People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years.
I'm more of a glass half full kind of guy,
I'm thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years!
It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.
My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short.
As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick...
"Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.
"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"
Why was Donald Trump watching the Summer Olympics? To see how high the Mexican pole vaulters could go
Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original.
What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?
He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"
Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.
Why are there so many public mass shootings in America? Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.
For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!
The doctor has given me two months to live. I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.
I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"
He said "No! I was working that day."
I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way
I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms. It didn’t do so well, people kept telling me “Concentration Camp” was a bad name.
This and That are both on summer break.
That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.
i have no idea where this is going
As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants... The pay wasn’t that good, but the tips were HUGE
My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this.... I’ve never heard him complain
A reporter is looking for someone to interview at the Summer Olympics
He sees a man carrying a twelve-foot pole and asks, "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
The man replies, "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"
I wanted to open up a summer camp for kids with learning disabilities apparently people think calling it a concentration camp is wrong
I Heard Minnesota Residents Are Very Excited. Rumor is going around that summer may fall on a weekend this year.
I watched a documentary about the 1936 summer Olympics in Berlin It seemed like a wonderful event, but it made me uneasy every time the officials said, "Let's make this a good, clean race."
A Summer Party
One summer day a family was having a party, nothing unusual.
Until a line started to develop, the neighbors saw and decided to walk over. They asked, "What is this line for?"
The host responded, "This is the punch line."
My summer job in high school involves getting up at 1 in the morning with a glass of water and a paintbrush. It isn’t very high paying, but I make dew.
Due to COVID-19, this was the first year I could not go to Switzerland for my summer vacation Otherwise it's due to the lack of money.
I had a wonderful childhood. I remember the summer of 1992, my dad put me in a tire and rolled me down a big hill. It was a Goodyear.
Kids today are so distracted! Cell phones, laptops, TV, Netflix - they just cannot focus! That's why I'm opening up a summer camp aimed to get kids to focus. I'm calling it the Concentration Camp!
With large events, circuses, concerts, or other parties being canceled soon because of covid, especially going into the summer and fall, It’s really no fair.
Two bears are sprawled out in a forest, sweating profusely in the extreme summer heat "I can't take this anymore," One bear says to the other, "It's *unbearable*!"
I just found out Phineas and Ferb predicted something! We’re going to have a much longer than normal summer vacation
How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day? He had a liquidation sale.
Me and my wife had a really nice time at the seaside last summer We burried each other in the sand when we were at the beach. First she burried me, than I burried her. I’m going next summer there as well, to dig her up.
At christmas dinner, when my uncle proudly announced that he had started a summer camp for deaf-mute teenaged boys, nobody said anything. We all knew he was just feeling a little cocky.
What do you call senior citizens with erectile dysfunction training for the summer games? Oldlimpdick athletes.
What do you call a summer program that aims to assist the Jewish community by helping their children overcome the difficulties of ADHD? Seriously, because my first idea was a huge flop.
I once got a summer job to grade the county gravel roads. I got fired when I started flunking all the roads for being too bumpy.
My neighbors are anti-vax
and all summer I heard their kids playing in their pool:
Origin of the word asian
Me: Bro, it's summer break. Why are you still studying
Ming: I must get A for my exams or I'll bring dishonor to my family
Me: Just because you're Asian? Besides, exams aren't even close. Let's hang out.
Ming: ASIAN WITHOUT A IS SIN
My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult He had trouble finnishing his sentences
Why aren't there any Muslim Eskimos When Ramadan falls in the summer they all starve to death.
Don't think of this as the hottest summer of the last 125 years. Think of it as the coolest summer of the next 125 years.