Shark Jokes

Shark Tank *on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

Score: 444
Funny Shark Jokes
Score: 417

I heard a swimmer shout "Help shark help!! I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him!

Score: 376

I saw a man at the beach going "Help! Shark! Help!" I laughed because I knew that the shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 329

A Life Guard is walking along a beach A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Score: 308

I heard a guy at the beach screaming, "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 199

I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 193

Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 151

"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.

Score: 143

How much RAM does a great white shark have? A killer-bite.

Score: 139

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

Score: 118

What do you call it when a shark is sassy? Sharkasm

Score: 113

A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.



The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Score: 92

Why was the shark eating pineapples? Because it makes seamen taste better.

Score: 85

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!" She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

Score: 61

Saw a man at the beach yelling "HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 56

I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.



Heard from my 10 year old cousin.

Score: 49

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?

A slow swimmer.

Score: 49

I saw a guy at the beach yelling, “Help! Shark! Help!” I was like, “I don’t think that shark is going to help you.”

Score: 44

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? A slow swimmer.

Score: 43

I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough... For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.

Score: 40

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.

Score: 40

Vending machines kill more people every year than sharks Obviously, how's a vending machine going to kill a shark?

Score: 38

I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"... I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

Score: 38

why did the octopus defeat the shark? because it was well armed.

Score: 37

I'm allergic to sharks.. ..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

Score: 33

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark? The octopus because it is well armed.

Score: 31

What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark? “Do not consume if seal is broken”

Score: 31

Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark? They found his head and shoulders on the beach

Score: 26

Took my brother to the aquarium and threw him in the shark tank He came back out with a $500,000 investment

(I know this is absolutely not funny but it came to me in a dream)

Score: 23

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium? Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.

Score: 17

A blond is walking down the beach... and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

Score: 6

There was a shark that wanted to be a reporter so a news station gave him a try, but when he went on air, he died.

Score: 5

I saw a shark swimming by itself in the ocean... ...I tried to lure it to me with some meat I had on board. It did not seem intrigued and just swam away.

I guess it was just a low-interest lone shark.

Score: 2

Why didn't the jellyfish fight the shark? Because he was spineless

Score: 2

What happened to the shark that wanted to work at a radio station? He died after he went on air

Score: 1

People from Boston will never forget that Shaq is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.

Score: 1

What happened to the man who got hit by a lightning from Zeus AND bitten by a shark of Poseidon at the same time? He died

Score: 1

How did the shark know his family was nearby? He smelled blood.

Score: 1

What did the shark say to the boat captain? "Uber eats?"

Score: 0

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