Frog Jokes

Contents

Funniest Frog Jokes

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.

A little girl asks her grandad... "Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland".

Funny Frog Jokes

A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day... He discovered he was a tad Polish.

A little girl asks her granddad "Would you make a frog noise for me"

Why, asks the granddad confused.

The little girl replies "Dad says when you croak we are all going to Disneyland"

Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a little frog stuck in her throat.

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 100? Every time she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.

Why can’t miss piggy count to 100? Because when she reaches 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common? Same middle name.

Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

What is green but turns red when you push the button A frog in a blender

What does a frog do with a piece of paper? Rip it!

6 year old son just came up with this. I'm sure he's not the first to think of it, but he came up with it on his own and i got a good chuckle out of it. :)

Some species of frog can jump higher than three-story office buildings. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it, rub it

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? When she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

What happened to the Frog when he wrecked his car? He got TOAD!

What does a perverted frog say ? Rubbit

What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died? ...nothing.

A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"Great," says the frog, "Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," said the psychic, "Next year - in biology class."

What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad

Sesame Street never allowed Mrs. Piggy to count to 100. Everytime she made it to 69, she got a frog in her throat.

What did Kermit the Frog say after Jim Henson died? Nothing.

What do Kermit the frog and Henry the 8th have in common? The same middle name.

Why cant miss piggy count to 70? Because when she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common? Hogwarts

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? She gets a frog in her throat at 69!


Wakka wakka wakka!

What do you call a frog that is illegally parked? Toad.

What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One goes "ribbit ribbit", the other goes "rub it rub it".

A little girl asks her grandpa, "Would you make a frog noise for me, Grandpa?" The grandpa, confused, asks, "Why?"

The little girl replies, "Dad says when you croak we are all going to
Disneyland".

Why can't miss piggy count to 70? She gets a frog in her throat at 69.

A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot. It got toad.

What happens to a frog that parks illegally? He gets toad.

What do you call a frog in the no parking zone? Toad

What did the perverted frog say? Rubbit.



^^ehehehe

How come Miss Piggy couldn't talk? She had a frog in her throat.

A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder... The bartender asks, “Hey buddy, where did you get that?”
The frog responds, “Brooklyn, they’re all over the place!”

What happened to the frog that parked illegally? He got Toad.

Why did Miss Piggy call in sick from work? She had had a frog in her throat

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."

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New Frog Jokes

What’s the difference between a trombone player and a dead frog on the side of the road? The frog was probably headed to a gig.

What does a frog wear on it’s feet? Open toad shoes

A frog was parked illegally So he got toad

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it

What do you call a frog that’s illegally parked? Toad

Analysing a joke is like dissecting a frog Few people are interested and the frog dies

My kind I humour What does a frog say to his wife when he’s horny

Rub it...rub it

What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad? The frog says ribbit ribbit while the horny toad says rubit rubit.

What is green and become red when you press a button ? A frog in a blender.

A lawyer walks into the doctor's with a frog on his head... ...The doctor says, "That's a nasty looking growth you've got there."

"I'll say." The frog replies. "It started out as a pimple on my arse!"

What noise does a horny frog make? RRRRubb-it

What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog goes "ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad goes "rub it, rub it"

What did the frog call when it’s car broke down? A toad truck!

My 6 year old told me this today and I wanted to share with you guys :)

What's something a frog never gonna jump into? Conclusions

Miss Piggy Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 100?

Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

What is green, but when you click a button it becomes red? A frog in a blender

Frog wife "have you been cheating on me?" Human prince: "No"

What does a horny frog say? Rubbit rubbit

Why did Ms. Piggy cough? She had a little frog in her throat.

What do Kermit the frog and Henry the 8th have in common? They have the same middle name.

I parked at a sign that said frog parking only! I ended up getting toad.

Why did the frog have red legs? Because it jumped on lily's pad

What did Kermit the frog say when he got to the top of the hill? A muppet

Whats green and red and goes 50 MPH? A frog in a blender

A frog finds a wishing well... A frog finds a wishing well. A fairy comes out of it and it says it will grant the frog any wish.

He said that he wants a good job, a large vehicle, and many girls.

He now drives a Bus for a girls school.

I met a baby frog with a great grandfather that cam from Warsaw He said that made him a tad Pole

What is green and turns red at the push of a button A frog in a blender

What’s the difference between a car and a frog? A frog can’t be toad

What does a frog wear when playing sports? Lily Pads

What does a horny frog say Rubbit

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson’s Funeral? Nothing.

A man walks into a restaurant He sits down and asks the waiter “Do you have frog legs”
The waiter said “Yes”
The man then says “Then go hop to the kitchen and get me a soup”

Why did the frog cross the airport runway? To get out of the no fly zone.

What’s green and says ”I’m a frog!”? A talking frog

Why did the frog take the bus His car got toad

Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70? She gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

What do Kermit the Frog and Atilla the Hun have in common? They both have the same middle name.

What is green and gets red when you push a button? A frog in the blender

What is red and green and goes 1000 mph? A frog in a blender.

How does a frog get its leaves from a tree? They rippit

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Long Frog Jokes

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week".
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want".
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look , I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool".

A man walks into a bar and sits down He asks the barkeep "If I can show you something you have never seen before, can I drink here for free tonight?"

The barkeep thinks about it and says "well I have seen a lot of stuff, if you can genuinely show me something I have not seen before, I will pick up your tab tonight".

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a minature piano and sets it on the bar, then he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a frog and sets the frog at the piano.

Low and behold the frog cracks his little fingers and starts to play!

The barkeep is just blown away by this and agrees that the man can drink for free for the rest of the night. Meanwhile there is a wealthy business man watching this unfold from a corner, so he gets up and approaches the man sensing a business opportunity. He says "Excuse me, but I saw your frog and I was wondering if he was for sale?"

The man replies "Sorry the frog is not for sale" and continues sipping his drink.

The businessman offers $10,000 for the frog, which the man again politely declines, followed by offers for $20,000 and $30,000. Until the business man finally gives up and goes back to his seat.

The man finishes his drink and asks the barkeep "Hey, if I can show you something else even more amazing, would you let me drink here for free any day?" The barkeep thinking he has seen everythig now readily agrees, what coul dbe more amazing than a playing frog?

Well the man reaches into another pocket and brings out a mouse and puts him on top of the piano. A few secons lader the mouse starts to sing along with the frog's playing! The barkeep is absolutely floored by this and again agrees to honour his deal.

The business man also sees this and again approaches the man, he offers $100,000 for the frog and the mouse, which the man again declines. The business man in a last ditch effort says "OK, what about $100,000 just for the mouse?"

The man takes a sip of his drink and says "Just for the mouse? Yeah OK" so the business man cuts him a check right there, and takes the mouse and leaves.

The barkeep says to the man "Are you crazy!?" A mouse like that has got to be worth 10x that much! What were you thinking?"

The man calmly sips his drink and replies with a wry smile "The jokes on him, the frog is a ventriloquist."

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,

"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer in return?"

The bartender is a worldly individual. "Listen mate, look around at the stuff on the walls, I've seen all kinds of things, been all kinds of places. I mean, you can give it a shot but I honestly doubt you can show me something that impressive."

So the man reaches into his left jacket pocket and pulls out a small hamster. He places the hamster on the bar and the bartender looks bemused. The man reaches into his other jacket pocket and pulls out a tiny piano, followed by a tiny stool, just the right size for the hamster, who sits down, cracks his knuckles and starts playing a famous piece of music by Rachmaninoff.

The bartender is speechless.

"Tell you what mate... I've seen some things in my time but that is absolutely incredible! Here's your free beer."

The visitor gulps down his drink until the last drop is gone. But he can't help but feel another drink would really hit the spot. He motions to the bartender again.

"Look, I could really use another drink - how about I show you something even more incredible?"

The bartender stares in disbelief. "After that performance, I think you'll struggle to beat it! But go on, try your luck then."

The man reaches into his left jacket pocket again and retrieves a small frog, who is wearing a waist coat. He places the frog on the stool beside the hamster. The hamster counts to four, the frog clears his throat, and over the piano the frog sings a classic opera, bringing several people in the bar to tears.

"Oh my word," says the bartender. "That is absolutely unbelievable. Here's your pint, mate. You've earned it."

In the corner of the room, a shady looking individual has been watching with keen interest from behind his dark sunglasses. He approaches the owner of the performing animals and gets straight to business.

"I'll give you £50,000 right now, in cash, if you'll let me take that frog off your hands this instant."

"Well, sure, why not?" says the man, as he duly hands the frog over to the shady character, who promptly slides back a silver briefcase filled with bank notes before making his exit with the frog.

"Are you MAD!?" the bartender says to the man. "You could have made millions with that frog!"

"Nah," says the man.

"The hamster's a ventriloquist."

A women is out golfing and finds a frog trapped in the woods...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned ☝her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.


















The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.

A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, will you let me drink for free tonight?"

The bartender says, "Let me see and I'll consider it."

So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out "Chopsticks", the hamster is plays Chopin, some ragtime, and even some rock and roll.

After a few minutes the bartender says, "Okay, I am impressed. You can drink for free tonight."

As the bartender is pouring the guy a drink, the guy says, "Hey, if I show you something even more amazing, will you let me drink for free for a month?"

The bartender says, "Okay, but this had better be pretty spectacular." So the guy reaches into his bag again and pulls out a microphone and a frog. The frog sits in front of the microphone and begins singing along with the hamster playing the piano.

The bartender says, "Okay, I'm impressed. You can drink here for free for a month."

As all of this has been going on, another customer at the end of the bar has been watching. He walks over and says, "I'm a theater producer, and I'd like to buy that frog and put him in a show. Will you sell it to me for $500?" The guy says no. "$1000?". The guy still refuses. "Okay, will you sell me the frog for $5000?"

So the guy agrees, and gives the producer the frog for $5000. As the producer is leaving, the bartender says to the guy, "I can't believe you sold the frog! Surely it was worth more than $5000!"

"Not really." The guy says. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing

He is on the second hole when he notices
a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and
doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog
wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9
iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's
amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit. Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the
next hole. "What do you think, frog?" the man
asks. "Ribbit. 3 Wood." The guy takes out a 3
wood and, BOOM! Hole-in-one. The man is befuddled
and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best
game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK,
where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las
Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
"OK, frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon
approaching the roulette table, the man asks,
"What do you think I should bet?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6." Now this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf
game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons
of cash comes sliding back across the table. The
man takes his winnings and buys the best room in
the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you. You've won me all this
money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit. Kiss me." He figures
why not, since after all the frog did for him he
deserves it. With a kiss the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, you honor, is how the girl ended up in
my room."

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a handsome prince.”

She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I’ll be your devoted boyfriend.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into her pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a handsome prince, and that I’ll be your devoted boyfriend. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a boyfriend, but a talking frog……that’s cool.”

Fishing and Whiskey

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.

Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in its mouth, I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. Its eyes rolled back, and it went limp.

I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing, using the frog.

Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that damn snake... with two more frogs.

Dark jokes

1. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is

2. What's the worst part about breaking up with a japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

3. What did kermit the frog say at Jim henson's funeral? Nothing

4. What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society

5. What's the difference between john wayne and jack daniels? Jack daniels is still killing indians

6. Penn State moved the Jerry Sandusky statue to the library. When you see him, you have to stay quiet.

7. Why does dr pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead

8. What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?
I wouldn't pay 40 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

9. What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies? Hold my beer

10. Who's the opposite of christopher reeves? Christopher walkin

11. What's the difference between usian bolt and hitler? Usian bolt can finish a race

12. Why did princess diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seatbelt

13. How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman? Zero

14. What did the left tower say to the right tower? Can't talk right now, gotta catch a flight

15. Why are suicide jokes long? Cause people who commited suicide lived shorter

16. What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? People cry when they cut up an onion

17. What did the disabled boy get for christmas? Cancer

A joke is like a frog..

When you dissect it, it dies.

Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.

Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

 

"What?" said her Grandpa.

 

"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!”

A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?". The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano. It crawled on to the bench and began playing

music. The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?". The bar tender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano. The bar tender smiled and told the man that he was impressed. A man in a suit with a cane walked into the bar, saw the small animals, and offered to buy them for $2 million. The owner said no, but he offered to sell the frog for $500k. The rich man agreed, took the frog, and left. The bar tender couldn't believe the owner just did that and said "Why did you just sell the frog?! There is no singing now!". The owner laughed and said "Don't worry; the rat is a ventriloquist!".

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says

"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"

"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"

"One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I know the manager."

The teller is understandably taken aback by this, and asks if the frog has any collateral to cover this.

"As a matter of fact, I do!" says the frog, and he reaches into his pocket and hands over a tiny ceramic elephant.

"What?!" says the teller, "This is garbage! I can't take this!"

"Well, take it up with my father then!" The frog retorts.

"Oh yeah, and who might that be?" The teller is quickly getting more and more annoyed at the frog.

"Why, it's Keith Richards!" The frog is waiting impatiently, tapping his toe on the ground. "Now, can I have that loan or not?"

"Wait right here" the teller says, as she storms into the back room, looking for her manager.

"There's a frog out there who claims to know you, and wants a million dollar loan. He claims his father his Keith Richards! He even gave me this as collateral," she says, holding up the elephant. "I mean, what even is this?"

The manager takes a look at the elephant and replies "It's a knick knack, Paddy Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone!"

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is lucky he takes it to vegas. Put it all on 00 on roulette. Doing so the man hits it for a million. So he rents the presidential suite and they bask in the hot tub for a while and lay on the bed. The man says wow, you've done so much for me I wish there was something I could do for you. The frog says kiss me so he soes and poof! The frog turns into a beautiful 17 year old girl and I swear to god that's how she got there your honor.

The Frog

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three
wood. I thought it was stupid but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next hole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog.

That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played Roulette. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After that I was tired so I went up to bed. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. Suddenly it looked at me and said, kiss me. Now I wasn't about to kiss a frog, but he said it again. So I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room.

Edit 1: It's ok, I fixed my spelling error! Threat neutralized!

Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman
said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times
richer than
you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."

A genius walks into a bar with no money.

A genius walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.


After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.


While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.


"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. __You see, the rat's a ventriloquist.__"

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Patricia. Patricia Whack" replied the teller. "I'm afraid we don't normally give loans to frogs, sir"

"Look" said the frog. "I'm Kermit T. Jagger. My father is **Rolling Stones legend Mick Jagger**. I want a goddamn loan. Understand me? Here. I even brought collateral."

After a bit of dry heaving, flying out of the frog's mouth comes a tiny ceramic figurine.

Stunned, and unsure as to what to do, the tellers picks up the slimy statue and makes her way to the bank manager's office.

"Sir, I have a...frog at my counter. He says he's Kermit T. Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and he wants a loan. He even gave me some 'collateral' in the form of this little...thing?"

The bank manager smiles.

"Relax" he says. "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender,

"If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The bartender pours the man a drink on the house and he puts the rat and piano away. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pockets again and pulls out the tiny rat and tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into a third pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it," the man answered. "The frog was nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

a man takes a day off work to go golfing

He’s ready to tee off when he here’s a frog, “ribbit, 9 iron”

The man is confused, but the frog speaks again, “ribbit, 9 iron”

To prove the frog wrong, the man pulls out his 9 iron and swings at the ball.

Hole in one.

The man bends down and says “you must be a lucky frog”

The frog replies, “ribbit, lucky frog”

The man takes the frog to the next whole and the frog goes, “ribbit, 3 wood”

The man pulls out a three wood and swings.

Hole in one.

“Wow you really are a lucky frog, what’s next?” The man asks.

“Ribbit, Vegas.”

So the man takes the frog to the roulette table and asks the frog, “what’s the bet?”

“Ribbit, $6000, black, 6.”

“That’s a million-in-one bet,” the man says. He puts down the bet anyways and he hits.

The man then goes and gets the most expensive penthouse in all of Vegas.

“How can I ever repay you?” the man asks.

“Ribbit, kiss me”

So he kisses the frog and it turns into a 15 year old girl

and THAT your honor, is how she ended up in my room last night

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