When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin. Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin? White penguins are walking towards you and black ones are walking away.
How does a penguin build his home? Igloos it together.
So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....
He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"
The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."
What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin? A life time ban at the zoo
A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Who is a penguin's favorite relative? His Aunt Arctica
You know you just can't tell Penguin jokes. They just don't fly
Best Hitler Joke That I've Heard
Me: "Hitler Killed 5 million Jews and a Penguin."
Friend: "What? A Penguin?"
Me: "See, no one wants to know about the Jews."
Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet.
A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."
Why did the penguin break up with the walrus? Because they were polar opposites.
Two cows are talking...
"Have you heard of the 'mad cow' disease?"
"I don't worry about that, I'm a penguin!"
You want some dating advice? Here you go.
A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."
A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".
Friends are like penguins If you stab a penguin they die
Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature... For them, everything is just black and white.
What's black and white and red all over? Comrade Penguin
A penguin took his car to the mechanic.
The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.
"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.
"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.
Where does a penguin keep his money?
In a snow bank!
(disclaimer: saw this on the display of a local bank and I giggled).
Friends are like penguins If you stab a penguin, it will die
From my 4 year old: What do you call a penguin that can't win? A peng-lose!
Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks... ...he was on Club Penguin.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin dating Chris Brown.
How does a penguin build its house ? Igloos it together
A QA Tester walks into a bar
He orders a beer.
He orders -1 beers.
He orders a penguin.
He orders a bfsadflkasdf.
He orders a OR 1=1.
He orders 23940239203492304920392304203423 beers.
He orders an order of beer...
Penguin puns Not sure if I'm in the right subreddit or not. Sorry if I am. Anyways I'm trying to write a Valentine's day card for my girlfriend and I got her a stuffed penguin and I wanted to include a cute penguin pun. Anyone know any?
An ill-prepared penguin comedian was about to go onstage.
"I'll just wing it," he said.
I replied, "You ain't gonna fly with the audience."
Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because he had a javelin through his head.
How does a penguin waiter take orders? Waddle you be having.
How does a penguin build build a house? Igloos it together.
Can I get help with the puchline on a joke? What did the penguin say to the astronaut?
What's black and white, black and white, black and white and red all over? A mad penguin you just promised you wouldn't push down a large slope.
Why would a penguin want glasses? To help with his *ice*sight.
So I encountered my friend with a penguin next to him..
So I said to my friend: "You should take that penguin to the zoo"
So he responds: "I already did that, but he didn't like it"
What does a penguin from New York say? “I’m waddlin’ here!”
Did anyone hear about the new secret community of penguin spies They are called the FBICE
What do you call a penguin with sunglasses on? Shady