Contents
Contents
What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.
What do the testicles of a priest look like? Silly question, every child knows that.
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."
One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.
"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.
"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."
Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?
Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could
Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question can go home." *Boy throws bag at teacher* Teacher: "Who threw that!?" Boy: "Me! I'm going home!
How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
On the perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice? So... Can I come inside?
Not too sure I got the job....
Interview I had for a job:
"What's your greatest weakness?"
"Interpreting semantics of a question,
but ignoring the pragmatics."
"Could you give an example?"
"Yes, I could."
I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken
School joke
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
\*One boy throws his bag out the window.\*
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.
Don’t you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves? Because I do
Quick question... How much of this "No More Tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
Teacher asks a question
Teacher: "whoever answers my next question can go home"
Jimmy throws his bag out the window
Teacher: "who just threw that?"
Jimmy: "that was me"
Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg A life long question was answered. It was the chicken
Prostate Exam
After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had –
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who was that guy?"
Quick question How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?
Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombies and I have one question: Why were they all holding bags of candy?
How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb? Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.
I failed my biology test today. Apparently, "black guys" isn't the answer to the question "What is found in cells."
Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in? I need a quick answer to this question
Punctuality....
A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
Before going to bed, a little child asks his dad a question.
"Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'"?
The dad responds, saying "No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise...'"
At a job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?
Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes, yes I could.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, feminists can't change anything.
My parents found an S&M magazine under my brother's bed... My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."
I went out dressed as a chicken last night. and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.
Last night I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken and met a woman dressed as an egg. One thing led to another ... and a lifelong question was answered.
As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, "This is wrong."
"Question 2 ?" I asked.
"No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs."
The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows... It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, considering we work as wine tasters...
Last night I went out dressed as a chicken and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg...
Life long question was answered
It was the chicken
The punchline comes before the question What's the worst part about time travelling jokes?
A Rastaman with a bag full of marijuana walks into a bank... and hands it to a cashier. The angry cashier asks 'Sir, what is this...?' The rasta replies "Wa yah ask foolish question, mi come to open a joint account!!"
Is Google a boy or a girl ?
Google is a Girl because it won't let you complete
the whole sentence and starts guessing, suggesting and
you ask only one question,
but get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds...
most clever student
Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.
A chicken and an egg are laying in bed... When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says " Well I guess that answers that question."
Who came first? I went out last night dressed as a chicken and ended up getting with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A lifelong question has been answered; it was the chicken.
Went out dressed as a chicken last night and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg and a life-long question was answered... Turns out, it was the chicken!
Online clases are like watching Dora the Explorer Online clases are like watching Dora the Explorer. The teacher asks a question, there’s a moment of silence, and then he answers himself.
I was today years old when i found out bedbugs actually live in beds I always thought it was just a name like ladybug. It does leave me with one question though, where do cockroaches live?
Spouses are a lot like FBI agents They won’t ask you a question that they do not already know the answer to.
Pee is like your future Except clearer, and there's less question it's going down the drain.
The teacher tells the class: 'Whoever gets the next question right, can go home early.'
Benjamin throws his pencil to the front of the class. Teacher picks it up and asks: 'Who was that?'
Benjamin: 'Me, good day.'
I walked up to the register at the ball park with a question. If it’s NAH- CHO cheese, then whose is it?
How much protestor does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, they don’t change anything
I watched Avengers: Infinity War this weekend. It was definitely a good movie, but one question was left unanswered, and it keeps me up at night. I'll never be able to figure out why is Gamora.
A wife begins to question the faith of her husband.
Wife: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Husband: "You're Both."
Wife: "What do you mean?"
Husband: "You're pretty ugly."
I asked my veteran grandfather what’s the most disrespectful question that you can ask a vet? “Why didn’t you become a real doctor?”
Why did the chicken cross the road? To search for a place where people don't question its motives.
Went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken...
Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered.
The chicken.
Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.
He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"
Ahmed answers: "The axe"
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question.
They just beat the room for being black.
trump challenged Tillerson to an IQ test, and there was only one question on the test... If the President of the United States and the President of the US Virgin Islands are in an elevator, how many people are in the elevator?
My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences.
During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, “How did you know the war was over?”
He replied, “They stopped shooting at me.”
College Professors are like Dora The Explorer They ask a question, stares at the class for a few seconds, and then gives the answer.
28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court They're awaiting their sentence
A teacher says to a boy: "Answer one question i'm gonna give you and you can go home."
Boy :"Ok."
Teacher:"What state is Las Vegas located in?"
Boy:"That state"
Teacher:"What state exactly?"
Boy:"Woah, that's already the second question."
What happens When you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?
don't you hate it when people answer their own question ? I do
We were out having dinner when my girlfriend said “We’ve been living together for three years now and you still haven’t popped the question” “Good point, when are you moving out?” I asked.
Physics Student Question: A parrot was sitting on an elephant ... So the elephant died. Prove that, how is it possible?
Physics Student's Answer: Think,
The name of the elephant is parrot and parrot
Name 'elephant' [proven]
A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The eggs lights a cigarette and says... "Well, I guess we answered that question"
Why did the FBI go to question Sarah Palin while investigating Trump's collusion? Because she can see Russia from her house.
The Chicken and the Egg are lying in bed... The Chicken takes a drag of a cigarette and says... "Well, I guess that answers that question..."
How many tech support reps does it take to change a light bulb? I'm sorry, this isn't the right department to give you the answer to that question. Let me transfer you to another sub, hold please....
You know your trivia game is too old when there's a question about what was most searched for ... on Lycos.
Trouble of Child's name.
Question: Why do parents give children a middle name?
Answer: So the child knows when it is in seriously in trouble
How many self-help gurus does it take to change a lightbulb? Before I can answer that question, I have to ask "is the lightbulb ready to change?"
Why did Mohammad go to Medina whenever he had a question? Because Medina had the Ansar
What's the first question on the West Virginia Bar Exam?
If a husband and wife get divorced, do they still remain brother and sister?
A) Yes
B) No
C) They become cousins
D) None of the Above
sin(x) + 2 = 3 It's a trig question.
The word is: perpetuate The question is: How do they charge you at a vietnamese deli?
Medical question? My dad said he is going in for a hip replacement........is he having surgery or am I getting a cool new dad?
If you don't know how to answer a question on a flower biology test... You can always guess the anther
A chicken and egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette. The egg says to herself, "I guess we answered that question."
Question: Can the President fire the Director of the FBI? Yes, of course. If he can put Trump in office, President Putin can certainly fire Comey too.
I'm trying to decide whether to start a honey farm. To bee, or not to bee. That is the question.
Q & A
Teacher: First one to answer the next question gets to leave early.
(Johnny immediately threw his bag out the window)
Teacher: Who threw that bag?
Johnny: I did! Bye guys!
Inocent question!
‘Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?'
‘Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?'
The answer is: √4b². What is the question? To be or not to be. *That* is the question.
Concerning Michael Flynn The real question on republicans minds right now: what happens to the validity of Flynn's testimony when he gets autism after receiving immunity?
A student asked me today if there was such a thing as a stupid question. Of course not, I said. What a dumb thing to ask.
How does one question the sanity of the fastest man alive? U Sain Bolt?
My friend was having trouble with a maths question - They couldn’t decide if a number was real or imaginary I told them not to try and simplify something so complex.
"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said. "Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".
Little Johnny: Mommy, what's a transsexual? Mom: I think you should ask Aunt Dave that question.
I posted a question about the brightest star in the night sky, but all I got were joke replies. Should've added the [Sirius] tag.
People told me girls wait their whole lives to hear a man say "I do" Apparently not if the question was "Do you think I put on weight?"
What do you call 50 feminists on a bus? Trick Question. You can't fit 50 feminists on a bus.
What do you feed a feminist at a cookout? Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout.
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”
In America saying you're the bomb is a compliment but... In Afghanistan it's a question.
After my prostrate exam, the nurse asked me an interesting question. She asked "Who was the guy in the lab coat?"
I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10
And named it Mohammed, then sold it for £20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet?
TIL of Cunningham's Law It states that the best way to get the right answer on the internet is to ask a question.
Quick question to all the trans-people out there. If a trans-person has a child, does it make them trans-parent?
A programmer gets home one day...
...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".
Mike goes to a law consultant.
He asks: So how much do you charge per question?
Consultant: 150€.
Mike: Isn't it too expensive?
Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.
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