Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
Secretary walks into the President's room
Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.
I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey But I am scared my inbox will be flooded
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job."
My marriage was a like a hurricane. At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.
If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
It's too early for hurricane jokes wait for everything to blow over first.
What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common? Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.
Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy? Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV
What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane?
I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...
Women are like hurricane... ...when they're coming, they are nice and wet. When they're leaving, they take cars, houses...
If your house it hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT AND SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
Why are women like a Hurricane? They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...
Why is a marriage like a hurricane? At the beginning there's a lot of blowing, and when it's over your house is gone...
HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.
Where do squirrels go in a hurricane? All over the place!
Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory. There’s de Brie everywhere
What do a Florida hurricane, a Kansas tornado, and an Arkansas divorce have in common? Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.
What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common? In the beginning there is lots of sucking and blowing, and in the end you still loose your house
Have you heard of the new drink that they're calling the Hurricane Sandy?... Yeah.. apparently it's just a watered down Manhattan.
A hurricane is a lot like getting married... Starts with a lot of blowing, then you lose your house.
How is a hurricane like a marriage? At the beginning there's a lot of blowing and sucking, and when it's over your house is gone.
What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common? They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)
Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey... Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."
Women are like Hurricane Harvey When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your car and your house.
This Hurricane should have been called Snooki... The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.
My wife is like a hurricane... At the beginning there was a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end I lost my house.
Is it too soon to say a Hurricane Harvey joke Or should I just wait for everything to blow over?
**What did hurricane Irma say to the coconut palm tree?** Hold on to your nuts this ain't no ordinary blow job!!!
Texas refuses to remove its statues. Hurricane volunteers to help.
After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall
How do you find the eye of a hurricane? Look near the c!
What does Hurricane Harvey and Kim Kardashian have in common? They will both blow the entire coast just to get on TV.
Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane? Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere
Experts are now saying that Hurricane Harvey... is the worst disaster to hit the United States since last November!
Would a hurricane close it's doors in your face? No, but a Lakewood.
Who hits Houston harder?
Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.
~Probably too soon.
About that hurricane Dorian... If it gets anymore major than this, we’ll have to rename it Ionian.
I decided to listen to the Doors' "Riders On the Storm" as the next hurricane approaches. It's in E Dorian
What’s the best part about a hurricane party? You literally raise the roof
If this storm is named Dorian...
If this storm is named Dorian, what is it called a hurricane and not a himmacane instead?
Courtesy of my 60 year old dad so you know it's real
What do hurricane Dorian, and my impending divorce have in common? Someone is losing a trailer.
Soccer made easy for everyone
Why Harry Kane scores with great efficiency and reliability ?
Because he is a hurricane for the enemy defence .
What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly? Because women don’t like premature evacuations
Governor what your biggest fear about hurricane Florence hitting North Carolina? President Trump
What's common between a woman and a hurricane?
When they come, they're wild and wet, and when they leave, they take the house and car with them.
What's the worst Halloween costume for this year? Hurricane Harvey Weinstein.
What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year? Hurricane Harvey Weinstein
What did one hurricane say to the other? I was very concerned my first grader was about to say "blow me" in the middle of a busy store, but "I've got my eye on you" was the answer.
September: I had one of the worst hurricane months on record and Hugh Hefner died. October: Hold my beer
Hurricane Nate is said to go straight North from The Gulf in to Alabama Experts say it will cause millions of dollars worth of improvement.
Hurricane Irma took out my electricity. something about it just makes me feel powerless
What do you call a hurricane whose had too much vodka? A Harvey Wallbanger
Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.
My dad was upset about an argument he got in with my mom about not leaving the house because of the hurricane. I told him not to worry about it, I am sure it will all blow over.
Why did Hurricane Irma miss Mar-a-Lago?
Because as nice as it would have been for a woman to destroy trump's hotel, it'll be even more poetic if it's destroyed by Jose.
Should have built that sea wall afterall.
Hurricanes 🌀... When is all this hurricane talk going to blow over?
What's a hurricane's favourite movie? Gone with the wind
I heard that after Hurricane Irma, FEMA will run out of money. This is surprising since I thought they would have a rainy day fund.
They made a mixed drink after Hurricane Sandy It's pretty much a watered down Manhattan
Ex who lives in Florida
called and asked if she and her kids could come North and stay with me until the hurricane passes.
I said "Well, your dog can."
Right now Irma is signaling for a left turn.
But it's Florida so, you know, you can't really be sure whats going to happen.
A reporter was interviewing Hurricane Irma.
Reporter: "Now that you've been to the Bahamas and Puerto Rico, where are you headed next?"
Irma: "IM GOING TO DISNEY!!!"
Did you just assume the gender of that hurricane? Irma not suppose to do that?
I heard Irma swallowed a record amount of seamen That hurricane is terrifying
As Hurricane Irma approaches, we have to ask: Puerto Rico? More like Muerto Rico
Hurricane jokes are taking the internet by storm. P.S Don't know if it was posted already but I think it's pretty funny
So with all of the news about Hurricane Irma you would think this is
The best way to prevent Hurricane Jose from reaching the US Is by building a wall along the boarder.
So hurricane Jose is growing in the Atlantic.. It's going to set records as the first hurricane to put a new roof on your house...
Hurricane Irma is coming! Irma gerd.
What's the difference between Trump and Hurricane Harvey? One is a storm wreaking havoc across the nation. The other is Hurricane Harvey.
A tree fell on our car during the recent Hurricane, and my dad won't get it repaired. He even named the damage. Harvey Dent
We all know the devastation caused by Hurricane Harvey And it is time for Hurricane Batman to take the blame for it.
Marriage is like a hurricane It starts off with all the sucking and blowing... And then you lose your house!
What do you call a hurricane that hits Puerto Rico? A PR disaster
Difference between a divorce and a hurricane? At least with the hurricane, it's not personal.
What do a hurricane and a marriage have in common? They both start with a lot of blowing, then you lose your house
Trump is like Hurricane Matthew The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning.
Report: Ocean weather pattern weakens hurricane Matthew and spares damage during US landfall Meteorologists have decided to name the weather pattern "Sean Paul", as it had the right temperature to shelter us from the storm.
What was the hurricane's reaction when some joker tried to shorten his name to Matt? Hew hew hew.
If Hurricane Matthew is anything like me... It'll come before expected.
Hurricanes should be named after worst dictators and world leaders
So we could have a proper idea of how much damage they can cause example:
Hurricane Kim Jong ill.
How's a divorce like a hurricane... There's a bunch of sucking and blowing, but in the end she takes your house.
I hope this Hurricane is a Joaquin the park ;)
Mc'Donalds in hurricanes No wonder McDonalds places are still open during hurricane sandy. None off their customers can blow away anyways