Fishing Jokes

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Funniest Fishing Jokes

Funny Fishing Jokes

What do you call a Polish fisherman? A fishing pole.

Why do Americans take a gun while they go fishing ? Cause groups of fish are called schools

I went fishing with Skrillex once It didn't end well, he kept dropping the bass

Why do Americans go fishing with guns? Because a group of fish is called a school.

Why do you always invite at least two mormons to go out fishing with you? If you invite only one, you'll have to share your beer.

How many Mormons do you take fishing with you? Two.
If you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.

A father takes his son fishing Son: Dad, can you teach me how to catch fish?

Dad: Sure, son! first you throw the clickbait into the water

Son: What next?

Dad: What happens next will shock you!

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!" She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

Nigerian Fishing Give a Nigerian a fish and he'll eat for the day.

Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll immediately turn into a prince and start emailing people.

My wife is an angel. Bob and Harry are fishing one day....

Bob.... "How's your wife been?"

Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours?"

Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip? Invite two of them.

Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one? If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop

fishing is like girlfriends There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I’m stuck here holding my rod

What do russians use for fishing? A fishing nyet

Why do priests love to go fishing with kids? So they have someone to hold their rod.

Fishing and girlfriends are a lot alike There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I’m stuck here holding my rod.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish... and he'll be fined for fishing without a license.

Why can't you go fishing with Skrillex? Because he always drops the bass.

What do you call a polish guy on a boat? A fishing pole

I once told a fishing pun The cringe was reel

Why was the fishing show so successful? They had a great cast

Did you hear about the girl who joined six men on a fishing trip? She came home with a red snapper.

Don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about getting the corona virus He never catches anything!

Did you hear about the girl that went fishing with the three guys? She came back with a red snapper.

When you go on a fishing trip with a Mormon, how do you keep him from drinking all of your beer? You invite another Mormon.

Teach a man to fish and he will have food for a lifetime. Teach a feminist to fish and she will complain about how fishing is male-dominated.

I was never really into fishing until the casting accident. After that I was hooked.

Two back desk orchestral players go fishing And one falls out of the boat.
He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"

His partner replies: "just fake it!"

On the phone while fishing... I was on the phone with an interviewer today while fishing when all of the sudden I get a bite, I pause trying to decide what to do. Then I tell him, "Hey can you hold for a second? I've got fish on line two."

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel ... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

I got a fishing pole for my wife I thought it was a pretty good trade.

Why do you only ever take 2 mormons fishing (instead of just one)? Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.

How many Mormons do you take fishing with you? Two, because if you take just one he will drink all the beer.

Give a man a fish and he'll feed his family for a day Teach a man to fish...and over the course of the next few years more and more pieces of fishing equipment will disappear from your garage

How do you keep your Baptist friend from drinking all your beer on the fishing trip You bring a second baptist.

What makes a fishing story interesting? A good hook.

How do you get a Mormon to not drink all of your beer on a fishing trip? Bring two Mormons.

Mario and luigi go fishing Luigi at one point says:Mario, I see land!
Mario then asks:Are you sure?
And then luigi says:yes, I think I'm a-shore.

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New Fishing Jokes

I don't understand Fly fishing Why are you fishing for flies? What do you even bait them with? A starving Ethiopian?

Fishing in Utah A Catholic in Utah once told me, "If you ever go fishing with a Mormon, make sure you bring two."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"If you just bring one he will drink all your beer."

What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament? A Live Stream!

The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048. Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.

I won a fishing competition today, which granted me the title of: Master Baiter

I saw a movie about fishing last night... The cast was pretty great

I decided to go fishing Just for the halibut

In some places, line fishing is decreasing in popularity. In other places, it’s becoming more common. But there’s been a net decrease.

I just started reading fishing jokes Now I’m hooked.

I always say "morning" instead of "good morning" Because if it was a good morning, i'd be fishing

What happened when a fisherman saw that they spent more on missing fishing equipment than they made selling fish? They realized a net loss.

Whenever I go out fishing with my girls... I catch fish really quickly and really well

They say I am the Master-Baiter

I tried ordering fishing gear on amazon, but it was a scam Oh my Rod, it was Click Bait!

(As told by a 10 year old) A white cat goes fishing in the sea and falls in. He’s struggling to stay afloat until a red cat jumps in to save him. What’s the first thing red cat says to white cat? Meow.

If I were to win the World Fishing Championship Would I then be the Master Baiter?

Just been fly fishing Caught a lovely blue bottle

Did you hear the one about the guy who took his fishing rod to Burger King? He caught a Whopper.

(I'm hoping that this translates well to cultures outside of the UK - apologies if it doesn't)

Last time I went fishing I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I don't quite remember the rest of the day. All I really know is that I pulled a mussel

The woman business executive that went on a fishing trip.... ...with 10 male business colleagues. They didn’t catch anything but she came back with a red snapper.

Worm kid comes home He sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"

Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."

Fishing is a great way to recuperate. Whenever you’re feeling bluegill or like nobody gives a crappie. Or if you’ve fallen on your bass and you’re sturgeon for the truth. Don’t ever trout that cod will be there for you.

My Dad took me fishing But the reel joke ...

A good fishing spot is worth a lot on the market It's prime reel estate

What did the plank say to his father while they were on their fishing trip? Dad, I'm board.

[Getting home from fishing trip] MOM: Catch anything?

SaON: No, but a bear did

MOM: Where’s your father?

This just in: a horrible fishing accident in Thailand. Several boys found in fishnets

You should always take TWO baptists fishing with you. If you only take ONE he will drink all of your beer.

I told my misses that I was going away for the day to try some fishing “Are you going alone?”she asked

“Of course not” I replied, “ I’m taking Rod and Anette”

I went fishing yesterday It was off the hook

I went fishing with my uncle The only thing I caught was AIDS

The cow A cow sits on a roof and knits spinach. A toast flies past and says: Fishing is prohibited here.
The cow: I do not care how much the strawberries cost, I'm here by bike anyway.

Why did the expert angler get arrested at the fishing competition? He was a public master baiter.

Two men are golfing When one of them snickers and points to two men in a boat and says "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."

The other day I was fishing for compliments The coast guard told me I was VERY good at violating provincial hunting and fishing laws

There are plenty of fish in the sea. But fishing rods, hooks, and bait are so damn expensive.

Did you hear about the fishing musem? I hear there reeling in there customers

Why was the movie about fly fishing a box office flop? Bad casting.

Dating is just like fishing There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until you catch one you're stuck holding the rod.

A fisherman is selling fishing supplies at a market An insecure rich man comes up to him and asks, “what’s your net worth?”

Why are there so many more kids working in fishing than on ranches? Because everyone knows children should be seine and not herd.

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Long Fishing Jokes

A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid says “One”.

The boss says “Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”

The kid says “$165,000”.

The boss says “$165,000? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?”

The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’ ”

A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida

A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says, "One".


The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.65 ".
The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"



The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."


The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bars".

"Excuse me, sir, is there anything I can help you find?" said one of the store clerks from behind him.

"Oh, uh, yeah," the customer said, startled. He looked around him quickly and picked up one of the newer-looking tricks. "What does this do?" he asked.

The store clerk replied, "Oh, that?" She picked it up and spun it around her finger - or attempted to. "It's a Fidget Spinner Joke. You can try as hard as you want, but it will never spin."

He laughed. "That sounds hilarious! What does this one do?"

"That's our Padlock Joke - it will never open with any key ever, even the one that's provided with it."

"Cool! Can you tell me about these?" And so it went on and on as he asked the poor shopkeeper about what seemed like every new item in the store, until he came back to the wall of sweets.

"What about these Chirp Chocolates?" he asks.

"Well," says the worker, somehow still keeping her energy up, "If you eat one, it'll make you chirp like a bird for a whole minute."

"That's hilarious!" laughs the boy. "Do these Hoot Gummies make you hoot like an owl?" She nodded. "And these Squeaking Marshmallows? And- hey, what's this?" He reached into the large container of wrapped mints and pulled out a brightly-colored fishing reel that had a very tiny handle.

The clerk takes it from him, and sighs, "Oh, darn... I forgot to sort these again last night - it feels like every time I come back our Reel Joke's always hiding in the Caw Mints."

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.’

THE salesman story.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.’

Best Salesman Ever!

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young guy says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average sales to 25 to 30 customers a day. This is gonna have to change very soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$124,548.88".

The boss, astonished, says $124,548.88??? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a SUV???"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Bro, your weekend's a mess, you should go fishing."

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...

... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.

The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."

The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.

The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."

They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."

The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing

when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Please help me!”

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”

“Come on God, give me a break!!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the LochNess monster either!”

(Credit. The Joke Cafe)

A New Salesman

A young guy from N. J. moves to Fla. He goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a sales job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in New Jersey."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101,237.65."

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

"Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,

"So I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft."

"Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK?!"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

He has two in his boat when the police approach him.

The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.

"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."

So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.

"Call who back?"

Fishing and Whiskey

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.

Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in its mouth, I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. Its eyes rolled back, and it went limp.

I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing, using the frog.

Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that damn snake... with two more frogs.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job.

The Manager says,
"Do you have any sales experience?"
The young guy says
"Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough,
but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters,
"One".
The boss says
"Just one? Our sales people average sales to 25 to 30 customers a day.
This is gonna have to change very soon if you'd like to continue your employment here.
We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes,
so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day.
He asked (sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and
says
"$124,548.88".
The boss, astonished,
says
$124,548.88???
What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says,
"Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,
so I told him he was going to need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban."
The boss said
"A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a SUV???"
The kid said
"No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife,
and I said,
'Bro, your weekend's a mess, you should go fishing.

An atheist is deep sea fishing.

An atheist is out on the Atlantic ocean deep sea fishing when his boat is attacked by the Kraken. Huge tentacles wrap around the boat and begin to rip it in two. He looks over the boat straight into the jaws of the beast and screams "Oh God! Help!"

Time freezes. A ray of light shines down on him and he hears a deep voice say "I thought you didn't believe I was real."

"Come on, God, cut me a break!" the man responds. "A few seconds ago, I didn't believe the Kraken was real either!"

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie.
The Irishman says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I wish all the oceans to be full of fish for all eternity and a fleet of fishing boats to catch them."
So, with a blink of the Genie's eye the oceans were teeming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I wish for a great wall around England, protecting her, and all the foreigners were gone".
With a blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around England and all foreigners disappeared.
The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot says, "Ach, double the size of it and fill it up with water."

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is lucky he takes it to vegas. Put it all on 00 on roulette. Doing so the man hits it for a million. So he rents the presidential suite and they bask in the hot tub for a while and lay on the bed. The man says wow, you've done so much for me I wish there was something I could do for you. The frog says kiss me so he soes and poof! The frog turns into a beautiful 17 year old girl and I swear to god that's how she got there your honor.

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.

"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.

Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.

The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"

Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job...

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says
"Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt
kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I
told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to
the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"

A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age

and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"

The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".

The best salesman in the world

The boy went into the mall to get a job. He told the management that he was the world's best salesman. They gave him a job as a seller, but expected profits from day one.

On Saturday evening the manager came down and asked how many customers he had served today. The boy said he had helped one customer. The director was disappointed with the boy and said he already had sellers today who had done much better than him. The manager asked the boy how much the sale was worth, and the boy answered "$93,100.25". The manager was very confused and asked the boy what he had sold.

The boy: "I started off with a $0.25 fish hook which got him looking at the fishing poles. I set him up with the $100 bait master and asked him where he was gonna fish, I told him about that great lake down south but told him he'd need a car with all wheel drive to make it up the rough terrain so we got him into the $33,000 SUV we had on the lot, when he asked about boat rentals I thought I had lost him, but I ended up selling him the $60,000 riverking pro to top it off."

The manager steps back in disbelief and says "Wow, you sold that all to a guy who came in for a fish hook?

"No" the boy said "The customer came in and told he had to buy tampons for his wife. I simply told him the weekend was already wrecked so he might as well go on a fishing trip"

EDIT: Thanks CowFu for improving story in my joke
EDIT: Comma mistakes

New job

A young student looking for a job goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Very little."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says "One".

The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$165,000".

The boss says "$165,000? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "

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