Viola Jokes

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Funniest Viola Jokes

Funny Viola Jokes

How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb? None - they can't reach that high

How do you keep a violin from getting stolen? Put it in a viola case.

What did the viola say to her daughter before crossing the street? You better C^♯ or you'll B^♭

How does a viola greet a relative? Cello!

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

What's the difference between roadkill and a viola in the middle of the road? There are skid marks leading up to the roadkill.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola? A viola burns longer.

What do you do to prevent your violin from being stolen? Put it in a viola case

How do you keep a violin from being stolen? Put it in a viola case.

Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation? Even when you know it's coming, there's nothing you can do about it.

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Long Viola Jokes

My wife stopped me on the way out the door with my viola case in hand.

Wife: Where do you think you're going?

Me: I got a gig.

Wife: A gig? I thought all your gigs got cancelled?

Me: I got a new one.

Wife: Who hires a violist when we're all quarantined?

Me: The health department. They want me to walk down the street playing my viola to get everyone to run inside and shut their windows.

One day, a viola player walks into his orchestra, and finds a lamp...

He rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie.

"I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES! What is your first wish?" he booms.
"I want to be the best viola player in my orchestra." says the player.
"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!"

The next day he comes in to orchestra practice and sees he has been promoted to 1st Violas.
"Wow!" he thinks, it really worked.

Once again, the genie pops out of the lamp.
"What is your second wish?" he asks.
"I want to be the best viola player in the country." he says.
"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!"

Once again, the next day, the viola player walks in and is instantly congratulated by everyone around him. Critics gave him the status of best player in the country after playing in the concert last night!

For the last time, the genie pops out of the lamp.
"What is your final wish?" he asks.
"I want to be the best viola player in the world." he says.
"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!"


After his last wish, the viola player is ecstatic to become the best viola player in the world.

The next day, the viola player walks into the orchestra, and this time, he goes in, and he sits down with the second violins.

One day, a violist finds a genie's lamp [long]

The violist was walking to his car after the Little Rock Orchestra rehearsal, where he sat last chair, and found a little genie lamp on the ground. Upon arriving home, he rubbed the lamp and the genie busted out from the lamp. He told the violist, "I shall give you 3 wishes!" After some consideration, the violist wasn't happy with his position in the orchestra, so he wished to be 100% better than he was now. With a wave of his hands, the genie made it so.
The next day, he goes in to orchestra and finds he is principal chair. Excited, his fingers moved more effortlessly and he was astounded at his progress. When he got home, he wished from the genie again to be better 100% than he was now. With a wave of his hands, the genie made it so.
That morning, he got a call from the Boston Philharmonic saying that they wanted him for the principal viola spot. Ecstatic, he got his plane ticket and went out to Boston to play. That night in his hotel, he was wondering where else he could go. "Genie. For my final wish, I again wish to be 100% better than I am now!" With a wave of his hands, the genie made it so, and disappeared.
The next morning, he gets a call. He had been promoted to last chair violinist of the Little Rock Orchestra...

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