Fruit Jokes


Funniest Fruit Jokes

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit? Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

Score: 1582

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I? pear

Score: 1365
Funny Fruit Jokes
Score: 935

If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.

Score: 843

A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery.

Score: 674

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!" I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."

Score: 488

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 349

I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.

Score: 279

I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."

I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

Score: 258

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit? Ba na na na

Score: 235

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit... Next week we're going to go on a date

Score: 220

A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."

The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 218

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch Bartender says
“Man if you want punch you have to stand in line.” Guy looks around but there is no punchline

Score: 202

What's batmans favourite fruit? Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit.

Score: 195

What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit? cantelope

Score: 171

[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust? Orange Jews from concentrate

Score: 134

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios? Toucan play at that game

Score: 115

A doctor says to his patient, "Don't eat anything fatty..." To which the patient replies, "Well what about fruit, can I eat that?"

"No fatty, don't eat anything."

Score: 106

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit? Because the sith always comes in pears

Score: 104

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.

EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

Score: 99

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...

Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.

Score: 89

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch Bartender says "Dude, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line."

Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 88

Guy walks into a bar Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"
Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Score: 84

What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.

...I'll get my coat.

Score: 83

A vegan said to me: People who sell meat are gross. I replied: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 79

Magician: and now for my final trick! I will disappear! Then he grabs a pear and says: you're the worst fruit ever!

Score: 74

I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?

Score: 70

Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear.

Score: 60

What is the favourite fruit of feminists? Mangoes.

Score: 56

In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow... Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.

Score: 50

What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married? A cantaloupe.

Score: 36

Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset? He was a melon-cauliflower.

Score: 26

What do you call a fruit that makes fun of someone? A banana-nana-nana

Got it on a popsicle stick. Laughed for way too long.

Score: 16

I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia. I’m peachless.

Score: 11

My friend is afraid of fruit. So I told him to grow a pear.

Score: 9

Did you hear about the fruit that started smoking? It was pear pressure.

Score: 7

Talking to a vegan today I was talking to a vegan today and they said : "I think butchers or anyone who sells meat is disgusting ! " to which I replied "well I think people who sell fruit and veg are grocer"

Score: 6

[Request] Jokes about fruit juice? I know it's random ^^ sorry I've been tasked with finding jokes/puns or even short skits about fruit juice (for school).
Thanks in advance for your replies :)

Score: 5

What tragic fruit resembles Romeo and Juliet? Cantaloupe

Score: 4

did you here about the fruit truck that got in an accident it created quite a jam

Score: 3

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New Fruit Jokes

You’d think fruit from Maryland probably isn’t much to be excited about, But Annapolis.

Score: 2

Dr Pepper is supposed to taste like mixed fruit I've never sent a fruit salad back because it was "too dr peppery"

Score: 2

What kind of fruit do you give to a couple who want to run away together and get married in secrecy but aren’t able to? Cant-elope

Score: 0

What kind of fruit do you give to an ant who can’t get married? A cantaloupe!

Score: 0

What’s a Marine’s favorite fruit? Crayonberries

Score: 1

What do you call a mummy wearing a banana hammock??? Fruit of the Tomb

Score: 0

What do you call an artist that loves fruit? Vincent Man-Go-Ugh

Score: 0

Why did the fruit have a public wedding? They cantaloupe.

Score: 0

What wall is made of fruit? The Grape Wall of China

Score: 0

I asked my Jamaican friend what he wreckons trumps favorite fruit is, He replied. Umm peach man

Score: 0

Jamaican: do you know what trumps favorite fruit is? Um peach man!

Score: 0

What do you call the fruit from an organic, Darwinist farmer's market? A natural selection

Score: 0

After realising they only had one piece of fruit left, a starving crew rioted against their captain. It was the last strawberry.

Score: 1

The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour since hearing the president of the United States could get removed. They call it the Impeached Orange.

Score: 1

An idiom learner tried to have a balanced diet But at the end, it was without fruit

Score: 1

What yellow fruit denies everything? A bananah.

Score: 2

Did you hear that Moonstruck actress got drunk and sold all her fruit stocks? Cher's sherry shared Cher's cherry shares.

Score: 2

What is the fruit that kills turtles? The straw-berry

Score: 1

what is hannah montana's name as a fruit? hannah mon...BANANA!!!! xD!!!

Score: 1

What is Pikachu's favorite fruit? Poke-mango.

Score: 1

You would never guess which fruit is contributing the most to human space travel Melon Musk

Score: 1

What is Post Malone's favorite summer fruit? Water Malone

Score: 2

Who was the star of the fruit salad movie? Blue Berry Moore

Score: 1

What’s Shakespeares favorite fruit? to-mato

or not to-mato

Score: 1

Why did the fruit have to get its parent's permission before getting married? It cantaloupe.

Score: 2

Which fruit did Beethoven compose a symphony about? Ba-na-na-naaa!

Score: 1

Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was It was a big dill

Score: 2

Whats every Dad's favorite fruit? Watermelon (water my lawn)

Score: 3

Did you hear about the husband on the tropical fruit diet? It’s enough to make a mango crazy!

Score: 2

What's the difference between a flute and fruit? Nothing, if you're Asian...

Score: 1

Selling meat is disgusting, but selling fruit is grocer.

Score: 1

What's Bowsers favorite fruit? Luigi

Score: 0

What's an artist's favorite fruit? Crayon-berries


Score: 2

What is a tick's favorite fruit? Lime.

Score: 2

What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe

Score: 2

What do you call someone who's got a horse for a mother and a fruit for a father? A Frenchman.

Score: 2

What's the worst fruit to eat on your wedding day? A cantaloupe.

Score: 1

What's a ghost's favorite kind of fruit? Booberries

Score: 2

What do you call an 80s band comrpising of only fruit? Durian durian!

im sorry

Score: 2

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