Engineering Jokes

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Funniest Engineering Jokes

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Funny Engineering Jokes

As a german I have to ask: You know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. Our engineering is perfect.

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

Do you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. I'm German and my engineering is perfect.

As a German, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. My engineering is perfect.

I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

As a German, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. Our engineering is flawless.

What’s the engineering term for a one night stand? A nut and bolt.

Don't you just hate it when med students call themselves doctors? I mean you don't see engineering students calling themselves engineers or arts students calling themselves baristas

Whats the difference between engineering and religion? Engineering build planes and buildings. Religion brings them together.

A science graduate asks the question why? A science graduate asks the question why?

An engineering graduate asks the question how?

An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

Four Majors... The science major asks "Why does it work?"

The engineering major asks "How does it work?"

The business major asks "How much will it cost?"

The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

There are tons of girls in my software engineering class... ...just not very many of them.

As a German, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. Our engineering is perfect.

Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities

I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed

A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"

I'm upset. I'm two years into engineering school and... I haven't even started learning how to drive a train

One More For All The Philosophy Majors Out There The Physics major asks: How does it work?

The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?

The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?

The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?

I hate when Engineering students call themselves Engineers Like Med students don't call themselves Doctors

And Art students don't call themselves Unemployed

Engineering students are always confused by women... ....why do the ones with the most streamlined bodies put up the most resistance?

I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards. I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? You dont see medical students calling themselves doctors, or arts students calling themselves baristas

What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes? The arts student gets a mark for it.

Why is development in airplane engineering so slow? Everyone is afraid to make a ground breaking design.

I've always wanted to be a train engineer. I spent 15 years in engineering school, 10 years learning about train history, and 5 years learning how to operate a train. I really thought I would've been trained by now.

I have a fear of highly sophisticated engineering constructs It's a case of Complex Complex Complex

An engineering professor is ranting to his class one day He says "I hate when engineering students call themselves 'engineers', you don't hear medical students calling themselves 'doctors', or art students calling themselves 'unemployed'

So engineering school is really hard... I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.

What did the liberal arts major say to the engineering grad? Do you want fries with that?

Engineering student Engineering Student: "Professor, we've made something which allows you to see through a wall"

Professor in excitement asks "Woah and what is that?"

Student: "A hole"

As a German, do you know what grinds our gears? Nothing. Our engineering is perfect

Two windmills walk into a bar... They had a good moment.
___________________________

Hopefully there's some engineering joke lovers out there :)

A person with an engineering degree asks... ...how things work.

A person with a psychology degree asks why things work.

A person with an art degree asks, "would you like fries with that?"

Where are the cleanest bathrooms on college campuses? The women's bathrooms in the engineering building.

Credit to /u/The_Messiah

As an American, you know what really grinds my gears? Not having German Engineering

German engineering isn't that good... ...showers in the camps didn't even work!

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New Engineering Jokes

What's the difference between heaven according to Islam and 60 engineering students? 12 virgins

A person who was promised 72 virgins is very excited when he goes to heaven He goes to God and asks where he can find them

God sends him to the mechanical engineering branch in India

What's the similarity between a dentist and an engineering graduate? Both like plaques

What is long and always hard? Engineering entrance exam

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel. I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

What do they call the electrical engineering freak? Wired

If you're wanting a guy in engineering the odds are good BUT... ... the goods are odd

What did the engineering student eat for dessert? A Raspberry Pi

Many people tried to stop my genetic engineering projects, but I wasn't discouraged. Soon, I'll have them eating out of the hand of my palm.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves baristas.

What do you call a genetic engineering company in Italy? Genitalia.

You know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. German engineering is perfect.

What did the art major say to the engineering major? Would you like fries with that, sir?

Engineering Student: "Professor, .. Engineering Student: "Professor, we've made something which allows you to see through a wall"

Professor in excitement asks "Woah and what is that?"

Student: "A hole"

Engineering Joke: What do you call a musical artist who screws up and fails due to stress? Thread Shearin’

I don't get why engineering students call themselves engineers when they aren't yet I mean people in med schooling don't call themselves doctors,

law students don't call themselves lawyers,

and art students don't call themselves broke

Ask a counseling student how to reduce stress, they'll discuss mindfulness, work-life balance, etc. Ask an engineering student, they'll ask back, "Normal or Shear?"

What did Jean-Luc Picard say when Engineering offered to fix his electric sewing machine? Make it sew!

How come there was no damage the night the stars fell on Alabama? Because the state was moved aside. Haven't you heard of Mobile Alabama?

The people responsible for that feat of engineering later brought us Wheeling West Virginia.

I was contemplating engineering a newer, more advanced clone of my brain... But then I realized I was getting ahead of myself.

Engineering Class My teacher tells me there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't...

Just got a new Job at Coka Kola Engineering job, and man there is lots of high tech cola industry jargon being tossed around there, soda speak.

After 10 years struggling in Engineering School, my grandson told me he's going to quit. I said "Well, it's your life and your decision. I still believe some day I'll graduate."

LF : Clean-ish jokes Need new jokes that aren't dark so I don't scare away the girl I like. Engineering and soccer ones are pluses. Thanks for the help.

I failed my civil engineering exam today Apparently, "Mexicans" wasn't an appropriate answer to the question "What is commonly found behind walls?"

Why do engineering students call themselves engineers? You don't hear a law student call themselves a lawyer, or a gender studies student call themselves a barista.

A science major says "What's it made of?" An engineering major says "How is it made?" An arts major says... "Would you like fries with that?"

An engineering dad joke I asked my dad if his old Engineering textbooks were complicated and he said, "No, they are simple. They just open and close."

What happens when a clown farts? It smells funny.

--As told to me by an Engineering lead... Much facepalm ensued.

72 virgins This was it. The suicide bomber was going to blow up the US camp. Little did he know that when he woke up he would be surrounded by 72 engineering students....

[joke request] Civil engineering jokes, (Bridges, sewers, roads, engineers in general) What is the best joke you have related to Civil Engineering.

Why didn't the engineering student have a good relationship with his professor? There were too many truss problems.

Structural Engineering Because architects don’t know what physics is.

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Long Engineering Jokes

10 engineering professors board a plane

Once they are inside and the plane is a about to take off, the air hostess comes out and tells everyone that the plane has been made by the students of those teachers. Immediately 9 of the professors get up and run away from the plane while one of them stays sit, calmly reading a book.

One of the students who was on the plane to see how their plane worked, approached the professor, thanking him for trusting them.

To which he replies "if my students really made this plane I'm 100% confident this won't even take off"

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there’s an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you’re not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."

"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: No Jews please.'

Sending a written message, the captain replied:

'Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending three of my best and most prized officers.

One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design.

The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern university in Chicago, with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Masters Degree and PhD. In Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate.

Finally, the third officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina . We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda .'

Upon receiving this letter, the mother was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by three handsome naval officers (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous).

At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, three very handsome, smiling black officers.

Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, 'There must be some mistake.'

'No, Madam,' said the first officer, 'Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes.'

A toothpaste factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes
without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the
buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with
them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to
hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The
project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated,
RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had
a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in
the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would
sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it
should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective
box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the
new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the
factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well
spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number
of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with
projections, however, the next three weeks were zero! The estimated rate
should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check
the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line
where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new
$8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off
the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.


"Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it
there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting
the line every time the bell rang."

Trust is everything

Some teachers from an engineering school were invited to a trip.
After they were all comfortably seated, they were informed that the plane was built by their students.
They got up and ran desperately to the outside of the plane, almost panicking.
Only one teacher remained calm and seated at his spot. When the other teachers asked why he was so calm he said: "I know the capacity of my students, if they built it, I'm sure this bloody thing won't even start"

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishmen are debating philosophy.

The question arises over the course of their debates: What separates man from the animals?

"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."

"I disagree," announces the Italian. "It is our food. The creatures of the wild eat, but they do not cook. Humans on the other hand, create amazing dishes and new combination that make eating a most enjoyable experience."

"I say it's art," decides the Frenchman. "No other being can create art. From our earliest days we have painted, and now we sculpt, write and compose as well. The wild animals cannot ever know what it is like to cry over a beautiful piece of art."

All three now look towards the Englishman, expecting his answer. He takes a long sip of tea before answering.

"The Channel."

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "It is our food. The creatures of the wild eat, but they do not cook. Humans on the other hand, create amazing dishes and new combination that make eating a most enjoyable experience."


"I say it's art," decides the Frenchman. "No other being can create art. From our earliest days we have painted, and now we sculpt, write and compose as well. The wild animals cannot ever know what it is like to cry over a beautiful piece of art."


All three now look towards the Englishman, expecting his answer. He takes a long sip of tea before answering.


"The Channel."

A Calculus joke

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's a differential operator. If it acts on me, I'll disappear." e^x says "I'm e^x, I don't have anything to worry about," and keeps walking. When he reaches the differential operator, he says "Hi, I'm e^x."

The differential operator responds, "Hi, I'm d/dy."

An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

“Where did you get such a rocking bike?” asked the first.

The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.'”

The second engineer nodded approvingly “Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit!”

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Three engineering students were discussing how God designed the human body.

The first one says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Just look at the muscles and joints."

The second one says, "No, God is an electrical engineer. See all those neurons."

The third one said, "Actually, God is a civil engineer. Who else runs a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

The Engineer's Interview

An engineering firm is looking to fill a position, and has interviewed a few dozen applicants. They've winnowed it down to just three candidates, and they're all bright, motivated, and experienced. To make the final decision, the interviewer decides to pose one last question to each of them. He tells the three interviewees, "So this building we're in, any idea how tall it is, down to the inch?" All three shake their heads. Turning to the first he says, so if I gave you an accurate barometer, how would you determine the height? The engineer pauses and says, "Well, I'd measure the pressure difference between the roof and ground, use that to find the change in altitude". Nodding, the interviewer turns to the second candidate. "And you? How would you measure this?", "Well" says the second engineer, "I would measure the shadow cast by the barometer and the shadow cast by the building. We know the length of one, we can find the length of the other". "Very good!" said the interviewer, finally turning to the last engineer. "And you?" After a moment's thought the third engineer finally says, "I think I'd just find the building manager, offer to give him a shiny new barometer if he told me how tall the building is."

What engineers want.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Engineering students

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Kiss me

"A male engineering student was crossing a road one
day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss
me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over,
picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for
one week.” The engineering student took the frog out
of his pocket, smiled at it; and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me
back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the boy took the frog out,
smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a
beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and
do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The
boy said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Two engineering students were walking across campus...

...when a third engineer pulls up on a brand new bike. Engineer #1 says, "I've never seen you ride that before, where did you get such a great bike?"

The engineer on the bike replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "You can have whatever you want."

Engineer #2 nodded approvingly, saying, "Good choice; there's no way her clothes would have fit you."

Two engineering students and a bicycle...

Two buddies in engineering school are walking around campus. One is pushing around a bicycle. The other says "Hey, how did you get the new bike?"

His friend replies, "Crazy thing happened the other day, I was walking back from class, when this beautiful blonde girl rode up to me on this bicycle, threw it down and ripped off all her clothes. She threw open her arms and screamed 'take anything you want!' So I took the bike."

The other goes "Good choice, the clothes wouldn't have fit anyway."

Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.
The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.
The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly irradiated cleanup zone, but it too broke down in only 8 minutes.
The German robot with its superior german engineering managed to perform its task for a full 20 minutes before finally succumbing to the immense heat and radiation.
But all this time, the Russian robot was hard at work, and the engineers and scientists of all the other nations watched in awe as the Russian robot continued to send back signals for another full hour.
They asked the soviet officer stationed there, “How is your robot still active after all this time?”
The soviet officer looked at them, then took a glance at the clock, and shouted in to the megaphone, “Private Dimitri! Your shift is over! Come out for a smoke.”

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