I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won’t shut tf up about it. He’s always been like this, even when we were in college together.
I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything... It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
I just want to thank student loan for letting me get through college I don't think i can ever repay you
The Sun doesn't need to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.
Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I could ever repay you
There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.
So this guy at college keeps calling me a flamingo one of these days I'm going to put my foot down.
My wife was disappointed to find out why my nickname in college was "The Love Machine." I sucked at tennis.
When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
What is College Feminism?
What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers
Thanks student loan for getting me through college I don't think I can ever repay you
42% of strippers are working their way through college According to the latest pole
I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent
My wife wants to leave me. She says I care more about gambling than I do her or our daughter. She’s obviously wrong. Why else am I refusing to leave the casino until I win my daughter’s college tuition money back?
Add a word to ruin a movie:
**- Batman Begins College - The Longest Yard Sale - Charlottes Web Cam.**
Your Turn :)
A man walks in for an interview
Interviewer: forget everything you learned in college. You won't be needing any of that here.
Man: good that I didn't go to college then.
Interviewer: sorry we can't hire you.
Thank you student loans for getting me through college I don't think I can ever repay you.
My mother always said, "Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your maid." When I went to college the dorm had a maid who told us, "Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your mother."
Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's.
Student loans you got me through college I don’t think I can ever repay you
I've paid $.25 for a bag of Top Ramen since I was in college Either they don't raise their prices for inflation or I've been getting ripped off the past 20 years...
I hope college lives up to the hype All my notebooks say "college ruled" so it must've been somewhat fun
In my college days I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of my life.
What do you call hiking US college students? The walking debt.
It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.
In college I was so broke I couldn’t afford the electricity bill Those were the darkest days of my life.
I'd like to thank my student loans I don't think i can ever repay them for getting me through college
Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"
I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"
That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.
How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree? If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.
Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."
My friend studies history in college I told him there's no future in it.
I don’t understand why people pay so much to go to college when they can get a wife and get free lectures day and night
Karl Marx College is a total scam there aren't even any classes!
Jim was out shopping with his young daughter and ran into an old college classmate.
"This is Beth," Jim said proudly, introducing his kid.
"And what's Beth short for?" The friend asked.
Puzzled, he replied,"Because she's only three!”
I had a Muslim friend in college who was always running late. We called him 9/12.
Where y'all from?
A redneck is walking on the beach.
He comes across two beautiful college girls.
The redneck says, "Hey, where y'all from?"
The two girls reply, "Yale."
The redneck then yells, "HEY, WHERE Y'ALL FROM!?"
College can be a lot like prison sometimes It's easier to get into if you're black.
Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I can ever pay you back.
If your in college and dating a high schooler, Why dont you focus on your major instead of your minor
I miss the days when I could just do crazy things. Like once I went an entire semester only wearing clothes I made out of notebook paper. College ruled.
As a 29 year old virgin, I hired a hooker today for $300. And have never been happier.
She said she’d do anything.
So guess who just got their college tuition paid
When Dr. Who was in college He was the first baseman on the baseball team.
When I was in college my roommate accused me of stealing his clothes I was so worried I nearly pooped his pants
Where do college going tweekers go to study at? The meth club.
Why do some coffins have pillows? They aint gonna wake up with a sore neck Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to
What’s the most magical grain for college students? Uni corn
My housemate in college was a sleepwalker and it used to really bother me... Until I taught him how to do the dishes in his sleep.
A group of vaping college students is called a smog. A group of vaping middle school students is called down to the principal’s office.
I met a Girl
She said " I want to see your D "
so I showed her my college Report card
I was just looking out my window at my neighbor's back yard where their son is celebrating his college graduation with a few friends. So sad those kids have so much student loan debt that they all have to share one ratty-looking cigarette.
I just learned that my college physics professor had a heart attack and died after climbing Mount Everest.... It’s so sad. He had so much potential
In college I experimented with marijuana. I did it in snow and I did it in sleet But I did not in hail
What do you call it when a college of music goes to online learning? E-Major
When u get to college u get the freshman15 - what do u call the weight u gain during quarantine? The Covid-19
I am surprised to see my college degree finally has some public utility Maskcommunication
The sun doesn’t have to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.
The COVID-19 The 19 in COVID-19 must stand for how many pounds we will gain while in quarantine. I feel bad for all the college freshmen out there.
Do you know how when you go to college you gain the freshman 20lbs? Well, I've got the COVID 19
My first year of college gained a lot of weight I wasn’t watching what I eat. They called it the “freshman 15”. After a week of quarantine I realize I am well on my way to putting on even more weight. I call it the COVID 19.
What did the McDonalds employee say to his female college he impregnated last night
"That was a Mc-Stake"
I’ve been dating my girlfriend since high school..
... and now as a senior in college people always ask us how we do it.
Well, usually missionary, I reply. Sometimes doggy if we’re feeling up for it.
TIL: Shortly after surviving their separate accidents with fire (Richard Prior's in 1980 and Michael Jackson's in 1984) the two entertainers combined talents in 1985 for a charity concert. All proceeds went to the Ignited Negro College Fund.
My teenage son told me he doesn’t want to go to college I told him depending how the markets perform tomorrow he may not have to.
Two twins both studied medicine in college When they graduated they became a pair-a-medics
My girlfriend in college was obsessed with trying to discover the largest known prime number. I wonder what she’s up to now.
In college I became obsessed with the concept of a doppelgänger I began a quest to find mine. After a year and half of tracking down leads, I uncovered his phone number. I immediately called him but the line was busy.
What do you call a college for semi-aquatic herbivores? A hippocampus
I studied Bears in college I was an Ursa Major.
I don't see what the big deal is with this coronavirus... When I was in college I called it the "bud flu," but now I just say "hangover."
What would you call DeVry if it was a Christian university? A for-prophet college
73% of people fail college algebra Luckily I'm in the 37%
A college professor is teaching a retirement class
He says “If you want to retire at 65, you are going to have to succeed early”
A Blonde woman stands up and says “Who’s Ceed”
This Just in! Over $20,000 dollars in college text books stolen! Local Police say they have a lead and hope to recover both books.
If you cheat getting into college you can go to jail, if you cheat getting into America you can go to college.
Did you hear about the leper who tried out for American college football team? Started as a fullback, then was a halfback and ended up a quarterback.
How do you save on college tuition? Don’t vaccinate your children
What did the pimp go to college to study?
I think my college dorm is haunted. Sometimes the ceiling shakes and I hear faint moaning.
What's the first thing you hear from a college graduate? Would you like fries with that?
My local college has a scheme that lets student earn their tuition by working in the on campus bakery. The opportunity isn't open to everyone one though. It's run on a strictly knead to know basis.
I once paid $50,000 for a piece of paper College is expensive, ya know?
A lady in college complains about how it's taking so long to get through school. I tell her I know, I went for 8 years. I'm still happy I stopped going after the 8th grade.
I texted my college girlfriend to tell her how guilty I felt about cheating. She replied saying she was so relieved because she had been cheating on me with a guy in her dorm. I was talking about my math exam.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
My college band was named Vas Deferens. We were a seminal band.
When I was in college I went to a fortune teller and she told me that if I stay in school and get my degree I will be making a ridiculous amount of money
Turns out she was right!
Now I work as a crossing guard.
They say college costs an arm and a leg... ...I still have both arms, but it really hurts to piss now.
What kind of cologne do college students in Burlington, NC wear? Elon Musk
I think college athletes should get paid to play sports. Except Tennessee. They're Volunteers.
What's a republican's least favorite type of college major? Liberal Arts
Do you know which questions is the most asked by someone with a college degree in art or history? Do you want fries with that?
I can’t stand Honors college kids. I asked this girl “hey, why aren’t koalas considered to be bears?”
And she said, “they’re marsupials.”
Shut up, nerd. The answer to the joke is they don’t have the koalafications.
What college did Michael Jackson go to? Bringham Young University
What do you call a college of hippopotamus? Hippocampus.
What's my college major? Major depression
I went to college to get a degree in massage therapy Because I want to be a misogynist.
If college isn't a scam Why does my degree say B.S on it?
What sinks faster than the Titanic? A college students GPA
Shout out to my student loans for being the only one from college keeping in touch