Hilarious Walks Into A Bar Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Walks Into A Bar Jokes

Score: 10850

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Score: 6864

So Donald Trump walks into a bar... and lowers it

Score: 6815

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."

Score: 5284

A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. The bartender asks: “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”

Score: 3933

So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less. The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."

Score: 2913

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.

Score: 2442

Snake walks into a bar. And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''

Score: 2157

So the CEO of EA walks into a bar.. "I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.

"That'll be $1" answers the barman.

"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"

"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"

Score: 1927

So this Limbo Champion walks into a bar... and was immediately disqualified.

Score: 1920

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

Score: 1888

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don't think I've seen you here before." Original joke replies, "Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

Score: 1687

Comic Sans walks into a bar The bartender says "Get out - We don't serve your type".

Score: 1642

A horse walks into a bar "Hey", the Bartender says.

"Sure", the horse replies.

Score: 1530

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks “Why is he called Tiny?”

And the man replies “Because he’s my newt!”

Edit: I have replied to the comments and removed my edits

Score: 1396

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."

Score: 1343

A man with authority walks into a bar.. He orders everyone a round.

Score: 1262

A joke walks into a bar... Bartender says woah! I've never *meta* joke before

Score: 1241

A person with an art degree walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

Score: 1047

So a man walks into a bar... and never comes back for my entire childhood.

Where are you dad?

Score: 1037

Eminem walks into a bar and orders two shots of... The bartender cuts him off and says, “You only get one shot.”

Score: 1035

A black hole walks into a bar A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

Score: 1001

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says, "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"

Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 935

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,"Give me 2 shots..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get one shot."

Score: 877

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey."

The horse says, "Sure."

Score: 847

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

Score: 833

The director of EA walks into a bar *Download the punchline for only 4.99*

Score: 776

A guy walks into a bar and orders a punch The bartender says “Sir, if you wanna punch, you gotta get in line.”
The guy looks around but there is no punch line

Score: 769

A libertarian walks into a bar. . . The barman serves him tainted alcohol because there are no regulations.

He dies.

Score: 702

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar... You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

Score: 695

A dog walks into a bar The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"

Score: 670

A girl walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "I'd like a double entendre, please."

So he gives it to her.

Score: 662

A limbo champion walks into a bar He's disqualified.

Score: 582

f(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions

Score: 570

A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a............beer." The bartender responds, "what's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "always had 'em."

Score: 424

A limbo champion walks into a bar. He got disqualified.

Score: 418

A limbo contestant walks into a bar He is immediately disqualified

Score: 358

The director of EA walks into a bar Download punchline for only $15 dollars!

Score: 346

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,"Give me 2 shots..."

The bartender cuts him off and says,"You only get 1 shot."

Score: 330

So a mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here. You're always ruining jokes." The mushroom says "Come on. I'm a nice guy."

Score: 267

New Walks Into A Bar Jokes

So a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bartender says “Wow that’s cool! Where’d you get it” “Africa” says the parrot

Score: 30

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. “That’s pretty neat!” The bartender says, “Where’d you get him?”

“Africa.” Says the parrot.

Score: 97

A time-stretched sinusoid walks into a bar... The bartender asks, "Why the long phase?"

Score: 26

Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, and some chairs.

Score: 22

A clickbait journalist walks into a bar You won’t believe what happens next

Score: 31

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, "So, do I come here often?"

Score: 44

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

Score: 180

A limbo player walks into a bar. He loses.

Score: 55

A gymnast walks into a bar... She gets deducted five points

Score: 23

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we dont serve food here."

Score: 126

H.P. Lovecraft walks into a bar... and the rest of the joke is too funny even to describe, dear reader.

Score: 40

A polar bear walks into a bar A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says "what can I get you?" Bear replies " I'd like a gin......... And tonic" Batender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth "I don't know, my dad had 'em too."

Score: 172

A man walks into a bar He was immediately disqualified from the limbo competition.

Score: 95

A limbo dancer walks into a bar... And was immediately disqualified.

Score: 30

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants. The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

Score: 101

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?"

Score: 235

A person with a four year degree majoring in history walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

Score: 110

This women walks into a bar and says, "Give me an entendre. Make it a double." So the bartender gives it to her

E: credit to /u/Narzgul85

Score: 202

A roman soldier walks into a bar A roman soldier walks into a bar and asks for a *martinus*.

“You mean *martini*?”, asks the bartender.

The roman soldier answers “If I wanted two, I would have told you!”

Score: 212

A pirate walks into a bar..... with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants.

The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."

Score: 39

An Atheist, a Vegan and a Vaper walks into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes -_-

Score: 27

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... And the bartender asks "what's wrong?"

The man replied "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 53

A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel on your head?"

The pirate replies, "Arrr, I got a bounty on me head."

Score: 38

A dung beetle walks into a bar... ...and asks, “Is this stool taken?

Score: 48

A woman walks into a bar Bartender says, "That's funny, I was expecting a guy"

Score: 31

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He goes to the bartender and ask
"I'll take a beer ! And another one for the road !"

Score: 26

A ham sandwich walks into a bar... The bartender goes sorry, we don't serve food here.

Score: 60

In honor of father's day - one from my dad. A dungbeetle walks into a bar and he says to the bartender: Excuse me sir, is this stool taken?

Score: 60

A dung beatle walks into a bar. Is this stool taken?

Score: 25

An atheist walks into a bar that's full, and someone gets up and offers him a space. Why doesn't he take it? Because then he'd be a theist.

Score: 37

A limbo player walks into a bar He lost.

Score: 34

A clown with a briefcase walks into a bar The barman calls security and says "sorry, no funny business"

Score: 29

A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."

The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 218

So Helen Keller walks into a bar... Then a table, then a chair.

Score: 30

Helium walks into a bar... The bartender says, "we don't serve Noble Gases here."

Helium does not react.

Score: 23

Man walks into a bar with a salamander. The bartender says, "Nice lizard. What's its name?"

"I call him Tiny because he's my newt."

Score: 53

Guy walks into a bar Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"
Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 84

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says Alcoholism is destroying my family.

Score: 25

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. You mean a martini? the bartender asks.

The Roman replies, if I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.

Score: 90

A joke walks into a bar The bartender says "Cool! I never meta joke before!"

Score: 29

*Eminem walks into a bar with his daughter* Daughter : Two shots, please.
Eminem : You only get one shot!

Score: 22

A Roman walks into a bar... He says to the bartender "I'll have a martinus."

The bartender looks at him funny and asks "You mean martini?"

The Roman says "No. If I wanted a double I would have asked for it."

Score: 26

Trump walks into a bar and lowers it.

Score: 230

A guy walks into a Bar And asks for a beer.

The bartender: 'do you want a normal beer or a no-alcohol?'

'It depends. Do you want normal money or Monopoly's?'

Score: 44

A rope walks into a bar The bartender says "We don't serve your kind".
So the rope walks out, twists himself up and parts his hair and then walks back in.
The bartender asks "Aren't you the same guy who was here a moment ago?".
The rope replies "I'm a frayed knot."

Score: 34

A horse walks into a bar Oh, sorry it was a woman. Let me start over.

A horse walks into a woman.

Score: 72

A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar The bartender asks: Hey cool, where'd you get it?

The parrot says: Africa

Score: 95

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."

Score: 113

A narcissist, a misogynist, and a bigot walks into a bar... Bartender says, what'll it be Mr. President?

Score: 73

A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. "That's so cool" says the bartender, "where did you get it?"

"Africa" replies the parrot.

Score: 22

A man walks into a bar with a gun A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells "WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!"

A man calmly stands up and says, "You ain't got enough bullets, mate."

Score: 27

A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"

The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"

"How you know my name!"

Score: 245

So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender Guy: Two shots please

Eminem: You only get one shot

Score: 34

A black guy with a parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "wow! That is beautiful! Where did you get it?" The parrot responded, saying, "there are millions of them running around in Africa."

Score: 91

A guy walks into a bar... his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away.

Score: 37

So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder... The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"

"Africa!", says the parrot.

Score: 162

A panda walks into a bar He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."

"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"

"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.

Score: 20

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot... The bartender says, "Wow! That is really cool! Where did you get it?"

"Africa", says the parrot.

Score: 262

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My alcoholism is destroying my family."

Score: 122

A girl walks into a bar and ask the bartender for a double entendre so he gives it to her.

Score: 20