Hilarious Drug Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Drug Jokes

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

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My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

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I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

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drug-sniffing dog Me: "Sweet dog you got there"

Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."

Me: "Still in training, huh?"

Policeman: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Nevermind"

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Got called in for a drug test at work... They said I tested positive for opioids.

I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."

They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"

"It was an everything bagel."

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If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris

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Bought some shoes from my drug dealer. idk what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day

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Today I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.

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My drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people let him in

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What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.

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So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since

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A drug dealer sold me his shoes today I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day

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Life is like a hardcore drug. I've taken several.

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What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.

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We had random drug testing at work today. The pcp was my favourite.

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So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day

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I just passed my drug test My dealer has some serious explaining to do

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I just passed my drug test my dealer has some explaining to do

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The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

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My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer" I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"

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My drug test came back negative My dealer sure has some explaining to do..

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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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The widow ask the doctor "Why did my husband die?" Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"

Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"

Doctor: "I know, but I did"

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So today is 4/20 4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day

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Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers? Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

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Drugs don’t ruin your career Drug tests do

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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

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*First day as drug dealer* *Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
*gets stabbed*

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“Boss, I’ve got a probl..” Boss: There’s no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.

Man: Oh ok. Then I have a serious drug opportunity.

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There was a drug test at work today... Mine came back negative. My dealer owes me an explanation.

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Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices We all forgot about it

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I bought shoes from a drug dealer... Don't know what he laced it with, but I've been tripping all day.

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Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies? Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.

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What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth? Addictionary

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Why do drug dealers hate prostitutes? Because prostitutes can wash their crack and sell it again.

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My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer. It was all just smoke and mirrors.

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Bought some sneakers from my drug dealer... Not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!

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Protip: If you're looking for a needle in a haystack... ...you should probably be more concerned about confronting your horse concerning his drug problem

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I bought shoes from a drug dealer once... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

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New Drug Jokes

Why can't recovering drug users bike anywhere? Because they might be tempted to bike rack

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I don't care what anybody says but everybody below the border are a bunch of violence loving drug addicted ungrateful idiots I live in Canada by the way

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How are drug addicts executed in Saudi? Stoned.

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Why are drug addicts the most cultural? They're always on a trip

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Our Business is implementing random drug testing... I'm OK with doing most of them but I'm kinda nervous about trying Crack.

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To me, working out is a drug. I don’t do drugs.

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My drug dealer is so quick I nicknamed him... Instagram

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What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies

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A daily exercise routine.. ..is like a drug. I avoid drugs.

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Adults used to tell me that if I went into the inner city, I could get robbed by a drug dealer... I finally understand now, $5 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous

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What drug is the opposite of truth serum? Liedocaine

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What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again

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Why are all programmers drug addicts? Cause they do a lot of codeine.

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Weed ain't a drug, its a plant. Therefore I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a florist

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What kind of drug can you genetically engineer a goat to make? Am-feta-mines.

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What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again.

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Why couldn't Medusa pass a drug test? Because she was a stoner.

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I like Fed Ex drivers because... They are drug dealers and they don't even know it.

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What do you call a Royal Drug Dealer? Your Highness.

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A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said 'Keep off the Grass.'

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I recently bought shoes from a drug dealer… I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day

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Bought some shoes of a drug dealer today. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

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What's the difference between a clown and a colombian? Ones a smug juggler the other is a drug smuggler.

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A duck walks into a drug store and asks for some chap stick.

The pharmacist asks if it will be cash or charge

The duck replies...

Just put it on my bill.

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If laughter is a drug... The real coke is in the comments!

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What do you call a duck with a drug addiction? A quack addict.

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I brought some shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what they have been laced with, but I have been tripping all day

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He died doing what he loved Is an awful thing to say at the funeral of a drug addict who overdosed

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My addiction to computer gaming started when my family bought a PC in the 90's... I guess that was my Gateway drug.

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If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug? Pot

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I asked my friend why he only smokes pot right outside of his front yard where he'd be more likely to be caught... He said
"Because my dad said it's a gateway drug"

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When I heard my new job required passing a drug test..... Boy was I excited. Finally a test in a subject I know about!

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To ease the pain of a mother Crying at her Husbands funeral I said "At least he died doing what he Loves" Too bad he was a Drug Addict

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I bought shoes from a drug dealer today I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day

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I adopted a drug sniffing dog... she's having a real hard time quitting

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I always wanted to be a drug dealer But I had trouble getting into medical school

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The police busted a drug ring operating out of a circumcision clonic The police got a tip off

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What's a drug that makes you love to count? Mathemphetamine.

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Why was the cookie afraid of getting drug tested? Because it was so baked

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I finally smoked some of this drug that's in the news all the time, but I wasn't impressed. Crystal Meh.

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You know the joke about the guy who buys his shoes from his drug dealer? I wonder why he chose that dude to be his sole supplier.

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I saw a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center. It said keep off the grass.

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An epileptic cop brakes up a drug ring in an underground night club. It was a search and seizure.

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I just failed my third drug test this month At this rate, I'll never become a pharmacist.

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Buying condoms I was going over to my girlfriends so I stopped at the drug store to get condoms. I get to the counter and the cashier asks if I need a bag and I responded with nah don't worry about it she isn't that ugly.

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i bought some shoes off my drug dealer... I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.

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You hear about that failed drug dealer? He couldn't cut it.

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Just left an interview and they told me there'd be a drug test. I'm not worried, though. I know a lot about drugs, so it should be a pretty easy test.

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The Mexican drug lord El Chapo has been extradited to the United States... It's still unclear which cabinet post he'll be appointed to.

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Why do they call "roach-clips", "roach-clips"??? because potholder was already taken.

I know it's like a venn diagram of drug jokes and dad jokes.

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What's a duck's favorite drug? Quack.

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"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea" \- Canada

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So I got these shoes from my drug dealer... I don't know what he laced it with but I have been tripping all day.

s/o to my professor for telling this joke to me today and giving me a good laugh.

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I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

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There I was, risking my life to save my girlfriend from a fire-breathing dragon!! And all she had to say was.. "You have a drug problem."

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What's a mathematician's favorite drug? dx/dc

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A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict. It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.

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What does a drug addict and a child have in common? They both want tablets for Christmas.

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What are ducks' favorite drug? Quack.

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The difference between a prostitute and drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.

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