Summer Jokes


Funniest Summer Jokes

People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years. I'm more of a glass half full kind of guy,

I'm thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years!

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Funny Summer Jokes
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What happened in Hong Kong this week? According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

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Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp

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I love summer in the UK. My favourite day of the year.

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It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

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Where do admins go for summer break? Banned camp.

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My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short.

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As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick... "Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

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Humpty Dumpty always had a terrible summer. At least he had a great fall.

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Why was Donald Trump watching the Summer Olympics? To see how high the Mexican pole vaulters could go

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Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original. What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?

He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"

Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.

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After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall.

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What was the most unexpected summer hit of all time? DES...


-nish Inquisition

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I asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer... He said his ancestors made that mistake and he's not falling for it.

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What's the easiest way to lose 20 pounds? The Steam summer sale

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Why are there so many public mass shootings in America? Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.

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I love summer in Canada! It's my favorite day of the year!

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Asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise.. I just asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer. He said his ancestors made that same mistake and he's not falling for it.

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For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!

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I love summer here in Ireland It's my favorite day of the year.

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Pride is like the summer... It comes before the fall.

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Why do lions only mate in the summer? Because the pride cometh before the fall

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The doctor has given me two months to live. I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.

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Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

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Where did the ADHD kid spend his summer? (Dark) At a concentration camp.

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I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way

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What's the best thing about summer in the U.S.? No school shootings for two months!

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I vacationed at a nudist colony this past summer... the first few days were the hardest.

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This and That are both on summer break. That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.

i have no idea where this is going

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My New Years Resolution was to lose 20 lbs. by the end of summer I’ve only got 30 lbs to go.

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It's been a few weeks since the last school shooting. Oh, it's summer.

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I wanted to open up a summer camp for kids with learning disabilities apparently people think calling it a concentration camp is wrong

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What’s the best part about summer in America? 3 months without a school shooting.

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I Heard Minnesota Residents Are Very Excited. Rumor is going around that summer may fall on a weekend this year.

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My teacher took my phone after he caught me and said I could reclaim it next class It was a long summer vacation

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My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes... "Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."

I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."

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For those with kids who love Frozen..... Knock Knock.
Whose there?
You who?
You Who, big summer blowout! (Norwegian accent)

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Why are there no more Finnish Muslims? They all died one year when Ramadan was in the summer

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What's the best thing about summer in America? Three months without a school shooting.

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New Summer Jokes

With large events, circuses, concerts, or other parties being canceled soon because of covid, especially going into the summer and fall, It’s really no fair.

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Me and my wife had a really nice time at the seaside last summer We burried each other in the sand when we were at the beach. First she burried me, than I burried here. I’m going next summer there as well, to dig her up.

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Courtesy of a little kid in Hebrew school: What do Israelis do in the summer? They fly kaitz

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Where do ADHD kids spend their Summer? Concentration camp

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Me and my dad go camping every summer I always remind him to not forget the claymores.

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What do you call senior citizens with erectile dysfunction training for the summer games? Oldlimpdick athletes.

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summer is like communism there are no classes

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What is the National Flower of Summer? The orange traffic coneflower.

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I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up. According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

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A hot Summer day is the best time for a wedding Because noone will get cold feet

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Having a crush during school makes it 100x better... and makes the summer 100x worse.

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You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.

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Wieghtt loss I tell ya🤦‍♀️ *Beginning of June*
Me: “I should really start my summer body...”
*Now middle of June*
Also me: “ehhh next summer...”

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My kid has Attention Deficit Disorder so I have sent him to a summer camp for kids with ADHD. It's known as a Concentration Camp.

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What is Post Malone's favorite summer fruit? Water Malone

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What are the four main problems with Soviet agriculture? Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter





yeh this Reagan's joke, doesn't mean it isn't funny

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You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."

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Why didn’t the math professor teach during the summer? She needed a tan

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All my Jewish friends must have really liked their summer camps ...because they haven’t come back

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I tried to set up a new summer school in Isreal ... For kids with ADHD, but now I am told the name of it, Jewish Concentration Camp won’t work 🧐

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A kid was sent to a French summer camp program that lasted three weeks. It was called “Vingt In the Sun”

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Clear and concise writing can mean the difference between "I helped my uncle jack off a horse"... and "I spent my summer working on the family's husbandry ranch."

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My wife said I was a neglectful father. So I told my kid I would take him to a summer camp. Now I get a free ride back to Guatemala and my wife can take it up with Trump from now on.

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On warm summer nights I like to stare off longingly into the sunset and wonder Why can't I see anything?

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You know the best part about summer time? No school shootings.

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Why is Pride month is Summer? Because Pride comes before a *fall*

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I remember the Swedish summer of 2017.. It was the best day of the year.

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Why are there no Finnish Muslims left? They all died one one year when Ramadan was in the summer

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Did you hear about the German summer camp where they gave all the kids adderall? It turned into a concentration camp

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Why doesn't David Lee Roth drive a car during summer? Because he can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it.

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Everyone else has 4 seasons to look forward to: Sping, Summer, Fall, & Winter We Seniors have only 1 season: Fall

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My son went to camouflage camp last summer. We never saw him again.

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Two old men are sitting on a park bench in the summer... One turns to the other and says "it's nice out isn't it?"

The other replies "yes, I think I'll take mine out too"

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With the success of Universal Studios' summer blockbuster, "Straight Outta Compton", a separate documentary based on former N.W.A. member Eazy-E is in the works. The project has been labeled "Straight Out A Coffin"

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My new years resolution was to lose 40 pounds by the end of summer... I've only got 50 to go.

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Unidan and I are planning a summer road trip. I don't think I'm going to enjoy it. Every place I suggest we stop at I'm outvoted 5 to 1.

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