Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love... But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...
Don’t ever get into a romantic relationship with a tennis player... Love means nothing to them.
What is the definition of stalking? When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it
The Princess Bride is bull
When Wesley spends five years building up an immunity to iocane powder, it's romantic and we should idolize him.
But when I do it with rum, I'm an "alcoholic who needs to pay his goddamn child support."
My life is like a romantic comedy... except there's no romance and I'm the only one who laughs at my jokes.
Difference between Romantic and Horror Movie
After watching a romantic one, you look for your teddy to hug.
After watching a horror one, your teddy starts looking at you
It was really romantic to see an 85 year old man and 77 year old woman who were a couple for 65 years. It was horrifying when I did the math.
My wife left me because she believes I live in constant denial Tonight we'll have a romantic dinner celebrating our 5th year anniversary
Why can't Donald Trump and Melania have a romantic getaway in Mexico? He always wants to take the kids.
After a romantic dinner, a couple cuddled up for some discussion
Husband: Am I the only one you've been with?
Wife: Yeah, the rest were eight or nine
When on a first date you should always carve your initials together on something. It's the most romantic way to show them you have a knife.
Stalking is when two people are going for a romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it
Etiquette rule #381: When on a romantic date with a lady, you feel the need to use the bathroom, excuse yourself by saying: Excuse me, I need to go shake hands with a dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to later tonight.
Having some romantic time with yo girl when she asks you to go deeper But you run out of poems.
want a smart girl, a nice girl, a romantic girl. But most importantly, I want these women to never meet.
My girlfriend said I don't know how to be romantic So I yelled "DEUS VULT!" and invaded Gaul. Proved her wrong
One time, I carried out an entire conversation with a man by speaking to him in Spanish while he spoke to me in Italian It was the most romantic conversation I've ever had
A Hot Romance While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear "I want you to make me sweaty and wet." So I shut off the fan.
Kiss in the neck can be a sweet, romantic gesture not sure why everybody in the bus is freaking out
Husband and wife are having a romantic dinner
Wife: I love you so much! I can't live without you!
Husband: Is that you or the wine talking?
Wife: It's me... talking to the wine.
Was starting to get romantic with a woman last night As usual I began crying uncontrollably. After getting home it took forever to wash the pepper spray off.
In a world controlled by AI and machines, two satellites decide to get married... ...Well the wedding wasn't too romantic but that reception was amazing!
John: My friend Charlie has stolen my girlfriend's number from my mobile 2 days ago.
Harry: What happened then?
John: Charlie Has been sending romantic texts to his own sister since last 2 days.
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Sunflowers are yellow
I bet you were expecting something romantic but no, this us just gardening facts
Tom cruise is going to star in a romantic movie about trying to stay aroused long enough to get his wife pregnant. It's called 'emission impossible'
Pucker up is a old romantic saying.
But theres nothing romantic about your doctors saying it when your bent over...
Even worse if his pants are down.
I met my wife at a night club...
- Wow! How romantic!
- Oh, can't be more romantic than that! I thought she was home with kids sleeping.
When this crisis is over and you had to choose between a night out drinking with your mates or a romantic dinner with your wife.. Which pub will you be drinking in ?
Why can’t the amputee develop romantic feelings for someone? Because he couldn’t catch feels.
Superbowl romantic poetry
Get another vodka dont forget the lime
Maybe we can fool around during halftime.
Why was Steve Easterbrook pushed out of a job?
People caught him clowning around.
>!For those of you who don’t know, Steve Easterbrook was the McDonald’s CEO until people caught him having a romantic relationship with a subordinate.!<
Stalking is just taking long romantic walks with the one you love... But only one of you knows about it.
I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend back to where we first met for our anniversary. So I took her back to daycare.
Two Alabamans decide to end their romantic relationship. One says to the other, "Let's just be siblings."
Recently, I've been getting worried about the number of posts I've seen about people's romantic lives with their SO... I'm glad to say I now know 'SO' does not mean 'Superior Officer'.
Playing bidge is a bit like being in a romantic relationship You either need a very good partner, or a very good hand.
Got the check after a nice romantic dinner And my date **expects** me to pay the bill just because we're married
I've recently written a romantic comedy
It's about a guy and a girl - *classic.*
Initially, they hate each other - *classic.*
But they end up in bed together - *classic!*
It's called: "The Rapist"
Get something romantic today for that special person in your life! And uh. Don't forget to get something for your spouse too.
A MAN GOES INTO THE POSTCARD SHOP
Guy goes into the shop, and asks the attendant:
"Do you have those postcards that say "For the only true love of my life?"
"Of course sir", she answers with a smile. What a romantic guy!
"Great. Give me 9, please!"
I gave my girlfriend a last kiss goodbye I think its romantic but it made her funeral really awkward.
After 30 years of marriage, people always ask, "What's the secret of keeping the romance alive?" I always tell them...
We go to the same romantic restaurant every week, twice a week...
I go on Tuesday. She goes on Fridays.
Credit - Henny Youngman
I came out to my girlfriend as a hetroromantic asexual. She said I could work on the romantic part.
Im living a romantic comedy Everyone is finding true love while my love life itself is a joke
Are you a romantic man?
Yes. When my wife comes home late, I turn on the candles, let the place fill up with nice and warm water and throw in some soap.
So she can immediately start doing the dishes.
LPT - While stargazing on a romantic evening, never say this to your wife: Uranus is a gas giant.
What did Mr. Potato Head give Mrs. Potato Head on their romantic night out? A good fingerling.
Being romantic as an awkward mathematician is hard... I called my girlfriend 1/cos(c) to try and compliment her but I don't think she caught my drift. Can't blame her though, that's a triggy one.
Romantic Gesture My girlfriend and I walked by an Indian restaurant today, she remarked how delicious it smelled. Feeling like doting on her I asked if she wanted a treat. She said yes, so I walked her by it again.
I'm interested in this girl who only dates Catholic guys... ... I guess you could call me a pope-less romantic
Have I told you lately... ...is the least romantic line a toll-collector ever said to his girlfriend.
Recently, a bunch of people have developed a fetish for letting their romantic partner intentionally spike their drink with roofies. They call it Cos-play.
What did the hopeless romantic baker say to the dough? You're my life's devotion. I knead you!
Candlelight is romantic until... Candlelight is romantic until she realizes your electricity has been shut off.
A long, romantic kiss... and then -
She: I think I swallowed your gum.
He: No, I just cleared my throat.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together... but only one of them knows about it.