Geometry Jokes

Contents

Funniest Geometry Jokes

Funny Geometry Jokes

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class. On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

Without Geometry Life is pointless.

Did you hear about the geometry teacher who left his parrot's cage open? Polygon.

Why are North Koreans so good at geometry ? Because they have a supreme ruler.

Why was the geometry teacher late for work? Because she took the rhombus.

I wanted to do geometry with my parrot... Then I remembered that polygon :(

My Math teacher went nuts today in Geometry class and started ranting about Japan, Italy, and Germany. He said we need to know about the ex axis.

Geometry professor goes into a tattoo shop and asks to get π on his back. After a few hours he asks the tattoo artist, "Why is it taking so long to do the symbol for pi?" "Oh!" said the artist, surprised. "You wanted the *symbol*."

Geometry is a lot like algebra, language arts, and french Its like algebra because it has a lot of math,

Its like language arts because it has a lot of words in it,

And its like french because I don't understand it.

I was fine with my earlier math classes, but geometry is where I draw the line.

I never took geometry in high school I heard it was for squares.

An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape... I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons

I'm trying get a job as a geometry teacher... Because I want to make at least 6 figures.

I'd like to teach under-privelaged kids lattice geometry Nothing would give me more pleasure than getting at-risk youth hooked on crystal math.

**EDIT** I'm terribly sorry for misspelling under-privileged

How did the geometry teach kill himself? He used a hypote-"noose"

A schoolmate paid me today, after I'd been helping him with geometry for a year... We're square now

What do you call a person who likes geometry and farming? A pro-tractor!

Geometry class brought out the worst in me... I used to go off on tangents.

What do you call a girl that can table dance infinitely due to unusual geometry infinitely due to unusual the geometry A Mobius stripper

Life without geometry would be pointless.

I will do algebra, trig, and calculus. But geometry is where I draw the line.

What do you do when you have 10 minutes to complete your math test? Geometry dash

What's the difference between an astronaut and a normal person? A normal person does spacial geometry while astronauts do geometry in space

A joke I made up in geometry class... Hi, my name is A, and this is my brother, B. Unfortunately, we live on the same plane, and we constantly tell our parents we do not like this situation.


We are coplanars.

Worst math joke I know. Two students sit in a geometry class.
One says to the other "I'm cold!"
The other says "go sit in the corner."
"Why?" replies the first.
"Because its 90 degrees!"

What did the hyperbolic geometry say to the non-Euclidean geometry on poker night? Man, I fold.

I need help with my geometry homework it said to draw 2 planes intersecting 2 buildings.

Coordinate geometry is terrible. I failed the last test, but it turns out that the next unit continues it. Will I ever get distance from it?

I had to retake geometry freshman year of college, Cuz I am out of shape

Why were the geometry students so bad at sports? Because they were really out of shape.

We're not getting anywhere in geometry class. It feels like we're going in circles.

Did you hear about the geometry teacher who tried to take a selfie? It was a protracted process but eventually he found the right angle.

My girlfriend is really stressed about her geometry test coming up I told her not to run herself in circles over it

Whats a mathematicians favourite tree The Geometry

I'll can work hard to learn algebra, trigonometry, heck even statistics... But Geometry is where I draw the line!

I used to be terrible at geometry But I turned that around 360 degrees

Why can't geometry teachers tell good jokes? They go off on tangents.

Geometry really changes people It SHAPES there life!

Back at school, I had a weird geometry teacher. He had warts all over his nose, and they had to remove a bit of his face due to an accident. You could say he had an...

Irregular sir face.

New Geometry Jokes

I need to take this to the geometry junkyard Its a rectangle

I think, therefore i am Except in geometry class. I'm pretty much nonexistent there.

I gave up trying to learn geometry just couldn't see the point.

Why did the Geometry major marry a Brit? Because she was a cute angle.

Long Geometry Jokes

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "why, that's baseball mate!"

He'd never seen a baseball game before. He's enchanted. He loves the geometry of the field, the green grass, FOUR beautiful bases, my word! He runs home to his wife. "Baseball!" he cries on his way through the door. And the bug has bit him. Bad.

After a few months, he's all caught up. Not only has he watched all the World Serieseses on tape, he's seen the playoffs, highlight reels, Hall of Fame ceremonies, everything. He turns to his wife and says, "Mabel? What would you say to moving to America?" She's hesitant, but she agrees.

His son, however, isn't so hot on the idea. But the decision has been made. They move.

The man decides to go for broke and apply for a baseball job. He gets a small position at a minor league field, keeping the grounds. He's in heaven. After a few months, all the workers at the stadium notice his facility in understanding the game, and ask him if he'd be interested in becoming an umpire. He agrees.

After a while, he's become one of the most beloved umps in the MLB. Nothing could be better. Except for at home.

While his wife is happy with the course their life has taken, his son is depressed. He misses England, he misses his friends, he misses his old life. No amount of consolation works. It gets to the breaking point when the boy refuses to even sit upon his father's lap. Ever again.

And so, sad to say, the son never sits on the British umpire.

The best geometry joke I know...

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.


The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.


The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.


The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.


And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

One day a teacher asked her students to use geometry in a sentence

The teacher was baffled that nobody could come up with just one sentence, and finally asked one quiet student in the back to say one... The student looked at her and said:

Once there was a little acorn and it was planted in the ground and grew and grew until one day he awoke and said "gee I'm a tree!"

A panicked mathematician rushes into his professors’s office...

The professor looks up in shock from his work to see one of his students slamming a high school geometry textbook on his desk.

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathematician frantically flip through page after page of textbook until he lands on one littered with questions.

“Sir, Just look at this maths problem,” the mathematician explains, pointing to a particular geometry question, “there’s a detailed explanation beside it with step-by-step instructions! Now high school students will never be challenged and never retain enough knowledge from mathematics!”

The professor looks at the question, and sure enough there was a written procedure to solve each question.

“The students won’t apply the relating formulas to solve anything because it’s already written for them!” says the professor in frustration.

“Exactly!” responds the student.

The professor thinks for a moment, and then says,
“So these new-clear questions... they’re weapons of maths destruction!”

A years worth of jokes

Every week a guy I work with sends out jokes, here is a years worth.

Oldest to Newest



Q.)Why did the musician drop a bolder on the building where he was supposed to play?

A.)He wanted to rock the joint



Q.)Why didn't the rancher let the cowboy near his horse?

A.)Because the cowboy was a bronco buster



Q.)Why are mallards good at dodge ball?

A.)They can duck



Q.)Why are heavy set gentlemen so brave?

A.)Because they have a lot of guts



Q.)Why don't cars have a problem with motivation?

A.)Because they are driven



Holiday bonus



Q.)What is a Christmas gift's biggest fear?

A.)A tapeworm



Q.)Why is the inch high Private Eye angry all the time?

A.)Because he is short with everyone



Q.)How do you tell if a light bulb is dumb?

A.)If it isn't very bright



Holiday Bonus



Q.)What kind of weather should you expect at the North Pole during Christmas?

A.)Snow and Reindeer (rain deer)



Q.)What do you call it when you cover someone with cherries?

A.)Berried (buried)



Q.)Why do lions think highly of themselves?

A.)Because they have a pride (group of lions is a pride)



Christmas Eve Bonus



Q.)Where does Santa put his money?

A.)The snow bank



Q.)Why are Olympic track silver medal winners always late?

A.)Because they are running behind



Q.)What did the carpenter say when they ask him if he was going to keep using Elmer's Glue?

A.)I have to. I am stuck with it.



Q.)What did the critic say in his review of the play put on by onions?

A.)It brought him to tears



Q.)Why was the farmer angry?

A.)He had a cow



Q.)Why is your under arm so depressed?

A.)Because it is just the pits



Q.)How much is a male deer worth?

A.)A buck



Q.)Why were the subjects wary of the fat bossy king?

A.)He liked to throw his weight around



Q.)Why did the enthusiastic party goer strap himself to TNT?

A.)He wanted to have a blast



Q.)Why were the butcher's goods so cheap?

A.)Because they were at cut rate prices



Q.)Why did the baker go out to the garden?

A.)He needed some flower



Q.)Why did the balding man take off his pants after coming from the doctor's office?

A.)The doctor told him hair loss was in his jeans (genes)



Q.)What kind of questions do pyromaniacs ask?

A.)Burning questions



Q.)Why are authors who crochet so anxious?

A.)Because they are on pins and needles



Q.)What do well read fishermen use as bait?

A.)Bookworms



Q.)Why is the Goodyear mascot always yawning?

A.)Because he's tired



Q.)Why did the security conscious individual put his valuables in his shoe?

A.)Because they said Foot Locker on them



Q.)Why did the artist use a blue pen to end all his sentences?

A.)Because he was in his blue period



Q.)What did a new IPod say to another one that was leaving?

A.)Stay in touch



Q.)What did the candidate suffer when all the ballets that elected his opponent fell on him?

A.)A crushing defeat



Q.)What kind of books does the Golden Gate Bridge read?

A.)Suspense novels



Q.)What kind of clothing do car engines wear?

A.)A hoodie



Current Events Bonus



Q.)Why don't some people like revolutions?

A.)Because they are revolting



Q.)Why are caves not satisfied with life?

A.)Because they are hollow inside



Q.)What do you call a shrub that someone threw a can of rat poison into?

A.)A brush with death



Q.)What do you call a door bell someone has shot?

A.)A dead ringer



Q.)Why did the farmer start feeding his cow money instead of hay?

A.)Because he wanted a cash cow



Q.)Why did the computer user install an air bag on his PC?

A.)In case it crashed



Q.)Why do conspiracy theorists camp around & watch the kitchen table?

A.)Because they often see saucers there



Q.)Why did the police officer make sure to take his hand cuffs when he jumped out of the plane without a parachute?

A.)Because he wanted to arrest the fall



Q.)Why did the psychiatrist search through the lost & found?

A.)His patients had lost their minds



Q.)Why did the fighter pilot paint his jet?

A.)He felt it was too plane (plain)



Q.)While the spy was being chased by the villain, why did he stop over a hole in the road?

A.)He was disguising himself as a manhole cover



Q.)Why did the candidate bring a large group of cattle with him to the debate?

A.)So he would be heard



Q.)Why did the insane asylum stop transporting patients to the facility in vehicles?

A.)People were being driven mad



Q.)Why did the police officer shoot the fleeing suspect in the ear?

A.) Because he was in ear shot



Q.)How did the ATF officer know the gun runner was nervous?

A.)He was sweating bullets



36 IS bonus



Q.)How do PPM analysts prefer to listen to music?

A.)In stereo



Q.)Why do women find small private planes offensive?

A.)Because of all the Leers (Leer Jets)



Q.)What do you call an octopus that is holding steak knife?

A.)Armed and dangerous



Nerd Bonus



A.)What kind of music does the sun listen to?

B.)Soul (the star we know as the sun is called Sol)



Q.)Why did the intoxicated gentleman continual try to pour the young lady into his glass?

A.)Because her name was brandy



Q.)What do you call a container that usually holds water or propane but instead is crammed full of Mensa candidates?

A.)A think tank



Q.)Where are most of surveys in the world taken?

A.)Pole-land



Q.)Why are snowmen constantly in doctor's office?

A.)Because they always have head colds



Q.)Why don't car salesmen go driving?

A.)They would end up with the Benz (Mercedes-Benz)



Q.)What is the Color Guard's favorite month of the year?

A.)March



Q.)Why don't ants make computers?

A.)Because there would be too many bugs in the systems



Q.)Why don't Red Cross reps go to rock quarries to get blood donations?

A.)Because they don't want to try to get blood from a stone



Q.)Why aren't lions, pumas, and tigers bothered when people go to the big cat reserve at the zoo?

A.)Because they're never spotted



Q.)Why don't nice guys mind playing Russian Roulette?

A.)Because nice guys finished last



Military Bonus



Q.)What is the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps favorite Flock of Seagulls song?

A.) I Ran (IRGC is a branch of the Iranian Military)



Q.)What kinds of sickness do shepherds suffer from?

A.)Staff infections



Q.)Why did the retired undertakers take up dealing colored cloth?

A.)He needs to be around things that were dyed



Q.)What do you call jokes told by a farmers?

A.)Corny



Q.)What kind of sickness are cows always coming down with?

A.)Hay fever



Q.)What sores do Roman troops have in large numbers?

A.)Lesions (Legions)



Q.)What kind of sickness do people who wear business shirts get?

A.)Collaria (Cholera)





Military Bonus



Q.)What do analysts, who have been in a cold sweat, do at the end of a tasker?

A.)A hot wash



Q.)Why do hair dressers make good detectives?

A.)Because they know to comb through the evidence



Q.)Why are fat people elected as judges more often than skinny people?

A.)Because they want people to weigh in on the topics and decided the weightier matters



Nerd Bonus



Q.)What kind of pants does Mario prefer?

A.)Denim, denim, denim.....denim, denim, denim (say it quickly)



Q.)Why don't people with bananas go to food fights?

A.)Because they're yellow



Q.)What is a mathematician's favorite art form?

A.)Paint by numbers



Q.)Why don't Texas Instruments make their products out of metal?

A.)Because then they would be cold and calculating



Q.)Why was the alligator mad at his victim when he was still in disbelief after the alligator chomped off his lower torso?

A.)Because he was no longer pulling his leg



Q.)What would explorer Ponce de León have said if he had found the Fountain of Youth?

A.)I fount it



Q.)Why would Einstein never allow a clone to be made of him?

A.)Because then he would be 2 smart for his own good.



America Bonus



Q.) Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

A.) Because Freedom rings



Q.)Why shouldn't people be upset about water spots?

A.)Because it should just wash out



Q.) Where might officers prefer to work?

A.) In the office



Q.) What on what type of TV does the last state of matter like to watch programing?

A.) A plasma screen



Q.)What do farmers say when they want people to look at their geese?

A.)Take a gander



Q.)Why do pilots consider birds cowardly?

A.)Because they are always taking flight



Nerd joke



Q.) What kind of phone does Steven Hawking use?

A.) A smart phone



Q.)Why do passengers find aircraft that they are on to be boring?

A.)Because they are just plain (plane)



Q.)What do you call a magician that levitates silverware?

A.)A fork-lift



Q.)Why do construction crews eat ice cream with a fork?

A.)Because there are forks in their rocky-road



Q.) Why are cheerleaders on the bottom of the pyramid smarter than the ones at the top?

A.) Because they understand



Q.)What do you call world news that is transmitted electronically?

A.) Current events



Q.)Why do mathematicians prefer pencils over pens?

A.)They are all about graphite



Bonus joke



Q.) What do you call a dog that brings you the door from a Chemical R&D building?

A.) A Labradoor Retriever



Q.)Why do bananas get traffic tickets when they drive their vehicles?

A.)Because they like to peel out before they split



Q.)Why can't rulers send correspondence without visiting the beach?

A.)Because the letters need a seal



Q.) What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite game to play?

A.) Win, Lose, or Draw a conclusion



Q.)Why do chickens often suffer from cabin fever?

A.)Because they are always being cooped-up



Q.)What do you call an Olympian who starts chocking on his dinner during the 200 yard dash?

A.)A running gag



Bonus joke



Q.) Why do parties end and individuals become depressed when people name Al leave?

A.) Because there is no morale (no more al)



Q.)Why aren't taxidermists allowed to take part in political debates?

A.)Because they are always beating a dead horse



Q.)Why do banks around volcanoes that have exploded have no money?

A.)Because they gone through bankruptcy



Bonus joke



Q.)Why was the patient sore at the dentist?

A.)Because he struck a nerve



Q.)Why don't salary employees like to work while sitting on hour-glasses?

A.)Because that's overtime



Q.)After the boy scouts got setup to spend the night in the woods, why did Billy set the tents on fire?

A.)He wanted a camp fire



Military Bonus



Q.)What is a CDE analyst's favorite dance?

A.) The CHA CHA (Collateral Hazard Area)



Q.)Why don't the other geometric shapes hang out with cubes?

A.)Because they are really square



Q.)Why aren't mustangs taken seriously?

A.)Because they're always horsing around



Q.)Why don't paranoid math students want to do geometry problems on graph paper?

A.)Because then they would be on the grid



Q.)Why did the shark get friendly with the bait?

A.)Because he wanted to be chums



Q.)Why don't tailors get along?

A.)Because they are always sizing each other up



Q.)Why did they not want to have battles during the day in medieval times?

A.)Because then you couldn't have any knights



Q.)Why are knights often picked for tasks involving combat?

A.)Because they are well suited (suite of armor)



Q.)Why are bus drivers always in favor of a revolution?

A.)Because they are always asking for exact change



Current Events Bonus



Q.)Why was the CDC employee quarantined after playing a game of electronic bowling?

A.)Because Ebola is deadly



Q.)Why do they throw rainbows out of comedy clubs?

A.)Because they tell colored jokes



Q.)Why do people get depressed after they eat peaches?

A.)Because then it's the pits



Q.)What is the preferred method of communication for MMA fighters?

A.)They like to TAPOUT messages in Morse Code



Q.)Why do jockeys like to drive cars?

A.)Because of all that horse power



Q.)Why do stallions dread public speaking?

A.)Because they are always horse



Holiday Bonus



Q.)Why aren't turkeys hungry on Thanksgiving?

A.)Because they are usually stuffed



Q.)What did the 911 operator do when do when she heard that the caller was dangling from a high height?

A.)She told him to please hold



Q.)Why do other circus acts dislike the high-wire performers?

A.)Because they think they're uppity



Q.)Why did the entrepreneur move his merchandise outside?

A.)Because he wanted to outsell the competition



Q.)What did the tourists say about the world's largest glass house after it was broken?

A.)It's not all it's cracked up to be



Q.)What do you get for the person who has everything?

A.)Antibiotics



Q.)What was Strategic Air Command's favorite part of Christmas?

A.) Mistletoe (Missile toe)

God and his 2 omnipotent friends are deciding how they should make their new world,

When trying to decide what to add to their world God's first friend says "We need to create a large strong animal that can pull around our people's machinery and that they can ride long distances to save their legs"

"Don't worry" said God "I have just the thing from the last world I made, they are great working animals"

Then chimed in God's second friend, "That's all well and good but what use idea working animal without people intelligent enough to know how to utilise them, we must create someone in our own image who's great intellect will bring mathematics and geometry to the people, only then can they fully appreciate the majesty of the animals you give them"

"NO!" Boomed God in frustration at his second friend

"You never put Decartes before the horse"

Grad School Interview

Ted Kaczynski was the Unabomber but very few people remember that he was also a professor at Berkley with his own graduate students. Here is a list of his interview questions for the perspective candidates.

1) How are you?

2) Did you find my office OK?

3) Are you a cop? Legally, I think you have to tell me if you are, right?

4) Good. Lets say you find that someone had accidently left, what I think most people would agree is a completely reasonable manifesto in the copier, what would you do?

5) Complete the following sentence; Snitches get…..

6) Using your geometry skills, fit these components into this rectangular wooden box.

7) Take this package to the post office…..this is a timed event.

Little Johnny was sitting in Geometry class

The teacher asks the class: "If a whale is swimming in the ocean at 314 miles per hour and the ocean impales it with a harpoon, what is the mass of the whale?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says "That's impossible! What do you mean the ocean impaled it?"

"Well, it doesn't really matter. It's just a math problem."

"Of course it matters! The secant do that!"

Redneck Geometry

Dale was the first of his hillbilly family to make it past the second grade.

One day, Dale's pa asked, "What did y'all learn today in that geometry class?"

Dale replied, "Pi r squared".

"Dadgummit!", yelled Dale's pa, "I knew that there fancy school tweren't no good! Pie are ROUND! CAKE are square!"

Edit: corrected hillbilly grammar