A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
A cop pulls over a car with two priests.
The cop makes his way up to the window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”
The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.
“We’ll do it.”
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because of the-
Car driving by: HONK
Me: Because if the-
2nd car driving by: HONK
Me: Because of the-
3rd car driving by:HOOONK
Me: Because of the “Honk if you think cops have micropenises’’ bumper sticker?
[At the scene of the murder] Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.
Cop 2: Hate crime?
Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.
Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where's my present?!
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You are the lawyer!" The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present
A cop stopped a guy for speeding...
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
He said, "There is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
I got pulled over by a female cop...
When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
If I was a cop I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals.. Left and right
Cop pulls over bad driver
Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car
The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm... Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure...
A man gets pulled over by a female cop.
He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."
EDIT: Weee, this is my first time on the front page.
The other day I got pulled over, and when the cop walked up I pulled out my 9mm Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure
Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.
A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:
Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin
Otto: no, just visiting...
A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first? The bystander with the camera.
I saw a cop pull over a U Haul today... Looks like he was trying to bust a move.
Two guys get pulled over...
Two guys in a car get pulled over. The cop walks up to the window and says "We're looking for 2 pedophiles". The car window goes up then after a few seconds comes back down.
The driver gives a sigh. "Alright, we'll do it"
Me: It doesn’t matter how many times you fall, what matters is how many times you get back up” Cop: “Sir, that’s not how a sobriety test works.”
Cop : Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do? Miner : Mine
*cop pulls over a driver*
Cop: Who's car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
I've been talking to a 13 year old girl for about 2 weeks now We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop, that's quite impressive for her age.
Drunk driving or...?
A cop pulls over a car in the middle of the night:
-Sir, do you realize how badly your car was swerving between lanes?
-I've had 8 drinks, officer.
-That's no excuse to let your wife drive...
A cop pulls over a miner and asks
"Sir, whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do as a profession?"
And the miner replies "Mine."
Me, to the cop: You can’t arrest me. I have a marathon to run today! Cop: Stop playing the race card!
Cop: do you know why i pulled you over?
Me: because the police force is a fascist institution designed to protect the wealthy
Cop: there's a man in your trunk
Me: yea a 𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 man
A cop just knocked on my door and said that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...
So a cop knocked on my door this morning.
He asked, 'sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.'
I replied, 'sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'
Why is a cop like a box of chocolates? They'll kill your dog.
A man was pulled over by a police officer for speeding
The police officer asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the man replied.
The cop said, "There is no traffic."
The man replied, "That's how far behind I am."
When a cop stopped someone for speeding...
Cop - "Sir, Do you know how fast you were just going?"
Man - "I was just trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
Cop - "There is no traffic."
And the man answered, "That's how far behind I am."
I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving ... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me
What did the cop say to the old man peeing in public? Urine trouble
What did a laid-back Italian cop say to a speeding driver? That's a fine.
What’s the difference between a panda and a cop in an ethnic restaurant? A panda eats chutes and leaves. The cop eats, shoots and leaves.
Did you hear about the doctor who became a cop? He made sure everyone got their shots.
Cop pulls over an 80 year old woman
A cop pulls over an 80 year old woman for speeding and says "Hi there, why are you driving so fast?"
Woman says "Come on sir, let me go while I still know where I'm going"
What do a bar full of Germans shout as a response to a cop from a famous TV show? #Nein Nein!
My grandfather was a cop. He was dying because he needed blood for blood tranfusion. Everytime we would ask "Anything you need?", he would say "Oh, Negative".
What is the similarity between a cop and a catholic priest?
Bad ones just get transferred.
Edit: sorry for bad phrasing, just thought of it, probably can be put in better words.
What did the “good” cop say to the bad cop who showed up to handle the peaceful protesters outside a Rolex store? About time. You clock ‘em, I’ll just watch.
A cop went to sleep and closed his eeyes but all he saw was black. "Filthy frank shooting himself with shotgun"
As a cop, I don't see race That's why I keep arresting black people when the suspect is white.
Got pulled over today, never found out why though. As soon as the cop came to my window, he started crying and left. I guess it was a moving violation.
What's the difference between a florist and a corrupt cop? The florist pots plants and the cop plants pot
My 5 year old just told me he wants to be a cop when he grows up It’s crazy. I didn’t even know he was racist.
I hit a guy with my car but the cop let me go. He was wearing camouflage and he said there was no way I could've seen him.
Traffic cop: Is this car licensed? Driver: Yes! Cop: I'll have a beer then!
That awkward moment when you are driving the wrong way and a traffic cop comes around and asks "How are you doing sir" and you answer.. Fine.
Cop: put you hands in the air!
Cop: don't f\*kin laugh
Me: \^but.. that's me with my hands in the air\^
Cop: oh ok
Me: So can you really arrest people by text message?
Cop to Irishman: Step out of the car, are you drunk? Irishman: Dint even touch alcohol mate, all night it's been just wine.
A woman is speeding on a country road when she gets pulled over by a cop
The officer approaches her window and says "I have been waiting for you all day."
Then the woman says to the man "I'm so sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"
A blonde prostitute calls the police to report that she'd been raped...
"When did it happen?" the cop asks.
"Five days ago," the blonde says.
"Five days!" the cop says. "Why did you wait so long to call us!?"
"Well, I didn't know it was rape until the check bounced!"
A cop pulled me over and saw 4082.33 grams of Coke in my backseat I had for a party. The store was all out of 12 packs of Pepsi.
What do you call a cop morning mystery? Who donut?
What is the dumbest text you could ever send? "There is a cop behind me - I hope he doesn't pull me over"
What did the cop say to the butcher when they met? Police to meat you.
Cop: Sir did you see those smart cars crash?
Me: Yes I did officer
Cop: Could you describe it sir?
Me: It was adorable officer
What did the cop say to senior citizen he caught stealing Depends? 'Ur in trouble.
Why couldn't the cop save the hippie from drowning? He was too far out man
Is the officer from the McKinney police video... Applying for the role of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3? That recovery off the tuck and roll was impeccable.