Bat Jokes

A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first? The bystander with the camera.

So Tim Tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.

Years ago, I viciously beat up my high school bully with a baseball bat. Both of his arms were broken. Come to think of it, that's probably why I felt brave enough to beat him up.

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower.

Please pray for my wife.... A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

Never Hit A Guy With Glasses Hit him with a baseball bat.

What do you call a green bat that walks across a yellow bridge? I don’t know, but at least it isn’t a repost

Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit. baseball.bat

What did the boy bat send to the girl bat? sapnu puas

How do the ladies get Batman to come? Ask Lt. Gordon to turn on the bat-signal.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

China really got the best baseball team. Them people took out half of the world with one bat.

An old lady is walking down the street singing "21 today, 21 today." A young man beside her snaps "You're not 21 you old bat." With a snap she slams her cane into his head and walks away singing.

"22 today, 22 today." With a smile.

Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?”

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“I sure do," said the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.”

You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key vibe, a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.

Why are batman and black man different? Bat man can go a whole night without robin

I recently saved my town from an invasion of monsters and demons by fighting them off with my trusty baseball bat My neighbours are furious and keep telling me that I ruined halloween

What did one orphan say to another? "Robin, get to the bat mobile."

What’s brown and very bad for your dental health? A baseball bat.

How does batman schedule a task on his computer? With a .bat script

Which country can play baseball the best? China because they knocked out the entire world with just one bat.

Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.

Why did the vampire have to get glasses? Because he was blind as a bat!

(My 4 year old sister came up with this one yesterday)

Batman: I must save this city Alfred: Well you’re a billionaire so maybe you can redistribu...

Batman: This bat suit is the only way

What does Dracula's torch run on? *Bat-teries* now give me my five karma

Exploring Wayne Manor Robin: You didn’t name everything in the bathroom after you too, did you?

Batman: Of course not.

Robin:

Batman: OK, yes, there’s the bat-shampoo.

Robin:

Batman: But there’s also conditioner Gordon.

Joker: "Someone said you sound like an owl more than a bat" Bat: "WHO?"

It took some time for every country to have the corona virus but China got it right off the bat

What do you sing at a twins bat mitzvah? Happy birthday two Jews

I saw a rat , so i found a bat and started hitting. My son was crying , I'm banned from chucky cheese's.

Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat... ... and then blame it on the boyfriend


Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Terrorists have an Off-Switch. It’s in the back of their heads. Use a baseball bat to activate.

Robert Pattinson was the worst vampire ever. It took him over ten years to turn into a bat.

A mouse entered my house He ate everything, even drank some redbull and now I have a bat problem

2 men exploring find a bat in a cave... Decide to go back and play baseball

What the difference between gotham and the world in gotham the bat never killed anyone

What store does Batman go to? Bed, Bat, and Beyond

What’s the difference between Bat man and Black man? Bat man can go into a store without Robin

How do you give a vampire a concussion? Hit it with a bat