How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!
My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant... ...I can’t pull anything out in time!
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
How does a Mexican cut a pizza? With *little* *caesars*
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will be a pizza history.
Edit: Thank you for getting this on the front page!
What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza?
...I'll see myself out.
What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan.
Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.
What do you call a pizza joint run by epileptic midgets? Little Seizure's
What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.
I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting
Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son
Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
Walter: It's on the house.
What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common? One dumbass who never pulls out in time
How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off
My girlfriend burned our Hawaiian pizza today... I should have told her to put the oven on aloha setting.
What do Mexicans use to cut a pizza? Little Caesar's
I burnt 1200 calories yesterday! Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
Necrophilia is like pizza Even when it's cold it's still good.
What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie? That's a Moray.
I like my pizza like I like my women Absolutely no pubic hair.
My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant. I can't take anything out in time.
My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant. It seems I can't take anything out on time.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today Should have cooked it on aloha teperature
What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it? A pepperonly pizza!
What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common? You left it in too long.
Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza. *My* pizza.
Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death? As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?
Burned my Hawaiian pizza... Should have put it on aloha temperature.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common? Always have to smell it, never get to eat it.
Why is a pizza delivery guy like a gynecologist?
They're allowed to smell it, but they get in trouble if they eat it.
What do frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common? An idiot who forgot to take it out earlier.
Why did the hipster's mouth hurt? Because he ate pizza before it was cool.
What does a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it.
What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They get to smell the goods but they never get to eat them
What does a frozen beer, a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in commonn? An idiot didn't get it out in time
What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common? In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.
What do a pregnant woman, a burned pizza and a frozen beer have in common? In all three cases somebody took it out TOO LATE
What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it but can't eat it.
If a take and bake pizza can go wrong, it will. Papa Murphy's law.
A man walks in to a new pizza joint set up by Buddhist monks.. "Hi, could you make me one with everything?"
How about instead of political parties... ...we have pizza parties
My friend was sad that his illness relapsed again, so I brought him a pizza I’m wondering now if the uncured pepperoni was insensitive
A man walked into a library and said “ can I have a pizza please”
The librarian said “ this is a library”
The man apologised and replied(in a whisper)
“Can I have a pizza please”
How do you get an Art Major off your front door step? Pay for the PIZZA!
Everybody said it would be impossible to make a dessert pizza. It turned out to be a pizza cake.
What do you call a pizza place for epileptics? Little Seizures
The radius of your pizza is 'z' inch(s) , and the height of it is 'a' inch(s). Please find the volume of your pizza. Pizza.
What did the monk say to the pizza clerk? Make me one with everything
Someone at Walmart asked if I wanted to donate a dollar to fight hunger But I was already buying pizza rolls!
A Buddhist walks into a buddhist pizza shop,
He walks in and says "make me One With Everything"
When the pizza is ready he picks it up and says "What about my change?" The Buddist Pizza Shop owner replies, "Change Comes From Within"
What the difference between a pizza and a tinder hookup? You slice up the pizza before you enjoy it, not after.
What's the difference between Pizza Hut and North Korea Pizza Hut can deliver a Hawaiian on time
What do a pizza a delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common? They can both sniff it but they can't eat it.
Whats the difference between a dutch prostitute and a pizza? You can remove the fungus from the pizza if you want to.
How do you ask for pizza in italian? Pasta pizza
Today I took a pizza on the bus... The bus driver said outraged: "My bus isn't some kind of restaurant." I then told him: " That's exactly why I brought my own food."
What do poor people and pizza cooks have in common? They both need the dough.
How many times does an insane person have to tell a joke before someone understands it? Square, because the pizza already has jellybeans.
What does a waitress do when she finds a cold pizza that was forgotten to be served? Serve it to a hipster.
The Dali Lama walks into a local pizza shop and asks... ... can you make me one with everything?
I like my women like a Little Cesar's pizza Hot and ready
Why were the twin towers disappointed with their pizza? Because they ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane.
What's the difference between dead babies and pineapples? I wouldn't dare put pineapple on my pizza.
I burned my Hawaiian Pizza in the oven today I guess I should've cooked it on Aloha temperature
What's the difference between a classical musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of five.
What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu? Cheese pizza
What is a brain dead couples' favorite pizza? Veggie lovers
The Mexican word of the day is "wheelchair" "Yo homes, I got a lot of pizza. Want some? Come sit down and wheelchair"
Did you hear the pizza guy's joke? He has excellent delivery.
I was gonna tell a joke about a pizza but it was way too cheesy!