Pizza Jokes

Contents

Funniest Pizza Jokes

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four

Funny Pizza Jokes

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant... ...I can’t pull anything out in time!

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will be a pizza history.




Edit: Thank you for getting this on the front page!

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.

What do you call a pizza joint run by epileptic midgets? Little Seizure's

What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.

Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?

Walter: It's on the house.

How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off

My girlfriend burned our Hawaiian pizza today... I should have told her to put the oven on aloha setting.

I burnt 1200 calories yesterday! Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...

I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy. She still regrets letting me name the kids.

Necrophilia is like pizza Even when it's cold it's still good.

What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie? That's a Moray.

I like my pizza like I like my women Absolutely no pubic hair.

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant. I can't take anything out in time.

What do you call a pizza place run by epileptic midgets? Little seizures.

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant. It seems I can't take anything out on time.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today Should have cooked it on aloha teperature

What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it? A pepperonly pizza!

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death? As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?

I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven I guess I should have put it on aloha setting

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. Shoulda cooked it on aloha temperature

My Local Pizza Place Just Folded Now they serve Calzones.

What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common? They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.

What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common? Always have to smell it, never get to eat it.

You order one pizza You love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

What's Hillary's favorite pizza place? Little Seizures


Edit: credit to Joe Biggs @rambobiggs

What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common? They can smell it but they cant eat it!

How is a gynecologist like a pizza delivery boy? They both get close enough to smell it, but if they eat it, they'll be fired.

The volume of a pizza with thickness a and radius z is pi * z * z * a

Why is a pizza delivery guy like a gynecologist? They're allowed to smell it, but they get in trouble if they eat it.

Teehee

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza

What does a Mexican cut his pizza with? Little Caesars

What's the difference between a pizza and a pizza joke? Pizza jokes can't be topped!

:D

A man orders a pizza A man orders a pizza. The waiter asks him: "Do you want your pizza cut in six or eight Pieces?" The man replies: "Six, i dont think i can eat eight"

What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common? They can smell it but they can’t eat it.

Did you hear about the chef that died? He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will become a pizza history.

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today Should have cooked it on aloha temperature

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New Pizza Jokes

Understanding Women A FATHER SAYS TO HIS SON :
"MY BOY, WHEN YOU ACCUMULATE THE UNDERSTANDING OF WHY A PIZZA IS BAKED ROUND,
PUT IN A SQUARE BOX , EATEN IN TRIANGLES, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN. "
Author Unknown

How do you get a bass player off your porch? Pay for the pizza

I saw a man cutting a pizza with a smart phone I know it's cutting edge technology but jeez

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other night I should have put it on aloha temperature

Why do restaurants put pizza in square boxes? Because they don't cut corners.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night I should have put it on aloha heat!

How did a hipster burn his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool.

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me. So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.

What does an gynocologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common? They can both smell it but can't taste it.

My wife said if I don't lose weight then she'll file for a divorce. Who wants to come over for a pizza tonight?

What's the difference between a pizza and a musician? A pizza can feed a family of four.

If pizza could talk what would it say? Probably lots of cheesy things.

It takes more effort to order a pizza than have a child Have you ever ordered a pizza by accident?

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore When you suddenly squeal cuz you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

Why is 2020 pizza delivery like my ex-girlfriend? They both do no-contact orders!

I burnt 800 calories this morning Forgot the pizza in the oven.

How do you get a Bitcoin technical analyst off your front porch? Pay for the pizza

If you can’t decide on what kind of pizza to get, you’re indeSLICEsive.

What's the difference between a pizza and a bass player? Pizza can feed family of four.

Whats`s the similarity between a gynecologist and a pizza delivery? They can smell it, but are not allowed to eat..

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other day.. I should have cooked it on aloha temperature

What's the difference between an artist and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family.

I like my women the same way I like my pizza rolls 45 at a time.

What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers? Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.

What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynaecologist have in common? They both get to smell it but don’t get to eat it...

Wood fired pizza How’s pizza gonna get a job now?

I just burnt myself making Hawaiian pizza I should have put it on Aloha Temperature.

What did the pizza maker say before robbing a bank? "I may love making pizza, but I still knead the dough."

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza parlor... He says, "Make me one with everything."

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

How is a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery guy the same? They can smell it, but they can’t eat it.

What's the difference between a cop and a pizza guy? The pizza guy faces consequences when his job is done wrong.

What's the difference between a slice of pizza and a hippie? You don't have to take the crust off of a slice of pizza before you eat it.

I like how my local pizza place cuts my pizza into 6 slices instead of 8 I can't finish 8 slices

What's the difference between an English Major and a Pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4.

Pizza Joke Q: Have you heard about the pizza joke?

A: You know what, I wont tell it, it's to cheesy

What part of a pizza and a woman do you not eat? The crust

A doctor speaks to his patient Doctor: Your BMI is quite high.

Patient: What should I do?

Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty

Patient: So I should give up pizza and chips?

Doctor: No, fatty. Just don't eat anything!

Why did Jabba win the pizza contest? Because no one outpizzas the Hutt.

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Long Pizza Jokes

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

The broom swept the nation away.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie.

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.

What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.

What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

How did Darth Vader know what luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.

Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

Why did the man dig a hole in his neighbor’s backyard and fill it with water? Because he meant well.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.

What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru.

What do you call a spanish pig? Porque.

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.

A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?" "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?" The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back." The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?" From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200."

The NEW CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”

The CEO said,”Wait right here.”
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay.
Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
“Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room a voice said,
“Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing.

Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?

He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.

Waiting to get paid

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning against a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man.

Furious, the CEO asks: "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow replies: "I make about $300 a week. Why?"

The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says: "Here's four weeks' pay. Now get out and don't come back."

The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks: "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?"

From across the room comes a voice: "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200."

The new CEO

On his first day, the new head man takes a tour of the main factory where the company's products are made - commenting periodically to his assistants on possible changes. The most common thing he notices is that most of the employees could be working harder than they are. Finally, he spots one guy who's literally just leaning against the wall, twiddling his thumbs.

The CEO is pissed off and decides to send a message. He walks up to the guy, who doesn't seem bothered in the slightest. "Hey, you," the CEO says. "What are you doing?"

"Just, sitting around waiting to get paid," the man said. Now the CEO is really furious.

"Okay, well tell you what. How much do you make in a week?"

The man shrugs, "I don't know, $200."

The CEO pulls out his personal checkbook, writes a check for $400, and hands it to the man. "Two weeks notice. Now get out." The man pauses, thinks for a moment, and then leaves. Feeling satisfied, the CEO turns around to everyone, hoping the message has been received.

"Well? Can anyone tell me what just happened?"

"Well," said one of his employees. "You just tipped the pizza guy a whole lot of money."

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....

The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed me cold pizza for lunch again I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there's cold pizza. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The third construction worker says to himself, "If my wife packed me a fish sandwich I too will jump off this roof and kill my self." He opens his lunch and there is a fish sandwich. He follows suite and jumps off and kills himself.

Later on the three wives meet at the cemetery after the funerals.

The wife of the first construction worker says while crying, "If only I would have packed him a turkey sandwich he would still be here with me."

The wife of the second construction worker is also crying. "If only I would have packed him meatloaf instead he would still be here."

The third wife is just standing there looking frustrated with a more confused look. The other two look at her and ask her why she isn't crying and wishing she packed his lunch a different way.

"Don't look at me the dumbass packs his own lunch."

The new CEO

On a tour of the facilities, the new CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, 'How much money money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'

The CEO said, 'Wait right here.' He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, 'Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back.'

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'
From across the room a voice said, 'That was the pizza delivery guy.'

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

CEO comes up and asks his salary.

The man replies - $1000

The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !

The man leaves.

The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?

They reply - a pizza delivery man.

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"

The CEO handed the guy $200 in cash and shouted,"Here's a week's pay. Now LEAVE and don't come back. The man left.

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO asked an employee,"Who was that?"

With a grin,the employee replied" The pizza deliver guy".

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job.

The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man.

Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?"

The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back."

The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?"

From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200."

Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*

How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*

Why did the bassist keep drumsticks on his dashboard?
*So he could park in the handicap spot.*

What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
*A pizza can feed a family of four.*

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
*Ten: one to change it, and nine to say how Neil Peart would have done it better*.

A new manager was hired....

The new manager walked all around the factory, inspecting his workers, when he came to a room where he saw someone slacking off, leaning against the wall. The manager hid behind a few pipes and watched the employee for 5 minutes.
The person didn't move a muscle, so the manager aproached him and ordered him to get into the manager's office.

"What is your name?" Asked the manager.
"Steven," he replied.
"And how much do you make in a week?"
"I make about 400 dollars."
the manager pulls out 400 and hands it to him.
"Here's this week's pay, now get out of here and never let me see you again!"
Steven then gets up and goes away.
Realizing he needs a replacement, the manager then walks up to a random worker and asks him: "that guy, Steve, who just left, what does he do around here?"

"Oh Steve?" Replied the worker, "that's the pizza delivery man!"

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it’s starting to become a domino effect.

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.
4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.
5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.
6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.
7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.
8) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.
9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."
10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.
11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King.
12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!
13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.
14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.
15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.
16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.
17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".
18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.
19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!
20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know what I want?

--Well, according to your street name and your apartment number, your last 12 orders were a large pepperoni pizza

--Uh, o-okay... yeah, I want that please...

--May I suggest pizza without salt, ricotta, brocoli and tomato?

--What? Why? No! I hate vegetables!

--Your cholesterol is not good sir...

--And how do you know?

--We got your info on your last 7 blood analysis, the numbers are quite bad

--Stop! Enough! I take my medication!

--Uhhh, sorry sir but our database shows that you've not taken it lately. The last box of medication you bought, was bought the 15th of February at 3:45 PM.

--B-But I bought more at another pharmacy!

--Your credit card records tell otherwise...

--I paid in cash! I have another source of income

--Your last tax declaration doesn't show that, sorry sir, we dont want you to have problems with the government...

--Forget it! I dont want my pizza anymore!

--Sorry sir, we just wanna help.

--Help? I'm so tired of Google, Facebook, Instagram, everything! I'm gonna go to an island where I can live without internet!

--I understand sir, but it says her that your passport expired 5 months ago...



《Credit goes to a Facebook page I follow, I just translated it :D》

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.

it was a farfalle from grace.

The Pizza Delivery Guy

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

Topical Jokes for 10/9

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

In Indiana, a pizza delivery man received a $1,200 tip from college students. College officials applauded the act of charity, until they realized the “pizza” was just a box with $1,200 dollars worth of weed in it.

To thwart corruption, traffic police in Thailand will now receive a bonus if they refuse bribes. The plan affects all levels of Thailand police, from the street-level Bribe Solicitor, to Director of Bribes, all the way up to Bribe King.

…the anti-corruption program will be funded by confiscated bribes.

Lawmakers have approved $700 million dollars to help fight Ebola. The lawmakers announced the news from inside their $700 million dollar Ebola-proof bunker.

In North Korea, Kim Jong-Un has not made a public appearance for several weeks. Kim’s unexplained absence has sparked rumors in the state-run media that everything is totally fine.

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