Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
Secretary walks into the President's room
Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.
I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey But I am scared my inbox will be flooded
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job."
If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
It's too early for hurricane jokes wait for everything to blow over first.
Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy? Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV
If your house it hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT AND SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.
Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory. There’s de Brie everywhere
What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common? In the beginning there is lots of sucking and blowing, and in the end you still loose your house
Have you heard of the new drink that they're calling the Hurricane Sandy?... Yeah.. apparently it's just a watered down Manhattan.
A hurricane is a lot like getting married... Starts with a lot of blowing, then you lose your house.
How is a hurricane like a marriage? At the beginning there's a lot of blowing and sucking, and when it's over your house is gone.
What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common? They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)
Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey... Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."
What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster? A hurricane
Women are like Hurricane Harvey When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your car and your house.
This Hurricane should have been called Snooki... The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.
What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common? It begins with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end you still loose your house
I asked my bartender for a Hurricane Sandy. She looked confused and asked, "What is that?"
I replied, "A watered down Manhattan."
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common? When they come in they're really wet and blow really hard, and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold onto your nuts! This is no ordinary blow job!
**What did hurricane Irma say to the coconut palm tree?** Hold on to your nuts this ain't no ordinary blow job!!!
Is it too soon to say a Hurricane Harvey joke Or should I just wait for everything to blow over?
What did Hurricane Tyrone say as it made landfall? Where the white beaches at?!?
Texas refuses to remove its statues. Hurricane volunteers to help.
What did the Hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall
A hurricane is like a woman. When they come, they are wet, crazy, and wild. But when they leave, they take your house and your car.
Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds? I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.
A hurricane walks into a bar The owner doesn’t have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hang on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!"
What do Hurricane Irene and Kim Kardashian have in common? They blow the whole east coast and there's videos online.
Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night... ...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?
Looking for a new drink? Try a Hurricane Sandy... It's a watered-down Manhattan
What does Hurricane Harvey and Kim Kardashian have in common? They will both blow the entire coast just to get on TV.
I always get a little sad during hurricane season in south Florida... ...you could say I have tropical depression.
Katy Perry sang that after a hurricane comes a rainbow, but you know what else comes after a hurricane? A moron in a suit.
After considering Florida peeps trying to shoot at a hurricane incident... Shocked they're not trying to shoot at the coronavirus...
Can the flap of a butterfly's wings cause a hurricane across the ocean? I don't know, but some bloke eating a pangolin in wuhan has caused loo roll to run out at Aldi...
What do a hurricane and a Texas divorce have in common? Someone's gonna lose a trailer!
What do a Hurricane and a wife have in common? One day it is wet and exciting and the next day your house is gone.
A blind guy was in a hurry I call that a hurricane
A hurricane tore off a quarter of my roof. oof.
Me: Are you going to evacuate?
I don't have to hurricane prep Between the glasses of water on my nightstand and the half-bottles of water on my passenger side floorboard I'm good for a year.
You hear about the new drink called The Hurricane Dorian? It's just a watered down Bahama Mama..
Don't donate to the Bahama hurricane victims without researching the organization first. It could be a scam. That's a good "Ja Rule" of thumb.
In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, President Trump names a new Disaster Assistance Ambassador to The Bahamas. "He's the best. He'll do a great job, believe me." the President said. Ja Rule reportedly accepted the position via Twitter.
About that hurricane Dorian... If it gets anymore major than this, we’ll have to rename it Ionian.
I decided to listen to the Doors' "Riders On the Storm" as the next hurricane approaches. It's in E Dorian
If Hurricane Dorian becomes a major hurricane... Will it be called Hurricane Mixolydian?
What’s the best part about a hurricane party? You literally raise the roof
If you live in Florida, make sure to take a black and white photo of the hurricane this weekend. I'm not exactly sure why, but I've heard a lot of buzz about a picture of Dorian, grey. People seem pretty wilde about it.
I took a picture of Hurricane Dorian but it came out Grey.
If this storm is named Dorian...
If this storm is named Dorian, what is it called a hurricane and not a himmacane instead?
Courtesy of my 60 year old dad so you know it's real
What do hurricane Dorian, and my impending divorce have in common? Someone is losing a trailer.
The hurricane swept away 1/4 of my roof oof.
What does a hurricane and a West Virginian divorce have in common? Somebody's gonna lose their mobile home.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be one heck of a blow job.
An old one but a good one
What does a hurricane in Florida, a tornado in Arkansas, and a divorce in Kentucky have in common?
Someone is fixin’ to lose a trailer
Soccer made easy for everyone
Why Harry Kane scores with great efficiency and reliability ?
Because he is a hurricane for the enemy defence .
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts cuz I'm going to blow you off.
What do you get when Hurricane Chris tries to sell a large body of water connected to an ocean? eBay bay
Apparently more than 5,000 hogs drowned in floods following hurricane Florence... On the bright side the McRib should be back soon.
In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President... Tiny mushrooms.
I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence. He said, Na-ama-ste.
White House advisor.......
"Mr Trump , Hurricane Florence is causing trouble."
"Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels!"
Nicked from fb
So the hurricane Florence has gone from a cat 5 to a cat 2
I guess you could say it was...
Before i married my wife she like a hurricane She was a 5 but now shes 2
Something light in light of Hurricane Florence
Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events
What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly? Because women don’t like premature evacuations
Governor what your biggest fear about hurricane Florence hitting North Carolina? President Trump
If the hurricane picks up a car, what do you call it?
Florence and the Machine!
A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes? Hope there's no red tide.
What did the Romantic Hurricane say to the sheep covered volcano? Eye Lava Ewe
Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States. By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hang on to your nuts, This isn't your ordinary blow job.
My high school’s football team literally never wins I propose we name every hurricane “Paschal High School” so that they will never touch down
What do a hurricane in North Florida, a tornado in Oklahoma, and a divorce in East Texas have in common? Someone’s going to lose a mobile home
Guys, you've been seeing Trump throwing paper towels at the hurricane affected Puerto Ricans the wrong way Clearly, he's a fill-n'-throw-pist.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hang on to your nuts, this ain’t no regular blow job!
What's the worst Halloween costume for this year? Hurricane Harvey Weinstein.
What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year? Hurricane Harvey Weinstein
What did one hurricane say to the other? I was very concerned my first grader was about to say "blow me" in the middle of a busy store, but "I've got my eye on you" was the answer.
September: I had one of the worst hurricane months on record and Hugh Hefner died. October: Hold my beer
Hurricane Nate is said to go straight North from The Gulf in to Alabama Experts say it will cause millions of dollars worth of improvement.
Hurricane Irma took out my electricity. something about it just makes me feel powerless
What do you call a hurricane whose had too much vodka? A Harvey Wallbanger
Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.
Why did Hurricane Irma miss Mar-a-Lago?
Because as nice as it would have been for a woman to destroy trump's hotel, it'll be even more poetic if it's destroyed by Jose.
Should have built that sea wall afterall.
Hurricanes ?... When is all this hurricane talk going to blow over?
I heard that after Hurricane Irma, FEMA will run out of money. This is surprising since I thought they would have a rainy day fund.
They made a mixed drink after Hurricane Sandy It's pretty much a watered down Manhattan
Ex who lives in Florida
called and asked if she and her kids could come North and stay with me until the hurricane passes.
I said "Well, your dog can."
Right now Irma is signaling for a left turn.
But it's Florida so, you know, you can't really be sure whats going to happen.
A reporter was interviewing Hurricane Irma.
Reporter: "Now that you've been to the Bahamas and Puerto Rico, where are you headed next?"
Irma: "IM GOING TO DISNEY!!!"