Contents
Contents
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
What’s the difference between a cow and the crucifixion? You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.
Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.
What does the narcissistic cow say?
"Meeeeee!"
I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.
How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You don't milk a cow for 10 years
What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? A visit from the Scientific Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”
What do you call a cow that gets an abortion? Decaffeinated
I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike
As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow.
I tried.
I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike... She game the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure.
What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers? You can't milk a cow for 15 years.
What do you call a cow that has abortion? Decaffeinated
My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese? With a holey cow.
Why did the cow get an award?
For being outstanding in his field.
Sorry.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean Beef
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mother
American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey"
Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
TIL cow tipping is an urban myth. Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.
They say cow manure come from males. But that's bullshit.
Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Yo mama
Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.
What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out
Do you know what animals give you?
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....
The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"
The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."
A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals
Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"
Johnny: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Johnny: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Johnny: "Homework!"
My cow got Parkinson's Now she only produces milkshakes.
My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger. They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's throat.
Pig says oink, cow says moo. What does hostile takeover pigeon say? Coup.
What do Indians say when they are surprised? Holy cow
So two cows are standing in a field...
One turns to the other and says, "So have you heard about this mad cow disease business? Pretty scary stuff."
The other looks back and says, "What do I care, I'm a helicopter!"
Two cows are in a field and one says to the other "I'm kind of worried about this Mad Cow disease, are you? The second cow replies "Nah I'm not worried about it. I'm a helicopter"
Two cow talking in a field
The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "
The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"
Why do farmers buy 18 DVDs on raising cattle? They don't want that cow vid 19!
What do you get when you milk a scared cow? Seriously injured if you're lucky. Cmon man, that's dangerous.
TIL its illegal to kill a cow in Nepal If you do they use cowpital punishment.
What does the 14 year old white cow say? Mooood.
A mathematician, a biologist, and an economist are riding in a train.
Looking out the window, they see a cow.
*Mathematician:* “This side of the cow is brown.”
*Biologist:* “That is a brown cow.”
*Economist:* “**All** cows are brown.”
What do you call an insulted cow? Roast beef.
Fun fact, bulls aren’t angered by the color red, but the waving motion of the cloth Which makes absolute sense since my neighbor gives me a scowl whenever I wave to her, Sharon you cow
How do you get more milk out of a cow that won't listen? You whisper to them, but it still goes in one ear and out the udder.
So a farmer told me a story about his cow It was legend dairy.
What does a girl have two of but a cow has more? Legs, you pervert
What did the Hindu cow say to the yoga class? OoM
What do you call a cute cow? Kawaii
I don’t know what everyone’s issue is with Jimmy Saville.. When I was younger he let me milk a cow blindfolded.
I brought a cougar into my home. I forgot about the cow I married.
What did the cow say to the blind farmer with only one arm? Moo
What you call an animal that moos? A cow, dumbass.
Why did the Chef have lots of Cow Friends? They gave him great Steak tips
Have you heard about the cow that produces a galon of milk every second? It's pretty legendairy.
Kniw why they call feminism 'feminism' Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
What animal did the cow and snake discuss? A Moose.
What did the vet say to the farmer about his terminally ill cow? It'll beef alright
What do you get when you cross a cow, an octopus, and a man? a reprimand from the ethics commissioner.
What animal can a cow communicate with? A MOOse.
Q: What is infront of the Woman, YET, at the back of the Cow? A: "W" :)
What do you call a cartoon cow? An animoo!
Why did the farmer give the cow a pumpkin? He wanted to squash his beef.
A cow and a farmer had a fight One dinner together later there was no more beef.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose? a moose
What do you call it when you can't shot a 1000 pound cow? A big missed steak.
Why to they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
What's the difference between a cow and the Fourth of July? You can't milk a cow for over 240 years.
A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals...
Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"
Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"
Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"
Class:"Homework!!!"
A guy sent his wife to India after she retired He heard they have cow retirement centers there.
What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros? A cow can't be milked for over 30 years
Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day? To the Moooovies
The guy who played Wolverine had a pet sea cow and it was stolen... It was a crime against Hugh's manatee!
I tried to tell my daughter some jokes….
Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Her: Ground beef.
Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?
Her: Steak.
Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?
Her: Mommy.
What do you call a cow that likes children.. a moolester.
Appropriate since both my sister and girlfriend are on their time of the month
Why is a period called PMS?
Because mad cow disease was already taken.
How did the cow feel after being diagnosed with breast cancer? She was in udder disbelief.