Jewish Jokes

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Funniest Jewish Jokes

Funny Jewish Jokes
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Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls? They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

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Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off

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Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off

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A teacher asks the class, “What are some examples of flammable objects?” and the Jewish student raises his hand. The teacher replies, “Very good! Any other examples?”

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I met a Jewish girl today and she asked for my number I told her we use names here

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A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

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Why do Jews get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.

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What do Jewish pedophiles say? “Hey kid, want to buy some candy?”

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A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

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Why do Jewish men get circumcised as youth. Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.

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A Jewish girl asked for my number ​

I told her we use names now.

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No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

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I had a date with a jewish girl. After date she asked me for a number.

I told her we don't have numbers, we have names.

Score: 614

Why are Jewish men circumsised? Because Jewish women only touch things 20% off.

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I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course? Shlalom

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Why do Jewish men get circumcised? because Jewish women won't accept anything unless it has at least 20% off.

Score: 412

A Jewish woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts: "Is there a doctor here?" A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"

She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

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A group of Jewish women are eating at a diner. Their waitress walks by and asks "Is anything alright?"

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Why do jews get their penises circumcised? Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off

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Why are all Jewish men circumsized? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off

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I met a Jewish girl today. She asked for my number. I told her we use names here.

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A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish. "Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."

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Why don't Jewish girls study on their period? Concentration Cramps

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What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back.

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How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb? "No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."

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Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.

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What's the point of Jewish football? To get the quarter back.

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Why do jewish men get circumcised? Because a jewish woman wouldn't touch anything unless it's 20% off.

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I farted in front of my Jewish friend... He glared at me.

I said, "What? A little gas never killed anyone !"

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I, too, have a Jewish friend, and he told me this one... What's the difference between a Jewish woman and a Latina?



A Latina has fake jewelry and real orgasms.

Score: 164

What did the Jewish man do when he wanted tea? Hebrew.

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What do Jewish pedophiles say to kids? Hey, wanna buy some candy?

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My Jewish friend is going to open a coffee shop. Suggested he name it Hebrew.

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Today I saw the most beautiful Jewish girl in my life She Israeli preety.

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Do you guys have idea how hard it is to make a good Jewish joke? Actually, Israeli easy.

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Whats the difference between a Muslim hippie and a Jewish hippie? One's stoned and one's baked.

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How did the jewish boy cure his ADD? He was sent to a concentration camp

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What is the objective of a Jewish football game? To get the quarter back.

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Three Jewish women having lunch in a restaurant... Waiter approaches and asks, "Is anything OK here?"

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New Jewish Jokes

What do Jewish people celebrateon Oct 31? Challah-ween.

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I threw some Jewish bread at my marshmallow chicks Challah at my peeps

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Where does a jewish guy's boston girlfiend go if she wants him to eat her out? The Poconos

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After further examination, it was determined Abe Lincoln had actually been shot in the temple Who would have guessed he was Jewish?

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Do you know why Jewish people are never cops? Because they don't deal with pigs.

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As a Jewish person, I wish I did live up to our stereotypes But I’m poor and overspend

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What’s a Jewish comedian’s favorite type of seafood? Fish schticks

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Historians believe circumcision likely ensured the survival of the Jewish people. Its been found Jewish women can't resist anything that's 10% off.

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I hate Jewish jokes. My grandfather died in the holocaust... He got drunk and fell out of the guard tower.

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Which US National park is most welcoming to Arabic and the Jewish people? Yosemite.

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I was sitting at the park with a friend when a man walked by... He had on a black hat and a black robe. His sideburns were curly and his beard was long.

My friend said "That guy is Jewish"

I thought "He looks 100% to me"

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Did you see the new Jewish movie? I heard Israeli good.

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The 3 shortest books ever written are: Polish Wisdom

Jewish Business Ethics

Black Guys I Met While Yachting

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What do you call the last answer on your Rabbi's trivia night? The Final Solution to the Jewish Question

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How did the Jewish boy do on his English test? Hebrew it.

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What's a Jewish kid's favorite game to play in the attic? The silent game

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No need to insult the Jewish Hitler already roasted them

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Jewish jokes are unfunny Anne frankly they are kind of offensive

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What’s a jewish guys favorite fairy tale? Rumpleforeskin.

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All my Jewish friends must have really liked their summer camps ...because they haven’t come back

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Did you hear about the brand of brans that cause gase in Jewish people more then in others? it's called Heinz Hitler

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I tried to set up a new summer school in Isreal ... For kids with ADHD, but now I am told the name of it, Jewish Concentration Camp won’t work 🧐

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Why are Jewish funeral's so easy to plan? Because they're already cremated

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A black Jewish guy asks his dad If he is more Jewish or black. His dad asks why. His son says there is a guy selling a tv down the street and he wanted to know if he should steal it or get it for half price.

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How did the Jewish brewery owner make his drinks? Hebrew it

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Some people complain about not being able to afford food... That’s what us Jewish just like to call an extended holiday

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What do you call a Jewish theatre? A cinemagogue. Sorry, I'm not sorry

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A Jewish Nursing Students Final Exam A nursing student, by the name of Esther is at her final nursing exam.

The examiner asks Esther, "How would you bathe the genitals?"

She replies, "The same way I would bathe the jews."

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So I was talking to my friend about this new Jewish state... He didn't believe me when I initially told him,

so I said "Yeah man, Israel."

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What did the Jewish Bostonian woman declare to her Sunday bridge group about her recent knitting project? "I'm so AUtistic!"

EDIT: Ahtistic.

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What do Orthodox Jewish kids dress up as on Halloween? One eyed ghosts.

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What do you call a family of jewish people who grow apples Apple Jews

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What's the difference between a Jewish guy and a woman who makes beer? One's a Hebrew, the other's a Shebrew.

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What was the Jewish Detective called? Shylock Holmes

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Didn't know so many Hispanic guys were Jewish But I keep hearing them say Yahweh

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My dad's Christian and my mom's jewish and they LOVE recycling... But it's a little awkward for both me and my grandad on ash wednesday. Sadly he didn't survive the holocaust.

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What is the top selling protein with Jewish People (May be offensive) YahWhey

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People always complain that Jewish people have all the money. Well if 6 million of your people died, you'd expect at least some inheritance

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This election season has taught me a lot about what it must feel like to be a reasonable, level-headed Christian . . . You really really like this one Jewish socialist guy, but you have a really hard time tolerating most of his other fans.

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Why aren't Jewish people into rap? They can't drop dimes

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Why can't you insult Jewish people? Because they've already been roasted.

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Seven Jewish mothers are sitting in a restaurant... and a waiter comes and asks: ''I'm sorry ladies, is *anything* all right?''

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A Black Jewish Boy Runs Home To His Dad... He asks his father, "Dad am I more Jewish or more black?"
"Why do you care?" responds the father.
"Because there is a kid selling a bike for $50 and I am considering whether to bargain for $40 or just steal it!"

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Why do all Jewish guys have purple penises? Because they're all tight-fisted wankers!

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What's the name of the hat Jewish people are always seen wearing? Oh yeah a Yankees hat.

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Where did the Jewish boy go to get rid of his ADHD problem? Concentration Camp.

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