My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
Me: "Sweet dog you got there"
Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me: "Still in training, huh?"
Policeman: "What do you mean?"
Got called in for a drug test at work...
They said I tested positive for opioids.
I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."
They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"
"It was an everything bagel."
If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris
Bought some shoes from my drug dealer. idk what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
Today I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.
My drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people let him in
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.
So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
A drug dealer sold me his shoes today I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day
Life is like a hardcore drug. I've taken several.
What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.
We had random drug testing at work today. The pcp was my favourite.
So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day
I just passed my drug test My dealer has some serious explaining to do
I just passed my drug test my dealer has some explaining to do
The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...
My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer" I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"
My drug test came back negative My dealer sure has some explaining to do..
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
The widow ask the doctor "Why did my husband die?"
Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"
Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"
Doctor: "I know, but I did"
So today is 4/20 4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day
Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers? Because they can wash their crack and sell it again
Drugs don’t ruin your career Drug tests do
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
*First day as drug dealer*
*Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
“Boss, I’ve got a probl..”
Boss: There’s no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.
Man: Oh ok. Then I have a serious drug opportunity.
My drug dealer is so quick I nicknamed him... Instagram
To me, working out is a drug. I don’t do drugs.
What's the difference between a clown and a colombian? Ones a smug juggler the other is a drug smuggler.
Our Business is implementing random drug testing... I'm OK with doing most of them but I'm kinda nervous about trying Crack.
What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies
The difference between a prostitute and drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.
What does a drug addict and a child have in common? They both want tablets for Christmas.
My addiction to computer gaming started when my family bought a PC in the 90's... I guess that was my Gateway drug.
Why can't recovering drug users bike anywhere? Because they might be tempted to bike rack
A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict. It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.
I was doing stand up comedy at my school's ceremony They thought I was used as an example by the drug awareness campaign
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PROSTITUTE AN A DRUG DEALER ??? A PROSTITUTE WASHES HER CRACK AND SALES IT AGAIN.
It’s a disgrace I can’t see my drug dealer during lockdown. He is surely a key worker.
Pedophiles have lighter prison sentences than drug dealers. Their addiction is a minor one.
The similarity between a drug dealer and a prostitute Both will give you blow for cash
People say that I'm racist because I think white people should get harsher setences for drug trafficking But that's just because they're appropriating of the Latino culture.
What is an Asian persons drug of choice? Mathamphetamine
It took them about a year to charge mac millers drug dealer in his death So maybe by the time we hold our next elections we will know what happened to Epstein.
It took them around a year to charge mac millers drug dealer in his death.
Well get news about Epstein before the next election.
My doctor told me the best way to lose weight is to think of dessert as a drug. I've been freebasing two cannoli a day.
Why is curling a drug addicts favourite sport? Because they can play it on ice.
I have just met a Chinese drug addict.
He said 'Have you seen my cocaine?'
I said ' Not since he starred in Zulu'
Getting a job is like getting a credit card: you need one to get one Of course, neither matters if you’re a drug dealer
My drug dealer became a monk so that nobody would suspect him... I always knew the best coke was in the convents.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
(I have known this joke from far to young an age, but if you hadn’t heard it yet I hope you enjoyed it.)
Why did the Columbian drug lord have the police officer killed? Medellin.
Why is there cotton in the top of medicine bottles? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers long before they were drug addicts.
What do you call a drug addicted woman who takes advantage of a mentally disabled man for years? Jennay.
Why does the pharmacist at the drug store hate prom so much? The morning after always has long lines.
I had my pet duck drug tested this morning... Turns out he’s been doing quack this whole time!
I love my drug dealer, but him joking that he “only has Pepsi” then threatening to kill me five minutes later is getting old
I don't know what you consider a drug... ... But cocaine is where Freud draws the line.
Scientists set to release miracle fat lost drug in 2018 They are calling it “stop eating so much”
On my way to work, I saw a cabbage talking to a carrot My drug dealer didn’t lie
What do you call a drug addict with a lisp that never cleans their house? Methy.
What is drake's favorite drug? quack
I just failed my third drug test this month At this rate, I'll never become a pharmacist.
Picking up a drug addict is easy... They go for any line.
I got my drug dealer arrested the other day Maybe next time you'll wish me happy birthday, mom
A drug addict died in his sleep... I guess he overdozed.
I am both a comedian and a drug dealer I tend to crack a lot of people up