College Jokes

Contents

Funniest College Jokes

Why did the slave go to college? So he could pickup his Master's degree.

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Funny College Jokes
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Forget everything you learned in college... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

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I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything... It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.

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I just want to thank student loan for letting me get through college I don't think i can ever repay you

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Why didn't the bear go to college? Because bears don't go to college.

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The Sun doesn't need to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.

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What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

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I really wish some of the fantasies in 50 shades of grey were real... like how she got a job right out of college.

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Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I could ever repay you

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Forget everything you learn... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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"Forget everything you learned in college, you won't need it working here" "But I never went to college."

"I'm sorry, you're under-qualified to work here."

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What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? “You’re the man of the house now”

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College_irl 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.

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There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.

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Thanks student loans for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever pay you back.

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So this guy at college keeps calling me a flamingo one of these days I'm going to put my foot down.

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When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying

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Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.

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A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

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I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 Shades of Grey... For example, the one where she gets a job right out of college.

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Why did the slave go to college? To get his master's degree.

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Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.

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What is College Feminism? What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers

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What did Chuck Norris tell his father before he went off to college? "you're the man of the house now"

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Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college! Seriously, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you

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Forget everything you learned in college... ...You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are under qualified to work here.'"

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Thanks student loan for getting me through college I don't think I can ever repay you

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I've decided on my college major! Agriculture. I've heard it's a very large field.

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I've always said that college students are a lot like koala bears They sleep 22 hours a day, and 90% of them have chlamydia.

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What did the buffalo say to his son who was going off to college? Bison!

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What did the buffalo say to his son the day he left for college? Bison

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I didnt learn anything in college... I guess it was kind of my fault though. I double majored in psychology, and reverse psychology.

(Stolen from BJ Novak)

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What did the father buffalo say when his son went off to college? "Bison."

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An African American guy in College ... Asks a white dude:
- Hey man where’s the color printer?
Dude replies:
- Man, it’s 2018, you can use any printer you want!

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Mischievous medical student. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. This time he went to his professor.

Student: 'How long can a man survive without a brain, sir? '
Professor: 'I don't know really'.... 'How old are you? '

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As a conservative college student in America I wish everyday is like Trump no class.

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The most shocking element about the college bribery scandal is USC is being called an elite university.

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New College Jokes

Do you know why persident Trump is a fan of Pfizer? He can't read well enough to differentiate between election and erection, and thinks if he just buys enough blue pills, the erectoral college will stand up for him

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If you think Trump had a rough time with Trump University ... ... you should see how's he's doing in the Electoral College.

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a Not-So-Subtle Political joke Dear Americans, and other people of the Earth. I will now tell you a joke....

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Electoral college.

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When Dr. Who was in college He was the first baseman on the baseball team.

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As a man, I’ve thoroughly washed only 2 sets of male genitalia, my dementia stricken father’s and my infant sons’s. Should’ve been 3.. But my experimental year in college with Doug didn't last long.

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Do you know how when you go to college you gain the freshman 20lbs? Well, I've got the COVID 19

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My teenage son told me he doesn’t want to go to college I told him depending how the markets perform tomorrow he may not have to.

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I don't see what the big deal is with this coronavirus... When I was in college I it the "bud flu," but now I just say "hangover."

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What did the big buffalo say to the little buffalo when he went off to college... Bi son!

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What did the pimp go to college to study? ​

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Whoreticulture

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What's the first thing you hear from a college graduate? Would you like fries with that?

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I once paid $50,000 for a piece of paper College is expensive, ya know?

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I texted my college girlfriend to tell her how guilty I felt about cheating. She replied saying she was so relieved because she had been cheating on me with a guy in her dorm. I was talking about my math exam.

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A group of ravens were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement when the police showed up. They were all arrested for third-degree murder.

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What's a republican's least favorite type of college major? Liberal Arts

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What did the buffalo say when his boy left for college? HHHRRRRRoooOOOoooWWWNNNNNGGGHHHhhhGggggHhhhh.

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I went to college to get a degree in massage therapy Because I want to be a misogynist.

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A college student looks at himself in the mirror and says “You will graduate, you will get a degree and you will leave with relief.” The mirror says, “After some reflection, I’ve decided you’re right.”

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How do you make an immigrant feel American Either have them get into college or see the bill after they get injuried they will cry eagle tears

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I’m going to pay off all of the student loans of college graduates graduating next year... ...in hopes they don’t learn the responsibilities of financial management. Also, apply for my new 48% APR credit card I am offering at the start of January!

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What do Robot college students eat? Rom and Noodles

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What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left to college? Bison

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What do you call a brain surgeon that got a C average in college? A brain surgeon. I hope your surgery goes well!

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What did the buffalo say when her kid left to college? Bison.

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I just signed up for the new college course about the effects of drinking soda on the body. Anatomy and fizzyology.

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What does a buffalo say to his kid to send him off to college? ... Bison

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I’m writing a children’s book about a female otter that goes to college. It’s called Alma Otter’s alma mater.

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What did the buffalo say to its kid as it left for college? Bison

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What did the buffalo say to its son when it was leaving for college? Bison

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The benefit of taking a job as an accounting teacher in a community college You never have to guess if you'll be broke.

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Do you know what an education major gets when they graduate from college in Oklahoma? A map to Texas.

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My boss said our company will help pay for us to go to a technical college... I said I wanted to take Liberal Arts.
He said it had to be a technical subject and I said that it was technically worthless.

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A mugger jumps upon a College student and shouts "your money or your life!"... The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry my dear mate, I'm a Political Science student. I don't have either. Moreover you may give your money....

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At college football games, there's advertisements everywhere. Companies love presenting moments of the game. Though it was ironic seeing Planned Parenthood presenting the "Delivery of the Game."

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I recently joined an online message board for college students. Only because I heard girls like men in uni-forums.

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When I was in college my nickname was "Flute" Because when girls blew me it was lightly, and with remorse.

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A college linguistics club was getting drunk at a bar. You know they'll be getting into semantics tonight.

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I was in a computer room in college today... A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."

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What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common? If they go to college, they'll probably get stoned.

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I Finally Chose a College Major... Me: Dad, I think I want to go to college for botany.

Dad: Are you sure? What made you interested in that?

Me: Well it is a growing field.

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My sister graduated from college over a year ago and is still unemployed... I found her sobbing on the couch so I asked, "having an existential cry, sis?"

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Why didn't the rat go to college? It gotten eaten by the bear...and bears don't go to college.

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There's one fantasy scene in 50 Shades of Grey that I'd love to be part of in real life... ...specifically, the part where the protagonist gets a job straight out of college.

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How is college like a woman? It takes forever to get in, and nine months later you wish you hadn't come.

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