Anatomy Jokes

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Funniest Anatomy Jokes

You might think a man's anatomy is quite similar to a woman's.... But there's a vas deferens.

Funny Anatomy Jokes

A common misconception on the male anatomy While many people believe that the male ejaculatory ducts and epididymis are essentially the same structure, there's actually a *Vas Deferens* between the two!

After failing my first 2 exams, I just got an A on my third Anatomy exam... the answers were inside me the entire time

Male and female anatomy are not similar There's a vas deferens

Anatomy joke inbound Is the urethra similar to the testes?


No, there's a vas deferens between them.

Why didn't the human anatomy professor tell her students they dissected the wrong body? ... She didn't have the heart to tell them.

What's a cows favorite Tv drama? Graze Anatomy

Penises are an important part of human culture and anatomy and must be honoured I suggest we erect a statue

Good Anatomy or Digestive System Joke? I need a good joke for my T shirt design for my Anatomy class. Anyone have any good jokes. thanks (school apprpriate please)

The doctor was teaching a caveman about human anatomy Doctor: Do you know where the lungs are?

Caveman: I know this by heart

I just signed up for the new college course about the effects of drinking soda on the body. Anatomy and fizzyology.

I was going to give my friend books of jokes on the anatomy of plants But I haven’t botany yet

Two students are sitting in Anatomy Class. One points to his hand and asks "which are the carpals and which are the metacarpals"? The other student replied "sorry I walk to school, I don't know much about car pools"

What language is anatomy in? Body language.

How do you know genital anatomy was designed by an idiot? No one else would put the bathroom right next to the snack bar.

I've studied Basic Human Anatomy so much I know it like the back of my hand.

A Priest Teaching Anatomy at an All Boy's School The priest is handing out graded homework papers. He says, "I don't understand why you boys can't understand the male anatomy. I've been pounding it into you all semester."

I took a semester of female anatomy classes in Spain... I studied abroad

Anatomy Professor: Today we’re going to learn about the structure of the kiddly ... Student: Don’t you mean kidney?

Anyone Professor: That’s what I said, diddle I?

Hillbillies anatomy What’s a hillbillies favourite part of the female body?

The Cletorus

What's the favorite at the school for the blind? anatomy (they use the Braille method there)

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Long Anatomy Jokes

The dead cow lecture

First-year students at the Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor".

"The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead
body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now, "LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION!"

Dead Cow Lecture

First-year students at the OSU Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, “In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.

The first thing is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal’s body.”

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt

of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life’s tough but it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.

A professor gives his psychology class a pop quiz. . .

One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."

First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation.

I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

Pay Attention

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

Naughty Professor

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

Medical School Joke

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention."

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class...

with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you can not be disgusted by anything involving the human body". For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

Pay Attention

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Professor welcomes the class in Anatomy lab on the first day of medical school.

He begins by saying - You need 2 rules to become a successful doctor.

No 1 - you cannot feel disgusted by anything.

After saying that, he stuck his finger into the cadaver's butt hole.

Students look at him in a shocked manner, but eventually they give in and remembering his rule no 1, stick thier fingers in the cadaver's butt hole one by one.

Then the professor proceeds to lick his finger in front of the class.

The students immediately start puking, gagging and hurling, but look at the professor and not wanting to offend him on the first day, proceed to lick thier fingers, all the while barfing thier guts out, hurling and cussing the day they decided to go to medical school.

After the last student was done, the professor calmly walked in front of the class and said out loud.

Rule no 2 - you need to observe and pay attention. I inserted my middle finger in the butt hole but licked my ring finger.

An old lady, after a long life of loss and agony, was going to commit suicide by shooting herself in the heart with a crossbow. She researched human anatomy and learned her heart was just under her left breast.....

She was just admitted to the ER with an arrow to the knee.

A monster in london

By the 15th century, the Templar Knights had disappeared, but deep in the bowels of the British Museum in a case well sealed and protected lies a strange memorial to their impact on the city of London.

London of the early 12th century was on its way to becoming an impressive city, but its life and its blood was the Thames River. Without the river commerce would grind to a halt as the people of London discovered to their horror in 1216.

The first ships seemed simply to have disappeared, but the monster wasted little time in this caution. Soon, many Londoners had seen the gaping maw licked by flames dragging a hapless crew to its death. It was a fire salamander, and in the Autumn of 1216 it was estimated to be 40 feet long with jaws that gaped 10 feet wide.

By the spring of 1217, the monster was no longer a nuisance, it was a deadly plague. No boat could navigate the Thames… no raft was small enough, no ship was large enough to resist the demon of the Thames. Worse, the beast was growing! The latest reports called it 70 feet long with jaws opening 15 feet. Our instinct is to discount this absurd growth, and yet few could impeach its source.

He, our source, enters the story in August of 1217. London had begged, prayed, blasphemed, and killed in desperate attempts to exorcise or appease their curse; to no avail. On June 14, four men painted themselves with the Devil’s Cross and proclaimed themselves the Dark Priests of the Beast. They built a ship and doused it in oil; then, they sailed it down the river. Dark Priests they may have been, but they died screaming like any man. On July 28, London sent three virgins (the youngest not yet 13) down the Thames to the monster. It was thought that this would appease the evil god: the monster’s hunger exceeded even this atrocity.

On August 23, our source received his summons. His given name is lost in his chosen name: Honorus. He was a Templar Knight and possibly a saint. That morning, he was commanded to destroy the beast.

London in fear and desperation had turned to their most jealous weapon, the Templars… warrior monks who fought with the fierce, perhaps fanatic, frenzy of the devout. The city had exhausted all other options; the monks were its last hope, and Honorus was the greatest of the Knights.

The battle was truly a footnote to his preparation… Honorus ventured into the woods upstream from London. He forsook shelter, clothing, food, and sleep for four days, meditating on the coming struggle. When the four days ended, he stalked and killed a stag without weapon or aid. With the skin of the stag he made clothing; from its flesh he regained his strength; and with its guts, he lashed five logs into a raft fit for his purpose.

Honorus set the raft in motion. He had outfitted himself with the only item he would use in this fight which had not come out of the forest with him. A sword of Spanish steel, blue with the sky, lay in his lap. Soon, he felt the swell of the water disturb his raft: the monster was coming, yet he sat unmoving.

The beast broke the surface.

No human is perfect; a splinter of the collapsing raft clipped Honorus’ left foot as he leapt into the water. He had timed his jump slightly too late, but no matter, the injury will not be important until after the battle.

The monster was above the water only momentarily; time enough for Honorus to drive his sword between two of its scales. The monster thrashed in pain, turning its exposed flesh from the steaming water. Honorus was lifted from the water as the beast rolled. He gauged his stroke and leapt, striking the monster’s eye.

Angered and half blinded, the beast threw Honorus into the river and grasped him in its immense jaws. Honorus swam quickly past the teeth into the monster’s mouth. Inside, the questing tongue scalded his feet as he searched for purchase again, and we shall ignore this injury for now.

Once he had braced himself inside the beast’s mouth, pushing with all his strength against the slowly rising tongue, he took aim. Honorus had time to make only one thrust.

When his journal recalls these events, it attributes Honorus’ “luck” in this battle to aid from the Divine. We do not wish to detract from the glory of God, but surely He will not envy His servant. Is it coincidence that Honorus’ blade struck true to the brain? Honorus had already studied carefully the anatomy of the salamander a week before he was summoned to fight the beast. Did Honorus not know that the water’s rush against the beast’s exposed flank would cause it such pain? In his journal, “August 24: And once I am atop the beast and it has rolled from the water, where then to strike?”

Two weeks after Honorus was told to lift the curse of London, the beast was dead. The next day London celebrated Honorus; the town would live because of him. Three days later, gratitude had disappeared.

The body of the beast had lodged itself firmly in the mire less than half a mile downstream of London. Although it was yet intact (perhaps due to its incredible armor), it would surely soon rot. While not so great a terror, the rotting beast would be almost as dangerous as the live beast, attracting disease and scavengers. No ship could move the carcass. The people of London called upon Honorus.

Honorus’ solution was difficult but practical, and he began as soon as he had retrieved his sword. He fasted for two days; then, he ate the cooked meat of the huge salamander and fasted for a third day. When he suffered no ill effects, Honorus began dissecting the beast. With the help of London, Honorus soon had all the usable meat and intestines of the dead beast transformed into sausage.

A bizarre solution it was, but a good one. The sausage was soon discovered to be excellent and to keep easily for very long periods of time. Even more important, the sausage fast became incredibly popular throughout England and much of Europe. It began to reestablish the fame of London’s trade after the Hiatus of the Beast.

Still, Honorus has one final contribution to this history… It became vital that everyone knew from whence the incredible sausage of London came, and thus we return to Honorus’ injuries.

After the battle with the live beast and the crisis of the dead beast, Honorus took time to recover. Six weeks after he was first summoned, he was dressing the injuries on his feet. The problems of London were known to him. As he dipped a strip of paper like gauze into a healing salve, he had a thought.

One week later, each sausage shipped from London carried a fascinating new development: a label. Just as the gauze dried and closed on Honorus’ foot, the parchment around these sausages was attached; and all would know the fame of London from each link she sold.

In the end, despite all his other feats, it was this idea, the product label, that survived Honorus. In tribute to this advance, the British Museum houses the only known surviving label from Honorus’ sausages. And although even the tough gut of the Beast has long since faded to dust, the label may still be read. If our reader could go to the Museum and enter the Medieval wing’s most treasured collection, she could still read, in faint letters, the Label of Honor:… It Was The Beast Of Thames, It Was The Wurst Of Thames…

Pay attention

First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary
medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a
doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything
involving an animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and, sucked on it.......followed by assorted gagging, retching and spitting.

When everyone had finished wiping their faces, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life is tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

So I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the letters "PNEIS" into the name of "an important human body part which is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "SPINE" are now doctors.

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

A scientist decides to conduct an experiment on the anatomy of arachnids, so he takes a spider and puts it on his table.

“Walk!”, he yells, and the spider starts skittering away. The scientist writes the results down: “when a normal spider is told to walk, it walks.”

He then takes the spider and plucks one of its legs out. He then sets it on the table and yells the same thing,“walk!”

The spider starts walking, so the scientist writes down: “when a seven-legged spider is told to walk, it walks.”

He then repeats the process, plucking one leg each time. He writes down the results.

“When a six-legged spider is told to walk, it walks.”

“When a five-legged spider is told to walk, it walks.”

“When a four-legged spider is told to walk, it walks.”

“When a three-legged spider is told to walk, it walks.”

“When a two-legged spider is told to walk, it walks.”

“When a one-legged spider is told to walk, it walks.”

“IMPORTANT: When a spider loses all of its legs, it goes deaf.”

In medical school...

Professor: Miss Rogers, what part of the male anatomy may enlarge by a factor of 10 when the male is excited?

Rogers: (Blushing) I... refuse to answer...

Professor: Mr. Smith?

Smith: The iris.

Professor: (coughs) Miss Rogers I can conclude three things. 1. You didn't do the reading last night. 2. Your mind is not where it's supposed to be. 3. You will be disappointed with married life.



(Disclaimer: May not be completely anatomically correct).

One day, at the zoo...

Little Johnny and his mother go to visit the zoo. They visit the Reptile House, Monkey Island, Chimpanzee Forest, and the Avian Habitat. As they're walking toward the exit, they pass the Elephant Sanctuary.

Little Johnny points to the elephant and says, "Mommy, what's that thing hanging down from the elephant?"

The mother replies, "That's the elephant's trunk, dear."

Johnny points again and says, "No, that OTHER thing!"

The mom's starting to get a little nervous, but she replies, "Oh, that's the elephant's TAIL."

Somewhat frustrated, Little Johnny says, "No - that OTHER thing, hanging down between the elephant's legs!"

Mom, in a hurry to get to the car before rush hour (and, just a little embarrassed and not wanting to get into an anatomy lesson), says, "Oh, that's nothing."

The next day, she has to work and the dad has the day off. She tells him that they ran out of time at the zoo, and there was still a lot more for Little Johnny to see, so Dad takes him back to the zoo.

They visit the Komodo dragons, the Zebras, the Lions and Tigers and Bears (oh, my). Finally, they walk by the Elephant Sanctuary.

Little Johnny points to the elephant and says, "Daddy, what's that thing hanging down from the elephant?"

The father replies, "That's the elephant's trunk, bud."

Johnny points again and says, "No, that OTHER thing!"

Dad, not quite sure what Johnny is pointing to, replies, "Oh, that's the elephant's TAIL."

Somewhat frustrated, Little Johnny says, "No - that OTHER thing, hanging down between the elephant's legs!"

The dad says, "Did you and mommy visit here yesterday?"

"Yes, daddy."

"Did you ask your mommy what it was?"

"Yes, daddy."

"And what did she say?"

"She said it was nothing."

"Ah," the dad replies. "Your mother's spoiled."

Elephants Never Forget

Frank owned a full grown African Elephant and due to the rising costs of living, he found it was getting expensive to feed his pet.

Frank thought long and hard for a solution and upon watching a circus program on T.V. thought of the perfect scam to make some quick money.

You see Frank had seen elephants stand on three legs, two legs, and even one leg, but he had never seen a full grown elephant take all four feet off the ground at once.

So he created a challenge and put it out in the newspapers and T.V. The challenge was for someone to get the elephant to take all four feet off the ground at once without using any device that would actually lift the elephant from the ground such as a crane, hoist, or the like, if successful they would receive a 10,000 dollar cash prize, but the catch was they had to pay 100 dollars to try.

Turned out people came from far and wide, even other countries. Everyone tried everything they could from coaxing to hypnosis to threats, but try as they might everyone failed in their attempt.

Frank was elated, his scheme was working brilliantly and he was making some nice dough.

One day a blue convertible pulled into the driveway and a man in a leather jacket got out and approached Frank.

"Good afternoon sir, Is it true that if I can get your elephant to take all his feet off the ground at once I'll win 10,000 dollars?"

Frank replied. "Good afternoon to you too sir, yes it is true, but you have to pay 100 dollars per attempt."

The man nodded and agreed. He gave Frank the 100 dollars, walked over to his vehicle and opened the trunk. He pulled out an old fashioned wooden Louisville Slugger baseball bat and walked up and looked the elephant in the eye.

A few moments later he walked around behind the elephant, took a stable stance and took a home run swing at the elephants testicles that would have made the Babe proud. The elephant trumpeted out and jumped into the air taking all four feet off the ground.

Frank stood with his mouth gaping open and reluctantly handed the 10 000 dollars to the stranger. The man got into his car and drove off.

A few months later Frank began to get low on funds again. Although his challenge had been won, he had still made a good profit.

But now he began to try and think of another scam to make even more money, this time, find one that couldn't be accomplished.
So Frank came up with a new challenge and once again put it in the newspapers and on T.V.

This time he was sure of his challenge. He had seen elephants move their heads up and down but because of their anatomy they couldn't move it from left to right, only twist it left and right. Once again a 10,000 dollar prize was offered, and a 100 dollar fee to try.

So once again people came from far and wide, again even from other countries. Again everything from coaxing to hypnosis to threats were employed but all those who tried failed in their attempt.

One day a familiar blue convertible pulled into the driveway and a man in a leather jacket got out and approached Frank.

"Good afternoon sir. Is it true that if I can get your elephant to move his head from left to right, I'll win 10,000 dollars?"

Frank swallowed hard and replied. "Afternoon sir, yes it is true but you have to pay 100 dollars per attempt."

Once again the man nodded and agreed. He handed Frank the 100 dollars and once again walked over to his vehicle and opened the trunk. He pulled out the same wooden Louisville Slugger baseball bat, still stained with the elephants blood from the first encounter and walked up to the elephant.

He paused and looked the elephant in the eye, a few moments later he asked. "Remember me?"

The elephant nodded it's head up and down "Yes."

"Want me to do it again?"

The elephant shook it's head from left to right. "No."

An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology...

An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology to her class. She explained what the urethra and testicles are to her class, when a student raised his hand and said,

"I thought that the urethra and testicles were just two different terms describing the same thing?"

The teacher responded,

"No, that's not correct. There's a vas deferens between the two."

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