Walks Into A Bar Jokes

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Funniest Walks Into A Bar Jokes

Funny Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Score: 10850

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Score: 6864

So Donald Trump walks into a bar... and lowers it

Score: 6815

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."

Score: 5284

A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. The bartender asks: “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”

Score: 3933

So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less. The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."

Score: 2913

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.

Score: 2442

Snake walks into a bar. And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''

Score: 2157

So the CEO of EA walks into a bar.. "I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.

"That'll be $1" answers the barman.

"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"

"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"

Score: 1927

So this Limbo Champion walks into a bar... and was immediately disqualified.

Score: 1920

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

Score: 1888

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don't think I've seen you here before." Original joke replies, "Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

Score: 1687

Comic Sans walks into a bar The bartender says "Get out - We don't serve your type".

Score: 1642

A horse walks into a bar "Hey", the Bartender says.

"Sure", the horse replies.

Score: 1530

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks “Why is he called Tiny?”

And the man replies “Because he’s my newt!”


Edit: I have replied to the comments and removed my edits

Score: 1396

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."

Score: 1343

A man with authority walks into a bar.. He orders everyone a round.

Score: 1262

A joke walks into a bar... Bartender says woah! I've never *meta* joke before

Score: 1241

A person with an art degree walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

Score: 1047

So a man walks into a bar... and never comes back for my entire childhood.

Where are you dad?

Score: 1037

Eminem walks into a bar and orders two shots of... The bartender cuts him off and says, “You only get one shot.”

Score: 1035

A black hole walks into a bar A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

Score: 1001

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says, "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"

Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 935

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,"Give me 2 shots..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get one shot."

Score: 877

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey."

The horse says, "Sure."

Score: 847

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

Score: 833

The director of EA walks into a bar *Download the punchline for only 4.99*

Score: 776

A guy walks into a bar and orders a punch The bartender says “Sir, if you wanna punch, you gotta get in line.”
The guy looks around but there is no punch line

Score: 769

A libertarian walks into a bar. . . The barman serves him tainted alcohol because there are no regulations.

He dies.

Score: 702

A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar... You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!

Score: 695

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?"

Score: 235

A roman walks into a bar, sticks 2 fingers up and says 5 beers please.

Score: 122

A lady walks into a bar and orders a double entendre... ...and the bartender gives it to her.

Score: 122

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."

Score: 113

A narcissist, a misogynist, and a bigot walks into a bar... Bartender says, what'll it be Mr. President?

Score: 73

An atheist walks into a bar that's full, and someone gets up and offers him a space. Why doesn't he take it? Because then he'd be a theist.

Score: 37

A piece of ham walks into a bar. “We don’t serve food here”, says the bartender.

Score: 31

So a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bartender says “Wow that’s cool! Where’d you get it” “Africa” says the parrot

Score: 30

A pro Limbo Dancer walks into a bar. He is immediately disqualified from the competition.

Score: 25

So a string walks into a bar... and the bartender says to him, "Hey no strings allowed. Get out!" So he goes out side, messes himself up, ties himself up, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string from earlier?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

Score: 25

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New Walks Into A Bar Jokes

A Roman walks into a bar and holds 2 fingers up to the barman "Five beers please."

Score: 6

Comic Sans walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Get out, we don't serve your type!"

Score: 3

An arctic seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll you have"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

Score: 4

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender what time the most beautiful women show up at... The bartender tells him "It's all in the eye of the beer holder"

Score: 3

A male giraffe walks into a bar And says “Highballs on me.”

Score: 5

A rabbit walks into a barbers shop and asks for a haircut... The barber says, "I can't help you with that my friend, but the butcher across the street sure can."

Score: 2

A man blind man walks into a bar And a table and a chair and…

Score: 4

A man walks into a barber shop and asks, "Hey, Bob Peters here?" The barber looks at him and says,"No, we just cut hair."

Score: 3

So girl walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre... So he gives it to her.

Score: 8

An insomniac atheist dyslexic with DID walks into a bar. The two are up all night arguing about the existence of doG.

Score: 2

A woman walks into a bar with a kid, holding brown paint in one hand, paintbrushes in the other. The bartender says: "Is that your son? He isn't allowed in here."

The woman says: "I promised I would give him a chocolate bar, so everybody start painting."

Score: 2

Stephen hawkins walks into a bar. Just kidding.

Score: 2

We’ve all heard about the dog that walks into a bar But have you heard the one about the baby seal that walks into a club?

Score: 4

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender asks helium what he'll have... Helium doesn't react

Score: 4

A woman walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I would like a double entendres.” So he gave it to her.

Score: 3

*A neutron walks into a bar. The neutron orders a drink and after he’s done he asks, “so how much for the drink?” The bartender replies: “for you neutron, no charge

Score: 2

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and starts reading the news on his Iphone. "Wow, 'Twister kills 15 in Oklahoma!" the guy says. "They take that game very seriously there," the bartender replies.

Score: 4

A blond man walks into a bar He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.

"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"

She says, "I'm Amanda."

The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.

Score: 13

A man walks into a bar and faceplants into a stool. Now he's completely shitfaced.

Score: 6

A ghost of a dog walks into a bar. He tells the story of how he was shot to bits and lost his tail. After asking if there was anyone to sew it back on the barman replied... "I'm sorry, we don't retail spirits here"

Score: 3

A termite walks into a bar and asked... Is the bar tender here?

Score: 7

A talking grasshopper walks into a bar Bartender: we have a drink named after you

Grasshopper: what? You have a drink named Gary?

Score: 8

So a ham walks into a bar And immediately sits down at the bar and orders a sandwich
The bartender looks over and says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

Score: 5

So a Tumblr user walks into a bar... and angrily writes a callout post on the rod that assaulted them.

Score: 1

A women walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre So the bar tender gives it to her.

Score: 7

So a giraffe walks into a bar and says... ...highballs on me.

Score: 5

A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar. Ouch.

Score: 2

A man walks into a bar and then proceeds to order a pint and drink in peace, disturbing no one... He was very courteous and paid his bill in a timely manner.

Score: 1

A Sikh walks into a bar.. and takes a seat.
Bartender: Are you relaxing?
Sikh: No, my name is Aman Singh.

Score: 4

So a termite walks into a bar and says... Is the bar-tender here?

Score: 4

A British bass player walks into a bar. Bartender says "You've got a steering wheel in your pants."

Bass player says "I know. It's driving me nuts."

Score: 1

Roy Moore walks into a bar and orders a 10 year old scotch, and water The bartender says "here's your scotch and water."
Roy Moore asks "where's my 10 year old?"

Score: 7

A snail walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here!" and then throws him out... So the snail comes back to the bar a few days later and says, "Well what was that for?"

Score: 3

A woman walks into a bar and asks for double entendre. The bartender gave it to her.

Score: 3

A teenage mutant ninja turtle walks into a bar Yeah, right, like ninjas would ever be *seen* walking into a bar.

Score: 2

A guy walks into a bar that's still in pre-alpha when he sees another player ... and asks "why the long face?"

Score: 2

Another horse walks into a bar The barman says "why the long face?"

and the horse replies "because my entire family were killed and served to customers in Subway.

Score: 2

Horse walks into a bar, orders a drink, bartender says, "Why the long face?" Horse answers, "Because my alcoholism is destroying my family".

Score: 1

So a woman walks into a bar and says "I'M WALKING INTO A BAR!" The barman says: "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a meta joke."

The woman says nothing, but he pours her a free drink anyway.

Why?

Only because he meta before.

Score: 5

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuck to his forehead and orders a drink... The bartender passes the drink and says "So what's up with the paper towel?"

The pirate replies "Yaaaar! There be a Bounty on me head!"

Score: 2

A door walks into a bar The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The door responds, "I'm off my hinges."

Score: 2

A liberal arts student walks into a bar. (Insert pronoun here) can't buy anything.

Score: 1

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave her one.

Score: 3

So a soccerball walks into a bar The bartender kicked him out.

Score: 3

A guy wearing a turban walks into a bar The bartender asks "Is this some sort of Sikh joke?"

Score: 8

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gave it to her.

Score: 2

Comic Sans Serif walks into a bar.... ... the bartender says: "Get out! We don't serve your type here! "

Score: 7

A man walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, then discovers he has to go to the bathroom. To stop anyone stealing his drink he puts a note on it saying, ‘I spat in this beer.’ When he returns he finds another note saying, ‘So did I!’

Score: 8

A skeleton walks into a bar... and asks for a beer and a mop.

Score: 6

A dyslexic man walks into a bar Ouch, says the arab

Score: 6

A man with dyslexia walks into a bar. "Ouch!" says the arab

Score: 2

A grasshopper walks into a bar... ...the bartender glances at him and says: "Hey! We got a drink here named after you!"
And the grasshopper says "What, Larry?"

Score: 11

A pretty girl walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "what are you having?". Girl responds "I'll take a a Double entendre". ... So he gives it to her.

Score: 4

A babe walks into a bar and orders a double entendre So the bartender gave it to her

Score: 10

A neutron walks into a bar ...and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."

Score: 3

So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's... And says, "Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."

Score: 9

A hamburger walks into a bar (don't know if repost) And the bartender says "sorry but we don't serve food here"!

Score: 5

A man walks into a bar with some tarmac under his arm... And said: "one for me and one for the road"

Score: 11

A pirate walks into a bar The bar tender notices that he has a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, he asks "doesn't that bother you". And the pirate says "arrrr it's drivin me nuts"

Score: 4

A guy using Apple Maps walks into a bar... or maybe a hospital... possibly a church.

Score: 10

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