Walks Into A Bar Jokes

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Funniest Walks Into A Bar Jokes

Funny Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Score: 10850

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Score: 6864

So Donald Trump walks into a bar... and lowers it

Score: 6815

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."

Score: 5284

A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. The bartender asks: “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”

Score: 3933

So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less. The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."

Score: 2913

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.

Score: 2442

Snake walks into a bar. And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''

Score: 2157

So the CEO of EA walks into a bar.. "I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.

"That'll be $1" answers the barman.

"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"

"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"

Score: 1927

So this Limbo Champion walks into a bar... and was immediately disqualified.

Score: 1920

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

Score: 1888

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don't think I've seen you here before." Original joke replies, "Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

Score: 1687

Comic Sans walks into a bar The bartender says "Get out - We don't serve your type".

Score: 1642

A horse walks into a bar "Hey", the Bartender says.

"Sure", the horse replies.

Score: 1530

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks “Why is he called Tiny?”

And the man replies “Because he’s my newt!”


Edit: I have replied to the comments and removed my edits

Score: 1396

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."

Score: 1343

A man with authority walks into a bar.. He orders everyone a round.

Score: 1262

A joke walks into a bar... Bartender says woah! I've never *meta* joke before

Score: 1241

A person with an art degree walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

Score: 1047

So a man walks into a bar... and never comes back for my entire childhood.

Where are you dad?

Score: 1037

Eminem walks into a bar and orders two shots of... The bartender cuts him off and says, “You only get one shot.”

Score: 1035

A black hole walks into a bar A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

Score: 1001

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says, "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"

Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 935

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,"Give me 2 shots..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get one shot."

Score: 877

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey."

The horse says, "Sure."

Score: 847

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

Score: 833

The director of EA walks into a bar *Download the punchline for only 4.99*

Score: 776

A guy walks into a bar and orders a punch The bartender says “Sir, if you wanna punch, you gotta get in line.”
The guy looks around but there is no punch line

Score: 769

A libertarian walks into a bar. . . The barman serves him tainted alcohol because there are no regulations.

He dies.

Score: 702

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar... You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

Score: 695

A horse walks into a bar and requests "Hello, I'd like some anthropomorphization please" The bartender replies: "I think you've had enough already"

Score: 609

So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder... The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"

"Africa!", says the parrot.

Score: 162

A man walks into a bar. By the way, I'm the guy who accidentally knocked over Usain Bolt. Sorry, I'm not good with segways.

Score: 156

A roman walks into a bar, sticks 2 fingers up and says 5 beers please.

Score: 122

A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"


The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there."

Score: 116

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."

Score: 113

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar.

Score: 76

An atheist walks into a bar that's full, and someone gets up and offers him a space. Why doesn't he take it? Because then he'd be a theist.

Score: 37

So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender Guy: Two shots please

Eminem: You only get one shot

Score: 34

So a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bartender says “Wow that’s cool! Where’d you get it” “Africa” says the parrot

Score: 30

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New Walks Into A Bar Jokes

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, "OMG, you're the noblest of gases." He didn't react.

Score: 0

A Roman walks into a bar and holds 2 fingers up to the barman "Five beers please."

Score: 6

Comic Sans walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Get out, we don't serve your type!"

Score: 3

Roman soldier walks into a bar and holds up two fingers And says "5 pints of beer please"

Score: 0

A woman walks into a bar. She asks the barman for a double entendre So the barman gave her one

Score: 0

A pirate walks into a bar whith a steering wheel in his zipper, The bartender says, "hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your zipper right?"
The pirate says, "Arrgh, its driving me nuts,"

Score: 0

A chicken sandwish walks into a bar and orders a beer Bartender says: " We don't serve food here"

Score: 0

An arctic seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll you have"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

Score: 4

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender what time the most beautiful women show up at... The bartender tells him "It's all in the eye of the beer holder"

Score: 3

A Republican, Christian, Vegetarian and the Nicest man ever walks into a bar And only orders water because Mr. Rogers didn't drink

Score: 13

An idiot, a misogynist and a rapist walks into a bar... ...the bartender says "what can I get you Mr. President?"

Score: 8

A rabbit walks into a barbers shop and asks for a haircut... The barber says, "I can't help you with that my friend, but the butcher across the street sure can."

Score: 2

A Hindu walks into a bar and sees a man with a turban on "Sikh hat bro, where can I get one?"

Score: 3

A man blind man walks into a bar And a table and a chair and…

Score: 4

Balderick walks into a bar... He manages to pull a Nigerian mathematician, and while they are talking he keeps getting confused and calling her ‘Black adder’

Score: 1

A woman walks into a bar with a kid, holding brown paint in one hand, paintbrushes in the other. The bartender says: "Is that your son? He isn't allowed in here."

The woman says: "I promised I would give him a chocolate bar, so everybody start painting."

Score: 2

So a black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder, "What a beautiful parrot," said the bartender, "where'd you get it?" "Africa," said the bird This is sorta racist but I mean its funny.

Score: 0

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says 'why the long face?' The horse said 'my wife has terminal cancer'

Score: 3

We’ve all heard about the dog that walks into a bar But have you heard the one about the baby seal that walks into a club?

Score: 4

A woman walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I would like a double entendres.” So he gave it to her.

Score: 3

My grandmother with Alzheimer's walks into a bar Pineapple

Score: 3

A bear walks into a bar. The bear says he wants a whiskey and a coke. The bartender says sure no problem but what’s with the big pause? The bear says I dunno I was born that way

Score: 0

Jussie Smollett walks into a bar fight... There was no fight

Score: 10

A deep thinker walks into a bar The bartender says "we don't serve 14 year olds"

Score: 1

Argon walks into a bar and the bartender says “Sorry but we don’t serve noble gases in here.” Argon doesn’t react.

Score: 0

A Rope once walks into a bar.... "Sorry Pal! Rupees ain't allowed here." Cried the bartender and kicked him out.

The rope adjusted and twisted his neck and went it again.

"Aren't you the same Lad I threw out a few minutes ago?"

The rope replied, "A frayed Knot."

Score: 0

A termite walks into a bar and asked... Is the bar tender here?

Score: 7

A talking grasshopper walks into a bar Bartender: we have a drink named after you

Grasshopper: what? You have a drink named Gary?

Score: 8

So a man walks into a bar and asks for some etheopean food The bartender says im sorry we're out of that

Score: 0

So a Tumblr user walks into a bar... and angrily writes a callout post on the rod that assaulted them.

Score: 1

A women walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre So the bar tender gives it to her.

Score: 7

So a giraffe walks into a bar and says... ...highballs on me.

Score: 5

A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar. Ouch.

Score: 2

A man walks into a bar and then proceeds to order a pint and drink in peace, disturbing no one... He was very courteous and paid his bill in a timely manner.

Score: 1

A Sikh walks into a bar.. and takes a seat.
Bartender: Are you relaxing?
Sikh: No, my name is Aman Singh.

Score: 4

So a termite walks into a bar and says... Is the bar-tender here?

Score: 4

A British bass player walks into a bar. Bartender says "You've got a steering wheel in your pants."

Bass player says "I know. It's driving me nuts."

Score: 1

Roy Moore walks into a bar and orders a 10 year old scotch, and water The bartender says "here's your scotch and water."
Roy Moore asks "where's my 10 year old?"

Score: 7

A snail walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here!" and then throws him out... So the snail comes back to the bar a few days later and says, "Well what was that for?"

Score: 3

A woman walks into a bar and asks for double entendre. The bartender gave it to her.

Score: 3

An Atheist, a Vegan and a Vaper walks into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes -_-

Score: 27

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.... The bartender looks in amazement and says, "how awesome! Where did you get that!?"
Suddenly the parrot looks up and says, "Oh him? Africa, there are millions of them there..."

Score: 12

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder... He walks up to the counter and asks for a drink.

The bartender then goes "hey, where did you find him."

The parrot then responds, "BAWK, AFRICA. THERES THOUSANDS OF THEM."

Score: 3

A guy walks into a bar that's still in pre-alpha when he sees another player ... and asks "why the long face?"

Score: 2

Another horse walks into a bar The barman says "why the long face?"

and the horse replies "because my entire family were killed and served to customers in Subway.

Score: 2

Horse walks into a bar, orders a drink, bartender says, "Why the long face?" Horse answers, "Because my alcoholism is destroying my family".

Score: 1

So a woman walks into a bar and says "I'M WALKING INTO A BAR!" The barman says: "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a meta joke."

The woman says nothing, but he pours her a free drink anyway.

Why?

Only because he meta before.

Score: 5

Melania Trump walks into a bar... and orders and Angel shot with lime.

Score: 7

A door walks into a bar The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The door responds, "I'm off my hinges."

Score: 2

A liberal arts student walks into a bar. (Insert pronoun here) can't buy anything.

Score: 1

A man walks into a barber shop with a sign that says "Psychic Barber". Barber: Say no more, fam

Score: 2

A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre... so he gave it to her.

Score: 5

A guy wearing a turban walks into a bar The bartender asks "Is this some sort of Sikh joke?"

Score: 8

Girl walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre So the bartender says "Sure, I'd be more than happy to give you a hand with that"

Score: 1

So a lady walks into a bar and orders a double entendre... ...and the bartender gives it to her.

Score: 5

A man with dyslexia walks into a bar. "Ouch!" says the arab

Score: 2

A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"

"Africa," says the parrot.

Score: 3

A pretty girl walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "what are you having?". Girl responds "I'll take a a Double entendre". ... So he gives it to her.

Score: 4

A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre... ... So he gives it to her!

Score: 5

A girl walks into a bar and ask the bartender for a double entendre so he gives it to her.

Score: 20

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