My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!" I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember... that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day. So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.
It's still Valentines day for another hour..
Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day. She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"
(My only Valentines day related joke) If the Swan symbolizes happiness, what bird symbolizes true love? The Swallow.
How do you kiss a girl on valentines day? You use tulips.
Me and girlfriend don't usually do anything for valentines day, thought I'd surprise her so I booked a table for us, she was so excited when I told her Never realised she liked snooker so much.
I received a bunch of flowers for valentines day, with the heads cut off I think I was being stalked
Ill be spending this Valentines day like Han. Solo.
My girlfriend told me that on valentines day she wants to get treated like a princess So I got her assassinated in a French underpass.
This Valentines Day, I want to really surprise my wife. So I'm gonna introduce her to my girlfriend.
I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day... She's lactose intolerant.
I had a threesome planned for Valentines Day... There were a couple of no-shows, but I had a good time anyway.
I want to create a VR girl/boyfriend simulator for those alone on Valentines Day... I shall call it, E-Bae
what's the worst thing you could get your special someone on valentines day? a divorce
Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day? To the Moooovies
I'm going to spend Valentines day with my ex Box one 😭
This valentines day be sure not to buy flowers from any Monks. Because only you can prevent florist friars!
How did communists celebrate Valentines Day? By seizing the means of reproduction.
Someone with a girl friend should write this in their Valentines Day card I was going to buy you a car, but I knew you'd be disappointed if I didn't give you the D.
Funny Valentines Day Card
What did one tower say to the other on 9/11?
I'm falling for you..
Happy valentines day
Rick Ross on Valentines Day "Shout out to all the pairs"
Nothing is too good for my girlfriend on Valentines day... I tried to get her nothing, but she was too good for that.
Why do skunks celebrate valentines day? Because they are very scentimental.
Valentines Day Flowers
Blonde #1: Oh how I hate when he brings me flowers. All night I'll be on my back with my legs in the air.
Blonde #2: Don't you own a vase?
Tonight on Valentines Day, I'll be spending the night with my ex ..Box360.
Told my wife that I am taking her to "The Amazing Escape Room" for Valentines day.... ...I hope she likes The Best Western!
Are you upset about being alone on valentines day? just keep it mind..... Nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
Made a lot of friends on Valentines Day!
All of them girls! Strangely the phone numbers don't exist or connect to comcast.
New friends are fun!
For Valentines Day my friend got a set of bracelets, a chauffeured ride around town, free meal and place to spend the night and still complained. probably because he was arrested.
I saved a lot of money on Valentines Day I saved a lot of money on Valentines Day by switching to single.
I got a date this Valentines Day That's the joke