Physics Jokes


Funniest Physics Jokes

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?” The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.

Funny Physics Jokes

My physics teacher said i have potential and then pushed me down the stairs

My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he pushed me off the roof.

What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ? Oops.

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation". But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

A joke from my old physics professor.. How Long is a battleship. True or false?

False. How Long is a man from China.

Physics Joke A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies, "no it's ok, I'm traveling light."

What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof? Don't do that, you have so much potential!

A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.

The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential... Then he pushed me out the window.

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"

My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential... Then he pushed me off the roof

Did you hear about the physics student that committed suicide by jumping off a skyscraper? What a shame. He had so much potential.

A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

My physics professor told me I had potential Then he pushed me off the roof.

Breaking up is like physics ... She keeps saying that I have no energy.

I keep telling her that I have potential.

Wanna hear a physics pun? If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?

A Joke by my Physics Teacher A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.

Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I had a female Physics teacher in my school. One day, a guy asked her, "What is the unit of power?"

"That's watt", she said.

A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.

I keep asking my physics teacher I keep asking my physics teacher "what is he unit for power?"

But he just keeps responding with "yes."

One More For All The Philosophy Majors Out There The Physics major asks: How does it work?

The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?

The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?

The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?

My Physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential Then he pushed me off a roof as a class demonstration

My Physics teacher said to me: you have a lot of potential. You should use it. We were at the top of the building.

Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting? They didn't have any chemistry.

My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.

A joke my mate told me after an after-hours lesson.

Physics Joke I tried having a threeway with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem

Why is the best place to teach physics on top of a cliff? Because that's where the students have the most potential

ISIS is knocking on my door recruiting... Cause I just bombed this physics test.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? BECAUSE There was no chemistry.

My physics teacher said I have potential... He threw me off a building to prove it.

Ex-girlfriends don't understand physics .... She kept saying that I had no energy, and never did anything.

I kept telling her I had so much potential.

I was talking to my physics teacher... Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume

Top 10 most important sciences 10. It is

9. impossible

8. to rank

7. the importance

6. of science

5. because

4. all of them

3. are equally

2. important.

1. Physics

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field... Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity. But he told me to drop it.

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?” He said, “Sorry. There’s No Time.”

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New Physics Jokes

Everyone knows I am extremely smart After all I have a theoretical degree in physics

I mixed up the temperature units when doing my Physics test As a result, I got an absolute zero.

The relationship between the Physics teacher and biology teacher in my brother's school didn't last long... They had no chemistry et. al.

I just learned that my college physics professor had a heart attack and died after climbing Mount Everest.... It’s so sad. He had so much potential

Physics is oppressive All it does is keep us down.

My physics teacher wants me dead She told me I have a lot of potential, and that I need to use it

I then realized we were on the top floor of a skyscraper

My physics teacher asked what I think it’d be like to walk in a town at night only illuminated by candles I said it would be pretty lit.

Why can't a physics teacher date a biology teacher? Cause there's no chemistry.

When my physics lecture ended, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?” He said, “Sorry. There’s no Time.”

Physics joke A PE teacher scolds a kid who's reading books during PE class.

"Why are you reading during PE class? It's called physical education you know?"

"Haven't you heard?" Said the kid, "Information is physical."

Physics are like incest It's all relative

How did god create the big bang? The first universe was designed for everyone to be happy, but the physics was poorly designed and threw a gear tooth and exploded.

My physics teacher told me I have potential. Then he pushed me off the roof.

[OC] My pen stopped working during my physics exam I shaked the pen forward and backwards constantly and I managed to write more with it.
Physics did not fail me that day , but man i did sure fail physics.

They're serving mystery meat at the cafeteria in the physics lab again. I've been asking what the main ingredient they put in their heisenburgers was, and nobody knows.

My physics teacher said that I'm going really bad at his class This made me really sad and now I'm in a moment of refraction

I asked my physics instructor what would happen if the universe hit Absolute Zero. He told me that if the universe came to that point then we shouldn't worry, everything is going to be 0K.

This kid in physics class was being mean to me So I called him the derivative of acceleration.

Everyone has something they love, for me it’s physics really keeps me grounded

I wanted to propose my friend in physics way but... Me: you attract me like gravity
Her: then move with escape Velocity to stop that attraction

The heavier you are the more people are attracted to you Atleast in physics

A baby was upset because a lizard that spoke of theoretical physics wouldn't climb the crib. The mother began to comfort the baby.

"Mama's gonna buy you a Hawking bird."

When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry And an F in Physics

This one is hard to understand Quantum physics

My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?” I replied, “y-naught?”

My physics teacher once told me that I've lot of potential. Then he pushed me off the roof.

I'm a theoretical physicist, and nobody will hire me They all say my theoretical degree in physics doesn't make me qualified.

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?” He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”

So, there's a Mommy particle, a Daddy particle, and a Baby particle... ...and they all came together.

Not my best physics joke, but hey it's a big universe-- I have a lot of material to work with.

Why dont the biology and physics teacher get together? Because they have no chemistry

I think my physics teacher is deaf... I asked her what the S.I unit of power is and she kept saying "what"

A young physics student on a train looks up and is surprised to see Albert Einstein seated across from him. He clears his throat, leans over and asks, "Excuse me Professor Einstein, but do you know if Boston, MA stops at this train?"

Some people think nuclear physics is interesting Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring

What did the physics teacher say to Luke Skywalker? Use the mass times acceleration!

i'm trying to teach my dog the basics of physics and we're at "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" when he pulls on the leash, so do i

I just bombed my physics test on kinetic energy. That should get me an A

Why did the biology teacher and rhe physics teacher break up? Because they had no CHEMISTRY.

What do the laws of physics and the predsident of Russia have in common? You can't choose them

I went to physics lab and laughed Because PRAC-TICKLES

A Level Physics lmao Why was the physicist studying gravitational fields so much more handsome than the one studying electrical fields?

Electrical Fields are repulsive sometimes, but Gravitational Fields are always attractive.

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Long Physics Jokes

Found in my Physics text book.

A man lives in a foreign country, and his job is to operate the train that connects one town to another. He is not very good at his job, and he is also very greedy. Since his income does not meet his expenses, he decides to steal from his passengers' fares. At first he steals only a little. However, as he gets more and more greedy, he steals more and more. Eventually, he is caught. The company is furious. Once he has been tried and found guilty, the company asks for the death penalty. The court refuses choosing to banish him from the country instead.

The man moves on to another country, certain that he can dedicate himself to a new life. However the only thing he really understands is operating trains, so before long, he is a train operater in this new country. Unfortunately, the old habits come back, and after a while, he starts stealing from the passengers' fairs again. Once again, he is eventually caught and taken back to trial. Once he is found guilty, the judge says he sees no hope for reform, since this is the second time the man has been caught doing this. Thus, the judge sentences the man to death.

On the day of execution, the man is placed in the electric chair, and the chair is turned on. Much to the surprise of everyone there, the man is not even hurt. He just sits there, as if nothing is happening. The instrument panel says that the electric chair is working, but the man is completely unaffected! The chair is turned off and on several more times, but the man doesn't even flinch! Finally, one of the guards asks the man why the electric chair isn't hurting him, and the man replies, "Well, I've always been a really poor conductor.".

A girl brings her boyfriend to meet her dad...

Dad: Of all people, you choose to be with this stupid and lazy arse?

Boyfriend: ...

Girl: Dad, don't say things like that about him! You don't even know him yet. He's currently studying to get a doctorate in physics while working a full time job.

Dad: (to Girl) I wasn't talking to you.

I noticed a nuclear fusion reactor the other day in my backyard.

While in my backyard the other day, I noticed a large gravitationally confined plasma thermo-nuclear fusion reactor. Being an engineer, I saw that it was radiating huge amounts of energy at very high velocity in the form of incredibly high frequency transversely polarized Maxwellian electromagnetic waves. Normally, Maxwellian waves are invisible, but these waves, I could actually see! The frequency was so high, I am certain that the ionizing radiation could cause cancer, not to mention some very nasty radiation burns. However, it was there, and I wanted to put it to good use. So I purchased a condensed matter quantum physics band-gap based electromagnetic-wave-to-electricity transducer. I used the transduced fusion generated electricity to run my computer to type this post. It works really great...except at night. Or when it's cloudy.

[Edit -- Modified title, and inserted into body. Added a couple adjectives.]

[Edit2 -- Added condensed matter, radiation burns and cancer causing. All 100% true! I think it is absolutely amazing that we can actually do this today, and it is even very common.]

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out."To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

Physics saves lives

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

Physics joke

A man is interested in placing a bet on a horse race; only he's a smart, educated guy and doesn't want to blow his money on the wrong horse. He decides to consult a vet, a statistician an a physicist.

He goes to the vet. The vet examines the horses for a few minutes, then points to a horse and says: "this is the healthiest, strongest, horse. He'll probably win".

He then goes to the statistician. The statistician takes a couple of hours to analyze all the previous races of all contending horses. He takes into account the horse's nutrition, the weather, the day of the week, the number of spectators and many other factors. In the end, he points to a horse and says that, based on past performance, it has the highest probability of winning the race.

Finally, the man goes to a physicist. The physicist thinks for a few minutes and tells him he needs a few days to think it over. A day passes, then two days, then three. It's finally a day before the race and the bets have to be placed. But still there's no word from the physicist. The man decides he has to get an answer so he angrily calls the physicist himself. His reply? "listen, the problem you've given me was harder than I anticipated. By now, I only managed to solve it for a spherical horse in vacuum".

A physicist recently won a Nobel Prize...

Over the course of the next few weeks he is welcomed to many ceremonies and events as a guest speaker.

On the way to the next event at Caltech University, he rehearses his speech again. During a pause, his driver says "You know I've heard your speech so many times I pretty much can recite it word for word."

"Can you really?" the physicist remarks, and challenges the driver to see whether he can deliver the speech at the University. The driver accepts this challenge; they stop to change clothes and switch seats.

They are graciously welcomed into the lecture theatre and the physicist sits near the front. Nobody suspects a thing while the driver stands confidently on stage and delivers the speech flawlessly and charismatically.

After a cheerful applause, the floor is opened up for questions and answers. Normally no questions are asked, but a somewhat arrogant young man grills the driver and asks him a tricky physics question.
The driver simply laughs and shouts, "Young man, that question is ridiculously too easy, I'll even let my driver here in the front answer that!"

A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms going 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"


After 2 minutes, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:


>!"In a foster home"!<

Two men are walking through the forest

And they stumble across a deep hole in the ground. They think wow that's a really deep hole. One of them says "I wonder how deep that hole is" . The other guy says "I took AP physics in high school I know what we can do. Let's find something heavy and drop it into the hole. Then, we listen to see how long it takes to hit the bottom. I can calculate the depth from that." So they both wander around the forest looking for something heavy. Then they find a rusty anvil Laying on the ground. They think it's odd to find an anvil in the forest, but bring it to the hole anyways. They drop it into the hole and listen for it to hit the bottom. Suddenly, a goat comes running through the trees and jumps straight into the hole. Since the guys were distracted by the goat, they didn't hear the anvil hit the bottom. So, they give up and keep hiking. They hike for a while, and start hearing someone yelling "Ana! Ana!" They meet this farmer and ask what he can't find. He says his goat Ana is missing. The guys told him about the goat who jumped into the pit, and the farmer tells them. "Oh she can't go very far, she was tied to an anvil"

A sprinter is training one day when he beats the world record.

After this he wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a completely shattered foot.
"I'm afraid this happens sometimes in jokes," says the doctor, "and frankly you got off lightly. You reached the limit of what the laws of physics allow for and hit the fourth wall."

"Does this mean I can never get any faster?" The sprinter asks.

"Exactly. You've gone beyond what any human has ever achieved but now your foot is lost. I can give you a good prosthetic and some physiotherapy but you'll never be as fast as you were. Perhaps it would be best to retire from running."

"But I am a sprinter!" exclaims the sprinter, "If I dont sprint, I'm not anyone! No invisible wall is getting the better of me!"

After months of physical therapy and retraining himself all over again, sheer force of will puts the sprinter back on the track and ready to beat his previous time.

The sprinter sets off again, and runs harder and faster than he even managed before, when- THUD. He sees his body smash into the invisible wall, blood and limbs spread everywhere. "Not again!" the sprinter screams, as everything goes dark and he passes into a coma.

He wakes up in hospital, weeks later. He can't see whatever's left of his body under all the plaster and tubes everywhere.

"Not you again," says the doctor. "Somehow we've managed to reconstruct most of your body from the mess you made on the wall and we had a team of engineers take care of the rest. But even if you can do this you really shouldn't, I don't know if I can fix you again."

Completely undeterred, the sprinter, now almost more machine than man, continues training to be even better than he was. He has his cyborg legs upgraded and improved upon, and trains his body ten hours a day every day for eight years.

It's the big day. The story's gotten out and the sprinter now appears in front of a stadium of thousands as the world gathers to watch his third attempt to get through the fourth wall.
Equipped with a titanium exoskeleton and battering ram, the sprinter takes his mark for his third and final showdown with the fourth wall.

As he speeds up, his life flashes before his eyes, he remembers being the fastest kid on the playground and how everything he's done since then has led up to this moment- the fastest being on Earth, facing his ultimate challenge- his destiny will be decided here and now. He will break the fourth wall or die trying.

He screams as he hits the wall at what to the audience might as well have been the speed of light.
As the dust from the track settles, the audience gasp in disbelief and horror.
All that remains of the sprinter is a puddle of red and grey goo running down an invisible wall with a very visible crack through the middle.

The same doctor who saved the patient twice before is there in the hospital when the sprinter's reconstructed brain is somehow revived in a robot body.

"Well," he says to the doctor, "I suppose this is a running joke.".

Edit: Changed a couple of phrases (and who delivers the punchline). I'm sorta making this up on the fly.

Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...

I told him he doesn’t understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.

Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that’s why he hasn’t seen his dad in 20 years!

The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system were not set up against the student. The
instructor and the student agreed to submit this to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.

I went to my colleague’s office, and read the examination question: “Show how it is possible to determine the height
of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.”
The student had answered, “Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower the
barometer to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is equal to the
height of the building.”

I pointed out that the student really had a strong case for full credit, since she had answered the question completely
and correctly. On the other hand, if full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade for the student in her
physics course. A high grade is supposed to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this. I
suggested that the student have another try at answering the question. I was not surprised that my colleague agreed,
but I was surprised that the student did.

I gave the student six minutes to answer the question, with the warning that her answer should show some
knowledge of physics. At the end of five minutes, she had not written anything. I asked if she wished to give up, but
she said no. She had many answers to this problem; she was just thinking of the best one. I excused myself for
interrupting her and asked her to please go on. In the next minute, she dashed off her answer which read: “Take the
barometer to the top of the tall building and lean over the edge of the roof. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a
stopwatch. Then, using the formula S = 1/2 at2, calculate the height of the building.”

At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded, and I gave the student almost full credit.
On leaving my colleague’s office, I recalled that the student had said she had other answers to the problem, so I
asked her what they were. “Oh yes,” said the student. “there are many ways of getting the height of a tall building
with the aid of a barometer. For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height
of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and by the use of a simple
proportion, determine the height of the building.”

“Fine,” I said. “And the others?”

“Yes,” said the student. “Here is a very basic method of measurement that you will like. In this method, you take the
barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer along the
wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units. A very
direct method.

“Of course, if you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a
pendulum, and determine the value of ‘g’ at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference
between the two values of ‘g,’ the height of the building can, in principle, be calculated.”

Finally, she concluded, there are many other ways of solving the problem. “Probably the best,” she said, “is to take
the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent’s door. When he answers, you speak to him as
follows: “Mr. Superintendent, here I have a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of this building, I will give you
this barometer.”

Both a joke, and advice for college students.

A young man was finishing his first year at University. It was finals week and he'd had a terrible habit of sleeping in and missing his early morning physics course. He knew that the only chance he had to pass the class was to ace the exam, so he studied as hard as he possible could for two weeks solid. Exam morning came and guess what? He looked at his alarm, freaked out, and booked it all the way to his seat. The exam was almost over, and all 200 of his classmates were putting the finishing touches on their tests. Class ended and everyone filed out...except the young man. He kept working at it, even as his professor made it clear his test would be disqualified. He didn't care. He put his heart and soul into the exam, and finished an hour later in silence. As he and walked up to professor's desk the professor lifted his head up,

"You may as well throw your exam away, it won't count".

"Do you have ANY idea who I am?", the young man replied.

The professor leaned back, "Son, there are 200 kids in this class and you're never here - I'm sorry to disappoint your ego, but I have no idea who you are".

The young man said "You have ABSOLUTELY no idea who I am?"

"No idea", the professor replied.

"Good" said the young man as he quickly crammed his exam in the middle of the stack and ran.

A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.

Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."

I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....

Dean, to the physics department:

"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

"Don't jump!"

One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. He stepped onto the ledge and shouted "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump!"

A physics professor passing by heard the commotion and looked up. He shouted back to the man "Don't do it! Don't jump! You've got so much potential!"

A physicist walks into a bar

and he orders a beer and turns to the stool next to him and offers it a beer. He finishes his drink and then leaves. The next day he returns to the bar, orders a beer, and offers a beer to the stool next to him before finishing his drink and leaving. This continues on for a week before the bartender finally asks, " Why in the world do you keep offering that stool a beer?" The physicist replies " The laws of physics dictate that there is a slight possibility that at some point the matter above this stool could reform into a beautiful woman, who would then accept the drink." The bartender is puzzled for a second before replying " The bar is full of beautiful women. Why not see if they will accept your drink?" The physicist quickly laughs before saying " Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?"

My physics professor fails any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet

After working on my report all night, I accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor. When I got to class the next morning, I panicked and threw the report at him at close to the speed of light!

I got a B+


Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your entertainment. The authors are unknown (or perhaps wish to remain unknown). We thank them for their insight into real-world broadcasting.

**GRUNDMAN'S LAW** -- Under the most carefully controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity and other variables, the system will perform as it damn well pleases.

**KNIGHT'S LAW** -- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

**HIDLEY'S LAW** -- Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do the work.

**DUNCAN'S LAW** -- When in doubt, mumble.

**EVAN'S LAW** -- Every man has a scheme that will not work.

**HULKO'S LAW** -- A theory is better than its explanation.

**STORYK'S LAW** -- The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

**WORAM'S LAW** -- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

**NORDAHL'S LAW** -- Everything goes wrong at once.

**EMERMAN'S LAW** -- In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

**TARSIA'S LAW** -- The obvious answer is always overlooked.

**SNODDY'S LAW** -- It works better if you plug it in.

**HARRISON'S LAW** -- There is always an easy answer to every problem-- neat, plausible, and wrong.

**MEADOW'S LAW** -- It won't work.

**WESTLAKE'S LAW** -- The first 90 percent of the project takes 90 percent of the time, and the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

**HARNED'S LAW** -- Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

**SCHNEE'S LAW** -- Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of this law is not true.)

**STONE'S LAW** -- Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

**GOLDEN'S LAW** -- A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

**PERRY'S LAW** -- If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

**GARAY'S LAW** -- An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

**KELSEY'S LAW** -- Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

**LIGHTNER'S LAW** -- If it happens, it must be possible.

**GUY'S LAW** -- The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

**MOYSSIADIS' LAW** -- As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away; if it's bad, it happens.

**CAPPS' LAW** -- If it can find a way to wear out faster, it will.

**LIPPELL'S LAW** -- If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.

**NEUMANN'S LAW** -- Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

**CALBI'S LAW** -- Nothing is as easy as it looks.

**MARINO'S LAW** -- Everything takes longer than you think it will.

**TODRANK'S LAW** -- There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who do not.

**BROSIOUS' LAW** -- The components you have will expand to fill the available space.

**INGOLDSBY'S LAW** -- You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

**MERTEN'S LAW** -- The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

**ZENTZ'S LAW** -- Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

**LUDWIG'S LAW** -- The other line moves faster.

**DOZIER'S LAW** -- Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
RETTINGER'S LAW** -- Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.

**RICKER'S LAW** -- Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail the same way.

**BODEN'S LAW** -- If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

**HANSCH'S LAW** -- Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

1. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it
makes it worse.
2. No matter what results are expected, someone is always
willing to fake it.
3. No matter what occurs, someone believes it
happened according to his pet theory.
4. No matter what the result, someone is always eager to
misinterpret it.

**FULGINITI'S LAW** -- In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

**SAX'S LAW** -- All laws are basically false.

A guy walks into a Pet Shop.

He says he is looking for the best pet, a "companion".
The seller says "I have a parrot, a very smart one, he speaks in English, Spanish and German, and he knows some physics and mechanics"
The client, surprised, asks for the price, the seller says 500 USD.
The client, still hyped for the parrot, asks for the one that's next to the first one.

-"Oh, this one speaks in Japanese, Chinese, Russian, and English, he has a doctorate in philosophy, biologist and linguist"

The client, still surprised asks for the price.

-"He is 700 USD"

-"Man that parrot is cool.... What about that one? The one that is in the corner?"

-"Well, that one costs 2.000 USD"

-"My god! What does he do or what are his skills?"

-"Uh, nothing really"

-"Seriously? Does he even speaks or anything?"

-"Not at all, he just eats and sleeps"

-"And why does it cost that much?"

-"The other two parrots call him boss"

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