better.

I'm going to combine my hobbies of taxidermy and bomb making And make you an otter that you can't defuse.

I used to have 2 pets, but one sadly drowned One couldn't swim, the otter could.

What animal would you most like to be on a cold day? A little otter

I went to the zoo today.... only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.

It was otter chaos.

Why did the seal cross the bay? To get to the otter side!

Why did the sea otter break up with his girlfriend? He wanted to sea otter people.

What did the sea otter say to the fish sunning himself on a white towel at the beach? What's up my nigiri?

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

[credit goes to Anne Carson, or wherever she heard it]

What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months? I think we should sea otter people.

An otter was ripping out his hair in frustration. He was sent to Hogwarts, because he was Hair-rip otter.

Why did the otter cross the river? To get to the otter side

What does a shaved otter look like? Odder...

Sorry

Why did the otter cross the road? To say "hello from the otter side"

What did the otter sing after his break up? Alanis Morrisette "you otter know"

What do you call an otter who steals? Grand theft otter.

What’s Alanis Morissette’s favorite animal? You otter know.

What does an otter have that a beaver does not? Otter parts.

Why did the Otter collect parts for his spaceship? So he could go to otter space.

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Long Otter Jokes

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health.

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.

'Sure,' his wife said. 'It will cost you $500.'

'That much?'

'But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town.'

'I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350,' the man countered.

'Sorry,' she shrugged. 'You can't have Juan without the otter.'

Native Joke (A Little Long)

A native hunter is canoeing down the length of a river during winter. Due to the cold, the river is half ice, half slush. He's had a successful hunt and the canoe is filled with meat and fur. Along his journey his canoe becomes trapped in ice, and he tries to dislodge the canoe. While he is working he notices 4 wolves on the opposite bank starting towards him. Becoming concerned, he tries to work faster, but his canoe will not budge. The wolves are closer still, and the hunter decides to run into the woods. He finds the largest tree he can and pulls himself into the branches just as the 4 wolves are at his heels, but he makes it safe and sound. Clinging to the tree he looks down to the wolves and says, "Brothers, I do not taste good. You do not want to eat me. Go find yourselves a tasty otter or beaver, you will enjoy eating that much more than I." Two of the wolves start away after his words, and the hunter says to the two remaining, "Be smart like your brothers and leave, if you wait for me you will simply starve, as I am not leaving this tree." The two wolves have no reaction to his words and lay down to snooze at the base of the tree. Feeling tired from the ordeal himself, the hunter still clinging to the tree has a snooze of his own. He awakes later in the afternoon to the sound of the first two wolves returning to the others at the base of the tree each with a beaver in its mouth. "Ah, you were not smart like your brothers who have food of their own, you will go hungry due to your foolishness." The first two wolves drop the beavers, who in turn start gnawing at the base of the tree.

what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?

hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter

A Lutheran goes to the zoo.

The Lutheran is enjoying himself, checking out the exhibits, and he comes to the marine life section. He sees that they sell fish so you can feed the animals. He buys a tray and heads over to the otter exhibit. He's standing at the edge of the enclosure, waving his fish around, but none of the otters will pay any attention. He sighs, and says, "Here I stand, I can woo no otter."



(Edit: For those who don't know, Lutherans are a Christian denomination born out of Martin Luther's attempts to reform the Catholic Church in the early 1500s. He is famous for a statement he gave when asked by the Church to recant his beliefs: "Here I stand, I can do no other.")

Tina Turner decided to open a sandwich shop with unusual choices of meats.

The shop didn't have regular deli meats but more exotic fare like ostrich subs and lobster sandwiches.

One of their suppliers called. "We wondered if you'd like to add small game including beaver, otter, woodchuck, and raccoon."

"We'll go with the beaver, woodchuck, and raccoon," Tina said.

"Why not otter, if I may ask?"

"Well," Tina said, "We don't need an otter hero."

Zoo

A guy learned how to make coffee. Every few weeks, he took a plane to Brazil and made a pilgrimage to the mountains to pick coffee beans with his bare hands, grind them with mortar and pestle, and take them home to make by boiling water manually and pouring it through a strainer.

One day, while in Brazil to get his biweekly coffee beans, he decides that this ordeal is so tiring that he may as well go to the zoo to blow off some steam. While there, he met an otter. He spoke to the otter, and complained about how hard it was to make coffee, and the otter shook his head.

"You don't need a plane ride every few weeks, and you don't have to do it yourself. You can get coffee beans from the store at home." The otter explained.

The man was amazed and returned home and lived life well, a significant and difficult portion of his life made much easier. A few weeks later one of his friends spoke to him.

"I can't take it anymore. I hate flying to Brazil and paying for airfare, and I hate the backbreaking work it takes to pick the coffee beans."

The man shook his head knowingly. "No, no, no." He said brightly, "It doesn't have to be that hard."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know an otter way."

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