Shark Jokes

Contents

Funniest Shark Jokes

Shark Tank *on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

Score: 444
Funny Shark Jokes
Score: 417

I heard a swimmer shout "Help shark help!! I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him!

Score: 376

I saw a man at the beach going "Help! Shark! Help!" I laughed because I knew that the shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 329

A Life Guard is walking along a beach A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Score: 308

I heard a guy at the beach screaming, "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 199

I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 193

Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 151

How much RAM does a great white shark have? A killer-bite.

Score: 139

What do you call it when a shark is sassy? Sharkasm

Score: 113

A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.



The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Score: 92

Why was the shark eating pineapples? Because it makes seamen taste better.

Score: 85

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!" She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

Score: 61

Saw a man at the beach yelling "HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 56

I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.



Heard from my 10 year old cousin.

Score: 49

I saw a guy at the beach yelling, “Help! Shark! Help!” I was like, “I don’t think that shark is going to help you.”

Score: 44

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.

Score: 40

I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough... For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.

Score: 40

I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"... I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

Score: 38

I'm allergic to sharks.. ..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

Score: 33

Took my brother to the aquarium and threw him in the shark tank He came back out with a $500,000 investment

(I know this is absolutely not funny but it came to me in a dream)

Score: 23

What do you get when you cross a shark and a giraffe? A stern reprimand from the bioethics committee.

Score: 22

Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg? No? Well, she is all right now.

Score: 19

What does a shark and a computer have in common? They both have megabites

Score: 18

I was at the beach today and I saw a man in the sea, yelling: "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed.
I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 17

How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff? ...because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.

Score: 17

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium? Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.

Score: 17

I saw leaked footage of Finding Dory yesterday Bruce the shark is now called Caitlyn.

Score: 16

What did the hammerhead shark say to the people on the beach? Can't touch this.

Score: 12

help shark The other day i was at the beach when i saw a guy in the sea flailing about and shouting "help shark help shark"

i thought its nice that he is asking the shark for help but he should probably call the lifeguard instead

Score: 11

Did you hear the one about the shark that liked to eat people wearing jeans? It sounded something like
Den-im...
Den-im...
Den-im Den-im Den-im
denimdenimdenimdenim
(Read it out loud)

Score: 11

There is more chance of you being struck by lightning while being attacked by a shark while being pregnant and win a lottery than.... You sticking in an USB first try

Score: 10

Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks. I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine.

Score: 9

Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.

Score: 9

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles It had nosebleed.

Score: 8

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because he was well armed

Score: 8

My doctor said I was pessimistic. Once, there was a shark who bit-off the left side of my body; he let out a small chuckle and said,


"I'm very sorry for this, but I think you are all right."


I replied, "Seriously, doc? I have nothing left."

Score: 7

What did the shark say when he ate the clown-fish? This taste a little funny.

Score: 6

A blond is walking down the beach... and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

Score: 6

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

Score: 6

What does a shark victim see before their end? Fin.

Score: 6

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New Shark Jokes

Why did the shark quit dating_ Even though there are still many fish in the sea, he was netted into a relationship and got catfished.

Score: 5

My pet baby shark said his first words, he said.. Da da, da da

Score: 2

Steven Spielberg just announced he’s not doing anymore shark movies. This is a real Jaw dropper

Score: 5

Great white shark diet surprises scientists "It consists mostly of wildlife biologists that study sharks," said a famous wildife biologist studying sharks.

Score: 1

What do you call a sad looking shark A woebegone

Score: 1

Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish? A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.

Score: 5

A baby fish is called a fry. A baby whale is called a calf. A baby shark is a doo doo doo doo doo doo.

Score: 1

What did the shark say to the boat captain? "Uber eats?"

Score: 1

I saw a man juggling while swimming in shark infested waters... ...it sure does take a lot of balls to do something like that!

Score: 4

What do you call an indecisive toddler? Maybe Shark

Score: 2

What kind of fish lets you borrow money? A loan shark

Score: 5

A neurobiologist, neuropsyiologist, and a shark expert walk into a bar. The rest of the movie is a joke.

Score: 1

What’s a baby sharks first words? Dada

>! Get it because when a shark approaches its Da Da... Da Da... DaDaDaDaDaDa !<

Score: 1

What contaminated the fish tank? Baby shark doo doo doo doo dooo

Score: 2

What did the shark say when it found food after months of hunting? Thank cod

Score: 3

How did the hammerhead shark do on his test? He nailed it.

Score: 5

Why should you never give a shark a machine gun? Because it would defeat the porpoise!

Score: 1

I hate how Shark Week tries to playoff Sharks as "gentle caring creatures that are misrepresented by the media". It doesn't matter what they say, I'm still not voting to re-elect the president.

Score: 3

What happened to the man who got hit by a lightning from Zeus AND bitten by a shark of Poseidon at the same time? He died

Score: 1

Caveman Shark Tank Guy who invented the wheel - alright this is gonna seem a little unorthodox, but just roll with it

Caveman sharks - do what with it

G - oh you'll see

Score: 2

You guys watched the movie meg? (Spoilers) Theres this scene where these floating platforms hook into the shark while its swimming across a busy Asian coast, and I commented

"Chinese takeaway"

Score: 2

why was the mexican octopus angry at the shark because he ate his tentacos

Score: 3

When I take my dog to the beach, it usually empties out quickly..... Am thinking that me naming my dog Shark might have something to do with it.

Score: 1

Having Shark Week is totally racist because all I hear that week is Great White

Score: 3

Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg? No? Oh, well she's all right now!

Score: 1

I went to shark tank to offer a mixed meat product I offered 20% steak

Score: 2

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product I offered 20% steak

Score: 4

Where do fish go to withdraw money The Loan shark

Score: 5

so this shark swims into a bar... "Arggg!", he yelled. "I'm such a klutz!"

Score: 2

I saw a man in the sea screaming, 'Help, shark, help!' I couldn't help but laugh though because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 6

I saw a shark swimming by itself in the ocean... ...I tried to lure it to me with some meat I had on board. It did not seem intrigued and just swam away.

I guess it was just a low-interest lone shark.

Score: 2

Meanwhile on Shark Tank... me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
shark 1: i'm out
shark 2: i'm out
hammerhead shark: i'm listening

Score: 1

What do you call an acrobat in shark infested waters? A balanced breakfast.

Score: 3

What do you call a shark that plays basketball? A Shaq.

Score: 5

Me: "I just saw a video of a shark saving a toddler from drowning" Friend: "Wha- how is that even possible?"

Me: "Well.. by eating the toddler"

Score: 2

Why did the KKK let the shark join them? It was a great white.

Score: 2

I'm glad that baby shark in TX is safe, but I doubt the police will spend a lot of time punishing the thieves. I figure they'd have bigger fish to fry.

Score: 4

People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.

Score: 4

People from Boston will never forget that Shaq is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.

Score: 1

What happened to the shark that wanted to work at a radio station? He died after he went on air

Score: 1

Hospitals charge you quite a lot if you've been bitten by a shark Usually ends up costing an arm AND a leg.

Score: 2

In an effort to not offend... ...The great white shark will now be named the average caucasian shark.

Score: 3

Having a shark for a pet kinda defeats the porpoise.

Score: 1

How did the shark know his family was nearby? He smelled blood.

Score: 1

There was a shark that wanted to be a reporter so a news station gave him a try, but when he went on air, he died.

Score: 5

What's the most dangerous thing in the corporate ocean? The Loan Shark

Score: 1

Why is it obvious when a shark has an eating disorder? You can sea it’s way too fin.

Score: 4

Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark. But, I've done this for the last few years so the joke is wearing fin

Score: 3

Did you know sharks kill more people than vending machines? I don't think a shark has ever killed a vending machine.

Score: 4

Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight... Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight. Lady asked which would be faster. I said the swordfish can reach speeds up to 60mph, shark 42mph...

Score: 1

Shark Week I just got a notice from our cable provider about Shark Week.

Isn't that when Congress goes back in session?

Score: 2

How did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? It was well armed!

Score: 1

What does a shark call a school of fish? Snackademia

Score: 3

What Do You Call a Burger Made by a Hammerhead Shark Man a BigMaccus

Score: 3

Why did the shark tell the fish he wouldn't eat it? Because he was being sharkastic.

Score: 3

You know I'd rather be in a pool with a six foot shark Than be in a pool with a six foot Trilobite! Ha!

Score: 1

Why did the shark swim in circles? He had a nosebleed.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off? He didn’t have a leg to stand on

Score: 3

What kind of shark is always drunk? A hammeredhead

Score: 3

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't milk it.

Score: 1

Seaworld has borrowed a shark to try and make one of their own sharks pregnant... Personally, I think I would have looked at other options before going to a loan shark...

Score: 1

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