My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
Me: "Sweet dog you got there"
Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me: "Still in training, huh?"
Policeman: "What do you mean?"
Got called in for a drug test at work...
They said I tested positive for opioids.
I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."
They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"
"It was an everything bagel."
If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris
Bought some shoes from my drug dealer. idk what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
Today I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.
My drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people let him in
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.
So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
A drug dealer sold me his shoes today I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day
Life is like a hardcore drug. I've taken several.
What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.
We had random drug testing at work today. The pcp was my favourite.
So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day
I just passed my drug test My dealer has some serious explaining to do
I just passed my drug test my dealer has some explaining to do
The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...
My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer" I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"
My drug test came back negative My dealer sure has some explaining to do..
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
The widow ask the doctor "Why did my husband die?"
Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"
Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"
Doctor: "I know, but I did"
So today is 4/20 4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day
Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers? Because they can wash their crack and sell it again
Drugs don’t ruin your career Drug tests do
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
*First day as drug dealer*
*Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
“Boss, I’ve got a probl..”
Boss: There’s no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.
Man: Oh ok. Then I have a serious drug opportunity.
There was a drug test at work today... Mine came back negative. My dealer owes me an explanation.
Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices We all forgot about it
I bought shoes from a drug dealer... Don't know what he laced it with, but I've been tripping all day.
Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies? Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.
What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth? Addictionary
Why do drug dealers hate prostitutes? Because prostitutes can wash their crack and sell it again.
My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer. It was all just smoke and mirrors.
Bought some sneakers from my drug dealer... Not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!
Protip: If you're looking for a needle in a haystack... ...you should probably be more concerned about confronting your horse concerning his drug problem
I bought shoes from a drug dealer once... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
Why can't recovering drug users bike anywhere? Because they might be tempted to bike rack
I don't care what anybody says but everybody below the border are a bunch of violence loving drug addicted ungrateful idiots I live in Canada by the way
How are drug addicts executed in Saudi? Stoned.
Why are drug addicts the most cultural? They're always on a trip
Our Business is implementing random drug testing... I'm OK with doing most of them but I'm kinda nervous about trying Crack.
To me, working out is a drug. I don’t do drugs.
My drug dealer is so quick I nicknamed him... Instagram
What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies
A daily exercise routine.. ..is like a drug. I avoid drugs.
Adults used to tell me that if I went into the inner city, I could get robbed by a drug dealer... I finally understand now, $5 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous
What drug is the opposite of truth serum? Liedocaine
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again
Why are all programmers drug addicts? Cause they do a lot of codeine.
Weed ain't a drug, its a plant. Therefore I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a florist
What kind of drug can you genetically engineer a goat to make? Am-feta-mines.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again.
Why couldn't Medusa pass a drug test? Because she was a stoner.
I like Fed Ex drivers because... They are drug dealers and they don't even know it.
What do you call a Royal Drug Dealer? Your Highness.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said 'Keep off the Grass.'
I recently bought shoes from a drug dealer… I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
Bought some shoes of a drug dealer today. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
What's the difference between a clown and a colombian? Ones a smug juggler the other is a drug smuggler.
A duck walks into a drug store
and asks for some chap stick.
The pharmacist asks if it will be cash or charge
The duck replies...
Just put it on my bill.
If laughter is a drug... The real coke is in the comments!
What do you call a duck with a drug addiction? A quack addict.
I brought some shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what they have been laced with, but I have been tripping all day
He died doing what he loved Is an awful thing to say at the funeral of a drug addict who overdosed
My addiction to computer gaming started when my family bought a PC in the 90's... I guess that was my Gateway drug.
If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug? Pot
I asked my friend why he only smokes pot right outside of his front yard where he'd be more likely to be caught...
"Because my dad said it's a gateway drug"
When I heard my new job required passing a drug test..... Boy was I excited. Finally a test in a subject I know about!
To ease the pain of a mother Crying at her Husbands funeral I said "At least he died doing what he Loves" Too bad he was a Drug Addict
I bought shoes from a drug dealer today I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day
I adopted a drug sniffing dog... she's having a real hard time quitting
I always wanted to be a drug dealer But I had trouble getting into medical school
The police busted a drug ring operating out of a circumcision clonic The police got a tip off
What's a drug that makes you love to count? Mathemphetamine.
Why was the cookie afraid of getting drug tested? Because it was so baked
I finally smoked some of this drug that's in the news all the time, but I wasn't impressed. Crystal Meh.
You know the joke about the guy who buys his shoes from his drug dealer? I wonder why he chose that dude to be his sole supplier.
I saw a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center. It said keep off the grass.
An epileptic cop brakes up a drug ring in an underground night club. It was a search and seizure.
I just failed my third drug test this month At this rate, I'll never become a pharmacist.
Buying condoms I was going over to my girlfriends so I stopped at the drug store to get condoms. I get to the counter and the cashier asks if I need a bag and I responded with nah don't worry about it she isn't that ugly.
i bought some shoes off my drug dealer... I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.
You hear about that failed drug dealer? He couldn't cut it.
Just left an interview and they told me there'd be a drug test. I'm not worried, though. I know a lot about drugs, so it should be a pretty easy test.
The Mexican drug lord El Chapo has been extradited to the United States... It's still unclear which cabinet post he'll be appointed to.
Why do they call "roach-clips", "roach-clips"???
because potholder was already taken.
I know it's like a venn diagram of drug jokes and dad jokes.
What's a duck's favorite drug? Quack.
"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea" \- Canada
So I got these shoes from my drug dealer...
I don't know what he laced it with but I have been tripping all day.
s/o to my professor for telling this joke to me today and giving me a good laugh.
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
There I was, risking my life to save my girlfriend from a fire-breathing dragon!! And all she had to say was.. "You have a drug problem."
What's a mathematician's favorite drug? dx/dc
A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict. It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.
What does a drug addict and a child have in common? They both want tablets for Christmas.
What are ducks' favorite drug? Quack.
The difference between a prostitute and drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.