Trump Jokes


Funniest Trump Jokes

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."

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Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.

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Why will the congress never impeach Trump? Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

Score: 24708

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

EDIT: epic

Score: 24109

Why will congress never impeach Trump? Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for He said 'Genius'

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Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

Score: 20797

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But its a silly comparison really, its like comparing apples to oranges.

Score: 20194

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

Edit: *Alleged* contribution of $1 million. Also, thank you kind gilder

Score: 17577

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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Funny Trump Jokes
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The problem with Trump jokes: Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

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The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters So Trump can't tweet it

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Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!" "Impeach."

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Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

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What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

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How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence.

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If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico. Not by choice though.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J stood for in Donald J Trump He said "Genius"

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If Trump played DnD, what weapon would he use? Fire staff

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If I were American, I'd vote Bernie... But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump

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Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion Probably because Mexico has more aliens

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After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child. Though to be fair, Trump probably had it coming.

Score: 11215

There's a term for Presidents like Trump. Probably not two terms, though...

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In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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Why does Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks

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Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946... Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

Score: 9808

Donald Trump just turned 73 which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

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What is the difference between Russia and reality? Trump had connections with Russia.

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Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down? Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.

Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

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Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason? Fake Noose

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Why did Donald Trump marry an immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American want to do.

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Donald Trump is not a rapist. He's an "alternative romantic."

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Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.

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If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive? The United States of America

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If I had a penny for every Trump joke being made right now I would have a small loan of a million dollars

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Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better Pence: The fewer

Trump: I told you not to call me that yet

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Comey: He's guilty Democrats: He's guilty

Trump: I'm guilty

Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this

Score: 2292

What's the difference between Trump becoming president and a soldier dying in combat? The soldier knew what he signed up for.

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New Trump Jokes

Trump is reportedly upset that the Ukraine just elected a comedian as president. Oh, Crimea river!

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Why is it impossible for Trump to hang himself? Fake noose

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Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister? After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump

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Trump has two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.

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Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease. Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

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Massive trump rally scheduled for tomorrow Miami Beach @ 10:00, come show your support!

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Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

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Making jokes about Trump taking us to war is all fun and games until You realize you're a healthy young man

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Apparently Trump's family tree looks like a cactus Everybody on it is a prick

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Why did Donald Trump rush to Macy's? He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

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When Trump announced job creations... I didn't think it was for the same position over and over again.

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I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

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What do me and Donald Trump have in common? We'd both date his daughter if she wasn't his daughter.

Edit: Okay, this made it to the front page of the sub. I didn't expect this to be my top post of all time, thanks a lot /r/jokes

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What did Donald Trump say after his attempt to hang himself failed? "Fake Noose!"

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Trump always wanted to be screwed by one of his kids He just didn't expect it to be this one

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Where does Donald Trump Jr. buy his groceries? Traitor Joe's

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President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....." ".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"

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I clicked on a link for a naked Trump leak. Turned out it was just fake nudes.

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What can Donald Trump and I both agree on? That if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I would date her.

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Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition that he gets to install windows.

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What's the difference between Twitter and Vietnam? Trump would never dodge a Twitter war.

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If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord... His name would be Taxi Vader

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Steve Jobs would have been a much better president than Donald Trump But its a silly comparison really, like comparing apples to oranges.

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The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate. Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

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Trump's Presidency is like climate change Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

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Why does Donald trump use twitter instead of Facebook? Because he has followers, not friends.

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Why don't you want to play Uno with Donald Trump? He takes away all the green cards.

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What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.

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How is Donald Trump like a pumpkin? He is orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should have been thrown out in early November.

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Why did Donald Trump drain the swamp? So he could hire what was on the bottom.

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Donald Trump's Thesaurus is so bad... it's also bad.

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In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth... and Trump can not tell the difference

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President Trump attempts suicide, fails because of broken rope. Fake noose.

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Why did Donald Trump marry an Immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American wants to do

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Trump should build that wall out of Hillary's emails since it seems no one can get over them.

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i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke Overheard at the White House:

Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."

Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."

Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".

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Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? Hispanic attacks.

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Trump walks into a bar and lowers it.

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I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny. It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

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My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

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What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.

Edit: This is not a political statement. I do not have an agenda. This is a bad pun for you guys to enjoy. Wake up sheeple!

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What do Donald Trump and the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there’s no more Jobs.

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I just read Trump's book "The Art of the Deal" It had four Chapter 11's.

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I asked my Mexican friend if he was upset about Trump's wall... He said, "Eh, I'll get over it."

Score: 480

[Politics] Trump: 'The less immigrants we bring in the better' Pence: 'The fewer'

Trump: 'I told you not to call me that yet'

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Do you know what Mexicans think about Trump's wall? Who cares, they'll get over it..

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Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety pills? To prevent Hispanic attacks

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Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed I'm sure they'll soon get over it

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Trump hates saying "yes" to Mexicans so much We may as well call him the "Not Si" President

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I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far. He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

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Who would survive if Trump and Clinton both were stranded on a island? America

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What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated? Secret Service would shout "Donald, Duck!"

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Donald Trump is going to be president in 4 days. That..that's it...

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What do Trump and his supporters NOT have in common? His supporters have a blind trust.

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If someone tries to assassinate Trump what will the secret service shout? "Donald, duck"

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Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy. Alcohol sales have never been higher.

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Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. Trump will make America grate again.

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So the American people's choices for President of the United States will most likely be Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton. That's it. That's the joke. There is no punchline.

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If Donald trump takes over the presidency after Obama I guess you could say orange really is the new black

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A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

Score: 2020

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