Hurricane Jokes

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Funniest Hurricane Jokes

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

Funny Hurricane Jokes

Secretary walks into the President's room Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job."

If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

It's too early for hurricane jokes wait for everything to blow over first.

Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy? Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

If your house it hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT AND SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory. There’s de Brie everywhere

What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common? In the beginning there is lots of sucking and blowing, and in the end you still loose your house

Have you heard of the new drink that they're calling the Hurricane Sandy?... Yeah.. apparently it's just a watered down Manhattan.

A hurricane is a lot like getting married... Starts with a lot of blowing, then you lose your house.

How is a hurricane like a marriage? At the beginning there's a lot of blowing and sucking, and when it's over your house is gone.

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common? They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey... Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster? A hurricane

Women are like Hurricane Harvey When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your car and your house.

This Hurricane should have been called Snooki... The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.

What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common? It begins with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end you still loose your house

Hurricane Sandy I asked my bartender for a Hurricane Sandy. She looked confused and asked, "What is that?"

I replied, "A watered down Manhattan."

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common? When they come in they're really wet and blow really hard, and when they leave they take your house and car with them.

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold onto your nuts! This is no ordinary blow job!

**What did hurricane Irma say to the coconut palm tree?** Hold on to your nuts this ain't no ordinary blow job!!!

Is it too soon to say a Hurricane Harvey joke Or should I just wait for everything to blow over?

What did Hurricane Tyrone say as it made landfall? Where the white beaches at?!?

Texas refuses to remove its statues. Hurricane volunteers to help.

What did the Hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall

A hurricane is like a woman. When they come, they are wet, crazy, and wild. But when they leave, they take your house and your car.

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds? I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

A hurricane walks into a bar The owner doesn’t have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hang on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!"

What do Hurricane Irene and Kim Kardashian have in common? They blow the whole east coast and there's videos online.

Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night... ...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

Looking for a new drink? Try a Hurricane Sandy... It's a watered-down Manhattan

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New Hurricane Jokes

Katy Perry sang that after a hurricane comes a rainbow, but you know what else comes after a hurricane? A moron in a suit.

After considering Florida peeps trying to shoot at a hurricane incident... Shocked they're not trying to shoot at the coronavirus...

Can the flap of a butterfly's wings cause a hurricane across the ocean? I don't know, but some bloke eating a pangolin in wuhan has caused loo roll to run out at Aldi...

What do a hurricane and a Texas divorce have in common? Someone's gonna lose a trailer!

What do a Hurricane and a wife have in common? One day it is wet and exciting and the next day your house is gone.

A blind guy was in a hurry I call that a hurricane

A hurricane tore off a quarter of my roof. oof.

Hurricane Humor Me: Are you going to evacuate?

Friend: Namaste.

I don't have to hurricane prep Between the glasses of water on my nightstand and the half-bottles of water on my passenger side floorboard I'm good for a year.

You hear about the new drink called The Hurricane Dorian? It's just a watered down Bahama Mama..

Don't donate to the Bahama hurricane victims without researching the organization first. It could be a scam. That's a good "Ja Rule" of thumb.

In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, President Trump names a new Disaster Assistance Ambassador to The Bahamas. "He's the best. He'll do a great job, believe me." the President said. Ja Rule reportedly accepted the position via Twitter.

About that hurricane Dorian... If it gets anymore major than this, we’ll have to rename it Ionian.

I decided to listen to the Doors' "Riders On the Storm" as the next hurricane approaches. It's in E Dorian

If Hurricane Dorian becomes a major hurricane... Will it be called Hurricane Mixolydian?

What’s the best part about a hurricane party? You literally raise the roof

If you live in Florida, make sure to take a black and white photo of the hurricane this weekend. I'm not exactly sure why, but I've heard a lot of buzz about a picture of Dorian, grey. People seem pretty wilde about it.

I took a picture of Hurricane Dorian but it came out Grey.

If this storm is named Dorian... If this storm is named Dorian, what is it called a hurricane and not a himmacane instead?

Courtesy of my 60 year old dad so you know it's real

What do hurricane Dorian, and my impending divorce have in common? Someone is losing a trailer.

The hurricane swept away 1/4 of my roof oof.

What does a hurricane and a West Virginian divorce have in common? Somebody's gonna lose their mobile home.

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be one heck of a blow job.

An old one but a good one What does a hurricane in Florida, a tornado in Arkansas, and a divorce in Kentucky have in common?



Someone is fixin’ to lose a trailer

Soccer made easy for everyone Why Harry Kane scores with great efficiency and reliability ?

Because he is a hurricane for the enemy defence .

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts cuz I'm going to blow you off.

What do you get when Hurricane Chris tries to sell a large body of water connected to an ocean? eBay bay

Apparently more than 5,000 hogs drowned in floods following hurricane Florence... On the bright side the McRib should be back soon.

In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President... Tiny mushrooms.

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence. He said, Na-ama-ste.

Hurricane Florence White House advisor.......

"Mr Trump , Hurricane Florence is causing trouble."

President Trump.....

"Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels!"

Nicked from fb

So the hurricane Florence has gone from a cat 5 to a cat 2 I guess you could say it was...

​

overblown

Before i married my wife she like a hurricane She was a 5 but now shes 2

Something light in light of Hurricane Florence Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly? Because women don’t like premature evacuations

Governor what your biggest fear about hurricane Florence hitting North Carolina? President Trump

Humm If the hurricane picks up a car, what do you call it?

Florence and the Machine!

A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes? Hope there's no red tide.

What did the Romantic Hurricane say to the sheep covered volcano? Eye Lava Ewe

Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States. By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.

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Long Hurricane Jokes

The hurricane Sandy.

A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "Hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan."

How to take a hurricane seriously

If the US wants to take hurricanes seriously they need to give them Muslim names. We got Irma and people don't care. But when the weatherman starts saying Abdullah is coming at Florida as a category 5, the whole country would evacuate.

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.

But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

My god will save me

A man lived in Florida in a two-story house near the water. During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck.

“Hop in and we can all get out of here together.”

The man refuses to leave.
“My god will save me,” is all he replies.

A few days later the waters have risen several feet and the man is forced to live on the second floor of his house to avoid the flood waters.

A rescue boat searching for survivors spots him sitting by his window and they boat over.

“Hop in and we can all get out of here together.”

Still the man refuses to leave.
“My god will save me,” is all he said.

A day later and the waters have risen and driven the man to seek refuge on his roof.

A coast guard helicopter surveying the damage notices him sitting on the roof and flys in to save him. A coast guard worker is lowered on the rope and offers to harness the man up.

“Hop in and we can all get out of here together.”

The man refuses again.
“My god will save me,” is all he says.

Another day later and the waters have risen over the top of his house. The man is swept away by the current and drowns.

At the gates of heaven the man sees god. He asks him, “God, I showed great faith in you. Why didn’t you rescue me?”

God replies, “I sent you a pickup truck, a rescue boat and a helicopter. What more do you want from me?”

In Gods hands...

A man was in his home when a hurricane blew into town bringing with it high winds and torrential rain. A pair of cops came by in waders and asked him to evacuate.

*“No thanks, officers,"* he said. *“My life is in God’s hands.”*

So the police left and the rain continued to fall. A few hours later and the water was up above the first floor of the man’s house, so the man went upstairs. At that point, a woman came by in a rowboat.

*“Let’s go!”* she shouted in the man’s window.

*“No thank you, ma’m,”* he replied. *“My life is in God’s hands.”*

So the woman floated off in her boat and the rain continued to fall. A few hours later, the water had filled up the second floor of the man’s house, so he climbed onto the roof. Finally, a helicopter flew over and lowered a rope.

*“Grab the rope; we’ll rescue you!”* said the medic in the helicopter, speaking into a megaphone.

*“No thank you!”* screamed the man through the howling wind, *”My life is in God’s hands!”*

So the water continued to rise and, eventually, the man was swept away and drowned.

Up in heaven, the man came before God.

*“Why did you forsake me, God?”* the man implored. *“My life was in your hands!”*

*“What do you want from me?”* God replied. *“I sent you a police escort, a rowboat, a helicopter…”*

In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...

I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.

A Parrot and a magician on a ship

A Magician, who performs magic tricks on a ship had a parrot which helped him perform his tricks. One day, the parrot died so the magician replaced him with a new one.

On the night of his first show, the parrot would keep giving away his tricks "It's in the hat"..."it's up his sleeve"..."It's under the table"..fustrated, the magician cut his show short. Shorlty after, there was a hurricane and the ship sunk, the magician and the parrot managed to get them selves onto a raft.

The first day passed and not a word was spoken, the magician and his parrot were sat there lookign at each other waiting for help. As day 2 arrised, the parrot is looking around confused and fustrated. Eventually, the parrot turns to the magician and says "Alright, i give up. What have you done with the ship".

College Football Jokes - Enjoy!

Don't know where they came from, but they are worth a chuckle or two.

> Ohio State's
> Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know
> the meaning of the word
> fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know
> the meaning of a lot of
> words."
> ___________________________________________
>
> Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
>
> So they can dress
> that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and
> pick up trash on
> Monday.
> ___________________________________________
>
> What does the average Alabama player get on
> his SATs?
>
> Drool.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How many Michigan freshmen football players
> does it take to
> change a light bulb?
>
> None. That's a sophomore
> course.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How did the
> Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
>
> The cow fell on
> him.
> ___________________________________________
>
> Two Notre Dame football players were
> walking in the woods.
>
> One of them said, "Look, a dead
> bird."
>
> The other looked
> up in the sky and said, "Where?"
> ___________________________________________
>
> A Texas A & M football player was
> almost killed yesterday
> in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
>
> He fell from a horse and was
> nearly trampled to death.
>
> Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came
> out and unplugged the
> horse.
> ___________________________________________
>
> What do you say to a University of Miami
> Hurricane football
> player dressed in a three-piece suit? "
>
> "Will the defendant please
> rise."
> ___________________________________________
>
> If three Florida State football players are
> in the same car,
> who is driving?
>
> The police
> officer.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How can you tell
> if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
>
> There's tobacco juice on both sides of
> the pickup
> truck.
> ___________________________________________
>
> What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas
> cheerleaders in one
> room?
>
> A full set of teeth.
> ___________________________________________
>
> University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is
> only going to dress
> half of his players for the game this week; the other half
> will have to dress
> themselves.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How is the South Carolina football team
> like an opossum?
>
> They play dead at home and get killed on
> the
> road.
> ___________________________________________
>
> Why did the Purdue linebacker steal a
> police car?
>
> He saw "911" on the side and
> thought it was a
> Porsche.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How do you get a former Colorado
> football player off your porch?
>
> Pay him for the
> pizza.
> ___________________________________________
>
> What are the longest three years of a
> University of Florida
> football player’s life?
>
> Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman
> III.

This is a test.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest.

THE SITUATION:

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.

THE TEST:

Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.

It's Donald Trump! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.

YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS:

You can save the life of Donald Trump or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the most powerful Republicans in America.

THE QUESTION:

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer. "Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?"

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 miles to get Astronomical Units

You get 15.8 AU's.

You're so fat, that even though Florence is dropping 17 trillion gallons of rain, It's still not enough to get to Uranus.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for our guests. However, the grocery store was out of her favourite brand. “It’s okay.” She said. “Any Port in a storm.”

Hurricane Season

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with him forever.

Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, he felt personally safe enough to open the door and let her in.

You hold the power to save them...

With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida ... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.

Suddenly you see a man and woman in the water, fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow they look familiar.

Suddenly you know who they are - it's Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, caught in the storm surge while leaving the debate!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take them away, forever. You have two options. You can save them or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the lives of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the deaths of two of the most powerful people in the United States.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

It dawned on me in the shower that my ex gf must be related to hurricane Dorian. You've been waiting for them to come but they just keep gyrating until they exhaust themselves.

The worst though is when you see the video of them ravaging and gushing all over their previous fling, leaving you feeling completely inadequate and devastated.

I should buy a wingsuit

It'd be a breeze to get around in, but if my mom were to get wind of it, I'd just have to wait for it to blow over. The amount of fun I'd be having would be sky-high, even. I'd have to pay attention though, wouldn't want my head in the clouds.

I should stop now, this is a hurricane of puns. But actually, I'm so happy about that. In fact, I'm on cloud nine!

In light of hurricane Matthew

A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again "God will save me". The next day his house is flooded and he is on the roof. A small motorboat comes by but again "God will save me". The next day he can barely hold on to chimney and a coast Guard patrol boat comes by and calls out to help but yet again he says "God will save me". The man eventually drowns and goes to meet god. Angrily he approaches god and says "God I prayed to you day and night, why didn't you answer my prayers and help me ?" God replies "What are you talking about ? I sent you help 3 times !"

Hurricane Katrina

An old gentleman from New Orleans gets to heaven and is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says to him "You have to pick one story that describes your life and that is the only story you may tell for all of eternity."

The man thinks about it and decides he is going to tell the story of Hurricane Katrina. He looks at St. Peter and says "I wish to tell the story of Hurricane Katrina and the great flood that nearly destroyed my town."

St. Peter looked at him and "my son, that is a great story but remember Noah is also here."

What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude?

What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude? A Hurri-cant!

Currently evacuated for the second time (Mathew, now Irma). Shared this joke with my sister in law last year and it's an all-star dad joke if I say so.

What do Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein have in common?

They are both massive bodies that devastated countless victims.

What is the difference between Hurricane Harvey and Harvey Weinstein?

Hurricane Harvey actually made its victims wet.

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials "
6. Family coming to stay with you
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
4. Buying food you don't normally buy... and in large quantities
3. Days off from work
2. Candles

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!"

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