I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols. I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
Did you hear the weather forecast for the hiphop festival? ...They're calling for a Lil Wayne
Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?'
Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'
Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode
How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas?
Nine bucks if the weather is bad.
Apparently in China there is really bad weather right now Some are even calling it a Blizzard
Did you hear about the boy who turned up to school with only 1 glove? He said the weather man said it's going to be cold, but on the other hand it might be warm.
What's the difference between weather and climate? You can't weather a tree, but you can climate!
As a child I was absolutely terrified of weather forecasters ..until I realised they weren't to scale.
Did you see the headline about Mayweather being afraid to go outside in the heat? "Mayweather May Weather May Weather"
Why are most weather forecasters men? Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.
Snow in the forecast... ...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"
Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama. The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.
I don't know why North Korea needs a nuclear bomb... ...their weather machine seems to be working just fine
“How are your parents?” shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied:” They’re very well, thank you. Isn’t the weather nice for this time of year?” It was civil war.
The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today. It is expected to dip into the teens.
A man watches the Alaskan weather channel everyday
Wife: Why are you watching the Alaskan weather channel everyday.
Man: I'm going next week so I need to acclimatize
Agnostic meterologist The agnostic meteorologist wonders whether or not there is weather or not.
Wrong number I think I need to change my phone number, it must be similar to the weather (met office), someone always calls asking *"is the coast clear"?* now, here's the strange thing, we don't live anywhere near the Coast
What do a group of goths and a isobars on a weather map have in common? They’re both linked by their depression.
heh I'm really tall and a kid said hows "the weather up there" and I said "its raining" and the I spat on him
Man 1: What's the weather like outside? Man 2: it's obtuse. Man 1: What? Man 2: Its greater than 90 degrees.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? Because he read the weather forecast you idiot
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather forecast for Christmas was? It looks like rain, dear.
What’s the difference between weather and climate? You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate!
Racist or not? Weather it's fashion, music or sports, black people have always been at the forefront of trend setting. They were even sitting at the back of the bus before it was cool.
Did you hear about the remote-controlled weather machine China developed? It takes full control of a blizzard's direction in just a few keystrokes.
Did you hear about the politician who was strongly against the draft? He ended up installing weather stripping.
Dang, have you heard about all the people dealing with bad weather down in Irvine California?
Oh, what bad type of bad weather?
What's the difference between a dark joke and 30 degree Fahrenheit weather Snowflakes can handle 30 degree Fahrenheit weather
My wife asked me for the weather to come in 30 minutes.
I asked Officer Rudolph, wearing his medal on a red ribbon.
"Definitely raining." He said.
See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
The Bureau of Meteorology have issued a severe weather warning. They have told the weather to not do it again or there will be trouble.
One psychic says to another, “lovely weather we're having at the moment” “Yes," says the other psychic, "reminds me of the summer of 2021″.
A spoon, fork and a knife are are asking questions..
the spoon asks the time
the fork then asks a question
and the knife wanted to know what the weather was
but he wanted to know what the fork asked
How can you tell weather or not an ethiopian guy is rich? Look for the Rolex fastened around his stomach.
On my visit to Chicago, the weather forecast said it was muggy. The forecaster was right. I went outside and someone stole my shoes.
I’m not saying global warming is real... But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!
I live in Nashville. Weather is nice here in the Nashville area this weekend. Sunny. A little chilly though so must be a.......draft....
Why doesn't the Weather Man ever carry valuables on them once the humidity level gets above 70%? It gets a bit muggy
Everybody complains about the weather . . . but nobody does anything about it except the CIA.