Fruit Jokes


Funniest Fruit Jokes

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit? Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

Score: 1582

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I? pear

Score: 1365
Funny Fruit Jokes
Score: 935

If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.

Score: 843

A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery.

Score: 674

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!" I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."

Score: 488

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 349

I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.

Score: 279

I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."

I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

Score: 258

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit? Ba na na na

Score: 235

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit... Next week we're going to go on a date

Score: 220

A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."

The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 218

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch Bartender says
“Man if you want punch you have to stand in line.” Guy looks around but there is no punchline

Score: 202

What's batmans favourite fruit? Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit.

Score: 195

What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit? cantelope

Score: 171

[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust? Orange Jews from concentrate

Score: 134

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios? Toucan play at that game

Score: 115

A doctor says to his patient, "Don't eat anything fatty..." To which the patient replies, "Well what about fruit, can I eat that?"

"No fatty, don't eat anything."

Score: 106

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit? Because the sith always comes in pears

Score: 104

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.

EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

Score: 99

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...

Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.

Score: 89

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch Bartender says "Dude, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line."

Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 88

Guy walks into a bar Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"
Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 84

What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.

...I'll get my coat.

Score: 83

A vegan said to me: People who sell meat are gross. I replied: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 79

Magician: and now for my final trick! I will disappear! Then he grabs a pear and says: you're the worst fruit ever!

Score: 74

I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?

Score: 70

Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear.

Score: 60

What is the favourite fruit of feminists? Mangoes.

Score: 56

In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow... Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.

Score: 50

My dad always thought I wasn't man enough to become a fruit farmer... ... I proved him wrong by growing a pear.

Score: 46

What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married? A cantaloupe.

Score: 36

Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset? He was a melon-cauliflower.

Score: 26

What's Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na

Score: 25

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. The bartender says " if you want to get a fruit punch then you have to wait in line" But there was no punch line

Score: 17

What do you call a fruit that makes fun of someone? A banana-nana-nana

Got it on a popsicle stick. Laughed for way too long.

Score: 16

My joke about a sequence of people awaiting their turn to get some fruit juice, got me banned from /r/jokes... ...because I put the punchline in the title...

Score: 16

What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? BA NAA NAA NAAAA

Score: 16

My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies

Score: 15

I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia. I’m peachless.

Score: 11

New Fruit Jokes

A vegan told me people who sold meat were disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

Score: 5

What tragic fruit resembles Romeo and Juliet? Cantaloupe

Score: 4

Did you hear about the fruit that started smoking? It was pear pressure.

Score: 7

Whats every Dad's favorite fruit? Watermelon (water my lawn)

Score: 3

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite fruit? Chopped Dates

Score: 4

Why can't fruit be compared? Apples and oranges cannot be peared.

Score: 3

What do you call a fruit that understands you? A compassion fruit

Score: 3

I love the old times when I could buy so many candies, bottles of soda and fruit with just one dollar but now I can’t Because stores now have cameras

Score: 4

Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams throat? Because she was eating Adam's apple.

Score: 7

What is Beethoven's favourite fruit Ba na na na

Score: 3

What’s a skeletons favorite fruit? A bone-ana

Score: 4

What do you call a happy fruit farmer? a Jolly Rancher.

Score: 3

What's a raver's favorite fruit? strobeberry

Score: 5

What do you call a fruit that has been caught for bank robbing? a waterfelon

Score: 10

What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.

Score: 4

What fruit has an arranged marriage? A cantaloupe

Score: 8

Talking to a vegan today I was talking to a vegan today and they said : "I think butchers or anyone who sells meat is disgusting ! " to which I replied "well I think people who sell fruit and veg are grocer"

Score: 6

What is a boxer's favorite drink? Fruit punch!

Score: 6

What fruit can't get married in Vegas? Cantaloupe.

Score: 9

Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting tomato in a fruit salad.

Score: 5

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? By giving it severe permanent brain damage.

Score: 2

What did the religious salad say to the fruit Lettuce rejoice and be grapeful

Score: 2

If a father asked their child if they would like a tropical fruit, would the child respond, Papa, ya

Score: 2

What is a ghost's favorite fruit? Boo-nanas.

Score: 3

What did the fruit say to the tomato? Quit talking to yourself.

Score: 3

I found out how to turn a fruit into a vegetable. AIDS.

Score: 3

Saw somebody throwing fruit at a dog before, It felt meloncollie.

Score: 5

Humans share 50% DNA with bananas. Which means that I'm a fruit *and* a vegetable.

Score: 2

Time flies like an arrow... And fruit flies like a banana

Score: 3

Why do the fruit need to get married in a church? Because they cantaloupe

Score: 3

What did the wedding invitation say to the fruit superhero? Save the date!

Score: 3

How do you make a fruit punch ? Give it boxing lessons !

Score: 2

Did you guys hear the newest song from the band Stewed Fruit? It's my jam.

Score: 4

did you here about the fruit truck that got in an accident it created quite a jam

Score: 3

The fruit forbidden lovers hate... Cantaloupe

Score: 2

My friend said he hated grapefruit with a passion. I asked him if he also hates passion fruit with a grape.

Score: 10

What is a mathematician's favourite fruit? A π-neapple

Score: 5

What's Beethoven's favourite fruit? Ba Na Na Na naaaa

Score: 9

What do you call a citrus fruit with braids in its hair? Post Lemone

Score: 2

What type of fruit can't run away and get married A cantaloupe

Score: 3

I asked a lady friend if she fancied coming around and sharing a dried exotic fruit.. She said it sounds like a date

Score: 8

Keeping fruit juice in the freezer It's impopsicle!

Score: 9

What was the favorite fruit of Beethoven? Banananaaaa Banananaaa

Score: 4

I have a dream of opening a business that sells purple pitted fruit as well as offering home water service repair I'll call it Plum and Plumber

Score: 2

Time flies like an arrow Fruit flys like banana

Score: 2

Knowledge and Wisdom Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Score: 4

In which mountain range do fruit trees primarily grow? The Apple-achian mountains.

Score: 3

What do you call a schizophrenic fruit? Pearanoid.

Score: 11

What's an artist's favorite fruit? Crayon-berries


Score: 2

What's a cheerleader's favorite fruit? (Popsicle stick caliber) Pom-Pomegranate

Score: 2

Knowledge is knowing Napoleon.. ... was about the average height for his time.

Wisdom is not putting Napoleon in a fruit salad.

Score: 2

What do you call it when a fruit studders? A peach impediment.

Score: 5

What do you do to a dead fruit? You *berry* it.

Score: 5

Why is a banana the most attractive fruit? Everyone finds it a-peeling.

Score: 3

Did you hear the one about the sexually promiscuous citrus fruit? He got lemon aids.

Score: 3

What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe

Score: 2

What do you call someone who's got a horse for a mother and a fruit for a father? A Frenchman.

Score: 2

What's a ghost's favorite kind of fruit? Booberries

Score: 2

What do you call an 80s band comrpising of only fruit? Durian durian!

im sorry

Score: 2

[Request] Jokes about fruit juice? I know it's random ^^ sorry I've been tasked with finding jokes/puns or even short skits about fruit juice (for school).
Thanks in advance for your replies :)

Score: 5

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