Sheep Jokes

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Funniest Sheep Jokes

“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled... “You herd me.”

Funny Sheep Jokes

How did the farmer find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying.

Sheep At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

A small joke I remembered Boss: if I find you sleeping on the job one more time, you're fired!

Employee: sorry boss

Boss: ok, now go and do the sheep inventory

Employee: oh no

How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Irresistible.

Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear zippers.

Where do sheep get their haircut? At the Bah-Bah-Shop

A Farmer asked me to round up his 68 sheep I said 'Sure, seventy'.

What do you call 4 sheep tied to a fence in Wales? A Brothel :D

What's the most frustrating part about being a sheep farmer? Every time you try to take inventory, you fall asleep.

A sheepdog .... gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer:

*"All 40 accounted for"*

*"But I only have 36 sheep"* says the confused farmer

*"Yeah I know"* says the sheepdog. *"I rounded them up".*

How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying

I was in a field and this farmer came up to me and said " I got 68 sheep can you round them up for me ?"... I said "Sure 70" ...

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Why do Scots wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

I can control sheep by just listening to them It's true, I heard them with my own ears

A Welshman died at the weekend... Friends say he died the way he would have wanted; comfortably in his sheep

After a talking sheepdog returns all the sheep to the pen he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 sheep accounted for.”

“But I only have 36 sheep.” says the farmer.

“I know,” says the sheepdog. “I rounded them up.”

I just saw a farmer shave a sheep in 1 second. It was shear brilliance!

Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers.

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

There are 3 things that I love... Shagging sheep and not using commas.

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers a mile off.

What happens when you cross a sheep with consequence? Ramifications

Just saw a sheep fight a cow Looks like they were in a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad mooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass? Rather enjoyable

[Little bit racist] why do New Zealanders... Have insomnia? Because every time they start counting sheep they get too horny to sleep.

How did the Scotsman find the sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

What do you get when yo cross sheep DNA with human DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.

How did the redneck find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers.

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine? An animal that knits its own sweaters.

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying.

Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!

Short joke I thought of. What's the difference between sheep and women?

The Welsh don't know yet either.

Where does wire wool come from? Sheep metal (my apologies)

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New Sheep Jokes

Dog and sheep Shepherd: did you count all the sheep.
Dog: yes there are 40 sheep.
Shepherd: 40? I thought we had 38 sheep.
Dog: yes I rounded them up.

Why does the Scotsman wear a kilt? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry. I call it

*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding Dong*

What do you call a sheep who is in a fraternity? Brahhhhhhhh

Why did the farmer never know how many sheep he had? Because every time he tried to count them all he fell asleep.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts The sheep can hear zippers miles away

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?... Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”

What do you call a flock of sheep tumbling down a hill? A lambslide

Why do Welsh wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

The interesting thing about sheep puns Is the SHEAR volume of them.

A joke my 4 year old told me. What sound does a robot sheep make? Be-e-ep, be-e-ep.

A girl caught me pissing on a sheep this morning. “Ewe!”

Same thing.

Where are all these sheep getting their haircuts? At the baa-baa shop

"Meeehhhhhh" Thats what sheep said

How to get a relationship 1)Buy a sheep
2)Name it relation
3)Now you have a relationsheep

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What does a sheep need to do to become a lawyer? Pass the baa-aa-aah!

Do you know why they wear pants in England but kilts in Scotland? It's because a sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.... But goats don't hear so good.

What has 4 legs and goes "Aaaaah" Sheep with no lips

Did you know all sheep have similar music tastes? They all like music types such as Rock and Dubstep. So basically anything that has a lot of baaaaaaass.

What has 4 legs and goes "Aaaah" A sheep with no lips.

So there's this sheep farmer who had money troubles because he wasn't selling a lot of wool. He decided to sell the meat instead... ...needless to say, things went from baa to wurst.

How do sheep keep secrets? They use bahhh-codes.

A sheep dog says "That's all 40 sheep." A shepherd says "What we only have 37??" The sheep dog says "I know, i rounded them up"

Why could the flock of female sheep never remember anything? Not enough Ram.

The police were recently investigating a recent sheep theft.. No onces been charged yet, but police hope to have the criminals behind bahhs soon

What did the sheep say to the abusive shepard? Stop herding me!

Border Collie # At the end of the day, a Border Collie reported back to the rancher, "All 50 sheep accounted for, boss!"

# "Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

# "I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

A sheperd and his flock of sheep wondered onto his grumpy old neighbors property and got stuck in a fenced area... ...his neighbor told him to hurry and get the flock out.

If I told you that I had carved a female sheep from a tree stump... Wood Ewe believe it?

Why do Welsh farmers prefer 501 jeans? So the sheep wont hear the zipper

My friend invented a machine that turns sheep shearings into cherries. If you put in black wool, you get black cherries. If you put in white wool, you get maraschino cherries. Red wool gives you bings.

How do Scots find sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

Why do Scottish madlads wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

What is the favorite instrument when two sheep get together? ....a tu-baaaaaaaaaaaa

What do you call lots of sheep rolling down a hill? A lambslide

Where do shepherds go for a drink? Bar Bar Black Sheep

What did the sheep sing to the sheepdog? Do you really want to herd me?

how many sheep are stuck in traffic none because sheep cant drive!! hahahaha

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Because a sheep can hear the sound of a zipper from fifty feet away.

-Iain MacKintosh, Glasgow folksinger

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Long Sheep Jokes

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"

The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree. The redhead looks over the flock and says, "361." The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite. The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.

"Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?"

My sister was not amused.

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with my wife!"

The doctor remains calm: "The answer lies in the genetics. Some genetics have recessive traits, which are not apparent to the parents but may be passed on to the child. For example, last week one of your sheep gave birth to a black sheep."

The chieftain pauses for a thinking, then replies: "I tell you what. You say no word about black sheep and I say no word about white child."

A farmer has 895 sheep.

Realising that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he'll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.


So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants any help.

"Why yes," says the farmer. I need a team of sheepdogs to help round up my flock. I have a rather large number of sheep, you see, and I don't think any of these young pups would be up to the task of rounding up so many."

The shopkeeper says, "I've got just the thing for you." and leads the farmer into a small back room, where a single sheepdog sits waiting.

"Are you sure?" asks the farmer, "I have very many sheep and I don't think one dog will be able to round all of them up.".

"I'm sure." says the shopkeeper, "This is a very intelligent dog. He's been well-trained for many jobs and has skills beyond any other dog I've ever seen."

"Yes," says the dog, "I know six languages, eight martial arts and I have a degree in engineering."
The farmer, clearly very impressed by this dog- who wouldn't be impressed by that?- decides to take him home.



That afternoon, the farmer and the dog walk together up hill, and from the top they can see the entire flock covering the fields.
"Well," says the farmer, "I'd like you to round up all of these sheep.".



"Okay." replies the dog, "You have nine hundred sheep."

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

The broom swept the nation away.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie.

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.

What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.

What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

How did Darth Vader know what luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.

Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

Why did the man dig a hole in his neighbor’s backyard and fill it with water? Because he meant well.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.

What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru.

What do you call a spanish pig? Porque.

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.

A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”



What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!”

Engineer: “4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”



Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.

“I don’t know,” says the first logician.

“I don’t know either,” says the second logician.

Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”



Atom 1: “I think I lost one of my electrons somewhere.”

Atom 2: “Are you sure?”

Atom 1: ”Yes, I’m positive!”



A neutrino walks through a bar.



A photon checks into a hotel. “Do you need help with your luggage?” the clerk asks.

“No thanks, I’m travelling light.”



A mathematician walks into a bar. “I’ll have a pint, and then half a pint and then a quarter of a pint and then an eighth of a pint-”

The bartender, who is also a mathematician, interrupts him, “Two pints, coming right up!”



A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician travel together by train. Right after entering Scotland they see a black sheep standing on top of a hill.

“Look at that,” says the biologist. “Apparently the sheep in Scotland are black.”

“Nonsense!” says the physicist. “All we can say for sure is that there is one sheep in Scotland that’s black.”

“I am afraid you are both wrong,” the mathematician explains. “The only thing that is certain is that there is a sheep in Scotland, which is black on at least one side.”



There are two types of people in the world.

Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.



What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?

Zero, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.



Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?

They always ended up with X equals 10.



“I never get any good data. Sometimes I think the particle accelerator hates me.”

“Never anthropomorphize machines. They hate that.”

A blonde girl...

...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd. She walks towards him and says:

"if i can guess how many sheep you have in your pack, can I have one?"

"fair deal" the shepherd says and the blonde guesses "457". The shepherd, really surprised about the ability of the girl, says "a deal is a deal, you guessed the right number, pick a sheep and you can keep it".

After the girl has picked her favourite of the pack, the shepherd says:

"if i can guess, which colour your hair had before you dyed it brown, can i get my dog back?"

A man, a sheep and a dog were stranded in an island..

A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an island.
After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and gentle-a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was badly injured when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze-perfect for a night of romance.


Pretty soon the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, leaned over to the young woman and cautiously whispered in her ear, " Would you mind taking the dog for a walk? "

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe...

..He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, maths and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

A man, his dog, and a sheep

A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.


After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had *** for months. Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'

A blonde got fed up with all the Blonde jokes......

So she cut her hair short and dyed it black. Bought a snazzy convertible and went driving through the countryside.
On a back country road, she drove up to a large flock of sheep that were slowly crossing the road. As she sat there watching the flock she saw the farmer standing there.
She said “Hey I’ll bet you, if I can guess how many sheep you have in this flock, how about you give me one?
“Ok” he said, “give it a try.”
She stood in the seat and surveyed the flock and said “You have 347 sheep!”
The farmer was amazed as he had exactly 347 sheep. He told her to pick her one out, and picked a really cute one. As she was putting it into her car.
The farmer said “Wait a minute, how about if I can guess what color your hair really is you give me my dog back?”

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project..

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

An Australian, an American and a New Zealander are enjoying some beer in Saudi Arabia..

...even though it is against the law to drink alcohol there. They are captured by the Sheik and are sentenced to death, until his wife runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. She glances to the New Zealander, and whispers some more.

The sheik steps forward and announces:
"Because it is my wife's birthday today, she has asked that I spare your lives, on the following terms. You will each get 20 lashes, but will receive one wish before you do. However, since my wife and I admire New Zealand's beautiful countryside, we will allow the New Zealander two wishes."

The Australian is up first, and asks for a pillow to be tied to his back. However, after the first few lashes, the pillow breaks. Then, the American asks for TWO pillows to be tied to his back. Again, they break after but five lashes. Finally, the New Zealander steps forward.
"First," he says, "I would like to be given 40 lashes, not 20."
The sheik is confused at first, and then asks "And...your second wish?"
"Tie the Aussie to my back."

EDIT: So many "kiwis are sheep shaggers" jokes. I really was asking for it, wasn't I? :D

A blonde woman was getting tired of all the blonde jokes she heard, so she dyed her hair and set out to prove them wrong while “undercover”

She came across a huge heard of sheep and saw their shepherd.

“Hey! If I can correctly count all your sheep, can I have one?” she asked, eyeing a chance to prove blondes could at least do basic math.

The bored shepherd answered, “Yeah, sure”.

The blonde set about counting and came back a little later.

“117”

“I’ll be... that’s right!”

Proudly, the blonde took her prize and made to walk away. As she did, the shepherd made a grimace.

“Wait!” shouted the shepherd.

“What?” said the blonde and stopped.

“Your hair is dyed, right?”

Getting nervous, the blonde answered, “yeah?”.

“If I can guess your original hair colour, can I get my dog back?”

A blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown.

She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.

He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

One day a farmer discovers he has a talking horse

So, after talking to it for awhile, the horse decides that it wants to learn how to play guitar. So the farmer does the only logical thing, and buys the horse a guitar. Somehow, the horse learns how to play the guitar, and tours the country on talk shows, concerts, and even meeting the president. The farmer becomes rich, but still prefers the quiet of his farm, so he returns back to the farm. The horse still goes all over, now that he's been hired as a live musician for several talk shows, but he returns to the farm every so often to check in with the farmer and the farm animals. After a few months, the farmer discovers that a chicken can speak as well, and has a burning desire to play the drums. Despite the obvious punchline, the farmer buys a specialty set of drums for the chicken. The chicken forms a two animal band with the horse, and they tour the country, produce a few CD's, and make the farmer even more money. Soon, more animals, a donkey and a sheep join the band as the singer and the bassist. The chicken, sheep, and donkey are going to their next concert, but the horse flies back to the farm to find the farmer, sadly, dead in his bed. Never having experienced such deep sadness, the horse does what his human companions taught him: he goes to the bar, where he sees a newspaper that says the flight the sheep, donkey, and chicken crashed into the mountains, and none survived. The horse walks up to the bar, tears flowing from his eyes. The bartender looks up at the horse, and says "Why the long face?"

One of the smarter jokes I've picked up...

An engineer, a theoretical physicist, an experimental physicist and a philosopher are walking the hills of Scotland when they spot a black sheep. The engineer exclaims "well whaddaya know! the sheep in Scotland are black!" The theoretical physicist replies, "..well, SOME of the sheep in Scotland are black." The experimental physicist retorts, "we can safely say, at least one sheep in Scotland is black."

The philosopher says, ".... on one side, anyway."

Lost

A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.

The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the sheep. It was a lot of fun!"

The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.

The old man said, "Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the neighbor's wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!"

The reporter, feeling frustrated, finally told the old man that he couldn't write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about.

The old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his face said "Well, one time I was lost..."

A farmer is outside tending his sheep

When a car driving by loses control and drives right in to the end of the farmers fence ripping the post out of the ground. The driver sees the farmer running over so he gets out of his car and yells "I'm okay I'm okay!"

The farmer says "I don't care about you! You just destroyed my whole fence!" So the driver says "It's just one post, if you have a shovel, I'll put it back in the ground for you"

The farmer, extremely flustered, says "Are you crazy?! You can't repost! Everyone who sees it will cry and complain!"

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.

She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" she asks.

The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, "352!"

The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the shepherd. "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

A blond is tired

A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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