Dentist Jokes

Contents

Funniest Dentist Jokes

When my dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed about it for a while... Then I remembered...................me and my wife have different dentists…

Dentist always dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?” Like bro you were there wtf

Funny Dentist Jokes

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? The drill slipped.

My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed. Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.

My dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex… We laughed about it for a while.

Then I remembered me and my wife have different dentists…

My dentist asked me the last time I flossed I replied, "You remember.. You were there.."

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth. I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

I just had my first prostate examination Worst dentist ever.

My dentist asked me how long it had been since I flossed I said “you should know that, you were there”.

Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste? The last dentist is busy killing a lion

Wife's Dentist My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed.
Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.

I went to the dentist today Dentist: Open up please

Me: Sometimes I get sad.

Trump would be an amazing dentist He is against anything that's not white and straight.

My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed.
Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists

My dentist tells me to floss my teeth daily. I wish he'd leave me alone.

What did the dentist in the porno say? "Your teeth are the whitest I've come across."

Man visits a dentist with broken teeth Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .?

Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard.

Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it

Man:- that's exactly how this happened...

My doctor checked my prostate last week It was the worst dentist appointment of my life.

I asked my dentist if I can have some of his laughing gas. He said: "sure, knock yourself out."

LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium. It will be hilarious when you scream.

What does the dentist of the year get? A little plaque.

I want my dentist to know he's appreciated.. So every year I give him a little plaque.

A woman goes to the dentist.... and the dentist says "Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled." The woman says "I'd rather have a baby."
The dentist looks at her and says "Make up your mind, I'll have to adjust the chair."

My dentist pulled a wrong tooth it was accidental

My dentist told me to open up.... so I started telling him how depressed I was.

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!” “Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

The Dentist says, "When was the last time you flossed?" The Patient replies, "You should know, you were there!"


Heard this at the dentist this morning

My dentist and orthodontist have the same name... Isn't that coinci*dental*?

i just got my first prostate exam and im never going back to that dentist again

So my dentist says to me... So my dentist says to me, "you're the cleanest patient I've had all week!"

Then I respond, "Wow I deserve a plaque!"

This literally just happened. She lost it.

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His hand slipped.

A man walks into a dentist's office and says "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm a moth!" The dentist says, "I think you want the psychiatrist down the hall."

And the man replies, "Yeah, but your light was on."

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay... ..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

Why did the dentist vote for Trump? He likes to keep things white and straight.

I have the worst dentist in the world. He even got a little plaque to prove it.

The Dentist Just learned that a dentist in the next complex where I stay was arrested for dealing drugs. Shows you how wrong you can be about people. I had been going to him for over ten years.

Never knew he was a dentist...

My Dentist friend just divorced his wife who is a manicurist All they did was fight tooth and nail

My dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex. We laughed about it for a while.
Then I remembered me and my wife have different dentists.

My dentist told me to “open up” So I told him that I often have trouble putting peoples words into context. He said “I can tell”

Popular Topics

New Dentist Jokes

Today was horrible. I chipped a tooth when playing hockey. I phoned a dentist for an appointment... When I asked if he could fit me in today, he briskly said "twothirty?"

Then he seemed annoyed when I replied "Of course, that's why I'm calling!"

What do you call a dentist in England? Unemployed

The perfect time for a dentist appointment: 2:30 Why, you may ask?

Because: >!Tooth Hurty!<

Went to the dentist today to get my cavity filled. He asked my to leave when I bent over the chair and spread my cheeks.

Dentist time What time do you go to the dentist?

Tooth hurtee.

Why did I take my kid to the dentist at 2:30? Because their tooth hurty.

What does a dentist call his x-rays? Tooth pics

Why dentist don't like PHD holders ? cause people call them doctors.

Why was the dentist investigated by the Securities & Exchange Commission? For incisor trading!

Being a dentist was useful professionally. It opened up a lot of jaws

What did the dentist say when he had to pull a tooth? "I'm sorry for your floss."

Did you hear about the golfer that went to the dentist for a filling? He got a hole in one.

What do a dentist and a proctologist have in common? They both tell you to open up and you go AHH.

The chamber of commerce gave an award to the best dentist in town It was a little plaque........

My dentist told me to open up I told him I often have trouble putting other people’s words into context

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge." "Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."

What was the dentist doing in Panama? Looking for the Root Canal!

What's the similarity between a dentist and an engineering graduate? Both like plaques

Why was the dentist afraid of Tera? Because terabytes

I was prescribed a pain killer from my dentist but I found it difficult to get the lid off... It was called Tryopenin

My dentist wants me to see the hygienist every 3 months... ...she must think I have deep pockets.

Why didn't the 10th Dentist like the toothpaste? Because he likes being addressed as a Doctor

What does a dentist and a pornstar says in common ? Open your mouth

What did the dentist say when he couldn’t get the braces on? “Brace yourself!”

Dentist and Patient Joke Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”


Patient: “OK.”


Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist They said it wasn’t fair

Why didn't the dentist like his job? it was getting to teethious

I lost $300 taking stock advice from my dentist It was Askadental.

Why didn't the dentist let Jack Nicholson keep his extracted wisdom teeth? He can't HANDLE the tooth!

What's Worse Than Having Your Doctor Tell You You've Got Herpes? Having your dentist tell you.

I accidentally called my gynecologist thinking it was my dentist The person on the other end was horrified when I asked about my routine cleaning

Ugh I have a dentist appointment tomorrow It's at 2:30

True story. I didn't notice it was funny until my gf told me

What floor is the dentist office on? The 2th floor

Dentist With Patient: Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

My dentist asked me when the last time that I flossed my teeth was. I told him "Well you should know, you were there!"

A man and a woman were travelling on a train They were in the same cabin


Woman:Every time you smile I feel like inviting you to my place



Man:Awwww.....! Are you single?



Woman:No, I am a dentist

My dentist told me to open up. I told him I often have trouble putting people's words into context.
He said he could tell.

My dentist asked me if I floss between meals "No, usually between teeth" I replied.

What is it called when a dentist checks your teeth? A cavity search.

What do you call a dentist who removed wrong tooth? An accidentist.

Popular Topics

Long Dentist Jokes

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”

The dentist then returns and says, “Here is a Viagra tablet.”

The patient says, “Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain pill.!”

“It doesn’t,” said the dentist and continued:

“But it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.”

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.

The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.

The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".

"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.

"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."

The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."

The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"

The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."

The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"

The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."

"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.

Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper grins. "You are foolish human. But, you are entitled to your chance."

The dentist takes another toothbrush, loads it with toothpaste, and starts brushing like a madman. When his 5 minutes are up, he spits out the paste. He smiles.

It's unbelievable.

The shine from the dentist's teeth is so beautiful that he can see the grim reaper's reflection in his perfectly clean teeth.

The winner is obvious. The grim reaper hangs his head in shame. "You win, human. This time. Your brother will live." He disappears in a puff of smoke. At the same instant, the bed-ridden brother wakes up in the hospital. Not only is he uninjured, he seems perfectly healthy. Suddenly, the phone by his bed rings. It's his brother, the dentist. He picks up. "Hey bro. You'll never believe what happened. Apparently, I went out to the market and got hit by a car. They say I almost died."

The dentist smiles on the phone and says. "That's interesting, bro. Today you might say that I also had a brush with death."

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."

The guy replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."

The dentist asks, "Well, then what are you doing here?"

The guy says, "Your light was on."

The Dentist

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist,
“Doctor, I'm in a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!”

The dentist thought to himself,
“My goodness--this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain.”

So the dentist asked him,
“Which tooth is it, sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said,
"Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."

At the dentist

The wife says, -I have to get a tooth pulled and I have no time for any anesthesia. Just pull the tooth out as quickly as you can so we can get going!
The dentist was really impressed, -You are indeed a brave woman! Which tooth is to be removed?
She turned to her old man, -Show him your tooth, dear!

A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...

The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:

"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."

The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"

To which the man responds:

"Man, that's exactly what I did!"


(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."

The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife.

He asks hopefully, "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

As the result of an accident, a man lost teeth and had to have a partial plate made.

His dentist built a standard dental plate and fitted it into his mouth and it worked just fine.

In three months, the man was back at his dentist. The dentist looked in his mouth, and the plate he had just put in was so deteriorated it was beyond repair.

The dentist was shocked that it had only lasted three months, so he constructed a new plate and had stainless steel used as the basis.

But again in about three months the patient was back, and the stainless steel plate was corroded and failing.

This time he had the plate made with titanium, but once more it only lasted a matter of months before deteriorating beyond repair.

Totally baffled, he sent the patient to a dental professor known to be an expert in the construction of dental plates to see if he could solve this puzzle.

The professor examined his mouth and quizzed the man about his dental hygiene and diet. "There must be something very acidic that you eat a lot of." The dentist said.

"To tell the truth," the man replied, "My wife makes the absolute best hollandaise sauce in the world. I put it on everything."

"Aha!" The professor exclaims. "Have your dentist make you a new plate out of chrome and you shouldn't have any more problems!"

"Chrome?" The patent asks. "Why chrome?"

"Because," the dentist replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

A guy walked into a dentist's office...

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."

The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."

The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"

And the guy says, "Your light was on."

I’m a moth

I walked into a dentist’s office. The dentist asked me what the problem was.

I said, “I’m a moth.”

The dentist said, “You’re a moth?”

I said, “Yes! I’m a moth. I act like a moth. I think like a moth. I’m a moth!”

The dentist said, “Sir, I think you want the psychiatrist’s office. He’s two doors further down the hall.”

I said, “I know. I was on my way there, but your light was on.”

There are two identical twin brothers that live together.

One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.

The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.

The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".

"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.

"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."

The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."

The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"

The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."

The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"

The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."

"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.
Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper grins. "You are foolish human. But, you are entitled to your chance."

The dentist takes another toothbrush, loads it with toothpaste, and starts brushing like a madman. When his 5 minutes are up, he spits out the paste. He smiles.

It's unbelievable.

The shine from the dentist's teeth is so beautiful that he can see the grim reaper's reflection in his perfectly clean teeth.

The winner is obvious. The grim reaper hangs his head in shame. "You win, human. This time. Your brother will live." He disappears in a puff of smoke. At the same instant, the bed-ridden brother wakes up in the hospital. Not only is he uninjured, he seems perfectly healthy. Suddenly, the phone by his bed rings. It's his brother, the dentist. He picks up. "Hey bro. You'll never believe what happened. Apparently, I went out to the market and got hit by a car. They say I almost died."

The dentist smiles on the phone and says. "That's interesting, bro. Today you might say that I also had a brush with death."

Little old lady goes to a dentist...

A little old lady goes to the dentist.


She walks in to the dentists office, sits down, drops her panties, and lifts her legs.


Rather flustered the Dentist says, "I'm sorry madam, I'm not a gynaecologist!"


She says, "I know you're not, I just need my husband's teeth back!"

"Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist."

“An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”

A man and wife are lying in bed...

The man says "hey honey, do you want to make love?"

She says "normally I would, but I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning, and that seems like it would be gross."

The man says "I understand" and rolls over.

After a few moments, the man rolls back over and asks "when's your next dentist appointment?"

Man v/s Wife

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm, getting friskier by the second.

The wife, half-asleep, turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, dejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, however, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Men vs Women

**1. NAMES**

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


**2. EATING OUT**

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


**3. MONEY**

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


**4. BATHROOMS**

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


**5. ARGUMENTS**

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


**6. CATS**

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


**7. FUTURE**

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


**8. SUCCESS**

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


**9. MARRIAGE**

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.


**10. DRESSING UP**

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


**11. NATURAL**

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


**12. OFFSPRING**

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


**13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY**

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


**AND FINALLY.....**

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"
And the guy says, "Your light was on."

A man goes to the dentist for a check-up

"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"

The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."

"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."

"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"

"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.

"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

So a mentally disturbed man walks into a dentist's office.

He says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I think I'm a moth!"

"You think you're a moth??" the dentist asks.

"Yes!"

"Well you don't need a dentist... you need a psychiatrist."

"I know," says the man.

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Well, you're light was on, so..."

Popular Topics