*on Shark Tank*
Sharks: what's your idea?
Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
Shark 1: I'm out
Shark 2: I'm out as well
Hammerhead shark: tell me more
I heard a swimmer shout "Help shark help!! I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him!
I saw a man at the beach going "Help! Shark! Help!" I laughed because I knew that the shark wasn't going to help him.
A Life Guard is walking along a beach
A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.
I heard a guy at the beach screaming, "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.
I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.
How much RAM does a great white shark have? A killer-bite.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."
What do you call it when a shark is sassy? Sharkasm
A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.
Why was the shark eating pineapples? Because it makes seamen taste better.
My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!" She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.
Saw a man at the beach yelling "HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.
Heard from my 10 year old cousin.
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?
A slow swimmer.
I saw a guy at the beach yelling, “Help! Shark! Help!” I was like, “I don’t think that shark is going to help you.”
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? A slow swimmer.
I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough... For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.
Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.
I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"... I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.
Vending machines kill more people every year than sharks Obviously, how's a vending machine going to kill a shark?
why did the octopus defeat the shark? because it was well armed.
I'm allergic to sharks.. ..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.
Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark? The octopus because it is well armed.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark? “Do not consume if seal is broken”
Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark? They found his head and shoulders on the beach
Took my brother to the aquarium and threw him in the shark tank
He came back out with a $500,000 investment
(I know this is absolutely not funny but it came to me in a dream)
Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark? They found his head and shoulders on the beach.
What does a shark and a computer have in common? They both have megabites
Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium? Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.
What did the hammerhead shark say to the people on the beach? Can't touch this.
What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark. “Do not consume if seal is broken”
Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.
A blond is walking down the beach...
and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"
There was a shark that wanted to be a reporter so a news station gave him a try, but when he went on air, he died.
What do you call a drunk shark? A hammered-head
Me and my dad went fishing... when he caught a small shark, he called it his dadliest catch.
Why didn't the jellyfish fight the shark? Because he was spineless
What did the shark say to the boat captain? "Uber eats?"
What happened to the man who got hit by a lightning from Zeus AND bitten by a shark of Poseidon at the same time? He died
People in San Francisco started running away from the water as someone started shouting, SHARK! THERES A SHARK!! Little do they know, its just Klay Thompson doing backstroke..
I saw a shark swimming by itself in the ocean...
...I tried to lure it to me with some meat I had on board. It did not seem intrigued and just swam away.
I guess it was just a low-interest lone shark.
People from Boston will never forget that Shaq is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.
What happened to the shark that wanted to work at a radio station? He died after he went on air
How did the shark know his family was nearby? He smelled blood.
What's the most dangerous thing in the corporate ocean? The Loan Shark
Why is it obvious when a shark has an eating disorder? You can sea it’s way too fin.
Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark. But, I've done this for the last few years so the joke is wearing fin
My friend is an expert in Finance and Marine Biology Which makes borrowing money from him a problem, since he's a real Loan Shark.
Did you know sharks kill more people than vending machines? I don't think a shark has ever killed a vending machine.
Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight... Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight. Lady asked which would be faster. I said the swordfish can reach speeds up to 60mph, shark 42mph...
I just got a notice from our cable provider about Shark Week.
Isn't that when Congress goes back in session?
How did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? It was well armed!
What does a shark call a school of fish? Snackademia
What Do You Call a Burger Made by a Hammerhead Shark Man a BigMaccus
Why did the shark tell the fish he wouldn't eat it? Because he was being sharkastic.
You know I'd rather be in a pool with a six foot shark Than be in a pool with a six foot Trilobite! Ha!
What kind of shark is always drunk? A hammeredhead
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slow swimmer.
Did you know hippos kill more people than sharks every year? No one has ever seen a hippo kill a shark.
What do you call the mushy red stuff between shark teeth? Slow swimmers
What did Jaws call his solo banking firm? Loan shark.