What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream? Everyone I ask can't remember either.
I broke up with my girlfriend because I like my women like I like my coffee Without other people's dicks in it.
I like my coffee like I like my women
Purchased cheaply after having been raised in exploitative conditions.
Edit: wow, front page with an "I like my coffee like I like my women" joke. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself... I really need to wash some mugs.
Astronaut 1: hey I can't find any milk for my coffee Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
This morning I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of water... ...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...
I had coffee with Red Bull this morning... After about 10 minutes on the highway, I realized I left my car at home.
I used Redbull instead of water to brew my coffee today Got halfway to work, realized I forgot my car.
My wife walks into the kitchen
Me: it sure is muggy outside
Wife: if you put all the mugs on the porch I'm leaving you
*Sips coffee out of bowl*
Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!"
Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you."
Me: *sips coffee from a bowl*
A man spits out his coffee
"This tastes like mud!" he said.
"Well of course. It was just ground this morning" replied the waiter.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" "Yeah..." she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now."
I like my women like I like my coffee. I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender.
I once mixed Red Bull and coffee After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home
My sister made me some coffee today
Me: You make a mean cup of coffee, sis
Her: It was good?
Me: I just said it was average.
Every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children how do we sleep at night?
Who is the most popular guy in the nudist colony?
The one that can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts at the same time.
The most popular woman?
The one that can eat the 12th doughnut.
Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.
I'm off to the police station to look at mug shots.
Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it? Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.
Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves. Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?
I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.
Hand-picked from a third world country.
...I'll show myself out.
Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today... Will get a free Venti later
This joke is out of this world.
Astronaut 1 : Hi mate, I can't find any milk for my coffee
Astronaut 2 : In space , no one can. Here, use cream.
My husband died after falling into a giant vat of coffee at work. He didn't suffer, it was instant.
Every time I drank coffee I would get this sharp pain in my eye... I've started taking the spoon out now.
My waiter just spilled coffee all over me. I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.
A man says to his waiter, ‘Excuse me sir, this coffee is cold’ The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’ll make a note on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro more’.
When my 5 year old son asked me what coffee tastes like; I said, “Unfortunately, not as good as it smells.” And he said, “Oh. Like shampoo.”
Doctor: “There has been a terrible accident. Your wife has died...”
Husband: “But she only just went out to get milk...”
Doctor: “I’m so sorry.”
Husband: “I can’t...” No... No...
“I can’t have coffee without milk, I just can’t.”
This morning I acidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I had forgotten my car.
What’s your favourite type of coffee to drink while respecting the ‘stay at home’ order during the pandemic? Mine’s depresso.
Whenever we had guests over, my wife would get embarrassed because I have the mind of a child. In a jar. On the coffee table. (Credit to Stephen King for this one)
A chemist wants to open up a coffee shop
When the FDA comes to check his facility, they ask about his coffee recipe. He says, "I'm not like these other coffee shops. My coffee is made using pure science!
One part carbon monoxide and 2 parts iron."
When I drink coffee I can’t sleep.
Really? I have the exact opposite.
Yes, when I sleep I can’t drink coffee.
I like my coffee like I like my women...
Drunk passenger: Could I get some coffee?
Flight attendant: How would you like your coffee?
Passenger: I like my coffee like I like my women.
Flight attendant: Sir, I don't think you want to pay $100 for a cup of coffee.
This morning, I accidentally made my coffee with red bull instead of water... ... I was already on the highway, when I noticed I forgot my car at home...
In honour of International Coffee day. I like my women like I my coffee. Cheap, artificially sweet and called Joe.
Coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc Just know that I don’t give eeffoc until i’ve had my morning coffee.
Saw a guy today at starbucks
He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop.
He just sat there drinking coffee like a psycho
I like my women like I like my coffee Sweet, always there for me, and making me feel better when I'm tired
My doctor said that I should stop mixing coffee and redbull He’s just jealous that I can lock a drawer and still have time to throw the key inside
I ordered a coffee and it tasted awful. I called the waiter over and said "This coffee tastes like mud!" They replied: Thank you sir, it's fresh ground! "