Hilarious Summer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Summer Jokes

People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years. I'm more of a glass half full kind of guy,

I'm thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years!

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What happened in Hong Kong this week? According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

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Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp

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I love summer in the UK. My favourite day of the year.

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It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

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Where do admins go for summer break? Banned camp.

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My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short.

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As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick... "Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

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Humpty Dumpty always had a terrible summer. At least he had a great fall.

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Why was Donald Trump watching the Summer Olympics? To see how high the Mexican pole vaulters could go

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Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original. What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?

He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"

Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.

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After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall.

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What was the most unexpected summer hit of all time? DES...

PA....

-nish Inquisition

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I asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer... He said his ancestors made that mistake and he's not falling for it.

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What's the easiest way to lose 20 pounds? The Steam summer sale

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Why are there so many public mass shootings in America? Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.

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I love summer in Canada! It's my favorite day of the year!

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Asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise.. I just asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer. He said his ancestors made that same mistake and he's not falling for it.

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For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!

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I love summer here in Ireland It's my favorite day of the year.

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Pride is like the summer... It comes before the fall.

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Why do lions only mate in the summer? Because the pride cometh before the fall

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The doctor has given me two months to live. I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.

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Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

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Where did the ADHD kid spend his summer? (Dark) At a concentration camp.

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I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way

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What's the best thing about summer in the U.S.? No school shootings for two months!

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I vacationed at a nudist colony this past summer... the first few days were the hardest.

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This and That are both on summer break. That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.

i have no idea where this is going

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My New Years Resolution was to lose 20 lbs. by the end of summer I’ve only got 30 lbs to go.

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It's been a few weeks since the last school shooting. Oh, it's summer.

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I wanted to open up a summer camp for kids with learning disabilities apparently people think calling it a concentration camp is wrong

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What’s the best part about summer in America? 3 months without a school shooting.

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Where do you send someone with ADHD for summer? A concentration camp.

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I Heard Minnesota Residents Are Very Excited. Rumor is going around that summer may fall on a weekend this year.

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I watched a documentary about the 1936 summer Olympics in Berlin It seemed like a wonderful event, but it made me uneasy every time the officials said, "Let's make this a good, clean race."

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I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction

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Where do responsible parents send children with ADHD over the summer? Concentration Camps

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My teacher took my phone after he caught me and said I could reclaim it next class It was a long summer vacation

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New Summer Jokes

What do you call senior citizens with erectile dysfunction training for the summer games? Oldlimpdick athletes.

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summer is like communism there are no classes

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I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up. According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

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A hot Summer day is the best time for a wedding Because noone will get cold feet

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Having a crush during school makes it 100x better... and makes the summer 100x worse.

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You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.

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My kid has Attention Deficit Disorder so I have sent him to a summer camp for kids with ADHD. It's known as a Concentration Camp.

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What is Post Malone's favorite summer fruit? Water Malone

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You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."

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Why didn’t the math professor teach during the summer? She needed a tan

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What's the best thing about summer in America? Three months without a school shooting.

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Clear and concise writing can mean the difference between "I helped my uncle jack off a horse"... and "I spent my summer working on the family's husbandry ranch."

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On warm summer nights I like to stare off longingly into the sunset and wonder Why can't I see anything?

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You know the best part about summer time? No school shootings.

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Why is Pride month is Summer? Because Pride comes before a *fall*

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I remember the Swedish summer of 2017.. It was the best day of the year.

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Why are there no more Finnish Muslims? They all died one year when Ramadan was in the summer

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Why are there no Finnish Muslims left? They all died one one year when Ramadan was in the summer

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Did you hear about the German summer camp where they gave all the kids adderall? It turned into a concentration camp

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Hey girl, is summer over yet? Because I’m falling for you.

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Two necrophiliacs talk during a hot summer day. *Sweating*, it's way too hot outside!

Let's go in and crack open a cold one.

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How do rabbits stay cold in the summer? Hare conditioning

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People of Alabama have summer teeth. Summer there. Summer not.

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What kind of summer camp would a toilet, a mountain lion, and a cantaloupe all go to? A John Cougar Melon Camp

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Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for a terrible summer

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I am almost completely Irish ....in fact, all summer when I was on my college break I thought to myself "Irish I was drinking right now."

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What's the most favorite day of British people? Summer

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TIL about a pack of lions that had a massive orgy at the end of last Summer They were the pride that came before the Fall

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Why doesn't David Lee Roth drive a car during summer? Because he can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it.

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Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because thou art hot and maketh me want to take off my clothes.

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Where do cantaloupes go in the summer? To John Cougar's Mellon Camp

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A man walks into a bar after the summer solstice and orders a quadruple vodka The bartender asks, "Is everything alright?"

The man sighs and says, "It's been a long day."

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I spent a summer in the beautiful lands of Siberia. It was the best week of my life.

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Procedural programming is like school in the summer. It has no classes!

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Summer weather is like a terrible dating profile... "24 but feels like 36."

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What's the most popular drink in the Whitehouse for the summer of 2017 ? Vodka, on the rocks.

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Where do kids with ADHD go during summer break? Concentration camp.

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Hockey players are known for their summer teeth Summer here, summer there

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Where do cantaloupes go in the summer? To John Cougar's Mellencamp.

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Did you hear about the local barber? He liked killing people with his blades during the summer festival.
They called him the buzzkill.

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Schumer is beautiful,hot, wonderful and just the best thing in the world Whoops sorry I meant Summer.

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I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but I'm having second thoughts... I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.

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Son and Dad $$$ Son is away for the summer in a camp. He runs out of pocket money so he writes to his dad:

No money
No fun
Your son

Dads response:

How sad
Very bad
Your dad

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Why do programmers hate summer so much? Because it's the buggiest time of the year

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I love summer in Ireland The rain gets warmer.

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2 fortune tellers are talking about the weather. The first one says it's going to be a hot winter. The second one replies "Yes, reminds me of the summer of 2093."

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Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? Because he had a miserable summer.

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My son went to camouflage camp last summer. We never saw him again.

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What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro? zika blyat

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What's a Jew's least favorite thing about summer? Going to camp.

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My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes... "Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."

I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."

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Demi Lovato's parents were mad at her during the school year... But now they're cool for the summer

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You're like school in the summer... No class.

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Why does England always get attacked in the summer? Because the Knights are shorter then.

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Two old men are sitting on a park bench in the summer... One turns to the other and says "it's nice out isn't it?"

The other replies "yes, I think I'll take mine out too"

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Despite it being close to Christmas, I'm still on my Summer diet... ...I'll have summer that, summer that, and summer that.

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Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. His summer was ok.

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My new years resolution was to lose 40 pounds by the end of summer... I've only got 50 to go.

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Unidan and I are planning a summer road trip. I don't think I'm going to enjoy it. Every place I suggest we stop at I'm outvoted 5 to 1.

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For those with kids who love Frozen..... Knock Knock.
Whose there?
You.
You who?
You Who, big summer blowout! (Norwegian accent)

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