A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him? The Bartender
The bartender says, “Go home. We don’t serve faster-than-light-particles here.” A tachyon walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"
A cat walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”
"Because…He’s my newt.
A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt.
The bartender asks: “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”
So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less. The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
The director of EA walks into a bar
*Download the punchline for only 4.99*
Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind Redditor!
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.
So the CEO of EA walks into a bar..
"I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.
"That'll be $1" answers the barman.
"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"
"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"
A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."
A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem
He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."
A person with an art degree walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.
So a man walks into a bar...
and never comes back for my entire childhood.
Where are you dad?
Eminem walks into a bar and orders two shots of... The bartender cuts him off and says, “You only get one shot.”
A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.
The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."
A guy with a gun walks into a bar..
"Which one of you fuckers slept with my wife?!"
A voice from the back shouted "I don't think you have enough bullets, mate"
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says, "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"
Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
Girls from England? A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"
A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem...
He says,"Give me 2 shots..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get one shot."
The bartender says "We don't serve time travelers in here." A time traveler walks into a bar.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a punch
The bartender says “Sir, if you wanna punch, you gotta get in line.”
The guy looks around but there is no punch line
A libertarian walks into a bar. . .
The barman serves him tainted alcohol because there are no regulations.
A racist, a liar and a misogynist walks into a bar The bartender greeted “Good evening, Mr. President!”
A Conman, Moron and Rapist walks into a Bar Bartender asks “What would you like, Mr. President?”
A stormtrooper walks into a bar and orders a martini
The bartender asks while handing the stormtrooper his drink, "Shouldn't you not be drinking on the job?"
The stormtrooper arches his eyebrow, "And hit what I'm aiming for?"
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar carrying a large chunk of concrete.
He turns to the bartender and says " Give me a drink. And one for the road."
A platypus walks into a bar where the bartender is a duck.
He finished his drink, and asked for his check.
Duck billed platypus.
A Bartender walks into a bar. \*Bart's life flashes before his eyes as he's mercilessly shot four times in the chest\*
So a weasel walks Into a bar. Bartender says "Wow I've never served a weasel before, what can I make for you?" "Pop" goes the weasel.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm ''two beers, '' he says ''one for me, and one for the road.''
A hamburger walks into a bar
The hamburger sits down at the bar and asks the bartender “hey can I get a beer?”
The bartender replies “sorry we don’t serve food here.”
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?" "Pop", goes the weasel.
Jason Todd walks into a bar, where the Joker is behind the counter. He says "Jason, you know I can't serve Robins here"
Jason asks "Why?" and Joker replies "this is a CROW bar!"
Then he beats him to death.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants
The bartender looks at him and asks, "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
The pirate looks down and says, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
A Scottish man walks into a bar.. .. There's usually an Irishman & Englishman in this joke but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.
A weasel walks into a bar
The bartender says "*wow. I've never served a weasel before. What'll you have?*"
"*Pop*" goes the weasel
A pod of whales walks into a bar.
One whale says to the other "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUYUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAOOOOOOO, OOOUAAAAAUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAYYYEEEEUUUM?!"
The other whale responds, "Go home Steve, you're drunk."
A fan walks into a bar, turns to the bartender and... then back to the door, then to the bartender and back to the door...
A black guy walks into a bar with a huge parrot on his shoulder.
Barman says “Oh wow I’ve never seen one like that before, where did you get him from?”
Parrot says “Africa, there’s loads of them over there”
The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve time travellers in here" A time traveller walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He immediately yanks the dog and starts to spin him in the air like a lasso.
The bartender freaks out, "What are you doing?!?!"
The blind man replies calmly, "Oh, just having a look around."
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."