Squirrel Jokes

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Funniest Squirrel Jokes

What's 40+40+SQUIRREL! 80HD

My daughter made up that joke when she was 8.

Score: 1331

A man applies for a job as a police officer. The officer says: Alright, one more thing. Take this gun and go shoot 7 black men and a squirrel.


The man replies: Why the squirrel?


The officer says: I love your attitude, you got the job!

Score: 159

Two cows are talking to each other while grazing.... The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"

The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."

Score: 40
Funny Squirrel Jokes
Score: 22

Two cows in a field. One asks “should I be worried about mad cow’s disease”? “Well I’m not”, the other replies, “...because I’m a squirrel!”

Score: 20

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition? He is an expert at hiding nuts.

Score: 20

To the person who stole my adderall, Squirrel!

Score: 19

How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute" but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?

Score: 18

What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common? Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.


Source: Friend told me

Score: 15

Two Squirrels GO Camping They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,

"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"

Score: 15

You are what you eat... ...said one squirrel to another.

The other said in disbelief, "You're nuts."

Score: 9

Why did the squirrel swim on his back? To keep his nuts dry!

Score: 8

Why did the squirrel swim on its back? so it wont get its nuts wet

Score: 8

My friend told me that I am really bad at noticing what people are trying to tell me, and that I am also really easily distracted She told me some other stuff but I wasn't really listening as there was a squirrel in a tree looking at me

Score: 8

Why'd the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

Score: 7

Why does a squirrel swim on it's back? To keep his nuts dry

Score: 6

What do we want?!? A cure for ADD!
When do we want it?
Squirrel!

Score: 6

An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

Score: 6

What did Bruce Wayne say to the hungry squirrel? YOU WANNA GET NUTS?

C'mon, let's get nuts.

Score: 6

How do you befriend a squirrel? Just act like a nut.

Score: 6

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by? I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

Score: 6

How do you fight a squirrel looking for a nut? You beat him off.

Score: 6

Why didnt the transgender squirrel survive winter? It lost all of its nuts.

Score: 6

Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep his nuts dry

Score: 5

Friend: man, you got to help me. I hit a squirrel driving my car. I feel awful, what should I do? Me: Why'd you let it drive your car in the first place?

Score: 5

Who would win at scrabble between a Squirrel and a Raccoon? The Squirrel, it has a Q in it!

Score: 5

Why did the squirrel fall dead from the tree? Because it's No Nut November.

Score: 5

I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

Score: 4

I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today. I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.

Score: 4

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It died.

Score: 4

Why does a squirrel's tail grow from it's back? Because there's a squirrel in the front.

Score: 4

A wise squirrel once said "you are what you eat". Don't believe him, he was a nut.

Score: 4

Why does a squirrel swim on him back? To keep his nuts dry

Score: 4

What do a cigarette and a squirrel have in common? They're both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Score: 3

Why was the Eunich Squirrel unhappy? Because he had no nuts.

Score: 2

What does the squirrel do on his computer late at night? He nuts.

Score: 2

Im currently at a furry convention in Pittsburgh and I'm having a nice conversation with a furry. Edit: Turns out it was just a squirrel

Score: 2

What did the squirrel say when he spilt all of his acorns? Nothing, squirrels don’t talk dumbass.

Score: 2

A squirrel took the "you are what you eat" phrase too seriously. He was a nut.

Score: 2

Why did the squirrel fail to cross the road? Because it tried to play chicken and lost.

Score: 1

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New Squirrel Jokes

What does a hungry squirrel and my dog have in common? They both have no nuts.

Score: 0

Why was the squirrel genocidal? It was a Nutzi

Score: 0

What does a squirrel and a manwhore have in common? They're both after a quick nut.

Score: 0

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