Chevy Jokes


Funniest Chevy Jokes

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds? Chevy Chase.

I drove to Vegas in a $25,000 Chevy and came home in a $250,000 vehicle A greyhound bus.

Funny Chevy Jokes

What do you call a retired Marine in a Chevy sports car? A Corps vet in a Corvette.

What kind of cars do ghosts drive? Chevy Maliboos.

What's the difference between a 1972 chevelle and a bic mini? Well one is a heavy chevy and the other is a little lighter.

When your sitting in a Chevy and you feel something heavy Anybody know any silly diarrhea rhymes?

Chevrolet announced that they’re going to start producing ventilators in their factories. Preliminary orders for the Chevy Noviva have been strong in the U.S. but surprising weak in Latin American.

Don MacLean lobbied for GM to be included in a carmaker tax He wanted to bring Chevy to the levy

I knew a guy who got an electric Chevy as a gift, but he didn't want it and just gave it to someone else. Frankly, I find that to be revolting.

The only people I could date are Chevy owners Because they are used to having to stay with their mistakes

What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Caddyshack? One had a Bronco pursuit and the other has Chevy Chase.

Why do Arabs only buy Chevy Trucks? Because they're like Iraq.

I'm getting tired of long time running jokes in Hollywood. Like casting Chevy Chase

Times must really be as tough as they say. I just saw a 2008 Chevy Cobalt go by with a bumper sticker that said Princess.

Why do Chevy owners like Taco Bell? Because it’s somewhere they can go to get something to actually run good.

New Feature exclusive to 2015/16 Chevy Trucks Magnetic Bumber; recover the parts as they fall off.

Chevy guys be like "I just blew a piston". Ford guys be like "I just blew a tranny". Dodge guys be like... "What was his name?"

Why was Chevy Chase's acting so good in community It wasn't acting

How do you make a Chevy Malibu float? Pour a glass of soda and add two scoops of Chevy Malibu

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Long Chevy Jokes

Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

3 Guys all married for 50 years, die at the same time, all go to pearly gates....

Its a long joke, sorry, 3 men all die at the same time, 3 men all have been married for 50 years, 3 men all are at the pearly gates, with St. Peter annoyed doing paperpork.

St.Peter tells them, I already the know the truth, I already know the answers, just tell me the truth when I ask a question.

First guy, how many times in 50 years did you cheat on your wife...the man says , Sir, in 50 years I have never cheated on my wife. St. Peter says for you Mercedes 500 convertible, he drives it through

Second guy, sweating a little, how many times in 50 years have you cheated on your wife, second guy stutters, 14 ,,,,12,,, ummm 14, St. Peter says for you, 1974 Chevy Nova, he drives it through

Third guy, sweat is pouring down, how many times have you cheated on your wife, He says, sir we both know I have cheated on my wife every Saturday night with a different girl, for you 1962, Vespa Scooter. He drives it through.

So the Scooter guy and Nova guy are driving around and they see the Mercedes guy pulled over on the road, sobbing, bone cracking huge sobs, tear stained shirt.

They say, what's wrong, you lived your whole life right, you were a great husband, why are you crying.

First guy says, "I just saw my wife go by on rollerskates".

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

A recently retired man decides to buy his dream car

A brand new 2015 Chevy Corvette. As he's leaving the dealership with his new purchase, he decides to open it up on the road and see what his car can do. He's flying down the road at about 130 mph when he sees the red and blue sirens behind him trying to keep up. He pushes the pedal to the floor, knowing he'll be able to easily out run them. After a few moments, he begins to realize he's too old for this and had better just pull over to avoid any trouble.

The officer, visibly irritated, walks up to the window of the corvette.

"If you don't give me one good reason why you didn't stop as soon as you saw my sirens, I'm taking you in for reckless driving."

The man pauses for a moment and looks up at the officer
"Well sir, I'll be honest. Ten years ago my wife up and left me for a police officer without any warning. And well, I thought you were bringing her back."

The officer tipped his hat and let him go with a warning.

An old woman needed her porch painted...

So she called up a guy and asked,

"Could you come by? I need to have my porch painted red."

"Yes ma'am, I'll be there in a jiffy. "

He shows up and let's the old lady know it shouldn't take him too long. She's surprised by this because her porch is large and wraps around the house, but she just accepts he's a fast worker.

30 minutes later she hears a knock at the front door.

" Hey ma'am, I'm finished!"

She looks around and notices the porch hasn't been touched.

"You haven't even painted my porch!"

"Of course I did! By the way ma'am that's a Chevy not a Porch"

Three men died and went to heaven...

... and met St. Peter at the pearly gates, who was explaining a new reward system to the newcomers. Each person who made it to heaven would receive a vehicle, the quality of which would be determined by how faithful they were to their spouses on Earth. The first man had his fair share of adulterous adventures, and he received a 1992 Toyota Corolla. The second man was pretty faithful, but even he was not loyal throughout his entire life, and he received a brand new Chevy Silverado. These two men then approached then third man, who was in tears. "Why are you so upset?", one of them asked. "You were the most faithful man we ever knew, and look, you've got a Lamborghini!" The third man replied, "Yes, but look at my wife over there. She's riding a scooter!"

In memoriam

Rapid Roy was a daredevil who specialized in car stunts. He decided to retire in style and end his career by attempting a canyon jump in the worst car he could find. After doing some digging, he came across a Chevy Nova in an auction in Champagne, LA. It was in bad shape, but he took a chance, won the bid, and spent several months doing body work and souping the engine up until it was as good as anything he’d jumped in before.

Tragedy struck on the day of the jump, though. The engine suddenly failed just as Roy was leaving the ramp, and the car lost distance, slammed into the opposite wall of the canyon, and plummeted to the ground. Not only was it pancaked by the fall, it was further crushed by rocks dislodged by the initial impact.

Roy was thusly immortalized in the local paper:

“Caught beneath the landslide, in a Champagne super Nova in the sky.”

Billy Bob declares war with the USA (a little long)

Billy Bob tired of all the liberal propaganda and confederate flag bans decides to form his own country and declares that he's seceding from the U.S. When the U.S government refuses to let him to recede peacefully, he unilaterally declares war on them. Next day he calls up President Obama in the Whitehouse,

Billy Bob: Mr Obama, President of the United states of America. We are tired of all your liberal bullshit and have declared war on the U.S.A. You were warned and now you'll have to face our might. At the moment my neighbors Clyde and Betty have decided to join my cause. We have 4 shotguns, 2 glocks and my 1994 Chevy between us.

Obama: I'll have you know that as of now we are largest and the most powerful military force on the planet, with almost 2million active and reserve personals. Over 8000 armored vehicles, 13000 aircrafts.

(Billy Bob cuts the call, and calls him again the next day)

Billy Bob: Mr Obama, I called my cousin Donny and Eustice. They along with their family have agreed to join our cause and with them they bring their Ford pickup, Eustice uncle's tractor and they brought their own weapons. Between us now we have 8 shotguns, 6 Glocks, 1 AR-15 rifle and 3 shivs for close quarter combat.

Obama: Our Navy is the largest in the world with almost 500 ships which includes 72 submarines many of which are capable of launching nukes and cruise missiles, 21 Aircraft carriers and several landing vessels capable of deploying our finest marines to any part of the world, at a moments notice.

(Billy Bob cuts the call, and calls him again the next day)

Billy Bob: Mr Obama, our other neighbors Jerry Lee and his teenage kids Pervis, Rufus and Wade have joined our cause. Also their cousins are on their way from Alabama and some 14 others have decided to join our army. Now between us we have 20 shotguns, 17glocks, 5 AR-15 rifles, 4 Chevys, 5 Ford trucks, 3 harvesters, 3 tractors and Robbie who is our war drummer because he is speciaal.

Obama: Since you're not giving up on this fruitless pursuit, I've asked Congress to declare war on you. Since this declaration over 200,000 of America's youths have joined the various divisions of the army, airforce, navy and the marines. We currently have almost 4million troops of the joint command on standby if you don't accept our last offer for a peaceful resolution.

(Listening to this Billy Bob pauses for a moment calls all of his fellow rednecks, there is ruckus heard in the background and after a few minutes returns to the phone takes a deep breath,then replies)

Billy Bob: Mr Obama, President of the United States of America. We have decided that its not in our best interest to go to war with your country.

Obama: So have you come to your senses and decided that you were no match for the might of the US military?

Billy Bob: No, Rufus here did the math and says we cannot hold 4million POWs in his barn.

I went to a couple of car dealerships last week

The first I stopped at was Kia. Well nothing caught my eye, but the price was right.

Then I went to a Ford dealer. I didn't really find anything I liked, but every car had a pair of shoes in the trunk.

At last I went to the Chevy dealer. Well, I see one that I like. The dealer does the once over with me, then he pops the trunk. Disapointed, I looked at the dealer and said: "Well, theres something missing."

The dealer, puzzled asks: "What?"

I said: "At the Ford dealership I checked out, they had a new pair of shoes in the trunk of every car!"

Smiling, the dealer says: "That's so they can walk home."

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