A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"
The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"
A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
‘What’s up?’ says the driver.
‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.
‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
Friends are like motorcycles... 'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle
Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All
*obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*
What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?
When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.
I got a new motorcycle for my wife It was a great trade
Why was the motorcycle going so slow? Because it was two tired!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? a Yamahahahaha
What kind of motorcycle has the best sense of humor? Yamahahaha
Warnings about motorcycles
Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.
I don't get it.
I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left
A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.
A police officer comes to his aid.
"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.
"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."
What's the funniest motorcycle?
A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)
^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...
Why can't the motorcycle get up on its own? It's two tired.
Why couldn't the motorcycle make it home? Because it was two tired.
Two whores were riding a motorcycle.... ... When suddenly your mom fell off
Why did the motorcycle stay at home? It was two-tired
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A yamahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
what's the difference between your first motorcycle and you first girlfriend? Nothing, it doesn't matter what either of them look like, you're just happy to have something to ride.
Stormtrooper helmets I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.
Dog Last night, the police stopped by to tell me that my dog was chasing people on a motorcycle. That couldn't be my dog. He doesn't ride motorcycles
When my wife left me I was upset, lonely, and sad.
So I got a dog, bought a new motorcycle, hooked up with a couple of floozies, and blew a grand on drugs and booze.
Boy, is she gonna be mad when she gets home from work.
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving?
They both fell off the motorcycle.
I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle... But I can't afford all the shirts.
My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my motorcycle. I rode in, ruthlessly.
What's the difference between a Hoover Vacuum and a Harley Davidson motorcycle? The position of the dirtbag.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A yamahaHA
In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up. Must be why I keep running over female joggers.
Did you hear about the mute motorcycle gang? They don't answer to nobody.
Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me... I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly
What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia? A biking
My girlfriend is like a motorcycle I dont have a motorcycle
Motorcycle will last you a lifetime if you ride it fast enough.
I wanted to buy a motorcycle But I'm too tired to do it.
What does a motorcycle and the government have it common? Once you have more power, you can't go back.
What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley motorcycle? The position of the dirtbag.
What does a non-moving cat and a motorcycle traveling at 80mph have in common? They make the same sound.
What do you get if you cross a joke with a motorcycle? A Yamahahahaha!
I need help. My roomate has started to talk alone and say he has a magic invisible motorcycle. I was worried and I tried to talk to him about it, but he didn't listen. How can I convince him to wear a helmet?
What do you call a sad motorcycle? A moped
What's the difference between Mafia 3 and a motorcycle? A Motorcycle can go above 30
One day I was walking when I saw a man on a motorcycle. Suddenly a donkey came up kicked the man off the motorcycle, got on the motorcycle and then drove it away. And I thought to myself, “That’s badass“.
What do a motorcycle and me have in common? Well, I’m too tired.
Which vehicle is the oldest among all? Motorcycle - because it is two-tyred.
After his motorcycle accident where he lost his left leg and half his right foot, Dylan sulked slowly around school in all black outfits. We call him the three-toed Goth.
If brains were gasoline... ...you wouldn't have enough to ride a motorcycle half way around a cheerio.
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner, and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.
*For a million-six points... What Netflix show- a spin-off from its famous predecessor- did this joke come from?
If Timmy buys 7 apples and eats 5
what is the median velocity of his motorcycle?
EDIT: You can assume a pack of wolves consists of 6 wolves
What does a motorcycle and Eddie Hermida have in common? They both killed suicide silence.