Contents
Contents
What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.
What do the testicles of a priest look like? Silly question, every child knows that.
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."
One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.
"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.
"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."
Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?
Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could
How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
On the perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice? So... Can I come inside?
Not too sure I got the job....
Interview I had for a job:
"What's your greatest weakness?"
"Interpreting semantics of a question,
but ignoring the pragmatics."
"Could you give an example?"
"Yes, I could."
I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken
School joke
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
\*One boy throws his bag out the window.\*
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.
Don’t you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves? Because I do
Quick question... How much of this "No More Tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
Teacher asks a question
Teacher: "whoever answers my next question can go home"
Jimmy throws his bag out the window
Teacher: "who just threw that?"
Jimmy: "that was me"
Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg A life long question was answered. It was the chicken
Prostate Exam
After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had –
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who was that guy?"
Quick question How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?
Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombies and I have one question: Why were they all holding bags of candy?
How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb? Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.
I failed my biology test today. Apparently, "black guys" isn't the answer to the question "What is found in cells."
Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in? I need a quick answer to this question
Punctuality....
A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
Before going to bed, a little child asks his dad a question.
"Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'"?
The dad responds, saying "No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise...'"
At a job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?
Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes, yes I could.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, feminists can't change anything.
My parents found an S&M magazine under my brother's bed... My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."
I went out dressed as a chicken last night. and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.
Last night I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken and met a woman dressed as an egg. One thing led to another ... and a lifelong question was answered.
Boy and girl in class asked the teacher a question.
"Can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"See I told you not to worry!!!!"
So many people think drugs and alcohol are the answer. But drugs and alcohol are the question. Yes is the answer.
A wife begins to question the faith of her husband.
Wife: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Husband: "You're Both."
Wife: "What do you mean?"
Husband: "You're pretty ugly."
A programmer gets home one day...
...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".
Mike goes to a law consultant.
He asks: So how much do you charge per question?
Consultant: 150€.
Mike: Isn't it too expensive?
Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Similarity between beggars and software engineers
When two beggars meet each other and two software engineers meet each other after a long time,
the question asked is the same .
On which platform are you working these days?
I'm trying to decide whether to start a honey farm. To bee, or not to bee. That is the question.
How much protestor does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, they don’t change anything
Pee is like your future Except clearer, and there's less question it's going down the drain.
Dak Prescott should've been in the nba Noone will question his ability to break ankles.
Son to his Dad after loosing virginity.
Son: Dad! I just lost my virginity.
Dad: Grand Son we should celebrate.
( 2 hrs after heavy partying)
Son: I just have one question dad.
Dad: Yeahhh! What's that.
Son:For how long is it gonna pain in my Arsehole...........?
I have a question for blind people: How are you reading this?
I asked my mom who her favorite child is She said could never answer a question like that but the dog was second.
What do you call a riddle told by a prostitute? A trick question
Physicists on Valentine’s Day
Husband: Hey baby I got a question for you
Wife: What’s that?
Husband: Will you torque on me this Valentine’s day?
My friends and I were putting together a musical score for a production of Hamlet Tuba or no tuba, that was the question
That owl asked the introspect question evee Who are you??
I went up to my Spanish teacher to ask him a question today.
"Mr. Sylvando, does "Más o menos" mean kind of and something else?"
To which he replied:
"Yes, pretty much."
Two guys were sitting in a library One guy tells the other,"Hey bro, can you pass me the biology book?". Hearing this, the librarian hushed him and said,"Be silent!". Hearing this, this guy repeats the question,"Hey ro, can you pass me the iology ook?".
How can you tell the gender of a jalapeño? That's a trick question; they're all male. A female of the species is called "jalapeña."
Shakespeare was planning on making Hamlet into a musical, but there was one instrument he was undecided on Tuba, or not tuba, that is the question.
The first question in my english exam was what sports is the most popular in America "School shooting" sadly didn't count.
Which question does Sherlock Holmes ask when he is bored? Watson TV?
I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she slept with Yes of course... why do men keep asking the same question
Whenever I meet someone and they ask what my kids name is, I think “what a personal question” I just met you and already you want the password to literally every one of my accounts
A Group Of Navy Men Hit The Town! A group of Navy men go to this nightclub to party but the bouncer doesn't allow them in, they question this and the bouncer replies "I'm sorry but out business has strict rules against clubbing seals"
What do you call the last answer on your Rabbi's trivia night? The Final Solution to the Jewish Question
What do feminists change with a light bulb? Trick question feminists can't change anything
I walked up to the register at the ball park with a question. If it’s NAH- CHO cheese, then whose is it?
How many protesters does it take to change the lightbulb? Its a trick question, protestors don’t change anything
Shakespeare going to the doctor in the 20th century “TB, or not TB, that is the question”
How do blonde jokes end? Trick question... they never do.
I got a chance to ask Sarah Jessica Parker a question during a meet and greet, but it seemed like she didn't want to be there and looked sad so I asked her... Why the long face?
I watched Avengers: Infinity War this weekend. It was definitely a good movie, but one question was left unanswered, and it keeps me up at night. I'll never be able to figure out why is Gamora.
A chicken and an egg were in bed together. The chicken was smoking a cigarette and the egg looked frustrated. I guess that answers that question.
What did Darth Vader say to The Question? "I find your lack of face disturbing."
A question about Black Twitter memes Are they considered Dark Humour?
My 7 y/o pal told me this.
What does the hamburger say when you ask it a question?
Zero.
Because hamburgers are round, like a zero.
I have a question for you anime fans. Is fansub the opposite of fandom?
Question - Why did Hitler kill his wife? Answer - She liked jewellery too much.
After spending a while with a girl, I eventually asked the question. "So, where do we go from here?" She said, "You tell me. You're the taxi driver."
A stoner walks into the house and asks his mother a question
Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being stoned?
Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot
When asked how old he is, a friend of mine describes himself as being, "Not old enough to vote republican" Meanwhile, I would describe my friend as being, "An appropriate age to be dodging that question"
What personal question is not obvious yet nobody has ever needed to ask anyone? Are you vegan?
A boy asks his mother a question
Boy: "Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"
Mom: "That's because your aunt likes flowers."
Boy: "Mom, what do you like?"
Mom: "Oh, be quiet Richard"
The two Propositional Logic professors at a local university are named Professor P and Professor Q. Police question Professor P about the identity of a criminal who has committed a series of heinous acts. P implies Q.
x-post from /r/philosiphy: "why do we laugh?" - Because it's all an inside joke, and you have to start thinking INSIDE THE BOX.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Let me just ask the question...
"How does a chicken know what a road is?"
/r/discuss
A man goes to see a lawyer...
And asks "Hire much do you charge?"
The lawyer replies "$250 for three questions."
The man says, "Gosh! Isn't that expensive?"
The lawyer replies "Yes it is. Now, what's your third question?"