Penguin Jokes

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Funniest Penguin Jokes

Funny Penguin Jokes

What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin? White penguins are walking towards you and black ones are walking away.

How does a penguin build his home? Igloos it together.

So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport.... He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

You know you just can't tell Penguin jokes. They just don't fly

Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet.

A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."

Penguin A penguin goes into a pub and says to the barman ,have you seen my brother ,the barman says what does look like?

A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop... He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.

Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.

Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.

Why did the penguin break up with the walrus? Because they were polar opposites.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

Friends are like penguins If you stab a penguin they die

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature... For them, everything is just black and white.

A penguin took his car to the mechanic. The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.

"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.

"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

What's black and white and red all over? Comrade Penguin

Where does a penguin keep his money? In a snow bank!

(disclaimer: saw this on the display of a local bank and I giggled).

From my 4 year old: What do you call a penguin that can't win? A peng-lose!

What's black and white and red all over? A penguin dating Chris Brown.

How does a penguin build its house ? Igloos it together

Penguin puns Not sure if I'm in the right subreddit or not. Sorry if I am. Anyways I'm trying to write a Valentine's day card for my girlfriend and I got her a stuffed penguin and I wanted to include a cute penguin pun. Anyone know any?

Why was the penguin broke? His assets were frozen.

Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because he had a javelin through his head.

Penguin Comedian An ill-prepared penguin comedian was about to go onstage.

"I'll just wing it," he said.

I replied, "You ain't gonna fly with the audience."

A hunter tells an Inuit.. I'm so good, I've killed every penguin in the arctic. "Piss off" says the Inuit, "Penguins are only found in the antarctic."
"Well, they are now" replies the hunter.

Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub. Wife: "But we don't *have* a penguin!"
Me: "And now for the good news...!"

Why didn't the penguin jump off of the iceberg? He got cold feet.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together

What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

What's the dumbest animal in the outback? The penguin

The white bear and the penguin tried to make their relationship work, but they couldn't. They were polar opposites.

What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that just fell down the stairs.

What's black and white and laughing?




...the penguin that pushed him


*not original, heard it years ago from a friend still my fav*

What do you call a penguin with no eyes? A Pengun.

And then the penguin says to the bartender, this *is* my most casual outfit!

Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because it had a spear through it's head.

If global warming didn't exist then why... Club Penguin shutting down

2018 kids won't get this Club penguin

How does a penguin build build a house? Igloos it together.

Two penguins are standing on an iceberg. One says to the other, “you look like you’re wearing a tuxedo!”

The penguin responds, “how do you know I’m not?”

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New Penguin Jokes

Two Penguins Two penguins are rowing a canoe through the desert.
One penguin says, “Wears the paddle.”
The other says, “Sure does.”

(This joke is much better when delivered orally)

What’s black and white and read all over? A penguin in a blender

Riding Penguins What is the difference between a bad dressed penguin on a tricycle and a sharp dressed penguin on a bicycle?

Atire

Why do Canadians not play club penguin Because they club seals

A penguin walks into a bar He says to the bartender "hey...I'm looking for my brother...have you seen him?
The bartender says "...I don't know...what does he look like?"

What goes black white black white black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him!

Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin? The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon and made his breakaway in a taxi, going along a rocky road to mars, the milky way, and the galaxy.

We should stop global warming. Club Penguin was shut down because of it.

Wanna hear an icebreaker? Fat penguin

What's black and white, black and white, black and white and red all over? A mad penguin you just promised you wouldn't push down a large slope.

How does a penguin build their house? Igloos it together

Two penguins are canoeing in the desert One penguin says to the other “wears the paddle”

The second penguin replies “sure does”

What do you call a penguin with sunglasses on? Shady

Did you here about the guy at the zoo?, he threw a penguin into the Lion enclosure: Luckily the Lion couldn't get the wrapper off:

What’s black and white but red all over? A dead penguin

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!

Courtesy of my grandfather :)

What do you call a penguin with no eye? A Pengun.

What do you do if you come across a penguin in the arctic? Wipe it off and apologise...

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

A penguin runs into a bar... Breathless with panic he catches the barman’s attention and says- “ excuse me sir but my brothers went missing, have you seen him?” To which the barman replies “what does he look like?”

A kangaroo is jumping around in Australia When ever she stops a little penguin pocks his head out of her pouch.

In Antarctica a little kangaroo is sitting with some penguins, sneezing and grumbling: Fucx this student exchange program!

What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a ketchup factory!

How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together

On a first date I always talk about obese pet penguin It's a good icebreaker

A penguin walks into a bar He says to the bartender, "Has my father been in here today?"

The bartender replies, "Well I don't know, what does he look like?"

What’s black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.
...
What’s black and white and laughing?
...
The penguin that pushed him.

How does a penguin build its house? It glues it together

What is black, white and red all over? A sunburnt penguin

Did anyone hear about the new secret community of penguin spies They are called the FBICE

Why did the penguin cross the road? Batman was chasing him

What is black white and red all over? A sunburned penguin

What’s black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

Penguin walks into a bar Approaches the bartender and says "I've lost my parents, have you seen them?"

Bartender replies "What do they look like?"

What does a penguin from New York say? “I’m waddlin’ here!”

If global warming isn't real... Then why did club penguin shut down?

What’s black, white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

*courtesy of my history teacher*

How does a penguin join bricks together for building a house? Igloos it together.

How does a penguin waiter take orders? Waddle you be having.

What is white,black,white,black? A penguin rolling down a hill.

Why did Club Penguin shut down? The Republicans melted the ice caps.

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Long Penguin Jokes

My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.

He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.

The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"

The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."

The penguin joke (my favorite joke)

One day a Cop pulls a van over and when he walks up to the window he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man "are those your penguins?"

The man Says "yes, they are my pets."

The cop replies to the man "You need to take them to the zoo right now."

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day the cop pulls over the same van and he walks up to the window and sees the ten pengins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man "I thought i told you to take those penguins to the zoo."

The man says "I did, today we are going to the beach!"

A penguin broke down in Las Vegas.

A penguin was driving through Vegas when suddenly his car stopped working so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.

When he got there the mechanic told him it could take an hour or two to find out what is wrong with his car. The penguin was getting hot so he asked the mechanic where he could cool down.

The mechanic reply "there is an ice cream parlor a few blocks up the street" so the penguin thanked him and waddled up to the parlor. When he got there he ordered the biggest cup of vanilla ice cream they had.

After awhile of enjoying his ice cream he started to head back to the mechanic. When he got back the mechanic said
"Hey it looks like you blew a seal" then the penguin shouted "No no! It's just vanilla ice cream!"

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona...

...and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.

The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

A man is walking down the street holding a penguin under his arm...

When he meets a friend going the other way.


'What are you doing with that penguin?' his friend says.


'Well I just found it outside my house, I don't know what to do with it!'


'Why don't you take it to the zoo?' she says.


'Brilliant! I hadn't thought of that.' And they go their separate ways.


The next day the man is walking along the same street with the penguin under his arm again, and he sees his friend coming the other way.


'I thought you were going to take it to the zoo?' she asks.


'I did' replies the man. 'It loved it. We're going to the cinema this afternoon!'

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on.

He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A joke told by my Polish grandmother....

Two Russian policemen are walking down the road on patrol when they encounter a penguin crossing the street. One says to the other, "One of us should get him and take him to the zoo."

The other volunteers, tells the first to wait until he returns, picks up the penguin and heads off down the street. The first officer stands waiting for half an hour...an hour...two hours...finally after almost three hours, the second policeman comes back still holding the penguin.

The officer who stayed is exasperated, "What took you so long and why do you still have the penguin? Was the zoo closed?"

"No," the second replied, "it was open. We had a very nice time. I'm think I'm going to take him to the movies now."

Favorite joke from childhood.

A police officer is hanging by a speed trap and he sees a man in a convertible... with a penguin in the passenger seat! He pulls them over.

"Sir, what are you doing with a penguin?"

"I saw him wondering around the streets, so I adopted him. Isn't he cute!"

"Sir, you are to take that penguin to the zoo immediately."

"Yes officer."

Next day officer is at the same exact speed trap and sees the same exact car... with the same exact penguin!

"Sir, I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"

"I did officer. Had a blast! Today we're going to the beach!"

The Penguin Joke

So a police officer is parked by the side of the road. He sees a pickup truck drive by and it's full of penguins. The officer flips his siren on and pulls the truck over.

He approaches the window and asks the man, "Sir, what are you doing with these penguins?"

"Well they're my pets, officer," the man replies.

"I'm afraid you'll have to take these animals to the zoo," the officer says, and leaves.

The next day, the police officer is parked in the same spot. He sees the same truck drive by. Now all the penguins are wearing sunglasses. He flips the siren on and pulls the truck over.

Upon reaching the window he says, "Sir, I told you to take these animals to the zoo."

"Yes officer, I did," replies the man. "And today I'm taking them to the beach."

A man finds a penguin walking down the street

He grabs the penguin and puts it in his car and starts to speed away when a cop pulls him over.

The cop walks up to the car and asks the man what he's doing with the penguin.

"He was just walking down the road," the man said.

"Well, take him to the zoo and I won't give you a ticket for speeding." The man agrees and drives away.

A week later the cop sees the same man drive by and he still has the penguin in the car. He pulls over the car again and says to the man, "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!?"

"Yes," the man says, " I did. Today we're going to the movies."

An officer, a gentleman and a penguin.

One day a man is walking down a London street when he comes across a penguin. Not sure what to do, he picks up the penguin and continues his journey. A police patrol spots the man,
"What are you doing with that penguin!?" the officer asks
"I don't know...I just found it standing in the middle of the road..." replies the man, still confused by the ordeal.
"Then take it to the zoo!" the officer exclaims
The next day the same officer spots the same man walking around with the same penguin!
"Oi, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
"I did" replied the man, "we thoroughly enjoyed it, now we're off to the movies!"

A penguin has some car trouble...

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

My favourite penguin joke

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A man finds a penguin on the road...

A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.

One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.

What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.

I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

So a truck driver is driving through the country when he sees a penguin in the middle of the road.....

He pulls over and looks around, but can't see anyone. So he picks up the penguin, puts him in the cab of his truck, and continues on his way.

A couple of miles down the road he gets pulled over by a cop. The cop walks up to the truck and asks, "What are you doing with that penguin in your cab?" The truck driver thinks for a second and says, "Well, he was just sitting in the middle of the road, so I decided to pick him up" to which the cop replied, "well ok, but what are you going to do with him now?" Truck driver thinks for another second and says, "Well I was thinking I'd take him to the zoo." The cop shrugs his shoulders, tells the truck driver that'll be fine and lets him go on his way.

A couple weeks later and the same truck driver with the same penguin is pulled over again by the same cop. But this time the cop storms up to the truck and demands to know angrily, "What are you still doing with that penguin? You said you were going to take him to the zoo?" "I did" exclaimed the truck driver "that was two weeks ago, I'm taking him to the ball park today"

Edit: As per lydocia

A penguin goes on vacation...

He is sick of the cold, antarctic weather, so after some basic research, he decides he wants to go to the warm paradise of Texas.
The first day he arrives, he rents a convertible. He drives it up and down the highway, loving the warm air and hot sun. He blasts the heat, drinks hot coffee, and sweats like he has never sweat before.

But then, in the middle of nowhere, his car breaks down. He has it towed to the nearest small town, and brings it to a mechanic.

The mechanic says, "We're a little busy. It'll be about an hour before I can look at your car."

"No problem," the penguin responds, "I'll be back in an hour."

He heads back out into the heat, and wanders the small town. At this point, he is starting to get a little homesick. Just then, he sees a little ice cream stand. He thinks, what a perfect way to cool down and feel better.

He orders a giant vanilla ice cream. Bigger than a basketball, on top of a little tiny cone. He loves it. He licks it and slurps it, eating as much as he can as fast as he can (everyone knows penguins don't get ice cream headaches...). His little penguin tuxedo is covered in it. His hands are sticky with it. He gets lost in a vanilla paradise.

He is so immersed in this cone, that he loses track of time. Walking down the road, he passes a bank, flashing the current time, and he realizes he has been wandering for over two hours. He quickly runs back to the shop, discarding the rest of his frozen treat.

Barging into the mechanic's shop, struggling to catch his breath, the little penguin says, "I'm so sorry I'm late. I lost track of time. Have you figured out what's wrong with my car?"

The mechanic responds, "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No!" the penguin says, "It's ice cream, I swear!"

Edit: fixed the wall of text, hopefully.

So a man is walking a penguin down the street...

So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.

The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"

A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"

The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"

A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...

When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.

"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....

The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."

A penguin's car breaks down...

...and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car. The mechanic informs him,"It looks as though you've blown a seal."

"Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."

(I'll now escort myself back to 4th grade)

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