Deer Jokes

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Funniest Deer Jokes

There were 3 blondes walking on a trail... The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"

The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "

The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"

Then a train hit them

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

Funny Deer Jokes

I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25 Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.

What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy? Deer balls, they're under a buck.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...

I'll see myself out now.

What is the cheapest meat? Deer testicles.

They're under a Buck.

Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts Beer nuts are $1.50 a lb. And deer nuts are under a buck.

What is the cheapest type of meat? Deer testicles. They're under a buck.

Three blondes found some tracks... The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th? Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.

What's the cheapest type of meat to buy?? Deer balls; because they're under a buck.

I tortured a guy from PETA. He screamed for deer life.

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer nuts are $1.29 a bag.

Deer nuts are just under a buck.

Two deer walk out of a bar. One turns to the other in disgust and says, "I can't believe you blew 20 bucks in there."

Whats the cheapest type of meat? Deer balls, they are under a buck

Why did the elk cry at the funeral? He had lost a deer friend

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? You can get one beer nut for $1.35, but two deer nuts are just under a buck

What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest? Bombi.

EDIT: Wow this blew up

Three Blondes Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $3.99 and deer nuts are under a buck.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.59/pound, while deer nuts are under a buck.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck fifty and deer nuts are always under a buck

What are the cheapest kind of nuts? Deer nuts, they're under a buck.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.70 a packet and deer nuts are under a buck

3 blondes are walking along some tracks. The first one says "hey these are bear tracks!"

The second says "no they are raccoon tracks."

The third says "no, they're deer tracks."

Then the train hit them.

What's the cheapest meat you can buy? Deer Balls...they're under a buck

Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"

Two blondes are walking in the forest.. They stumble upon some tracks
Blonde one says “these are deer tracks”
Blonde two says “no these are raccoon tracks”
They argue and argue until they get hit by a train...

Two blondes are walking in the woods. They come across some tracks. One says they are deer tracks. The other says no they are bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1.50.

Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

ME: I trained this chicken to talk. HER: Let's hear then.

ME: What's a male deer called?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

HER: This is dumb.

CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.

Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts One is $3.50 the other is under a buck.

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.59 and deer nuts are under a buck

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third one was hit by the train.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $2.99, but, deer nuts are under a buck.

What did the selfish beaver say to the deer that asked him to help stop the flooding affecting her grazing grounds? Frankly, my deer, I don't give a dam.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are about $1.79, and deer nuts are right under a buck.

Why'd the chicken cross the road? To show a deer how it's done.

I tortured a vegan by force-feeding him venison. He was screaming for deer life!

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New Deer Jokes

What do you call a deer who has lost both eyes in a hunting accident? No eye deer

What ist he cheapest kind of meat you can buy? Deer balls.They are under a buck

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.

Three blondes Three blondes are walking in the forest and stop when they see tracks.
First blonde: those are deer tracks
Second blonde: what? Those are rabbit tracks
Third blonde: you're both crazy, they're bear tracks

Then the train hits them

Deer nuts are always the same price worldwide.... Always under a buck! lol


My 11 year old son told me this joke today and thought I'd share with everyone.

Difference between a corrupt government getting hit by a car and a deer being hit by a car? There where skid marks leading up to the deer...

So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, “They’re deer tracks”, “No They’re Bear Tracks “

Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train

A deer jumps higher than the average house This is because the average house can’t jump

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idear.

What you call a deer with no eyes No idear

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.79

Deer nuts are just under a buck

An average performance A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!”

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right. The statistician shouts, "We got him!" Netflix shouts to the statistician, "Your documentary is coming!"

If you see a deer with out antlers acting crazy dont try to eat it without cooking it first. Everyone knows you cant eat raw kooky doe.

Which side of a deer has the best meat? The inside.

What did the deer say when she walked out of the forest? “That’s the last time I do THAT for two bucks.”

One day three boys are walking through the woods. While walking, they come across some tracks.

“Those are deer tracks” said the first boy.

“Those are bear tracks. I know for sure” said the second.

The third got hit by the train.

I want to start a deer breeding business but first I'm gonna need about 5000 bucks

A baby deer has been hanging around my house lately I'm quite fawned of it

A deer was caught trying to rob a bank He had to pay a couple thousand bucks

What do you call a group of deer who indulge in domestic violence and blame it on their SO? Amber Herd

What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour? I feel like a Million Bucks!!!

If you're looking for a cheap or inexpensive meal try deer balls. I hear they're under a buck.

What’s a deer without eyes? No eye deer.

What’s a deer without eyes or legs?






Still no eye deer.

What’s a deer with no eyes, legs, or ears?






Def. still no eye dear.

At 12:00, I saw a deer running away. I guess hind sight is 2020.

What did the buck say to his wife when she asked if he thought she was pretty? Yes deer

People think i'm a monster for only hunting pregnant deer but doe taste better once it's bred.

What do you call a deer with guerrilla training? Ram-doe

I really miss my job as a deer masseuse... It made me feel like a million bucks.

My sister dressed up as a deer for Halloween. All my friends fawned over her

I like my women how I like my deer Usually found dead on the side of the road

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.79, while deer nuts are under a buck

Dad: I have a lot of blind deer on my property. Son: Really? How do you know they're blind?

Dad: Well, I have no eyed deer.

What do you call a deer that can’t curse? I don’t buckin’ know.

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 deer nuts are under a buck.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $2.50 and deer nuts are just under a buck.

I bought some deer leg nunchucks for $20. I said, "$20? They used to be under a buck!"

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are 1.50 a lb, deer nuts are under a buck.

My 4 yrs old asked me: "'what does the deer say?" Me: "idk!"

Him: "Oh Dear!"

:/

Did you hear about the deer that could not be convinced to go to the tannery? It kept screaming, "I will not be suede!"

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Long Deer Jokes

This is a mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

Two guys are walking in the woods when

Two guys are walking in the woods when a wolf attacks them. They suffer a few bites, but they get patched up and go about their lives. The next month, on the next full moon, they suddenly change into wolves and run in the woods and kill a deer and do other wolf stuff.

In the morning they wake back up as humans. The first guy starts losing it. “Oh my god!” He shouts. “We are wolves!”

The second guys goes to calm him down. “No, now, we are humans. We werewolves.”

Three blondes are walking through a forest

...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer fined the bear $500.

A few days later, the window got broken again, so the deer asked "Who broke the window!?"

A squirrel responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The squirrel said: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer fined the bear $1000.

A few days later, the whole toilet got messed up - the fixtures smashed, the toilet broken and bloodied, the window broken, the door scratched, etc. So the deer asked "Who did all this!?"

The hedgehog replied "I kinda did...

[long]This is a joke from my country

Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, there was a young princess who never left the castle and had no knowlage about the outside world. The king being worried that the princess might never learn about the life outside the castle, asked his court jester 'Anderee' to take the princess out to the countryside and show her around.

So Andree and princess got into a carriage and set off to the countryside. The princess being very naive, was asking Anderee about everything she sees "what is that?"," who is that?".
After about 2 hours in, Anderee started to get annoyed by all the questions.

Suddenly a rabbit jumped infront of the carriage, and the princess asked "what is that?". Anderee screemed "BLOW ME AND I'LL TELL YOU!"

After a while, a deer jumped infront of the carriage, and the princess asked "what is that?". Anderee screemed "BLOW ME AND I'LL TELL YOU!"

Later on a skupperjack jumped infront of the carriage...........

Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

A Native American Chief had three wives, all of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

An American Indian chief took three wives...

To the first, he gave a buffalo hide. To the second, he gave a deer hide. But for the third, his favorite, he sent a brave far away, across land and water, to retrieve the rare and highly coveted hide of the hippopotamus.

Within a year, the first two squaws had each borne the Indian chief a son. In their honor, they were moved into a spacious, comfortable tepee. The third squaw, though childless, was also moved into another spacious tepee. The first two squaws complained bitterly of this inequity. They, who had borne sons for the chief, had to share a tent, while the third and childless squaw got one to herself. So the chief explained:

"The sons of the squaws of the two hides are equal to the squaw of the hippopotamus."

There's 500 bricks in a plane. How many are there if you throw one out?

"499"

There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.

There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they?
Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge.

The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that?
The deer is in the fridge.

A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it?
She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party.

She dies anyways. Why?
She gets hit in the head with a brick.

Blonds in the woods

There were three blonds walking through the woods, when they come across some tracks.
"These are bear tracks" said the first blond,
"No, these are deer tracks" sais the second,
"You two are both wrong, these are wolf tracks" said the third,
They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

With age comes wisdom.

All the guys were at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Leon , because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Leon and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, " Leon snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, 'Man, that Leon shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Leon into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Leon sat up and watched me all night."

With age comes wisdom.

The accident

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"

Two hunters are tracking a deer when they stumble upon a deep hole...

They can’t see the bottom of this hole and were wanting to see how deep it went. One of the hunters found an anvil next to the hole and threw it down. They were waiting to hear the thud of the anvil hitting the ground but they didn’t hear anything. Suddenly, the hunters heard a charging sound. The hunters turned around and see a goat charging at them going at least 20 mph. They jump out of the way and barely dodge the charging goat. It fell into the hole. Walking away, somewhat distraught, they met a farmer walking around. The farmer asked if either of the hunters saw a goat around there.
One of the hunters said “ya, it charged right past me and I dodged it and the goat fell into the hole.”
“That’s weird,” said the farmer, “I tied him to an anvil.”

Three blonds are out walking in the Forest when they come across a set of tracks

“Those are deer tracks!” Said the first.

“No! They’re antelope tracks!” Said the second

“Oh no... they are definitely bear tracks!”said the third.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A quite mean joke

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.
The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.
Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".

A physicist, engineer, and statistician go hunting...

After a long day of no luck, they are walking back dejectedly, rifles slung over their shoulders. Suddenly, they spot a deer in a clearing 150 feet away.

"I'll get him," the physicist says, doing some quick calculations and taking aim. BANG! The shot goes 10 feet long, but amazingly, the deer continues grazing.

"You idiot," the engineer says, "you didn't account for gravity or drag!" -- so he pulls out his notebook, does some quick calculations, and fires using his recalibrated aim. BANG! But the shot falls 10 feet short.

Suddenly, the statistician shouts: "We got him!"

the bear and his list

It's rumored in the forest, that the bear has a deathlist with the names of all animals he's going to kill. All of the animals are worried about that rumor.

The deer decides first to go to the bear's cave and ask him out about his list.
Deer: "Is it true, that you have a deathlist?"
Bear: "Yes, that's true."
Deer: "And is my name on the list?"
Bear: "Yep."

In panic, the deer runs out of the cave and into the woods. The next day the other animals find the deer's corpse in the forest - brutally murdered and without his head.

Then boar also decides to ask out the bear about his list and visits him in his cave.
Boar: "So there's your list..."
Bear: "Yes, that's my list."
Boar: "You know... is my name on it?"
Bear: "Yes, your name is on my list."

Same as the deer, the boar flees in panic and the next day the animals also find the boar's corpse in the forest.

So the rabbit starts to think about the situation. He decides also to visit the bear.
Rabbit: "So, bear, I heard you have a death list."
Bear: "Yes, I have a deathlist."
Rabbit: "And is my name on this list?"
Bear: "Yes, your name is also on my list."
Rabbit: "Okay... is it possible to delete my name from the list?"

The bear just responds: "Sure, no problem."

Deer Season

Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.

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