Fat People Jokes


Funniest Fat People Jokes

Funny Fat People Jokes

Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it

Guys come on, we shouldn't give fat people such a hard time. They have enough on their plate already.

You shouldn’t make fun of fat people They have enough on their plates already.

Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn’t last long for fat people

Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They are thick and tired of it.

Why should you never make fun of fat people who have lisps? They're thick and tired of it

Jokes about fat people aren't funny. They just don't work out.

Guys, don't make fun of fat people It's not as if they don't have enough on their plate

Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends quicker for fat people.

We shouldn't make fun of fat people... They have enough on their plate already.

We need to stop joking on fat people so much. They have enough on their plate already.

Life is like a box of chocolate... ... it doesn't last long for fat people.

Everyone should stop picking on fat people.. They have enough on their plate already

life is like a box of chocolates Fat people finish it faster.

I hate it when people make all these fat jokes to shame fat people They have enough on their plate already

If you watch Wall-E backwards it's about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people

What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.

We should stop making fun of fat people They have too much on their plate already

Life is like a box of chocolates... ...it doesn't last long for fat people.

Fat people are harder to kidnap But skinny people are worth less at the meat market

Guys, we should stop making fun of fat people. They have too much on their plates already.

I thought my jokes about fat people would be great for this sub but none of them worked out.

Life is like box of chocolates ... it doesn't last long for the fat people.

Life is like a box of chocolates It ends sooner for fat people.

Why are there no fat people in Japan? Last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died.

Life is like a box of chocolates It dosen't last long for fat people

Are fat people or thin people smarter? It depends--thin people are generally sharper, while fat people are more well-rounded.

I tried making jokes about fat people ... but none of them worked out.

Fat people with lisps... are thick and tired of your insults.

Me and the wife 88'ed last night. It's like 69'ing, but for fat people.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Doesn’t last long for fat people.

What do you call a town full of fat people? Obecity

What is 88? 69 for fat people.

Its easy to distract fat people It's a piece of cake

Life is like a box of chocolates. Fat people get through it quicker.

Relationships are like fat people... Most don't work out!

I would tell a joke about fat people, But they have enough on their plate as it is.

Why are fat people like relationships? Most of them don't work out.

Life is like a box of chocolates ... it doesn’t last long for the fat people.

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New Fat People Jokes

Don’t make fun of fat people They already have enough on their plate

Fat people are great. It just means there's more of them to love. Said the cannibal.

Why is it so easy to make fun of fat people? They're such huge targets.

Marriages are like fat people... Most of them don't work out.

I tried to tell an offensive joke about a bunch of fat people in an elevator. It didn't go down well.

Life is like a box of chocolate It doesn’t last long for fat people.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates It doesn't last long for fat people

Where do fat people live? In an obe-city

What's the difference between Stanley Kubrick and a fat person? Most fat people didn't make The Shining.

Life is like a box of chocolates It ends quickly for fat people

Why shouldn't you play poker with really fat people? Because they're going to fold a lot.

I have so many jokes on fat people.. But they never work-out!

Life is like a box of chocolates It last's shorter for fat people

In 2020 I’m going to stop making fun of fat people They already have enough on their plate

What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.

I have lots of jokes to tell about fat people and doors But they just never seem to fit

People should just ease up on criticising fat people for their body structure They clearly have enough on their plate

You should always be nice to fat people There's more of them.

America is a very diverse country. There are fat people of all races!

Fat jokes never grow old Sorry, I meant "fat people".

Why are there no fat people in Japan Because last time there was a fat man, 80,000 people died

Why are fat people better? They XL at everything they do.

I always make jokes about everything, but I won't make a joke about fat people... ...because an elephant never forgets.

You know where fat people live? In Greece.

The trend of fat people going swimming is really creating waves.

Fat people in long distance relationships. They don't work out.

How do fat people defy the laws of physics? They have mass but they don’t matter.

Fat people aren't fat... They're just horizontally challenged.

Why are fat people always friends with other fat people? I guess you could say they just gravitate towards eachother

Who's the rapper that fat people hate the most? Cardi-O B

Why are fat pyromaniacs so rare? Because fat people can't burn anything.

With the threat of diabetes fat people have their own battles to fight... Men have lost legs in Nam, other men by ham.

We shouldn't make fun of fat people. They already have enough on their plate.

God doesn't like fat people That's why there's a stairway to heaven.

Why do fat people lose so much at casino tables? Because whenever they are out of chips they always grab more.

Why does Gravity like fat people? Because they are the most attractive

Fat people are lucky They get to eat whatever they want and not worry about getting fat.

What do fat people do in summer? Stink.

Why are there no fat people in Japan? The last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died

Who said fat people don't like exercising? That is totally false because fat people love walking to the buffet table.

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Long Fat People Jokes

A Target inspired joke

I got fired from Target but it was worth it. My coworker Alfred was stocking shelves and I was at front. A large lady came in and inquired about the mobility scooter. Hmmm I thought. A mobility scooter for fat people.

I got on the intercom and announced "Alfred, please bring around the Fatmobile."

A years worth of jokes

Every week a guy I work with sends out jokes, here is a years worth.

Oldest to Newest

Q.)Why did the musician drop a bolder on the building where he was supposed to play?

A.)He wanted to rock the joint

Q.)Why didn't the rancher let the cowboy near his horse?

A.)Because the cowboy was a bronco buster

Q.)Why are mallards good at dodge ball?

A.)They can duck

Q.)Why are heavy set gentlemen so brave?

A.)Because they have a lot of guts

Q.)Why don't cars have a problem with motivation?

A.)Because they are driven

Holiday bonus

Q.)What is a Christmas gift's biggest fear?

A.)A tapeworm

Q.)Why is the inch high Private Eye angry all the time?

A.)Because he is short with everyone

Q.)How do you tell if a light bulb is dumb?

A.)If it isn't very bright

Holiday Bonus

Q.)What kind of weather should you expect at the North Pole during Christmas?

A.)Snow and Reindeer (rain deer)

Q.)What do you call it when you cover someone with cherries?

A.)Berried (buried)

Q.)Why do lions think highly of themselves?

A.)Because they have a pride (group of lions is a pride)

Christmas Eve Bonus

Q.)Where does Santa put his money?

A.)The snow bank

Q.)Why are Olympic track silver medal winners always late?

A.)Because they are running behind

Q.)What did the carpenter say when they ask him if he was going to keep using Elmer's Glue?

A.)I have to. I am stuck with it.

Q.)What did the critic say in his review of the play put on by onions?

A.)It brought him to tears

Q.)Why was the farmer angry?

A.)He had a cow

Q.)Why is your under arm so depressed?

A.)Because it is just the pits

Q.)How much is a male deer worth?

A.)A buck

Q.)Why were the subjects wary of the fat bossy king?

A.)He liked to throw his weight around

Q.)Why did the enthusiastic party goer strap himself to TNT?

A.)He wanted to have a blast

Q.)Why were the butcher's goods so cheap?

A.)Because they were at cut rate prices

Q.)Why did the baker go out to the garden?

A.)He needed some flower

Q.)Why did the balding man take off his pants after coming from the doctor's office?

A.)The doctor told him hair loss was in his jeans (genes)

Q.)What kind of questions do pyromaniacs ask?

A.)Burning questions

Q.)Why are authors who crochet so anxious?

A.)Because they are on pins and needles

Q.)What do well read fishermen use as bait?


Q.)Why is the Goodyear mascot always yawning?

A.)Because he's tired

Q.)Why did the security conscious individual put his valuables in his shoe?

A.)Because they said Foot Locker on them

Q.)Why did the artist use a blue pen to end all his sentences?

A.)Because he was in his blue period

Q.)What did a new IPod say to another one that was leaving?

A.)Stay in touch

Q.)What did the candidate suffer when all the ballets that elected his opponent fell on him?

A.)A crushing defeat

Q.)What kind of books does the Golden Gate Bridge read?

A.)Suspense novels

Q.)What kind of clothing do car engines wear?

A.)A hoodie

Current Events Bonus

Q.)Why don't some people like revolutions?

A.)Because they are revolting

Q.)Why are caves not satisfied with life?

A.)Because they are hollow inside

Q.)What do you call a shrub that someone threw a can of rat poison into?

A.)A brush with death

Q.)What do you call a door bell someone has shot?

A.)A dead ringer

Q.)Why did the farmer start feeding his cow money instead of hay?

A.)Because he wanted a cash cow

Q.)Why did the computer user install an air bag on his PC?

A.)In case it crashed

Q.)Why do conspiracy theorists camp around & watch the kitchen table?

A.)Because they often see saucers there

Q.)Why did the police officer make sure to take his hand cuffs when he jumped out of the plane without a parachute?

A.)Because he wanted to arrest the fall

Q.)Why did the psychiatrist search through the lost & found?

A.)His patients had lost their minds

Q.)Why did the fighter pilot paint his jet?

A.)He felt it was too plane (plain)

Q.)While the spy was being chased by the villain, why did he stop over a hole in the road?

A.)He was disguising himself as a manhole cover

Q.)Why did the candidate bring a large group of cattle with him to the debate?

A.)So he would be heard

Q.)Why did the insane asylum stop transporting patients to the facility in vehicles?

A.)People were being driven mad

Q.)Why did the police officer shoot the fleeing suspect in the ear?

A.) Because he was in ear shot

Q.)How did the ATF officer know the gun runner was nervous?

A.)He was sweating bullets

36 IS bonus

Q.)How do PPM analysts prefer to listen to music?

A.)In stereo

Q.)Why do women find small private planes offensive?

A.)Because of all the Leers (Leer Jets)

Q.)What do you call an octopus that is holding steak knife?

A.)Armed and dangerous

Nerd Bonus

A.)What kind of music does the sun listen to?

B.)Soul (the star we know as the sun is called Sol)

Q.)Why did the intoxicated gentleman continual try to pour the young lady into his glass?

A.)Because her name was brandy

Q.)What do you call a container that usually holds water or propane but instead is crammed full of Mensa candidates?

A.)A think tank

Q.)Where are most of surveys in the world taken?


Q.)Why are snowmen constantly in doctor's office?

A.)Because they always have head colds

Q.)Why don't car salesmen go driving?

A.)They would end up with the Benz (Mercedes-Benz)

Q.)What is the Color Guard's favorite month of the year?


Q.)Why don't ants make computers?

A.)Because there would be too many bugs in the systems

Q.)Why don't Red Cross reps go to rock quarries to get blood donations?

A.)Because they don't want to try to get blood from a stone

Q.)Why aren't lions, pumas, and tigers bothered when people go to the big cat reserve at the zoo?

A.)Because they're never spotted

Q.)Why don't nice guys mind playing Russian Roulette?

A.)Because nice guys finished last

Military Bonus

Q.)What is the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps favorite Flock of Seagulls song?

A.) I Ran (IRGC is a branch of the Iranian Military)

Q.)What kinds of sickness do shepherds suffer from?

A.)Staff infections

Q.)Why did the retired undertakers take up dealing colored cloth?

A.)He needs to be around things that were dyed

Q.)What do you call jokes told by a farmers?


Q.)What kind of sickness are cows always coming down with?

A.)Hay fever

Q.)What sores do Roman troops have in large numbers?

A.)Lesions (Legions)

Q.)What kind of sickness do people who wear business shirts get?

A.)Collaria (Cholera)

Military Bonus

Q.)What do analysts, who have been in a cold sweat, do at the end of a tasker?

A.)A hot wash

Q.)Why do hair dressers make good detectives?

A.)Because they know to comb through the evidence

Q.)Why are fat people elected as judges more often than skinny people?

A.)Because they want people to weigh in on the topics and decided the weightier matters

Nerd Bonus

Q.)What kind of pants does Mario prefer?

A.)Denim, denim, denim.....denim, denim, denim (say it quickly)

Q.)Why don't people with bananas go to food fights?

A.)Because they're yellow

Q.)What is a mathematician's favorite art form?

A.)Paint by numbers

Q.)Why don't Texas Instruments make their products out of metal?

A.)Because then they would be cold and calculating

Q.)Why was the alligator mad at his victim when he was still in disbelief after the alligator chomped off his lower torso?

A.)Because he was no longer pulling his leg

Q.)What would explorer Ponce de León have said if he had found the Fountain of Youth?

A.)I fount it

Q.)Why would Einstein never allow a clone to be made of him?

A.)Because then he would be 2 smart for his own good.

America Bonus

Q.) Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

A.) Because Freedom rings

Q.)Why shouldn't people be upset about water spots?

A.)Because it should just wash out

Q.) Where might officers prefer to work?

A.) In the office

Q.) What on what type of TV does the last state of matter like to watch programing?

A.) A plasma screen

Q.)What do farmers say when they want people to look at their geese?

A.)Take a gander

Q.)Why do pilots consider birds cowardly?

A.)Because they are always taking flight

Nerd joke

Q.) What kind of phone does Steven Hawking use?

A.) A smart phone

Q.)Why do passengers find aircraft that they are on to be boring?

A.)Because they are just plain (plane)

Q.)What do you call a magician that levitates silverware?

A.)A fork-lift

Q.)Why do construction crews eat ice cream with a fork?

A.)Because there are forks in their rocky-road

Q.) Why are cheerleaders on the bottom of the pyramid smarter than the ones at the top?

A.) Because they understand

Q.)What do you call world news that is transmitted electronically?

A.) Current events

Q.)Why do mathematicians prefer pencils over pens?

A.)They are all about graphite

Bonus joke

Q.) What do you call a dog that brings you the door from a Chemical R&D building?

A.) A Labradoor Retriever

Q.)Why do bananas get traffic tickets when they drive their vehicles?

A.)Because they like to peel out before they split

Q.)Why can't rulers send correspondence without visiting the beach?

A.)Because the letters need a seal

Q.) What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite game to play?

A.) Win, Lose, or Draw a conclusion

Q.)Why do chickens often suffer from cabin fever?

A.)Because they are always being cooped-up

Q.)What do you call an Olympian who starts chocking on his dinner during the 200 yard dash?

A.)A running gag

Bonus joke

Q.) Why do parties end and individuals become depressed when people name Al leave?

A.) Because there is no morale (no more al)

Q.)Why aren't taxidermists allowed to take part in political debates?

A.)Because they are always beating a dead horse

Q.)Why do banks around volcanoes that have exploded have no money?

A.)Because they gone through bankruptcy

Bonus joke

Q.)Why was the patient sore at the dentist?

A.)Because he struck a nerve

Q.)Why don't salary employees like to work while sitting on hour-glasses?

A.)Because that's overtime

Q.)After the boy scouts got setup to spend the night in the woods, why did Billy set the tents on fire?

A.)He wanted a camp fire

Military Bonus

Q.)What is a CDE analyst's favorite dance?

A.) The CHA CHA (Collateral Hazard Area)

Q.)Why don't the other geometric shapes hang out with cubes?

A.)Because they are really square

Q.)Why aren't mustangs taken seriously?

A.)Because they're always horsing around

Q.)Why don't paranoid math students want to do geometry problems on graph paper?

A.)Because then they would be on the grid

Q.)Why did the shark get friendly with the bait?

A.)Because he wanted to be chums

Q.)Why don't tailors get along?

A.)Because they are always sizing each other up

Q.)Why did they not want to have battles during the day in medieval times?

A.)Because then you couldn't have any knights

Q.)Why are knights often picked for tasks involving combat?

A.)Because they are well suited (suite of armor)

Q.)Why are bus drivers always in favor of a revolution?

A.)Because they are always asking for exact change

Current Events Bonus

Q.)Why was the CDC employee quarantined after playing a game of electronic bowling?

A.)Because Ebola is deadly

Q.)Why do they throw rainbows out of comedy clubs?

A.)Because they tell colored jokes

Q.)Why do people get depressed after they eat peaches?

A.)Because then it's the pits

Q.)What is the preferred method of communication for MMA fighters?

A.)They like to TAPOUT messages in Morse Code

Q.)Why do jockeys like to drive cars?

A.)Because of all that horse power

Q.)Why do stallions dread public speaking?

A.)Because they are always horse

Holiday Bonus

Q.)Why aren't turkeys hungry on Thanksgiving?

A.)Because they are usually stuffed

Q.)What did the 911 operator do when do when she heard that the caller was dangling from a high height?

A.)She told him to please hold

Q.)Why do other circus acts dislike the high-wire performers?

A.)Because they think they're uppity

Q.)Why did the entrepreneur move his merchandise outside?

A.)Because he wanted to outsell the competition

Q.)What did the tourists say about the world's largest glass house after it was broken?

A.)It's not all it's cracked up to be

Q.)What do you get for the person who has everything?


Q.)What was Strategic Air Command's favorite part of Christmas?

A.) Mistletoe (Missile toe)

Homeless man... LONG

I live in Osaka, Japan and often use the subway to go to work in the morning. One day, when I was waiting for the train, I noticed a homeless man standing in a corner of the subway station, muttering to himself as people passed by. He was holding out a cup and seemed to be begging for spare change.
A fat woman passed by the homeless man and I distinctly heard him say, “Pig.” 
Wow, I thought to myself. This homeless man is insulting people and he still expects them to give him money? Then a tall businessman went by and the homeless guy muttered, “Human.” Human? I can’t argue with that. Obviously, he was human. The next day, I arrived early at the subway station and had some time to kill, so I decided to stand close to the homeless man and listen to his strange mutterings. A thin, haggard-looking man passed in front of him and I heard the homeless guy mutter, “Cow.” Cow? I thought. The man was much too skinny to be a cow. He looked more like a turkey or a chicken to me. A minute or so later, a fat man went by and the homeless man said, “Potato.” Potato? I was under the impression that he called all fat people “Pig”. That day, at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man and his puzzling behavior. I kept trying to find some logic or pattern in what he was muttering. Perhaps he has some kind of psychic ability, I thought. Maybe he knows what these people were in a previous life. In Japan, many people believe in reincarnation. I observed the homeless man many times and began to think my theory was right. I often heard him calling people things like “Rabbit” or “Onion” or “Sheep” or “Tomato”. One day, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him what was going on. As I walked up to him, he looked at me and said “Bread.” I tossed some money into his cup and asked him if he had some kind of psychic ability. The homeless man smiled and said, “Yes, indeed. I do have a psychic ability. It is an ability I obtained years ago. But it is not what you might expect. I can’t tell the future or read minds or anything like that.” “Then what is your ability,” I asked eagerly. “The ability is merely to know the last thing somebody ate,” he said. I laughed because I realized he was right. He said “Bread.” The last thing I had eaten for breakfast that day was toast. I walked away shaking my head. Of all the psychic abilities someone could have, that one must be the most useless... Moral of the story is you are what you eat.

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