Why do you always invite at least two mormons to go out fishing with you? If you invite only one, you'll have to share your beer.
How many Mormons do you take fishing with you?
If you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
A father takes his son fishing
Son: Dad, can you teach me how to catch fish?
Dad: Sure, son! first you throw the clickbait into the water
Son: What next?
Dad: What happens next will shock you!
My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!" She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.
Give a Nigerian a fish and he'll eat for the day.
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll immediately turn into a prince and start emailing people.
My wife is an angel.
Bob and Harry are fishing one day....
Bob.... "How's your wife been?"
Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours?"
Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one? If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop
fishing is like girlfriends There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I’m stuck here holding my rod
Fishing and girlfriends are a lot alike There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I’m stuck here holding my rod.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish... and he'll be fined for fishing without a license.
Did you hear about the girl who joined six men on a fishing trip? She came home with a red snapper.
Don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about getting the corona virus He never catches anything!
Did you hear about the girl that went fishing with the three guys? She came back with a red snapper.
When you go on a fishing trip with a Mormon, how do you keep him from drinking all of your beer? You invite another Mormon.
Teach a man to fish and he will have food for a lifetime. Teach a feminist to fish and she will complain about how fishing is male-dominated.
Two back desk orchestral players go fishing
And one falls out of the boat.
He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"
His partner replies: "just fake it!"
On the phone while fishing... I was on the phone with an interviewer today while fishing when all of the sudden I get a bite, I pause trying to decide what to do. Then I tell him, "Hey can you hold for a second? I've got fish on line two."
Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel ... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.
Why do you only ever take 2 mormons fishing (instead of just one)? Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
How many Mormons do you take fishing with you? Two, because if you take just one he will drink all the beer.
Give a man a fish and he'll feed his family for a day Teach a man to fish...and over the course of the next few years more and more pieces of fishing equipment will disappear from your garage
How do you keep your Baptist friend from drinking all your beer on the fishing trip You bring a second baptist.
I don't understand Fly fishing Why are you fishing for flies? What do you even bait them with? A starving Ethiopian?
Fishing in Utah
A Catholic in Utah once told me, "If you ever go fishing with a Mormon, make sure you bring two."
"Why's that?" I asked.
"If you just bring one he will drink all your beer."
The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048. Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.
In some places, line fishing is decreasing in popularity. In other places, it’s becoming more common. But there’s been a net decrease.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning" Because if it was a good morning, i'd be fishing
What happened when a fisherman saw that they spent more on missing fishing equipment than they made selling fish? They realized a net loss.
Whenever I go out fishing with my girls...
I catch fish really quickly and really well
They say I am the Master-Baiter
(As told by a 10 year old) A white cat goes fishing in the sea and falls in. He’s struggling to stay afloat until a red cat jumps in to save him. What’s the first thing red cat says to white cat? Meow.
Did you hear the one about the guy who took his fishing rod to Burger King?
He caught a Whopper.
(I'm hoping that this translates well to cultures outside of the UK - apologies if it doesn't)
Last time I went fishing I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I don't quite remember the rest of the day. All I really know is that I pulled a mussel
The woman business executive that went on a fishing trip.... ...with 10 male business colleagues. They didn’t catch anything but she came back with a red snapper.
Worm kid comes home
He sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
Fishing is a great way to recuperate. Whenever you’re feeling bluegill or like nobody gives a crappie. Or if you’ve fallen on your bass and you’re sturgeon for the truth. Don’t ever trout that cod will be there for you.
[Getting home from fishing trip]
MOM: Catch anything?
SaON: No, but a bear did
MOM: Where’s your father?
You should always take TWO baptists fishing with you. If you only take ONE he will drink all of your beer.
I told my misses that I was going away for the day to try some fishing
“Are you going alone?”she asked
“Of course not” I replied, “ I’m taking Rod and Anette”
A cow sits on a roof and knits spinach. A toast flies past and says: Fishing is prohibited here.
The cow: I do not care how much the strawberries cost, I'm here by bike anyway.
Why did the expert angler get arrested at the fishing competition? He was a public master baiter.
Two men are golfing When one of them snickers and points to two men in a boat and says "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."
The other day I was fishing for compliments The coast guard told me I was VERY good at violating provincial hunting and fishing laws
There are plenty of fish in the sea. But fishing rods, hooks, and bait are so damn expensive.
Dating is just like fishing There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until you catch one you're stuck holding the rod.
A fisherman is selling fishing supplies at a market An insecure rich man comes up to him and asks, “what’s your net worth?”