Jewish Jokes


Funniest Jewish Jokes

Funny Jewish Jokes
Score: 27217

Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls? They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

Score: 16449

Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off

Score: 10046

Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off

Score: 8270

A teacher asks the class, “What are some examples of flammable objects?” and the Jewish student raises his hand. The teacher replies, “Very good! Any other examples?”

Score: 3320

I met a Jewish girl today and she asked for my number I told her we use names here

Score: 2621

A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

Score: 2373

Why do Jews get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.

Score: 2085

What do Jewish pedophiles say? “Hey kid, want to buy some candy?”

Score: 1948

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

Score: 1672

Why do Jewish men get circumcised as youth. Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.

Score: 1002

A Jewish girl asked for my number ​

I told her we use names now.

Score: 758

No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

Score: 747

I had a date with a jewish girl. After date she asked me for a number.

I told her we don't have numbers, we have names.

Score: 614

Why are Jewish men circumsised? Because Jewish women only touch things 20% off.

Score: 526

I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course? Shlalom

Score: 468

Why do Jewish men get circumcised? because Jewish women won't accept anything unless it has at least 20% off.

Score: 412

A Jewish woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts: "Is there a doctor here?" A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"

She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

Score: 406

A group of Jewish women are eating at a diner. Their waitress walks by and asks "Is anything alright?"

Score: 394

Why do jews get their penises circumcised? Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off

Score: 379

Why are all Jewish men circumsized? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off

Score: 359

I met a Jewish girl today. She asked for my number. I told her we use names here.

Score: 335

A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish. "Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."

Score: 330

Why don't Jewish girls study on their period? Concentration Cramps

Score: 313

What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back.

Score: 309

How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb? "No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."

Score: 301

Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.

Score: 272

What's the point of Jewish football? To get the quarter back.

Score: 261

Why do jewish men get circumcised? Because a jewish woman wouldn't touch anything unless it's 20% off.

Score: 238

I farted in front of my Jewish friend... He glared at me.

I said, "What? A little gas never killed anyone !"

Score: 226

I, too, have a Jewish friend, and he told me this one... What's the difference between a Jewish woman and a Latina?

A Latina has fake jewelry and real orgasms.

Score: 164

What do Jewish pedophiles say to kids? Hey, wanna buy some candy?

Score: 87

Have you heard about the jewish comedian? They say he Israeli funny.

Score: 57

Today I saw the most beautiful Jewish girl in my life She Israeli preety.

Score: 23

Do you guys have idea how hard it is to make a good Jewish joke? Actually, Israeli easy.

Score: 21

So a Jewish boy walks up to his father... a Jewish boy walks up to his father and asks him for $5.

His father responds: "$4? What do you need $3 for? Here's $2, split it with your brother."

Score: 13

Whats the difference between a Muslim hippie and a Jewish hippie? One's stoned and one's baked.

Score: 10

How did the jewish boy cure his ADD? He was sent to a concentration camp

Score: 10

How did the Jewish terrorist die? Hebrew up.

Score: 10

What do you call a Jewish catch 22? Free ham

Score: 9

Popular Topics

New Jewish Jokes

What do Jewish people celebrateon Oct 31? Challah-ween.

Score: 1

I threw some Jewish bread at my marshmallow chicks Challah at my peeps

Score: 2

Where does a jewish guy's boston girlfiend go if she wants him to eat her out? The Poconos

Score: 0

After further examination, it was determined Abe Lincoln had actually been shot in the temple Who would have guessed he was Jewish?

Score: 0

Do you know why Jewish people are never cops? Because they don't deal with pigs.

Score: 0

As a Jewish person, I wish I did live up to our stereotypes But I’m poor and overspend

Score: 1

What’s a Jewish comedian’s favorite type of seafood? Fish schticks

Score: 5

Historians believe circumcision likely ensured the survival of the Jewish people. Its been found Jewish women can't resist anything that's 10% off.

Score: 4

I hate Jewish jokes. My grandfather died in the holocaust... He got drunk and fell out of the guard tower.

Score: 1

Hitlet went to a fortuneteller to ask when he will die. The teller told him, “You will die on a Jewish holiday.”

“How are you sure about that?”, Hitler demanded.

“Because”, she replied, “any day which you die on will become a Jewish holiday.”

Score: 2

Why do jewish people love breaking their fast with sweet potatoes? So that they can properly celebrate Yam kippur.

Score: 8

I was sitting at the park with a friend when a man walked by... He had on a black hat and a black robe. His sideburns were curly and his beard was long.

My friend said "That guy is Jewish"

I thought "He looks 100% to me"

Score: 1

Why is it known that Jewish people treat their help well? Every holiday they blow the chauffeur.

Score: 2

Did you see the new Jewish movie? I heard Israeli good.

Score: 2

The 3 shortest books ever written are: Polish Wisdom

Jewish Business Ethics

Black Guys I Met While Yachting

Score: 4

What do you call the last answer on your Rabbi's trivia night? The Final Solution to the Jewish Question

Score: 2

How did the Jewish boy do on his English test? Hebrew it.

Score: 2

What's a Jewish kid's favorite game to play in the attic? The silent game

Score: 1

No need to insult the Jewish Hitler already roasted them

Score: 6

Jewish jokes are unfunny Anne frankly they are kind of offensive

Score: 2

What’s a jewish guys favorite fairy tale? Rumpleforeskin.

Score: 4

All my Jewish friends must have really liked their summer camps ...because they haven’t come back

Score: 1

Did you hear about the brand of brans that cause gase in Jewish people more then in others? it's called Heinz Hitler

Score: 0

I tried to set up a new summer school in Isreal ... For kids with ADHD, but now I am told the name of it, Jewish Concentration Camp won’t work 🧐

Score: 0

Why are Jewish funeral's so easy to plan? Because they're already cremated

Score: 0

Three Jewish women having lunch in a restaurant... Waiter approaches and asks, "Is anything OK here?"

Score: 6

How did the Jewish brewery owner make his drinks? Hebrew it

Score: 2

What do you call a Jewish theatre? A cinemagogue. Sorry, I'm not sorry

Score: 2

A Jewish Nursing Students Final Exam A nursing student, by the name of Esther is at her final nursing exam.

The examiner asks Esther, "How would you bathe the genitals?"

She replies, "The same way I would bathe the jews."

Score: 1

What did the Jewish Bostonian woman declare to her Sunday bridge group about her recent knitting project? "I'm so AUtistic!"

EDIT: Ahtistic.

Score: 2

What do you call a family of jewish people who grow apples Apple Jews

Score: 2

Didn't know so many Hispanic guys were Jewish But I keep hearing them say Yahweh

Score: 1

You hear about the Jewish Mother Doll? You pull the string and it rolls it eyes and says, "AGAIN with the string?"

Score: 1

My dad's Christian and my mom's jewish and they LOVE recycling... But it's a little awkward for both me and my grandad on ash wednesday. Sadly he didn't survive the holocaust.

Score: 3

What is the top selling protein with Jewish People (May be offensive) YahWhey

Score: 2

People always complain that Jewish people have all the money. Well if 6 million of your people died, you'd expect at least some inheritance

Score: 2

This election season has taught me a lot about what it must feel like to be a reasonable, level-headed Christian . . . You really really like this one Jewish socialist guy, but you have a really hard time tolerating most of his other fans.

Score: 2

Why aren't Jewish people into rap? They can't drop dimes

Score: 2

Why can't you insult Jewish people? Because they've already been roasted.

Score: 4

Seven Jewish mothers are sitting in a restaurant... and a waiter comes and asks: ''I'm sorry ladies, is *anything* all right?''

Score: 2

A Black Jewish Boy Runs Home To His Dad... He asks his father, "Dad am I more Jewish or more black?"
"Why do you care?" responds the father.
"Because there is a kid selling a bike for $50 and I am considering whether to bargain for $40 or just steal it!"

Score: 2

Why do all Jewish guys have purple penises? Because they're all tight-fisted wankers!

Score: 1

What's the name of the hat Jewish people are always seen wearing? Oh yeah a Yankees hat.

Score: 1

A boy asks his Jewish father for 50 dollars... The father looked at his son and asked, "40 dollars? What do you need 30 dollars for?"

Score: 4

A jewish girl asks her dad for 40 dollars her dad looks at her and says"30 DOLLARS??!!?!, what do you need 20 dollars for? here's a ten, go split it with your brother"

Score: 5

Where did the Jewish boy go to get rid of his ADHD problem? Concentration Camp.

Score: 3

So if Jewish and born via Cesarian, For Passover do you wipe lamb's blood over the windows?

Score: 0

How do German guys pick up Jewish girls? With a dustpan!

Score: 3

What's the most Jewish instrument? The Sachs

Score: 1

Do you want to know a good Jewish wine? Ma, when are we going to Miami?

Score: 2

Popular Topics