How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute" but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?
Two Squirrels GO Camping
They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"
What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common?
Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.
Source: Friend told me
Food is getting so scarce, I just followed a squirrel so I could steal his nuts. It was a lot of work for two small pieces of meat.
Some lady called the cops on me because I was giving a squirrel a nut in the park. Good thing I got my pants back on before they arrived
You are what you eat...
...said one squirrel to another.
The other said in disbelief, "You're nuts."
My friend told me that I am really bad at noticing what people are trying to tell me, and that I am also really easily distracted She told me some other stuff but I wasn't really listening as there was a squirrel in a tree looking at me
What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by? I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese
An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
Friend: man, you got to help me. I hit a squirrel driving my car. I feel awful, what should I do? Me: Why'd you let it drive your car in the first place?
trees rock A squirrel had carved a shelter into a tree. The tree was arrested and faced charges in court of arboring a fugitive.
I met an squirrel at the bus stop
He was standing there with 2 flashlights.
I asked him why he had them with him.
"To scare away the wolfs", he said.
"But, we are in the middle of the city, there are no wolfs here..."
"Told you it works!"
How do you get a squirrel to come down from a tree? Take off your pants and show him your nuts
What do you call it when a male squirrel ejaculates onto a female squirrel's stomach? Chestnut
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today. I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
my gf asked me why I call her squirrel me: because you're short, cute, jumpy, have a bushy tail, and are always on my nuts.
How to let a squirrel go down from a tree?
Show him your nuts!
(Idk if this is known, my brother told me about this)
There have recently been a spate of rappers vandalizing squirrel nests in California. Police are on the lookout for doctored dreys...
What did the squirrel say when he had to choose between staying still or jumping down? I’m really on the fence about this one
If you listen closely you can hear the polite squirrel swear
(its name is probably Carl)
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree?
He was dead, too.
Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Why did the squirrel cross the road?
To get to the cool guy's house.
The chicken again.
Why did the monkey fall out the tree?
Because they was dead.
Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
Because they was stapled to the monkey.
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
What did the squirrel say when he spilt all of his acorns? Nothing, squirrels don’t talk dumbass.
What did the squirrel say to the tree? Nothing. Squirrels and trees don’t communicate with each other.
What did the squirrel say to the police dog when it raided its tree house? ...You’re barking up the wrong tree.
Im currently at a furry convention in Pittsburgh and I'm having a nice conversation with a furry. Edit: Turns out it was just a squirrel
My wife just came in and said "I don't know if I'm coming or going." I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face you're going, because when you're coming you look like a squirrel trying to whistle!”
What do a cigarette and a squirrel have in common? They're both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What's the difference between a squirrel and a politician lying dead in a ditch? There are brake marks before the squirrel.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to change the bulb, and the second to fill the bathtub with bright purple machine tools, and one more to purchase a squirrel from the apple vendor.
A squirrel and an owl are sitting on a tree branch, watching a farmer plow his field...
The owl looks at the squirrel, and doesn't say anything, because owls don't talk.
Then the owl eats the squirrel, because he's a bird of prey.