Trump Jokes


Funniest Trump Jokes

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."

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Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.

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Why will the congress never impeach Trump? Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

Score: 24708

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

EDIT: epic

Score: 24109

Why will congress never impeach Trump? Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

Score: 23865

Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for He said 'Genius'

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Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

Score: 20797

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But its a silly comparison really, its like comparing apples to oranges.

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When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

Edit: *Alleged* contribution of $1 million. Also, thank you kind gilder

Score: 17577

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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Funny Trump Jokes
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The problem with Trump jokes: Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

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The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters So Trump can't tweet it

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Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!" "Impeach."

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Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

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What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

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How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence.

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If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico. Not by choice though.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J stood for in Donald J Trump He said "Genius"

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If Trump played DnD, what weapon would he use? Fire staff

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If I were American, I'd vote Bernie... But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump

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Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion Probably because Mexico has more aliens

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After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child. Though to be fair, Trump probably had it coming.

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There's a term for Presidents like Trump. Probably not two terms, though...

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In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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Why does Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks

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Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946... Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

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Donald Trump just turned 73 which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

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What is the difference between Russia and reality? Trump had connections with Russia.

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Donald Trump is going to be president in 4 days. That..that's it...

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My husband and I like to role play in bed... He's Donald Trump and I am an American with a pre-existing condition.

Score: 156

If Donald Trump wins I'm going back to Africa For some political stability..

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How do I know that Trump will be our next president? Because Orange is the new Black.

Score: 125

People should not move to Canada because of Trump They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.

Score: 113

If Donald Trump wants Bernie Sanders supporters to stop crashing his rallies, he should just call them "job fairs."

Score: 104

The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile. Trump made a time of 11:56

Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31

Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03

But Bush did 9:11

Score: 89

If Donald Trump replaces Barack Obama in the White House Does that mean that orange is the new black?

Score: 70

Monica Lewinsky will be voting for Trump As the last Clinton in office left a bad taste in her mouth...

Score: 62

Why did an immigrant marry trump ? Because immigrants do the jobs that no American wants to do

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New Trump Jokes

Trump and I take Xanax for different reasons. I take them for *my* panic attacks; he takes them for hispanic attacks.

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Barron Trump: "Dad, can you help me with my economics homework?" Donald: "no, son. It wouldn't be right."

Barron: "I know, but will you try it anyway?"

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Why is Donald Trump always in the comments? Because the real joke is always in the comments.

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Trump can now claim he’s a Vietnam vet ...since he was shot down by North Korea in Hanoi

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An attendant to President Trump comes in and tells him "Sir, your commission has reported that three Brazilian illegals voted for Hillary." And so he yells "I knew it! Now how many is a 'brazilian'?"

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What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream? Peach Mint.

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Neither President Obama nor President Trump has done anything for the people of Mississippi. For example, they still live there.

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I really hope this country doesn't slip into depression... Because if it does Trump will make sure it is the *Greatest* depression it has ever seen.

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Whatever else he's done, Trump is serious about creating jobs. The White House is always hiring.

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Why does the Mexican Air Force stress out Donald Trump? Bc he can’t stand the sound of twenty Juan pilots.

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It's official Trump's inauguration date is now a National Holiday. YAY! At least I assume so because the government shutdown for it.

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If I had a dollar for every Trump joke I made... I would have a small loan of a million dollars.

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Before the election, I told myself that I would leave the country if Trump got elected. Well, I did it, and it only took 11 months for the immigration officials to find me.

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Trump may have dodged the draft but he was still given honorary military ranks. Private Tax Return,
Major Embarrassment,
Chief Petty Officer,
General Incompetence.

Score: 10

Well... there goes Ted's reputation Trump: No one embarrasses themselves on Twitter like I do

Ted Cruz: Hold my milk

Trump: Wait, this isn't milk...

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A group of fish is a school. A group of birds is a flock. A group of wolves is a pack. What do you call a group of Trump supporters? A klan

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Trump is trying to solve global warming That's why he's trying to create a nuclear winter

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Why did Donald Trump decide not to build The Wall and just take a Xanax instead? Because it's a cheaper and faster cure for hispanic attacks.

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What's the least favourite vegetable of the Trump administration? Leeks.

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Everyone is concerned about Trump's health after he posted an incomprehensible tweet about his covfefe But don't worry. Dr. Hufghfufu just assured the media that he's agvofofi.

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So apparently Trump's policy on birth control is the same as his policy on climate change. pull out.

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I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high. It is only 1 Pence.

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Trump should build a wall with Hillary Clinton's emails. Seems like the only thing people can't get over.

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Come on, Trump has no ties in Russia. His ties are made in China. His business loans are in Russia.

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My uncle in Mexico is pretty upset about Trump's border wall... But he'll get over it.

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What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine? They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.

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Trump proposed new regulations for the airline industry... Because even Hitler didn't remove passengers with reserved seats.

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News Alert: Trump spending weekend working at the White House. April Fools

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What's Donald Trump's favourite day of the year? 1st April - everything's fake news.

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Man, Saturday Night Live has really been going after Donald Trump lately I guess it makes sense though, since Donald is such a sketchy guy

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Putin, Obama and Trump walk into a bar... ... the bartender looks up and says: "This isn't funny anymore!"

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Why did the Super Bowl Champions refuse to meet Trump at the White House? Because they were Patriots.

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I, for one, am proud of Donald Trump for paying those hookers to pee on each other. He finally paid a contractor

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It makes sense that Trump is into golden showers Republicans love trickle down economics

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Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"

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Obama used the race card. Hillary used the woman card. America used the Trump card.

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Did you hear about Trump's tax plan? Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!

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How will Donald Trump create 25 millions jobs? By having 25 million people move to Canada.

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Trump and Hillary are in a plane crash. Who survives? America

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Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump get into a car accident. Who survives? America

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Clinton still leads Trump by 2! FBI Investigations.

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Trump and Hillary fall into an ocean. Who will be saved? America.

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If blacks have the race card, women have the gender card, what do rednecks have? The Trump card.

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Why is Monica Lewinsky voting Trump? The Clinton's leave a bad taste in her mouth

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What's the difference between Trump and a Halloween pumpkin? The pumpkin is bright.

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a car. The car crashes. Who survived? *America.*

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Clinton to Trump: Release your tax returns! I have never seen them. Trump: …but I emailed them to you. Of course you've never seen them.

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Breaking - Trump emailed Hillary Clinton his tax returns She just accidentally deleted them.

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What do Trump and lip stick have in common? Both make Hillary Clinton more attractive.

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Hillary demands that Trump release his tax returns Trump says - I'll email them to you.

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You all need to stop worrying about Trump becoming the next president... There's no way he's moving into a smaller house in a black neighborhood!

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How will Donald Trump deport 12 million illegal immigrants? Juan by juan.

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You're in the middle of the ocean and you see Trump and Hillary drowning but you only have room in your boat to save one. Who do you save? America. Keep right on going and don't stop.

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Monica Lewinski released a statement that said she would be voting for Donald Trump the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton get in a car wreck, who survives? America.

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Donald trump wants to run for president, Why not? Wouldn't be the first time he's pushed a black family out of their home.

(Snoop Dogg - /u/Here_Comes_The_King )

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting all the illegal immigrants? Juan by Juan.

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What do you call Trump and Hillary buried up to their necks in sand? Progress

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Just had a trick or treater tell me "Vote for Trump" Might be the scariest thing I've heard all night

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What's the difference between a Donald Trump and Ellen Pao? Edit: Trump can ruin a business right.

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