Hipster Jokes

Contents

Funniest Hipster Jokes

Funny Hipster Jokes

Why did the hipster fall into the lake? He went ice skating before it was cool.

Why did the hipster drown? He went ice Skating before it was cool

Why did the hipster drown? Because he went ice-skating before it was cool ‎( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

How did the hipster drown? He went ice skating before it was cool.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth while drinking coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool

How did the Hawaiian hipster die? He walked on lava before it was cool.

I saw a hipster walking outside in the cold. He didn't have a jacket on, so I asked him why.

He said he was outside before it was cool.

How did the hipster burn his fingertips? He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool.


[rimshot]

Why did the hipster drown, when he was iceskating? He was skating before it was cool

How do you get a hipster to take a shower? Give them a leaky showerhead.


You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

Where did the hipster drown? In the mainstream

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners? I liked them so much better when they were underground.

Why did the hipster get burned when he drank his coffee? The barista make a joke about sleeping with his mother.

What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man? An Instagram account.

Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery? The anesthesia wasn't local.

If a hipster falls on the forest, does it make a sound? Yes...but you've probably never heard it before.

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack? The lumberjack has a job.

Why did the hipster burn his lip when sipping coffee? He drank it before it was cool.

Why did the creepy hipster get arrested? because he was following people before instagram

How do you kill a hipster? Drown him in the main stream.

A hipster actually told me this one.

How did the hipster burn his lips? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

The Most Hipster Job Of All Time Is... Being a Mortician. Morticians are so hipster that their work doesn't get more popular; instead it just goes further underground.

If a hipster falls in the middle of the woods and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yeah, but you've probably never heard it before.

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool

Did you hear about the hipster that drowned? He went ice skating before it was cool.

I shot a hipster in his leg now he's a hopster.

What do hipster jokes and hipsters have in common? None of them are original.

Why did the hipster die in Pripyat? He went into reactor 4 before it was cool

The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz. You probably never heard of it.

My friend told me he thought I was a hipster. I told him I thought I was a hipster way before he did.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate pizza before it was cool

Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer? He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

Why didn't the hipster want to see the Saint John River and the Penobscot River? They're two Maine streams.

How much does a hipster weigh? an instagram

How much does a Hipster weight ? 2 Instagram

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He was drinking coffee before it was cool.

How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.

Why does the hipster make crappy coffee? The beans are always under-ground.

I got punched in the face by a hipster today... I yelled "Bro, that's not cool!"

He replied, "not yet".

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New Hipster Jokes

How did a hipster burn his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool.

A Cleric and a Hipster Druid were hanging out by a river bank discussing their beliefs. The Druid says, "Yeah I worship river tributaries. That way I get my powers before they become mainstream."

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate his breakfast before it was cool.

What did the Hipster say to the Cancer Patient.. You're future is gonna be sick..

Why did the hipster burn his throat while drinking coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool.

Why did the hipster drown? He went skating before it was cool.

Why did the hipster burn his throat? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

Have you heard the new hipster joke? Of course you haven't.

Iron Man and Dora the Explorer settles their tab at the hipster bar. Tips FeDora.

What did the hipster say after having a drink of water? "I had ice before it was cool"

Why did the hipster burn himself with his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool.

What do you call a hipster that does gymnastics? A Tumblr

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he ate the food before it was cool.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he was drinking his coffee before it was cool.

The hipster burnt her tongue she sipped her coffee before it was cool

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*By: my lovely sister :D*

Why did the hipster drink warm beer? He liked it before it was cool.

What's the difference between a hipster and a muslim woman? Muslim woman can get stoned twice after smoking one bud.

How did the hipster burn himself? Drinking coffee before it was cool.

How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate dinner before it was cool.

Everything that went extinct before the ice age was a hipster They were dying before it was cool.

Hipster bakers... It's a rising trend.

Did you hear about the hipster that burnt their tongue? They ate pizza before it was cool.

How do you make a hipster run? Roll an old record down a hill.

Why did the hipster drown? He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank kombucha before it was cool

Why did the hipster empty water from an ice cube tray into his drink? He liked ice before it was cool

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool

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\[Courtesy of my sister\]

My hipster friend drowned... He tried to walk across the ice before it was cool.

I was talking to a hipster when he asked me my favorite underground artist. I replied Whitney Houston

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he ate his food *before it was cool*.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate potatos before they were cool

Why was he eating potato's?

Because they were underground

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool

What do you call a hipster named Amos who loves to smoke weed? Hip-o-pot-Amos

My hipster girlfriend keeps trying to convince me she isn’t a hipster I think she’s just indie nial

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the hot pocket before it was cool

How did the hipster burn his mouth from hot chocolate? He drank it before it was cool.

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs? He's a Pabstist.

How do you know if someone is a vegan hipster with an iphone that vapes? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Why did the hipster burn his lip on his coffee? He drank it before it was cool.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drunk his coffee before it was cool.

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Long Hipster Jokes

A girl brings her new fiance home to meet her parents for the very first time.

So a girl brings her new fiancee home to meet her parents. Boy looks like a hipster (scarf, big bushy beard, etc.) Understandably, her father would like to know the boy better and so he takes him to his study for a private conversation.

Dad: "So, John. What do you do for a living?"

Fiancee: "Well, I'm an artist."

D: "So you're doing well?"

F: "I paint, and god provides me with all I need to live."

So the dad is a bit confused.

D: "And what will you do when you marry my daughter? Will your art provide for the two of you?"

F: "I will paint, and god will provide for us."

D: "And when you have kids?"

F: "I will paint, and god will provide for my family."

The dad nods and walks out of the study. Outside, his daughter is anxiously waiting for him.

Daughter: "So, daddy? What'd you think of him? He's great, isn't he?"

"Well, sweetie," says the father, "I don't like his job choice. But, on the other hand, I LOVE what he calls me!"

The genie of the lamp

A hipster goes to an antique market where he spots a cool looking brass lamp. It's only $20, so he buys and takes it home.
He spots a black mark on the side so he gets out the brass polish and rubs it to remove the mark. There's a flash and this giant Middle Eastern dude appeares in his lounge. "I am the genie of the lamp, I shall grant you 3 wishes." The hero of our story is quite surprised and can't think of a good wish on the spot. Then suddenly he has it. "I hate flying and planes are destroying the environment, but my grandma lives in London. I wish for you to build me a road across the Atlantic, so I can drive my electric car, and visit her whenever I like." The genie is visibly not happy "Have you any idea of the size of undertaking you are asking for? I'll have to lay concrete piles and massive columns all along the route it will have to be taller than the largest wave. The materials, planning, shipping disruption and cost would run in to billions of dollars and take about 10 million man-hours. The magical expenditure could possibly kill me!" The hipster is sympathetic. "So I should pick some other wish. Okay, instead I want to truly understand woman, all their different moods, impulses and their own brand of female logic." The genie says "So on this road, will four lanes be enough and a charging station every 20 miles?"

A priest, a rabbi, and a hipster walk into a bar...

The hipster says "man, this set-up is soooo played-out. I'm not gonna ruin my cred if I stay, so I'm outie 5000." He then gets on his fixed-gear bicycle and rides it home to his loft that he pays for with money from his trust fund. He reads Bukowski by tap light in his futon until he falls asleep. And he lived ironically every after.

A hipster goes to the doctor...

A hipster goes to the doctor and says, "I don't feel like myself lately. I feel tired all the time and I don't take the same pleasure from the things I used to". The doctor says he will draw blood and conduct some tests. A few days later, the doctor calls the hipster and says, "I've found the cause of your problem. You are low on irony."

In March 2005, a hipster, rabbi and a priest were walking alongside a river.

"I get 1000 people for every congregation I do" said the Rabbi trying to put forth his importance.

"Well, that's nothing. I get 5000 people for mass every sunday" said the priest, looking extremely smug.

They both looked at the hipster, who didn't seem to give a f*ck about these achievements. They started taunting and mocking her.

The hipster, without any expression took out her smartphone and showed them her fb account with 100 thousand likes. These two were flabbergasted.

With a completely stoic expression, she showed them the middle finger.

The priest couldn't take it, and pushed the hipster in the river. The moment he did that, her FB account lost most of the likes. Why?

Cos she was in mainstream now.

This guy was sitting at a bar....

getting sloshed when in comes a fedora wearing hipster.

As luck would have it the hipster sits next to the drunk. The drunk looks at him and says:

"Sit somewhere else, ya douche-bag!"

The bartender slapped the bar in front of the drunk and said:

"That's not tolerated here! Apologize right now or get out!

The drunk thinks about this and says:

"You're right, I shouldn't be that way, please forgive me."

The hipster tells the drunk that it is okay and he forgives him. The drunk then offers to buy the hipster a drink.

The hipster accepts and the bartender asks him what he wants.

The hipster then says:

"I'll have a vinegar and water".

I saw a man get on a train today.

He was obviously quite hipster with his haircut and fancy backpack. He came in and stood near the door, listening to his music.

At the next stop, a man came in with a wheelchair, and parked next to the hipster.

Slowly, the hipster observed the wheelchair bound man. He was an amputee, well dressed with a shirt and jacket, except for the pants that obviously ended abruptly below the knee.

Upon realizing he was an amputee, the hipster started to seem more uneasy with each passing moment.

As I sat and looked on, he took his earphones out, kept them and started looking very disturbed, shifting his stance ever so often. And finally with a grunt, he took 3 steps away and stood, visibly more relaxed, in the middle of the cabin, away from the poor wheelchair bound man.
This was very apparent to everyone in the cabin, and soon there were judgemental stares, pointed fingers and hushed tones. And finally, when the gentlemen had enough, he cleared his throat and asked the hipster loudly.

"What’s your problem mate? Did I bother you?"

To which he replied in a nonchalant way,

"Oh, my dear sir, it wasn’t anything you did. I'm just lactose intolerant."

Why did the ice skating hipster drown?

He did it before it was cool.



If you feel like you have already read this joke today, it's because I posted it earlier with a slightly different phrasing. I was going to edit it and accidently removed the post instead, so here it is again with better phrasing.

Hipster filmographer

A wealthy businessman had found himself to be the subject of a documentary. For the first day of filming he was to meet the camera man at the airport where he would be departing for a lengthy business trip. When the camera man arrived, the businessman was taken aback to see a full blown hipster. Dressed like a 1950's newsboy, tall socks, suspenders, cap and all, he lugged with him a vintage suitcase and filming equipment. So deep was the man's devotion to his vintage aesthetic, he was determined to use a vintage camera, original wooden tripod, and period accurate film. The came at a cost not only in quality, but added a considerable heft to the load. Upon arriving at the gate, the hipster set his luggage with the businessman's and placed his film equipment on top. They spent some time with introductions and planning the filming style for the trip, and agreed that as this would mostly be b-roll for later narration, they would aim for a candid approach. When they were called to board, the ticket agent took their luggage for a final check before letting them on the plane. He sternly informed the hipster filmographer that his luggage exceeded the weight limit. Hefting his film equipment from the scale he replied. "Oh, it's OK, the camera adds 10lbs."

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