Hilarious Cow Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

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What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

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What’s the difference between a cow and the crucifixion? You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.

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Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.

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What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.

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What does the narcissistic cow say? "Meeeeee!"

I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.

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How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.

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What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You don't milk a cow for 10 years

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What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? A visit from the Scientific Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

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One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

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What do you call a cow that gets an abortion? Decaffeinated

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I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow.

I tried.

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I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike... She game the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.

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Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

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What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure.

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What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers? You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

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What do you call a cow that has abortion? Decaffeinated

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My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese? With a holey cow.

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Why did the cow get an award? For being outstanding in his field.

Sorry.

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mother

Score: 277

American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"

Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"

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TIL cow tipping is an urban myth. Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

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They say cow manure come from males. But that's bullshit.

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Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher.

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Yo mama

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Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

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What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.

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What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out

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Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

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Hey you wanna know why they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

I'm sorry you can thank my mom for that joke

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If a cow is unable to produce milk... Is it an udder failure?

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My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger. They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's throat.

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What do Indians say when they are surprised? Holy cow

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So two cows are standing in a field... One turns to the other and says, "So have you heard about this mad cow disease business? Pretty scary stuff."

The other looks back and says, "What do I care, I'm a helicopter!"

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Two cows are in a field and one says to the other "I'm kind of worried about this Mad Cow disease, are you? The second cow replies "Nah I'm not worried about it. I'm a helicopter"

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Two cow talking in a field The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "

The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"

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What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros? A cow can't be milked for over 30 years

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New Cow Jokes

Why do farmers buy 18 DVDs on raising cattle? They don't want that cow vid 19!

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What do you get when you milk a scared cow? Seriously injured if you're lucky. Cmon man, that's dangerous.

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TIL its illegal to kill a cow in Nepal If you do they use cowpital punishment.

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What does the 14 year old white cow say? Mooood.

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A mathematician, a biologist, and an economist are riding in a train. Looking out the window, they see a cow.

*Mathematician:* “This side of the cow is brown.”

*Biologist:* “That is a brown cow.”

*Economist:* “**All** cows are brown.”

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What do you call an insulted cow? Roast beef.

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Fun fact, bulls aren’t angered by the color red, but the waving motion of the cloth Which makes absolute sense since my neighbor gives me a scowl whenever I wave to her, Sharon you cow

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How do you get more milk out of a cow that won't listen? You whisper to them, but it still goes in one ear and out the udder.

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So a farmer told me a story about his cow It was legend dairy.

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What does a girl have two of but a cow has more? Legs, you pervert

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What did the Hindu cow say to the yoga class? OoM

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What do you call a cute cow? Kawaii

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I don’t know what everyone’s issue is with Jimmy Saville.. When I was younger he let me milk a cow blindfolded.

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I brought a cougar into my home. I forgot about the cow I married.

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Who was a cow's favorite James Bond actor and James Bond girl actress? Roger Moo and Graze Jones.

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What did the cow say to the blind farmer with only one arm? Moo

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What you call an animal that moos? A cow, dumbass.

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Why did the Chef have lots of Cow Friends? They gave him great Steak tips

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Have you heard about the cow that produces a galon of milk every second? It's pretty legendairy.

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Kniw why they call feminism 'feminism' Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

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Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken? Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

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What animal did the cow and snake discuss? A Moose.

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What's the worst smell at a cow farm? The dairy air

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What do you get when you cross a cow, an octopus, and a man? a reprimand from the ethics commissioner.

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What animal can a cow communicate with? A MOOse.

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Q: What is infront of the Woman, YET, at the back of the Cow? A: "W" :)

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What do you call a cartoon cow? An animoo!

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A cow and a farmer had a fight One dinner together later there was no more beef.

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What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose? a moose

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What do you call it when you can't shot a 1000 pound cow? A big missed steak.

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Why to they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

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What's the difference between a cow and the Fourth of July? You can't milk a cow for over 240 years.

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A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"

Class:"Homework!!!"

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A guy sent his wife to India after she retired He heard they have cow retirement centers there.

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Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day? To the Moooovies

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The guy who played Wolverine had a pet sea cow and it was stolen... It was a crime against Hugh's manatee!

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So apparently the guy who played Wolverine had a pet sea cow, but it was murdered... It was a crime against Hugh's manatee.

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Appropriate since both my sister and girlfriend are on their time of the month Why is a period called PMS?

Because mad cow disease was already taken.

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How did the cow feel after being diagnosed with breast cancer? She was in udder disbelief.

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