Beard Jokes


Funniest Beard Jokes

Who shaves every hour everyday and still has a beard? The barber

Score: 494

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.

Score: 395

I used to know a guy who shaved around six or seven times a day and still had a beard at the end of the day He was a Barber.

Score: 160

I was invited to a party and was told "dress to kill" Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind

Score: 107
Funny Beard Jokes
Score: 56

My friends Grandpa told us this when we were about 14, What did the one leg say to the other leg? Check out Shorty he's growing a beard!

Score: 46

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard... He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 37

I used to not like my beard but it grew on me

Score: 36

Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings? His shavings account.

Score: 33

Daddy, there's a man at the door with a beard! Tell him I already have one.

Score: 32

My grandpa just walked into the room with a young man wearing skinny jeans and a beard. I said, “Who is this, grandpa?”

Grandpa: He’s my hip replacement.

Score: 26

There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics. It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

Score: 25

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

Score: 22

What happened when Red-Beard's ship and Blue-Beard's ship crashed into each other? They were MAROONED!

Score: 21

I didn't like the idea of having a beard But then it grew on me

Score: 21

I'm unsure whether I like my beard. But it's growing on me.

Score: 21

My friend visited me months after I moved and said “sweet beard”. I said... “Thanks, it’s growing on me”.

Score: 20

My friend and I are in a beard growing contest Right now it's neck and neck.

Score: 17

Hey... Nice beard Thanks, it's growing on me


Score: 17

You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key vibe, a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.

Score: 16

From my 8 year old son: What's the beard's favorite kind of nut? Mustachios

Score: 16

I would shave my beard... but it's kind of grown on me.

Score: 14

At first I didn't like having a beard But then it grew on me.

Score: 13

Who shaves many times a day but still has a beard? The barber.

Score: 13

My friend glued a fake beard on to look like Jason Momoa I don't think he could pull it off very well

Score: 12

Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees." Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."

Score: 11

I was thinking of shaving my beard But it really grew on me.

Score: 10

Someone told me they like my beard. I said "Thanks me too... ... it's really growing on me."

Score: 9

Native American run deep in my bloodline. That’s why I can’t grow facial hair. I have Apache beard.

Score: 8

At first I wasn't sure about my beard But it grew on me

Score: 8

When i was younger i never thought i'd have a beard ....But eventually it started to grow on me.

Score: 7

Went to shave my beard but decided not to, the longer I keep it, the more it grows on me. Sure this is old but actually thought this the other day.

Score: 5

I've considered shaving off my beard But it's starting to grow on me

Score: 3

I started growing a beard a while back. I didn't like the way it looked at first. But its growing on me.

Score: 3

I was invited to a party and told to "dress to kill" Apparently wearing a scullcap, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

Score: 2

I've been growing a beard for six months now. Everyone else at the vegetable patch is super confused.

Score: 2

I've never had a beard and don't know if I like it, but it's growing on me.

I'll go now.

Score: 1

When my girlfriend told me to get a beard I wasn’t sure how I felt about it But lately it’s been growing on me

Score: 1

I was sitting at the park with a friend when a man walked by... He had on a black hat and a black robe. His sideburns were curly and his beard was long.

My friend said "That guy is Jewish"

I thought "He looks 100% to me"

Score: 1

We all know about mohawks, but what was the most popular facial hair style for native Americans? A pachy beard

Score: 1

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New Beard Jokes

My pal's dating twins. I asked him if he had any trouble telling them apart. "Noooo..." he said "That's easy. Helen's got blonde hair and Brian's got a beard."

Score: 1

I used to not like my beard but I don't know I think it's grown on me

Score: 0

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