Contents
Contents
What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon sketch without laughing.
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What's the difference between a casino and a church? You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?
A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;)
What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.
What's the difference between England and Viagra? Viagra can get you past a semi
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Iraqi preschool? I have no idea, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between Thailand and America? Thailand reunites boys with their families.
What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of is paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick? You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it
What's the difference between a religion and a cult?
In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it is all bullshit.
In a religion that person is dead.
What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.
What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.
Edit: certainly didn't expect this to get so many votes or make it to the front page.
What's the difference between an actress and a hooker. That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.
What's the difference between USA and USB? One has standards
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What's the difference between communism and a pencil? The pencil works on things other than paper.
What's the difference between a good joke and A bad joke timing
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What's the difference between everybody and bullets? Everybody misses Harambe.
What's the difference between Trump becoming president and a soldier dying in combat? The soldier knew what he signed up for.
What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? Your mom can't take a joke
What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard
What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun has only one trigger.
What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk? In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture
What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls? American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.
What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Hitler? Hitler had supporters.
What's the difference between Iron man and Iron women? One is a super hero and the other is a simple comand.
What's the difference between pink and purple? Your grip.
What's the difference between my job and a dead hooker? My job still sucks
What's the difference between a soldier and a teacher?
As a soldier, it is your job to kill people.
As a teacher, it is your job to try very hard not to kill people.
What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.
What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster? One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean
What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth? One was planned.
What's the difference between Turkey and Duck? Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South? A vegetable can get married
What's the difference between a genie and a genius? A genie grants wishes. A genius wishes for grants.
What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker? Dracula does more work during the day
What's the difference between 'Lamp' and 'Hard'? I can sleep with a lamp on.
What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr Day and St Patrick's Day? On St Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish.
What's the difference between Switzerland and Columbia? In Switzerland, snow is measured in meters, in Columbia in kilograms.
What's the difference between a funny Dutch man and a tube? one is a hollow cylinder while the other is a silly hollander.
What's the difference between ironman and ironwoman? One's a superhero, the other is a command.
What's the difference between yo momma and a rooster?
A rooster says cockadoodledoo
Yo momma says anycocklldo
What's the difference between a clown and a colombian? Ones a smug juggler the other is a drug smuggler.
What's the difference between a terrorist and a five year old? I don't know, I just pilot the drone
What's the difference between a pound of cocaine and a baby? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a pound of coke fall out of a window
What's the difference between feminists and a suicide vest? The suicide vest actually accomplishes something when it's triggered.
What's the difference between a mattress and a highway? A baby will cry for hours if you throw it on a mattress but it stops crying pretty quickly if you throw it on a highway.
What's the difference between a male paragraph and a female paragraph? The male one has no periods.
What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a New York bus station? Ones a busty crustacean the other one is a crusty bus station
What's the difference between a baby and another baby? I don't know, but let's hope their mothers don't either.
What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and a Pakistani school I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between a paratrooper and a paraplegic? A working parachute.
What's the difference between a chick pea and potato? I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face.
What's the difference between bullets and everyone ? Everyone misses Harambe.
What's the difference between racism and chinese people? Racism has many faces.
What's the difference between a raver and a chemist at a club? One drops acid while the other drops the base.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vaccuum? With a vaccuum, the dirtbag's on the inside!
What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans? If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.
What's the difference between a robber and a politician? Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.
What's the difference between a fence and Ellen Pao One knows how to link properly.
What's the difference between a Donald Trump and Ellen Pao? Edit: Trump can ruin a business right.
What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?? Attire
What's the difference between a muslim wedding and a terrorist training camp? I don't know either, I'm just the drone pilot.
What's the difference between OP and Fed-Ex?
What's the difference between a hippy and a hockey player? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
An oldie... What's the difference between a circus and a sorority? The circus has cunning stunts.
What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk? A mootation
What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three ho's
What's the difference between LSD and LDS (Latter Day Saints)? one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P
What's the difference between Mufasa and a house cat? Mufasa couldn't land on all fours.
What's the difference in a voyeur and a thief? A thief snatches your watch...
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner? Placement of the dirt bag.
What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? People don't milk cows for twelve years
What's the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of pants? a pair of pants only has one fly.
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scottish people? The Rolling Stones sing "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" and the Scots say "Hey McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have Bird Flu, you need tweetment. If you have Swine Flu, you need oink-ment.
What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears? ... Britney asked to be hit one more time..
What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Who cares! More bacon for me.
What's the difference between Notre Dame and Lucky Charms cereal? One of them belongs in a bowl.
What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of cocaine?
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
Too soon?
What's the difference between a politician and a catfish? One's a bottom-dwelling, muck-sucker and the other is a fish.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper? One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.
What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts? Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.
What's the difference between princess Diana and Tiger Woods? Tiger Woods has a better driver
What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? [personal favorites] Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's thirteen.
What's the difference between girls of our generation and peanut butter? One spreads easily and the other is peanut butter
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on a boys face till 14
What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? ...you can't milk a cow for a decade straight.
What's the difference between a toilet and a microwave? If your answer was "I don't know", please don't invite me over for dinner.
What's the difference between an art school student and a monkey? Monkeys can do math.
What's the difference between your mother and a bowling ball? You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
What's the difference between a job and a wife? After 10 years, the job still sucks.
What's the difference between a hockey team and a Russian woman? The hockey team showers after three periods.