Drug Jokes

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Funniest Drug Jokes

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

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My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

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Funny Drug Jokes
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I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

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drug-sniffing dog Me: "Sweet dog you got there"

Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."

Me: "Still in training, huh?"

Policeman: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Nevermind"

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Got called in for a drug test at work... They said I tested positive for opioids.

I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."

They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"

"It was an everything bagel."

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If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris

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Bought some shoes from my drug dealer. idk what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day

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Today I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.

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My drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people let him in

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What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.

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So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since

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A drug dealer sold me his shoes today I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day

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Life is like a hardcore drug. I've taken several.

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What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.

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We had random drug testing at work today. The pcp was my favourite.

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So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day

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I just passed my drug test My dealer has some serious explaining to do

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I just passed my drug test my dealer has some explaining to do

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The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

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My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer" I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"

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My drug test came back negative My dealer sure has some explaining to do..

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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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The widow ask the doctor "Why did my husband die?" Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"

Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"

Doctor: "I know, but I did"

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So today is 4/20 4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day

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Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers? Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

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Drugs don’t ruin your career Drug tests do

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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

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*First day as drug dealer* *Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
*gets stabbed*

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“Boss, I’ve got a probl..” Boss: There’s no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.

Man: Oh ok. Then I have a serious drug opportunity.

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There was a drug test at work today... Mine came back negative. My dealer owes me an explanation.

Score: 118

To me, working out is a drug. I don’t do drugs.

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Our Business is implementing random drug testing... I'm OK with doing most of them but I'm kinda nervous about trying Crack.

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What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies

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So I went to my Hipster drug dealer last night... He gave me an instagram

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What is a drug addicts favorite snack? Crack-ers

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Why can't recovering drug users bike anywhere? Because they might be tempted to bike rack

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Why was the cookie afraid of getting drug tested? Because it was so baked

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What's a drug dealer's favourite type of dog? A meth lab.

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I got my drug dealer arrested the other day Maybe next time you'll wish me happy birthday, mom

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New Drug Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who assaulted a reposter on a prescription drug sub? He was a pharma karma farmer harmer.

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It’s a disgrace I can’t see my drug dealer during lockdown. He is surely a key worker.

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Pedophiles have lighter prison sentences than drug dealers. Their addiction is a minor one.

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The similarity between a drug dealer and a prostitute Both will give you blow for cash

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People say that I'm racist because I think white people should get harsher setences for drug trafficking But that's just because they're appropriating of the Latino culture.

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What is the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? One can keep reselling crack.

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It took them about a year to charge mac millers drug dealer in his death So maybe by the time we hold our next elections we will know what happened to Epstein.

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It took them around a year to charge mac millers drug dealer in his death. Fingers crossed,

Well get news about Epstein before the next election.

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My doctor told me the best way to lose weight is to think of dessert as a drug. I've been freebasing two cannoli a day.

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What’s a roll of toilet paper’s drug of choice? Crack.

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Why is curling a drug addicts favourite sport? Because they can play it on ice.

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I have just met a Chinese drug addict. He said 'Have you seen my cocaine?'

I said ' Not since he starred in Zulu'

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Getting a job is like getting a credit card: you need one to get one Of course, neither matters if you’re a drug dealer

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My drug dealer became a monk so that nobody would suspect him... I always knew the best coke was in the convents.

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Why is there cotton in the top of medicine bottles? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers long before they were drug addicts.

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How was the drug addict punished for doing drugs back in the olden days? He was stoned

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What do you call a drug addicted woman who takes advantage of a mentally disabled man for years? Jennay.

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Why does the pharmacist at the drug store hate prom so much? The morning after always has long lines.

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What's the common point between an alpinist and a drug addict? If they trip badly, they fly for a short time, then they brutally die.

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I had my pet duck drug tested this morning... Turns out he’s been doing quack this whole time!

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I love my drug dealer, but him joking that he “only has Pepsi” then threatening to kill me five minutes later is getting old

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I don't know what you consider a drug... ... But cocaine is where Freud draws the line.

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Did you hear about the drug addict who accidentally injected curry powder? He fell into a korma.

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Scientists set to release miracle fat lost drug in 2018 They are calling it “stop eating so much”

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On my way to work, I saw a cabbage talking to a carrot My drug dealer didn’t lie

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What do you call a drug addict who likes anime? Weed-a-boo

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What's the difference between an adulterous Muslim and a drug addict? The drug addict doesn't scream when he's stoned.

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What do you call a drug dealing hairdresser? El Chapo

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What do you call a drug addict with a lisp that never cleans their house? Methy.

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How does a stripper get rid of her drug problem? She drops him off at band practice.

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Picking up a drug addict is easy... They go for any line.

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What's the difference between a drug dealer in Colorado and a drug dealer in virginia One takes insurance

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Have you heard about the actor playing a drug addict? He believes in meth-od acting.

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What did I have to tell the homeopathic drug addict? That's an oxy, moron!

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What do you call a drug addict who has been awake for 14 days straight? A "two-weeker"

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Watching the Superbowl at a sober living with 7 sober drug addicts "That's also what I need to do; get away from the sack."

Boom.

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Dude you hear about the drug lab explosion? It was a real meth.

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