I don't understand time zones!
How is it possible that in Europe it is today.
In Australia it is tomorrow.
And in Alabama it is 1890?
Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from Boston got into a fight, who won? 5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old
Alabama has decided to force women to carry babies conceived by rape and incest, to term. Because if they didn't, the state's population would die out pretty quickly.
You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Alabama if it was invented anywhere else, it would've been called the teeth brush.
What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back? The worst case of suicide he's ever seen.
Why are Alabama weddings so small? Because you only need to invite one family.
Why are Alabama weddings so small? They've only gotta invite one family
My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident. He really loved that woman.
A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive. I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."
What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs? Drool
What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers? A virgin.
What's Alabama like? My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?
What's something that everyone in Alabama has in common? DNA
What's an Alabama girls favorite game? Smash Bros!
I sure hope Roy Moore wins today Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.
Alabama is so progressive that the women don't even change their last names when they get married
I heard Alabama changed the drinking age to 32. They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair
What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back? He said it was the worse case of suicide he’s ever seen
How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?
She can out run her brother.
Stop it with the Alabama and abortions jokes. I incest that you do
What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down? Build a house next to it.
Why we don't do reverse cowgirl in Alabama. Down here in Alabama we don't ever do "Reverse Cowgirl". Because we never turn our back on family!
I’m surprised the University of Alabama doesn’t offer a major in archaeology. I heard they are really into relative dating out there.
What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair.
Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich? Because the whole state is inbred
What do people from Alabama have in common with yeast? They're both in bread
Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors? So they can park in handicap spots.
What did the Alabama cop say about the black man shot 16 times? Worst case of suicide I've ever seen.
Black Guy shot 15 times by the Alabama Police Worst case of suicide they had ever seen.
I asked my 32 year old friend from Alabama why he's still a virgin. He said "I was an only child"
I recently found out that wheat in Alabama is actually in-bread
Yesterday my crush told me that “I was like a brother to her” I was sad at first then I remember She was from Alabama
Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Election It's almost as if he doesn't understand that no means no!
Why doesn't Alabama have calculus teachers. They don't like integration.
Solving a crime in Alabama must be so hard Everyone has the same damn DNA
If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be... The pure breds
How do dating sites in Alabama save money? They link to Ancestry.com
What do people from Alabama love to do... Pumpkin
How do they determine the homecoming queen and valedictorian in Alabama high schools? The homecoming queen is the girl with the most teeth, and the valedictorian is the person who could count them all.
What do you call an Alabama family in a sandwich? Inbred
what do you call a baker from Alabama ? inbread
The toothbrush was invented in Alabama If it were invented anywhere else they would have called it a teethbrush.
There is a new app for Alabama residents. It’s called “Only Fams”.
The Alabama paternity test.
None of the kids are yours...
But all of the grandkids are...
Alabama family reunions It has been reported that COVID-19 has greatly reduced family reunions due to social distancing requirements. Evidently this has caused a significant decrease in Alabama teen pregnancy.
One benefit of everyone staying at home is that teenage pregnancy is down
except in Alabama
Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants? It was a decision they could all get behind
Only in Alabama When your girlfriend insists on coming to your family reunion because she is afraid you'll cheat.
Two 5th graders got into a fight.
One was from Alabama and one was a transfer student from NY. Who won?
The 5th grader from Alabama, because he is 18 years old.
Why do Alabama marriages never end up in a divorce? Because no matter what happens, they forgive their sibling.
Court declares social distancing rules unenforceable in Alabama The Judge wrote in his opinion that "the entire state's population can be reasonably considered a family unit."
What's 30 feet long and has 4 teeth? The cashier line at an Alabama Walmart
What did former Alabama Senator Roy Moore say about coronavirus? It's called COVID-19, means I ain't gettin' it.
A young Alabama couple enjoyed an early morning meal after making love... It was breakfast inbred.
Scientists find a man immune to Covid-19 because of a genetic mutation They conclude that 1/2 of the population in Alabama are immune to Covid-19.
Where does everyone in Alabama play games on their phone? Mobile.
We are family by Sister Sledge... Is the number one played song in Alabama strip clubs
What do you call a girl from Alabama that can run faster than her brothers? A virgin
A man from Alabama opened his fridge...
He looked around inside, closed the fridge and yelled to his wife:
"Honey! We're out of bread!"
The wife came into the room with a new loaf.
"Don't worry," she said. "We're in bread."
An Alabama man kills his wife, sister, mother, niece, daughter, and aunt. How many people die?
A kid from Alabama had to do a project on his family tree He brought a ladder to school the next day
What the similarity between Alabama and Alabama babies? There both not fully developed
My friend had a date with a guy from Alabama yesterday. He told her it wouldn't work out, he is not a family type.
Why couldn't the detective solve the Alabama murder case despite having the dna samples It matched with everyone
What is the most popular dad joke in Alabama Hi cumming, im dad
Why do southerners hate Alabama jokes They find them very. . . Relatable
They don’t do reverse cowgirl in Alabama They never turn there back on family
Family tree in Alabama
Family trees do not exist in Alabama.
What do butter and Alabama kids have in common? They’re both inbred
FYI: Toothbrush was invented in Alabama If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called Teethbtush.
Time zones are weird - Australia is in 2020. America is in 2019.. Des Moines is in 1998, Alabama in 1865, Saudi Arabia 1576.
What do people in Alabama do on Halloween? Pump kin.
...a neutron walks into a bar.
**Neutron:** ...I'll have an Alabama Slammer!
**Bartender:** ...no charge!
A man in Alabama was arrested for murdering his wife, Sister and Cousin He was charged with one count of murder
When does the moon shine the brightest? When the tides in Alabama are still.
Why did the Alabama strip club close? They lost too much money from the family discount.
What do people in Alabama call their sisters? Wide receivers
Why cant girls from Alabama do reverse cowgirl? Cause you never turn your back on family
Breaking news live: inbreads becoming a big issue in Alabama Redneck: haha, we don't live inbread. We live in trailer parks.
What do you call a family gathering in Alabama An orgy. I know. It’s bad. Get over it.
Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month Pump Kin Latte
Why dont alabama people do it doggy style? Because you mever turn your back on family
What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.
A young man from Alabama thought that it was about time that he settled down.
So he went to his father and asked him "Dad, what should I look for in a wife."
His father shrugged, "It's all relative."
What has thin orange skin, and knew that Alabama was not in the path of a hurricane? A peach
Halloween in Alabama
What do people in Alabama do during halloween?
What do you call a girl who can run faster than her family members? An Alabama virgin.
Why don't murders get solved in Alabama Because there are no dental records, and everyone's DNA matches.
A scientist from Alabama once said Everyone is a relative.
Alabama doesn't have reverse cowgirl... We don't turn our back on family.
Our school for dyslexia took a trip to an insect museum. It wasn't quite what we expected, but our tour guide from Alabama treated us like family.
In Alabama we don’t do reverse cowgirl You don’t turn your back on family
What did the average student at The University of Alabama get on their SAT test? Drool.....
What did the Alabama sheriff say about the African-American man found shot six times in the back? "Worst case o' suicide I ever done seen!"
Attractiveness is relative Especially in Alabama
Why are there no spaceports in Alabama Because you can't abort the countdown for any reason.
How do Alabama people like their butter? Inbred
What do yeast and people from Alabama have in common? Both are in bread.