When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin. Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin? White penguins are walking towards you and black ones are walking away.
How does a penguin build his home? Igloos it together.
So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....
He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"
The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."
What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin? A life time ban at the zoo
A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Who is a penguin's favorite relative? His Aunt Arctica
You know you just can't tell Penguin jokes. They just don't fly
Best Hitler Joke That I've Heard
Me: "Hitler Killed 5 million Jews and a Penguin."
Friend: "What? A Penguin?"
Me: "See, no one wants to know about the Jews."
A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."
Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet.
Why did the penguin break up with the walrus? Because they were polar opposites.
Two cows are talking...
"Have you heard of the 'mad cow' disease?"
"I don't worry about that, I'm a penguin!"
You want some dating advice? Here you go.
A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."
A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".
Friends are like penguins If you stab a penguin they die
Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature... For them, everything is just black and white.
What's black and white and red all over? Comrade Penguin
A penguin took his car to the mechanic.
The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.
"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.
"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.
From my 4 year old: What do you call a penguin that can't win? A peng-lose!
Where does a penguin keep his money?
In a snow bank!
(disclaimer: saw this on the display of a local bank and I giggled).
Friends are like penguins If you stab a penguin, it will die
Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks... ...he was on Club Penguin.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin dating Chris Brown.
How does a penguin build its house ? Igloos it together
A QA Tester walks into a bar
He orders a beer.
He orders -1 beers.
He orders a penguin.
He orders a bfsadflkasdf.
He orders a OR 1=1.
He orders 23940239203492304920392304203423 beers.
He orders an order of beer...
Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because he had a javelin through his head.
Penguin puns Not sure if I'm in the right subreddit or not. Sorry if I am. Anyways I'm trying to write a Valentine's day card for my girlfriend and I got her a stuffed penguin and I wanted to include a cute penguin pun. Anyone know any?
An ill-prepared penguin comedian was about to go onstage.
"I'll just wing it," he said.
I replied, "You ain't gonna fly with the audience."
Why was the penguin broke? His assets were frozen.
Who is a penguin's favorite relative? Aunt Arctica
How does a penguin waiter take orders? Waddle you be having.
2018 kids won't get this Club penguin
If global warming didn't exist then why... Club Penguin shutting down
Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive" Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"
What do you call a group of Linux users? *Club Penguin.*
What do you call a dying island? Club Penguin.
How does a penguin build build a house? Igloos it together.
Did you guys hear about the new sister game to club penguin? Club baby seals
What do you call a penguin with sunglasses on? Shady
What does a penguin from New York say? “I’m waddlin’ here!”
A Nun and a Parrot
Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder, and a giraffe walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What is this? Some kind of joke?”
What is black and white and red all over? A sunburned penguin.
How does a penguin join bricks together for building a house? Igloos it together.
What is white,black,white,black? A penguin rolling down a hill.
Why did Club Penguin shut down? The Republicans melted the ice caps.
Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder and a giraffe walk into a bar The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
Why would a penguin want glasses? To help with his *ice*sight.
Can I get help with the puchline on a joke? What did the penguin say to the astronaut?