Contents
Contents
What's the difference between humans and a bullet? Humans miss John Lennon
What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon sketch without laughing.
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What's the difference between a casino and a church? You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?
A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;)
What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.
What's the difference between England and Viagra? Viagra can get you past a semi
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Iraqi preschool? I have no idea, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between Thailand and America? Thailand reunites boys with their families.
What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of is paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick? You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it
What's the difference between a religion and a cult?
In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it is all bullshit.
In a religion that person is dead.
What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.
What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.
Edit: certainly didn't expect this to get so many votes or make it to the front page.
What's the difference between an actress and a hooker. That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.
What's the difference between USA and USB? One has standards
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What's the difference between communism and a pencil? The pencil works on things other than paper.
What's the difference between a good joke and A bad joke timing
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What's the difference between everybody and bullets? Everybody misses Harambe.
What's the difference between Trump becoming president and a soldier dying in combat? The soldier knew what he signed up for.
What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? Your mom can't take a joke
What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard
What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun has only one trigger.
What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk? In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture
What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma? A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause
What's the difference between a pickpocket and peeping Tom?
A pickpocket snatches watches
EDIT:
my first gold! Thank you kind stranger. I do like gold even though it gives me a gilt complex
What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people
What's the difference between America and cheese? If left for a while, cheese develops culture.
What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?
About 3 days
In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest? A suicide vest gets something accomplished when triggered.
What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold? An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.
What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a Philosophy Major? One will ask WHY you want fries with that!
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest? A suicide vest does something when it's triggered.
What's the difference between an African and an Indian Elephant One of them is an elephant
What's the difference between me and my calendar? Calendar has dates.
What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks? Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.
What's the difference between my dad and other dads? Beats me.
What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One of them isn't an elephant.
What's the difference between a Taliban Base and a hospital? I don't know, I just fly the drone
What's the difference between a Board and a Plank? Boards can change, but Plank's constant.
What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school? I have no clue, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between a joke and 4 dicks? My ex can't take a joke.
What's the difference between a car tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear, one's a great year.
What's the difference between E.T. and a refugee? E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.
What's the difference between America and Yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years it develops a culture.
What's the difference between Mcgregor and Mayweather?
Mcgregor hugs his wife and beats his opponents while
Mayweather beats his wife and hugs his opponents
What's the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend? The knife has a point.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? You can get one beer nut for $1.35, but two deer nuts are just under a buck
What's the difference between a bomb and a social justice warrior? The bomb actually accomplishes something when it's triggered.
What's the difference between a circus and a whorehouse? One is a display of cunning stunts.
What's the difference between incest and necrophilia? Incest is relatively boring, necrophilia is dead boring.
What's the difference between me and my friends? I exist.
What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T? E.T learned English and wanted to go home
What's the difference between Twitter and Vietnam? Trump would never dodge a Twitter war.
What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.
What's the difference between a flashlight and a fleshlight? One takes C batteries and the other takes D's.
What's the difference between a refugee and E.T.? E.T. could speak English and wanted to go home.
What's the difference between an Australian and a pot of yogurt? Leave a pot of yogurt in the sun for 200 years and it develops a culture.
What's the difference between a comma and a cat? One is a pause at the end of a clause, the other has claws at the end of its paws.
What's the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer? The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.
What's the difference between a calendar and you? The calendar has a future.
What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon? I can get through his monologue without laughing.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear, the other is a great year.
What's the difference between an illegal alien and E.T.? E.T. learned English and went home.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide bomber's vest? When triggered, a suicide bomber's vest actually accomplishes something.
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?
One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna!
What's the difference between the USA and a bird? On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi dooooooooooooooooo!
What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest? A suicide vest actually accomplishes something when it's triggered.
What's the difference between America and Yogurt If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop a culture
What's the difference between a feminist and a spear? The spear has a point.
What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl? One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh*t
What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and an alien? E.T. learned to speak English and wanted to go home.
What's the difference between Muslim and a terrorist?
I don't know, I just sign executive orders.
I'll be here all week.
What's the difference between batman and Blackman?
Batman can go to the store without robin
Edit: glad you'll liked it :-)
What's the difference between me and a calendar?
The calendar has dates
*sigh*
What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself? One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.
What's the difference between a priest and a dog? One wears pants and a collar, the other wears a collar and pants
What's the difference between a Taliban training camp and a Pakistani wedding? I don't know. I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest? A suicide vest actually accomplishes something after it's triggered.
What's the difference between a priest and his dog? One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.
What's the difference between a Pakistani preschool and Isis headquarters? I don't know man I just fly the drones
What's the difference between a Redditor and a brick? The brick will eventually get laid.
What's the difference between a group of Pakastani School Girls and a group of ISIS soldiers.. Don't ask me I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between E.T and illegal immigrants? E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year.
What's the difference between a pizza and a pizza joke?
Pizza jokes can't be topped!
:D
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ? Disney Movies still touch kids
What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? One's a little lighter.
What's the difference between children and Isis? Drones can't tell either
What's the difference between a lawyer and a $400/hour prostitute? The prostitute tells you upfront that you are going to get screwed.
What's the difference between my job and a dead hooker? My job still sucks
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