Hilarious Cow Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

Score: 14483

Score: 5698

What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Score: 2188

What’s the difference between a cow and the crucifixion? You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.

Score: 1733

Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.

Score: 1547

What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.

Score: 1249

What does the narcissistic cow say? "Meeeeee!"

I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.

Score: 1113

How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.

Score: 955

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You don't milk a cow for 10 years

Score: 873

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? A visit from the Scientific Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Score: 763

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

Score: 762

One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

Score: 584

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion? Decaffeinated

Score: 565

I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow.

I tried.

Score: 506

I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike... She game the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.

Score: 479

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure.

Score: 340

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers? You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Score: 299

What do you call a cow that has abortion? Decaffeinated

Score: 289

My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese? With a holey cow.

Score: 286

Why did the cow get an award? For being outstanding in his field.

Sorry.

Score: 283

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mother

Score: 277

American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"

Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"

Score: 274

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth. Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

Score: 272

They say cow manure come from males. But that's bullshit.

Score: 221

Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher.

Score: 219

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Yo mama

Score: 203

Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Score: 197

What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.

Score: 196

What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out

Score: 192

Mad cow disease Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.

The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."

The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

Score: 69

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? ...you can't milk a cow for a decade straight.

Score: 49

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? People don't milk cows for twelve years

Score: 34

Hey you wanna know why they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

I'm sorry you can thank my mom for that joke

Score: 34

What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk? A mootation

Score: 28

What do you call a disease which ceases a cow's ability to produce milk? Udder failure!

Score: 28

2 cows were standing in a field One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"

And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"

Score: 27

3 paddys are out for dinner English Paddy tells his wife "pass the sugar, sugar"

Scottish Paddy asks his wife "pass the honey, honey"

Irish Paddy says "pass me the milk

Cow."

Score: 18

What do you call a cow with one udder? A bull.

Score: 15

New Cow Jokes

What do a vampire and a cow have on common? Both of their lives are at stake

Score: 1

What do you get when you milk a scared cow? Seriously injured if you're lucky. Cmon man, that's dangerous.

Score: 4

TIL its illegal to kill a cow in Nepal If you do they use cowpital punishment.

Score: 1

Two cows are standing in a field om a sunny day One cow says to the other “Have you heard about the new COVID-19 disease that’s been going around?”

The other cow replied “It doesn’t bother me. I’m a fishtank.”

Score: 0

What does the 14 year old white cow say? Mooood.

Score: 0

A mathematician, a biologist, and an economist are riding in a train. Looking out the window, they see a cow.

*Mathematician:* “This side of the cow is brown.”

*Biologist:* “That is a brown cow.”

*Economist:* “**All** cows are brown.”

Score: 0

I went to a restaurant where all the employees are animals. My waiter was a cow, who asked for my order. I ordered a burger, which came twenty minutes later.

A different waiter came with my burger.

Score: 2

What do you call an insulted cow? Roast beef.

Score: 1

Fun fact, bulls aren’t angered by the color red, but the waving motion of the cloth Which makes absolute sense since my neighbor gives me a scowl whenever I wave to her, Sharon you cow

Score: 7

How do you get more milk out of a cow that won't listen? You whisper to them, but it still goes in one ear and out the udder.

Score: 2

So a farmer told me a story about his cow It was legend dairy.

Score: 2

What does a girl have two of but a cow has more? Legs, you pervert

Score: 3

What did the Hindu cow say to the yoga class? OoM

Score: 3

What do you call a cute cow? Kawaii

Score: 2

I don’t know what everyone’s issue is with Jimmy Saville.. When I was younger he let me milk a cow blindfolded.

Score: 2

I brought a cougar into my home. I forgot about the cow I married.

Score: 1

Who was a cow's favorite James Bond actor and James Bond girl actress? Roger Moo and Graze Jones.

Score: 1

What did the cow say to the blind farmer with only one arm? Moo

Score: 5

What do Indians say when they are surprised? Holy cow

Score: 9

Why did the Chef have lots of Cow Friends? They gave him great Steak tips

Score: 2

Have you heard about the cow that produces a galon of milk every second? It's pretty legendairy.

Score: 2

Kniw why they call feminism 'feminism' Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

Score: 0

Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken? Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

Score: 4

My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger. They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's throat.

Score: 11

What animal did the cow and snake discuss? A Moose.

Score: 3

What's the worst smell at a cow farm? The dairy air

Score: 3

What do you get when you cross a cow, an octopus, and a man? a reprimand from the ethics commissioner.

Score: 4

What animal can a cow communicate with? A MOOse.

Score: 3

Q: What is infront of the Woman, YET, at the back of the Cow? A: "W" :)

Score: 3

What do you call a cartoon cow? An animoo!

Score: 1

A cow and a farmer had a fight One dinner together later there was no more beef.

Score: 4

What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose? a moose

Score: 2

What do you call it when you can't shot a 1000 pound cow? A big missed steak.

Score: 2

Why to they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Score: 7

What's the difference between a cow and the Fourth of July? You can't milk a cow for over 240 years.

Score: 1

A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"

Class:"Homework!!!"

Score: 2

A guy sent his wife to India after she retired He heard they have cow retirement centers there.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros? A cow can't be milked for over 30 years

Score: 7

Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day? To the Moooovies

Score: 4

The guy who played Wolverine had a pet sea cow and it was stolen... It was a crime against Hugh's manatee!

Score: 1

So apparently the guy who played Wolverine had a pet sea cow, but it was murdered... It was a crime against Hugh's manatee.

Score: 7

What do you call a cow that has a record player, tight pants, and thick brimmed glasses? A hip-steer.

Score: 2

The actor who plays Wolverine once owned a sea cow, but it was murdered... ...it was a crime against Hugh's manatee.

Score: 1

What do you call a twitchy cow? Beef jerky

Score: 2

What do you call a Saudi cow? A moo-slim

Score: 3

Who is the most famous cow in France? Albert Camoo

Score: 3

What did the cow say after hearing butcher's joke? You are killin' me man!

Score: 7

Appropriate since both my sister and girlfriend are on their time of the month Why is a period called PMS?

Because mad cow disease was already taken.

Score: 2

How did the cow feel after being diagnosed with breast cancer? She was in udder disbelief.

Score: 6