Motorcycle Jokes

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?" The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."

The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.

"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

Score: 250
Funny Motorcycle Jokes
Score: 195

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

Score: 124

Friends are like motorcycles... 'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle

Score: 49

Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*

What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

Score: 49

I got a new motorcycle for my wife It was a great trade

Score: 48

Why was the motorcycle going so slow? Because it was two tired!

Score: 34

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? a Yamahahahaha

Score: 32

What kind of motorcycle has the best sense of humor? Yamahahaha

Score: 25

Warnings about motorcycles Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.

I don't get it.

I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left

Score: 22

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run. A police officer comes to his aid.

"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.

"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

Score: 22

What's the funniest motorcycle? A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)

^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...

Score: 16

Why can't the motorcycle get up on its own? It's two tired.

Score: 14

Why couldn't the motorcycle make it home? Because it was two tired.

Score: 11

Two whores were riding a motorcycle.... ... When suddenly your mom fell off

Score: 11

Why did the motorcycle stay at home? It was two-tired

Score: 11

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A yamahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Score: 11

what's the difference between your first motorcycle and you first girlfriend? Nothing, it doesn't matter what either of them look like, you're just happy to have something to ride.

Score: 10

Stormtrooper helmets I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.

Score: 8

Dog Last night, the police stopped by to tell me that my dog was chasing people on a motorcycle. That couldn't be my dog. He doesn't ride motorcycles

Score: 8

When my wife left me I was upset, lonely, and sad. So I got a dog, bought a new motorcycle, hooked up with a couple of floozies, and blew a grand on drugs and booze.

Boy, is she gonna be mad when she gets home from work.

Score: 8

Blonde Joke What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving?

They both fell off the motorcycle.

Score: 7

I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle... But I can't afford all the shirts.

Score: 7

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my motorcycle. I rode in, ruthlessly.

Score: 7

What's the difference between a Hoover Vacuum and a Harley Davidson motorcycle? The position of the dirtbag.

Score: 7

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A yamahaHA

Score: 7

In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up. Must be why I keep running over female joggers.

Score: 6

Did you hear about the mute motorcycle gang? They don't answer to nobody.

Score: 6

Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me... I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly

Score: 6

What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia? A biking

Score: 6

My girlfriend is like a motorcycle I dont have a motorcycle

Score: 4

What does a motorcycle and the government have it common? Once you have more power, you can't go back.

Score: 3

I need help. My roomate has started to talk alone and say he has a magic invisible motorcycle. I was worried and I tried to talk to him about it, but he didn't listen. How can I convince him to wear a helmet?

Score: 2

Biker mimes If a group of mimes forms a motorcycle gang....

Do they have to drive electric bikes?

Score: 2

What's the difference between Mafia 3 and a motorcycle? A Motorcycle can go above 30

Score: 1

Which vehicle is the oldest among all? Motorcycle - because it is two-tyred.

Score: 1

What do a motorcycle and me have in common? Well, I’m too tired.

Score: 1

One day I was walking when I saw a man on a motorcycle. Suddenly a donkey came up kicked the man off the motorcycle, got on the motorcycle and then drove it away. And I thought to myself, “That’s badass“.

Score: 1

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