“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled... “You herd me.”
How did the farmer find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying.
At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."
Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
A small joke I remembered
Boss: if I find you sleeping on the job one more time, you're fired!
Employee: sorry boss
Boss: ok, now go and do the sheep inventory
Employee: oh no
How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Irresistible.
Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear zippers.
Where do sheep get their haircut? At the Bah-Bah-Shop
A Farmer asked me to round up his 68 sheep I said 'Sure, seventy'.
What do you call 4 sheep tied to a fence in Wales? A Brothel :D
What's the most frustrating part about being a sheep farmer? Every time you try to take inventory, you fall asleep.
.... gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer:
*"All 40 accounted for"*
*"But I only have 36 sheep"* says the confused farmer
*"Yeah I know"* says the sheepdog. *"I rounded them up".*
How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying
I was in a field and this farmer came up to me and said " I got 68 sheep can you round them up for me ?"... I said "Sure 70" ...
How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.
Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Why do Scots wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
I can control sheep by just listening to them It's true, I heard them with my own ears
A Welshman died at the weekend... Friends say he died the way he would have wanted; comfortably in his sheep
After a talking sheepdog returns all the sheep to the pen
he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 sheep accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep.” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “I rounded them up.”
I just saw a farmer shave a sheep in 1 second. It was shear brilliance!
Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers.
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
There are 3 things that I love... Shagging sheep and not using commas.
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers a mile off.
What happens when you cross a sheep with consequence? Ramifications
Just saw a sheep fight a cow Looks like they were in a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad mooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass? Rather enjoyable
[Little bit racist] why do New Zealanders... Have insomnia? Because every time they start counting sheep they get too horny to sleep.
How did the Scotsman find the sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.
What do you get when yo cross sheep DNA with human DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
How did the redneck find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers.
What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine? An animal that knits its own sweaters.
How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass?
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!
Short joke I thought of.
What's the difference between sheep and women?
The Welsh don't know yet either.
Where does wire wool come from? Sheep metal (my apologies)
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers.
Where do sheep go shopping? The baazaar.
Did you hear about the sheep that climbed over the mountain instead of around it? He took the path of fleece persistence.
Dog and sheep
Shepherd: did you count all the sheep.
Dog: yes there are 40 sheep.
Shepherd: 40? I thought we had 38 sheep.
Dog: yes I rounded them up.
Why does the Scotsman wear a kilt? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry.
I call it
*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding Dong*
What do you call a sheep who is in a fraternity? Brahhhhhhhh
What did the sheep do when it saw a wolf near them? It cried wolf.
Why did the farmer never know how many sheep he had? Because every time he tried to count them all he fell asleep.
Why do the Scottish wear kilts The sheep can hear zippers miles away
A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?... Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”
Bought a sheep
Named it ‘Relation’.
Now I can tell people I have a relationsheep.
What do you call a flock of sheep tumbling down a hill? A lambslide
A sheep is sat outside a pub having a beer.
Where did you get that, I ask?
The sheep looks at me and says: Bar.
Why do Welsh wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
The interesting thing about sheep puns Is the SHEAR volume of them.
A joke my 4 year old told me. What sound does a robot sheep make? Be-e-ep, be-e-ep.
A girl caught me pissing on a sheep this morning.
Where are all these sheep getting their haircuts? At the baa-baa shop
What did the fish say when it saw a sheep inside a tub? Water ewe doing?
What did the sheep say about the pun? That’s so baa’d.
I had a lamb which could sing very well.
She was on her way to become GOAT.
This is a sheep joke.
"Meeehhhhhh" Thats what sheep said
How to get a relationship
1)Buy a sheep
2)Name it relation
3)Now you have a relationsheep
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.
What does a sheep need to do to become a lawyer? Pass the baa-aa-aah!
Do you know why they wear pants in England but kilts in Scotland? It's because a sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.... But goats don't hear so good.
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A whooly jumper
What has 4 legs and goes "Aaaaah" Sheep with no lips
Why do the Scottish where kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!
I was gonna tell you a sheep joke but It was going to be baaaaaaaad
Did you know all sheep have similar music tastes? They all like music types such as Rock and Dubstep. So basically anything that has a lot of baaaaaaass.
What has 4 legs and goes "Aaaah" A sheep with no lips.
So there's this sheep farmer who had money troubles because he wasn't selling a lot of wool. He decided to sell the meat instead... ...needless to say, things went from baa to wurst.
Pushing a young sheep into a hostess snack... Is a ram-a-lamb-a-ding-dong.
How do sheep keep secrets? They use bahhh-codes.
A priest, a rabbi, and an interrupting sheep ...walk into a BAAAAAHHH
A sheep dog says "That's all 40 sheep." A shepherd says "What we only have 37??" The sheep dog says "I know, i rounded them up"
How does the Welsh shepherd find his sheep in the mountains? Very satisfying.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from miles away...
Why could the flock of female sheep never remember anything? Not enough Ram.
The police were recently investigating a recent sheep theft.. No onces been charged yet, but police hope to have the criminals behind bahhs soon
A new breed of sheep have been raising the Baaaahhhhh
What did the sheep say to the abusive shepard? Stop herding me!
# At the end of the day, a Border Collie reported back to the rancher, "All 50 sheep accounted for, boss!"
# "Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
# "I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."
A sheperd and his flock of sheep wondered onto his grumpy old neighbors property and got stuck in a fenced area... ...his neighbor told him to hurry and get the flock out.
How do kiwis find sheep in grass? Delightful
A lamb hovered at the foot of my bed, then disappeared, as I lay frozen in fear. Sometimes I get sheep paralysis.
If I told you that I had carved a female sheep from a tree stump... Wood Ewe believe it?
Why do Welsh farmers prefer 501 jeans? So the sheep wont hear the zipper
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A woolly jumper.
My friend invented a machine that turns sheep shearings into cherries. If you put in black wool, you get black cherries. If you put in white wool, you get maraschino cherries. Red wool gives you bings.
How do Scots find sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.
Why do Scottish madlads wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
What is the favorite instrument when two sheep get together? ....a tu-baaaaaaaaaaaa
Why did the sheep keep hurting himself at the gym? He had *baaaaaad* form.
What singer do sheep love to listen to? Ed Sheer-an
What do you call a sheep with a sports car? A Lamb-orghini...
What do you call lots of sheep rolling down a hill? A lambslide
Him: All my female sheep ate some fermented berries and have gotten drunk and passed out, should I tell the coroner? Her: No, that's a ewe problem; not a ME problem.
Where do shepherds go for a drink? Bar Bar Black Sheep