Hilarious College Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest College Jokes

Why did the slave go to college? So he could pickup his Master's degree.

Score: 4341

I wish my college was run by EA At least I’d get a sense of pride and accomplishment for my money

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Forget everything you learned in college... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

Score: 2907

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

Score: 2681

I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything... It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.

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I just want to thank student loan for letting me get through college I don't think i can ever repay you

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Why didn't the bear go to college? Because bears don't go to college.

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The Sun doesn't need to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.

Score: 1374

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

Score: 1239

I really wish some of the fantasies in 50 shades of grey were real... like how she got a job right out of college.

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Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I could ever repay you

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Forget everything you learn... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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"Forget everything you learned in college, you won't need it working here" "But I never went to college."

"I'm sorry, you're under-qualified to work here."

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What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? “You’re the man of the house now”

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College_irl 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.

Score: 448

There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.

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Thanks student loans for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever pay you back.

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So this guy at college keeps calling me a flamingo one of these days I'm going to put my foot down.

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When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying

Score: 318

Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.

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A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

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I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 Shades of Grey... For example, the one where she gets a job right out of college.

Score: 257

Why did the slave go to college? To get his master's degree.

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Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.

Score: 246

What is College Feminism? What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers

Score: 241

What did Chuck Norris tell his father before he went off to college? "you're the man of the house now"

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Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college! Seriously, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you

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Forget everything you learned in college... ...You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are under qualified to work here.'"

Score: 143

Thanks student loan for getting me through college I don't think I can ever repay you

Score: 138

Why doesn't the Sun need to go to college? Because it already has like a billion degrees.

Score: 114

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

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I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'

Score: 78

Why did LeBron James skip college? He didn't want to show up for finals.

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I hope college lives up to the hype All my notebooks say "college ruled" so it must've been somewhat fun

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Why doesn't the sun go to college? Because it already has 28 million degrees

Score: 59

I didn't go to college, I went to the 'School of Hard Knocks'. Because I wanted to get a job as a door-to-door hearing aid salesman.

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Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."

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My friend studies history in college I told him there's no future in it.

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Karl Marx College is a total scam there aren't even any classes!

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New College Jokes

As a conservative college student in America I wish everyday is like Trump no class.

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Mischievous medical student. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. This time he went to his professor.

Student: 'How long can a man survive without a brain, sir? '
Professor: 'I don't know really'.... 'How old are you? '

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The most shocking element about the college bribery scandal is USC is being called an elite university.

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What do you call a brain surgeon that got a C average in college? A brain surgeon. I hope your surgery goes well!

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What did the buffalo say when her kid left to college? Bison.

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An African American guy in College ... Asks a white dude:
- Hey man where’s the color printer?
Dude replies:
- Man, it’s 2018, you can use any printer you want!

Score: 8

What does a buffalo say to his kid to send him off to college? ... Bison

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What did the buffalo say to its kid as it left for college? Bison

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I’m pretty sure that I experimented with homosexuality in college... I’m not sue though, my memories are kind of Spacey.

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Strapped For Cash During college, I worked on  a conveyor belt. One day, I was  on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
“I work at the end of a belt,” I said.

With an ebullient smile, she asked, “Are you the buckle?”

Score: 6

Some old college friends asked if I still binge drink I said I couldn't even remember the last time I blacked out

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Did you know Vanilla Ice is now working as a computer literacy instructor? He's at the community college teaching Word to your mother.

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Why did the test tube go to college? To become a graduated cylinder.

Score: 9

College calculus is like a drinking game against a super-heavyweight. Even if you know your limits, you're dead no matter what.

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College Professors are like Dora The Explorer They ask a question, stares at the class for a few seconds, and then gives the answer.

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Why was the pig late turning in his college essay? His printer was out of oink.

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Anybody a fan of college football? I heard the Miami Hurricanes are looking strong this year.

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"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college!" "Hey man, I haven't seen you since college! How are you?"

"I'm doing well, I got that philosophy degree."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. Hey, do you want fries with that?

Score: 12

I am almost completely Irish ....in fact, all summer when I was on my college break I thought to myself "Irish I was drinking right now."

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College is the opposite of kidnapping They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.

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College taught me a valuable lesson. I'm still paying for it.

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My daughter brought her boyfriend home from college so I decided to introduce my two best friends to him Their names are Smith&Wesson

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Millennials don't get this... Low college tuition rates.

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I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant Because the customer is always right

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What did the Buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison!

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What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer? Journalism!

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Cops have released a statement on the discovery of "Glory Hole" in the bathrooms of a hugely prestigious college sorority house. Police are looking into it.

And are preparing a probing investigation.

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When a girl sleeps with girls in college, she's "experimenting" When I do it, I'm "fired" and "a terrible dorm janitor"

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Whats he difference between a camel and a college student? Camel can go daaaays without drinking.

Score: 9

I've decided on my college major! Agriculture. I've heard it's a very large field.

Score: 28

I met Spider-Man in college He was in Web development.

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I accidentally played dad instead of dead when I ran into a bear Now he can ride a bike and has been through college.

Score: 22

What kind of bees make milk, not honey? Boobies

From my college buddies son. He followed it up with, "I don't get it" which I found better

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I experimented a lot in college I was a chemistry major

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What do rednecks and college kids have in common? They're both trigger happy.

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I had a Muslim friend in college who was always running late. We called him 9/12.

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I've always said that college students are a lot like koala bears They sleep 22 hours a day, and 90% of them have chlamydia.

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My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there

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College Degree Forget everything you've learned in college, you wont need it here.

I didn't go to college.

Oh sorry you're not qualified for the job

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I spent four years at college studying astronomy and didn't learn anything... I guess you could say I took up space.

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I spent my children's college fund on a boat... I'm going to call it the scholarship.

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I used to be a science major in college I was going through an experimental phase

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A White, American, college age female walks into a starbucks... She doesn't order anything.

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So an American college kid walks into a bar... ...12 dead

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The workers at Staples must have loved college They write "college ruled" on all the notebooks.

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Double positives One day, during a lesson at the community college, the professor is explaining how a double negative will always be positive but a double positive can never be negative.

To which his student replies "yeah right"

Score: 13

Why did the spider go to college? To get his degree in web design!

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When talking to the hiring manager, she said... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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What did the buffalo say to his son the day he left for college? Bison

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I met my girlfriend in primary school. I can't wait til she goes to college.

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The Patriots can still win... By Electoral College votes.

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I was in a computer room in college today... A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."

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A college lecturer asks his students who is poorer... A man with $1000 but is $750 in debt, or a man with $250. The hall is silent for a moment, then a student stands up and answers

"Me."

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In college, 'Subway Jared' couldn't decide what to major in. He just wanted to get a minor.

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Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table. That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

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Why was Jimmy so excited to go to Clown College? He got a fool scholarship.

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Back when I went to college, we didn't have Netflix and Chill. We had Room and Bored.

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Careers Advisor to American student: "What do you want to be when you leave college?" Student: "Alive".

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How is college like a woman? It takes forever to get in, and nine months later you wish you hadn't come.

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What did the buffalo say to his son who was going off to college? Bison!

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