Hilarious Cow Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

Score: 14483

What sound does a tiny cow make µ

Score: 5698

What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Score: 2188

What’s the difference between a cow and the crucifixion? You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.

Score: 1733

Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.

Score: 1547

What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.

Score: 1249

What does the narcissistic cow say? "Meeeeee!"

I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.

Score: 1113

How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.

Score: 955

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You don't milk a cow for 10 years

Score: 873

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? A visit from the Scientific Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Score: 763

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

Score: 762

One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

Score: 584

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion? Decaffeinated

Score: 565

I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow.

I tried.

Score: 506

I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike... She game the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.

Score: 479

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure.

Score: 340

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers? You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Score: 299

What do you call a cow that has abortion? Decaffeinated

Score: 289

My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese? With a holey cow.

Score: 286

Why did the cow get an award? For being outstanding in his field.

Sorry.

Score: 283

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mother

Score: 277

American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"

Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"

Score: 274

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth. Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

Score: 272

They say cow manure come from males. But that's bullshit.

Score: 221

Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher.

Score: 219

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Yo mama

Score: 203

Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Score: 197

What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.

Score: 196

What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out

Score: 192

What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk? Cacao

Score: 172

What goes 'boooooo' 'boooooo'? A cow with a stuffy nose...

Score: 163

I went cow tipping in a marijuana field The steaks were high

Score: 156

What do you call a cow with Parkinson's? A milk shake

Score: 142

Why is menopause called menopause? Because mad cow disease was taken

Score: 113

What do you call a cow having a seizure? Beef jerky

Score: 90

Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the udder.

Score: 86

Did you here about the cow that got taken away? [Remooved]

Score: 76

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

What do you get when you cross a Cow with and Octopus? A Visit from the ethics committee, and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

Score: 63

New Cow Jokes

Fun fact, bulls aren’t angered by the color red, but the waving motion of the cloth Which makes absolute sense since my neighbor gives me a scowl whenever I wave to her, Sharon you cow

Score: 7

Pig says oink, cow says moo. What does hostile takeover pigeon say? Coup.

Score: 11

Two cows are in a field and one says to the other "I'm kind of worried about this Mad Cow disease, are you? The second cow replies "Nah I'm not worried about it. I'm a helicopter"

Score: 8

What do Indians say when they are surprised? Holy cow

Score: 9

My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger. They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's throat.

Score: 11

Why does a cow have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose

Score: 8

Two cows Two cows were talking in a field.
"Aren't you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going round?"
"No", said the other. "I'm a goat".

Score: 20

What did the cow say to her calf? It's pasture bed time

Score: 24

Labelling cows What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

What about one with 3 legs? That's lean beef.

What about one with 2 legs? That's just you.

Score: 9

Two cows are standing in a pasture. The first cow says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow says... "No, luckily I'm a helicopter."

Score: 12

What kind of cow constantly has seizures? Beef jerky

Score: 10

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon? The cow didn't make it.

Score: 58

Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?" The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"

Score: 18

Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was taken.

Score: 32

What do you call a Russian cow covered in grass? Moscow!

Score: 38

My girlfriend won't share her surf and turf with me... Shellfish cow

Score: 9

Whats the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You should stop milking the cow after 15 years.

Score: 11

Holy Cow! I just found out I've been appointed to be communications director at the white house... it's not that I'm qualified or anything, it's just my turn...

Score: 52

Why to they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Score: 7

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

If cows say "moo" and ghosts say "boo", what does the ghost of a cow say? Nothing. Cows don't have souls.

Score: 10

Why do they call it PMS? Because the name "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

My buddy told me this back in 2002 and I've never forgotten this one.

Score: 19

What's black and white, and red all over? That cow I just hit with my car

Score: 7

A cow recently submitted a two word theater review... "Udderly Mooving."

Score: 7

What do you call a lying cow? A bluffalo!

Score: 11

How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry her

Score: 25

What did the cow say to Adele as she walked past its field? “Hello from the udder side.”

Score: 10

What's the difference between Skyrim and a cow? You stop milking a cow after 6 years

Score: 27

What do you call a cow with two legs shorter than the others? Lean beef

Score: 7

I was gonna tell you a cow joke but [remooved]

Score: 34

i was going to tell you a cow joke but its pasture bed time.

Score: 54

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm? It was an udder disaster.

Score: 8

Funny Jokes!!! Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 23

Two cows are talking... "Have you heard of the 'mad cow' disease?"

"I don't worry about that, I'm a penguin!"

Score: 14

You know the problem with cow feet? They lactose.

Score: 9

What do you call it when a cow get's milked without consent? "Moo-lestation"

Score: 11

2 cows were standing in a field One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"

And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"

Score: 27

Why did the cow cross the road? To get to her Women's Rights meeting

Score: 21

Did you hear about the man who killed a cow? How dairy.

Score: 9

Two cows are standing in a field. Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

Score: 7

What do you call a cow touching its utters? Beef stroganoff

Score: 8

What goes "ooooooooo"? A cow with no lips

Score: 7

What do you get from a sad cow? Blue cheese.

Score: 25

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom

Score: 33

What does a cow with no lips say? OOOOOOOOO

Score: 26

Two cows are standing in a field. *The first cow says*: did you hear about that "mad cow disease" that's going around? That sounds pretty terrible.

*The second cow says*: yeah, it does. Good thing us chickens don't have to worry about that!

Score: 8

Whats got 2 legs and bleeds? half a cow.

Score: 8

Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says "Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."

The other cow says "Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."

Score: 14

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma

Score: 7

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

Two cow talking in a field The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "

The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"

Score: 8

What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros? A cow can't be milked for over 30 years

Score: 7

I was playing poker with my cow that was on drugs The steaks couldn't have been higher

Score: 7

What's the difference between my girlfriend and a cow? Cows are real.

Score: 17

[Request][not a joke][urgent] I need puns. Specifically. Cow themed wedding/bride/engagement puns. I cant help but ask the best of the best. I need your help. Your are the pun kings of the Internet and I know you can do this. I'm COW-nting on you.

Score: 8

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

I tried to tell my daughter some jokes…. Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Her: Ground beef.

Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?

Her: Steak.

Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?

Her: Mommy.

Score: 7

Two cows are talking to each other while grazing.... The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"

The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."

Score: 40

My cow got Parkinson's Now she only produces milkshakes.

Score: 25

So two cows are standing in a field... One turns to the other and says, "So have you heard about this mad cow disease business? Pretty scary stuff."

The other looks back and says, "What do I care, I'm a helicopter!"

Score: 9