Summer Jokes

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Funniest Summer Jokes

People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years. I'm more of a glass half full kind of guy,

I'm thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years!

Funny Summer Jokes

Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp

I love summer in the UK. My favourite day of the year.

It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

Where do admins go for summer break? Banned camp.

My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short.

As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick... "Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

Why was Donald Trump watching the Summer Olympics? To see how high the Mexican pole vaulters could go

Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original. What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?

He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"

Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.

What was the most unexpected summer hit of all time? DES...





PA....




-nish Inquisition

How's y'all's summer bods looking? Mines looking like I have a great personality.

What's the easiest way to lose 20 pounds? The Steam summer sale

Why are there so many public mass shootings in America? Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.

I love summer in Canada! It's my favorite day of the year!

For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!

I love summer here in Ireland It's my favorite day of the year.

The doctor has given me two months to live. I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.

Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way

What's the best thing about summer in the U.S.? No school shootings for two months!

I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms. It didn’t do so well, people kept telling me “Concentration Camp” was a bad name.

This and That are both on summer break. That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.

i have no idea where this is going

As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants... The pay wasn’t that good, but the tips were HUGE

My parents once sent me abroad for the summer I didn't learn a thing from her.

My New Years Resolution was to lose 20 lbs. by the end of summer I’ve only got 30 lbs to go.

It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty. But he had a great fall.

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this.... I’ve never heard him complain

A reporter is looking for someone to interview at the Summer Olympics He sees a man carrying a twelve-foot pole and asks, "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"

The man replies, "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

You heard about the guy that added 3, 20, and 46? The Summer of 69

I got fired from my summer job at M&M quality control I threw out a batch of W's.

What do you call it when Shakespeare has a wet dream? Mid summer Night’s cream

(Dad joke warning) What was the almond tree doing all damn summer long? Nuttin'

I wanted to open up a summer camp for kids with learning disabilities apparently people think calling it a concentration camp is wrong

How does ISIS cool down in the summer time? In a blow up pool

I always get burnt during summer time. I would go under trees but they're a little shady.

What’s the best part about summer in America? 3 months without a school shooting.

I Heard Minnesota Residents Are Very Excited. Rumor is going around that summer may fall on a weekend this year.

I watched a documentary about the 1936 summer Olympics in Berlin It seemed like a wonderful event, but it made me uneasy every time the officials said, "Let's make this a good, clean race."

I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction

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New Summer Jokes

A Summer Party One summer day a family was having a party, nothing unusual.

Until a line started to develop, the neighbors saw and decided to walk over. They asked, "What is this line for?"

The host responded, "This is the punch line."

My summer job in high school involves getting up at 1 in the morning with a glass of water and a paintbrush. It isn’t very high paying, but I make dew.

Due to COVID-19, this was the first year I could not go to Switzerland for my summer vacation Otherwise it's due to the lack of money.

I had a wonderful childhood. I remember the summer of 1992, my dad put me in a tire and rolled me down a big hill. It was a Goodyear.

Kids today are so distracted! Cell phones, laptops, TV, Netflix - they just cannot focus! That's why I'm opening up a summer camp aimed to get kids to focus. I'm calling it the Concentration Camp!

Me: I’m afraid of Grease - summer nights My therapist: Tell me more

With large events, circuses, concerts, or other parties being canceled soon because of covid, especially going into the summer and fall, It’s really no fair.

I Summer in Maine and Winter in Florida... ...and sometimes I fall in bars.

Where do melons go for summer fun? John Cougar Mellencamp

Two bears are sprawled out in a forest, sweating profusely in the extreme summer heat "I can't take this anymore," One bear says to the other, "It's *unbearable*!"

Knock knock “Who’s there”

“You”

“You who?”

“Big summer blow out”

I'm going to start growing and selling chili peppers this summer I hear it's a hot commodity

I just found out Phineas and Ferb predicted something! We’re going to have a much longer than normal summer vacation

What's green and goes to summer camp? A brussel scout!

I love the British summer It's my favourite day of the year.

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day? He had a liquidation sale.

How would you describe summer in one word? Summary

5 reasons to date me 1 - there’s

2 - a hundred

3 - and

4 - days

5 - of summer vacation

Someone: I'm afraid of Grease- Summer Nights. Therapist: Tell me more.

Did you ever hear about Hitler’s children’s book? Mein Summer Kampf

Me and my wife had a really nice time at the seaside last summer We burried each other in the sand when we were at the beach. First she burried me, than I burried her. I’m going next summer there as well, to dig her up.

What do cats eat on hot summer days? A mice-cream cone!
Ha, ha ha

At christmas dinner, when my uncle proudly announced that he had started a summer camp for deaf-mute teenaged boys, nobody said anything. We all knew he was just feeling a little cocky.

Me and my dad go camping every summer I always remind him to not forget the claymores.

This summer I spent my vacation in the beautiful town of Hammerfest. It was about time.

What do you call senior citizens with erectile dysfunction training for the summer games? Oldlimpdick athletes.

What do you call a summer program that aims to assist the Jewish community by helping their children overcome the difficulties of ADHD? Seriously, because my first idea was a huge flop.

There's a anti vax kids only summer camp It's called the cemetery

summer is like communism there are no classes

I once got a summer job to grade the county gravel roads. I got fired when I started flunking all the roads for being too bumpy.

My neighbors are anti-vax and all summer I heard their kids playing in their pool:

"Marco!"

"Polio!"

Origin of the word asian Me: Bro, it's summer break. Why are you still studying
Ming: I must get A for my exams or I'll bring dishonor to my family
Me: Just because you're Asian? Besides, exams aren't even close. Let's hang out.
Ming: ASIAN WITHOUT A IS SIN

What does my summer assignment and women have in common Fortnite stops me from doing it

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult He had trouble finnishing his sentences

Why aren't there any Muslim Eskimos When Ramadan falls in the summer they all starve to death.

Don't think of this as the hottest summer of the last 125 years. Think of it as the coolest summer of the next 125 years.

Hey, what's your favourite summer accessory? English people: Clouds.

A hot Summer day is the best time for a wedding Because noone will get cold feet

Having a crush during school makes it 100x better... and makes the summer 100x worse.

Some people think of this as the hottest summer in the last 125 years But I like to think of it as the coolest summer in the next 125 years. Glass half full!

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Long Summer Jokes

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied. “Sally sells C cells by the Seashore.”

God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. You are isolated, and the land is a desert. You will work every day and will get very little in return. It will be harsh, but you will be hardened by it. You will find it hard, but you will call it home.”

The Australians reply “This is so unfair, why do the Canadians get good land and prosperity and we only get the harsh land, the scraps!?”

He replies “They do. But I didn’t tell the Canadians about their neighbours.”

​

Sorry if I offend anyone, this is my first post here.

An odd joke

Once there was a guy whose parents named him Odd. All through school, Odd was made fun of for his odd name. Eventually, as an grown man, he found a beautiful woman to marry and raise a family with. During a summer day in their 70s, Odd told his wife as they sat in the living room that he had never liked his odd name. He told her that, when he died, she should just put his birthday and date of death on the grave, without his name. Sure enough, several years later, Odd passed away. His wife did as he had requested, and buried him, putting only his birthday and date of death on the gravestone. But it was futile. To this day, people still walk by the grave and say:




"Isn't that Odd?"

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

Four rabbis were golfing

EDIT: So everyone seems to be reading "rabbits," like "bunnies," only to get confused halfway through the joke. This is actually about "rabbis," meaning Jewish clergymen. Carry on...



*************



Four rabbis had a tradition of spending a day each week golfing and discussing theology between holes. Very often they would argue, with three of them taking one side and eventually arguing the fourth one down.



One day, though, the fourth rabbi simply would not budge on his point - he swore he was right and that the other three were misguided. Exasperated by the stubbornness of the others, he fell to his knees.



"Oh, Lord, give me a sign to show that I am right and that these other three are wrong."



Just as he finished, four storm clouds blew in over the golf course. Three all merged into a single larger cloud, but the fourth blasted through the larger cloud, dissipating it.



As smug as the fourth rabbi was, the other three insisted that this was nothing that couldn't be explained by natural phenomena and that he was still wrong. Again, he fell to his knees.



"Oh, Lord, please give *another* sign to show that I am right on this."



As he was finishing his prayer, a single storm cloud blew in and sent a fork of lightning down on four trees standing on a nearby hill. Three of the trees were destroyed and the fourth remained intact. Again, though, the three rabbis argued that it was a hot summer day and the occasional freak lightning storm didn't signify anything.



"Oh, Lord," he began again before being cut off by a billowing voice from the clouds.



"HE'S RIGHT!" the voice boomed.



One of the three rabbis simply shrugged at this. "Alright. So now it's three to two."

Two high school drop-outs are digging a ditch in the hot summer sun...

and they're complaining about it non-stop.

"Sheesh, this is hard work. I hate this job!"

"Yeah. How come we're down here working our asses off, and the foreman is up there sitting under a shady tree with a cool drink, and making 3 times as much as us? It's not fair!"

"That's it! I'm sick of this! I'm gonna go ask him!"

So the guy climbs out of the ditch and goes up to the foreman under the shady tree.

"How come we're down there working our asses off in the burning hot sun, while you sit up here under this shady tree with a cool drink?"

The foreman says, "Well, it comes down to one word: Intelligence."

"Whaddya mean, intelligence? You calling me stupid!?"

"Well, here. Let me show you."

So the foreman holds his hand up against the tree and says, "Punch my hand as hard as you can."

The guy figures, now's my chance for some payback! He winds up and swings at the foreman's hand as hard as he can, but at the last moment, the foreman yanks his hand away. The guy nearly breaks his hand smashing it against the tree.

"See what I mean?" the foreman says. "Intelligence."

"Alright. I get it." And he goes back to work with his hand throbbing in pain.

His buddy in the ditch asks him, "So whad he say?"

"He said we're slaving away down here because of intelligence!"

"Intelligence!? Is he calling us stupid!? What does he mean by that!?"

His buddy says, "Well here, let me show you."

Seeing no tree around, he holds up his hand in front of his face. "Take your shovel and hit my hand..."

My grandma told me this joke and I felt like I needed to share it.

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the checkout counter."

"I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six pack and headed for the checkout.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six pack of beer.

"We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said "The curlers are on the house."

While on a walk two men pass a bar...

Two friends are out walking their dogs on a hot summer day when they pass a bar.

"Let's stop and grab a drink"

"They don't allow pets - let's just keep going"

"Follow my lead"

The first man walks into the bar, his dog in tow.

"Sorry but we don't allow dogs in here."

"Excuse me but this is my seeing eye dog."

The bartender gives the man and the dog a once over. Seeing his sunglasses and a German Shepard, he quickly apologizes "Pardon me sir, first round is on the house!"

He quickly flashes a smile back at his friend and makes his way to a table.
The second man walks in, with both sunglasses and dog, doing his best to mimic the confidence his friend wielded.

"Umm, sorry but we do not allow pets here."

"Well excuse me but this is my seeing eye dog."

The bartender narrows his gaze and sighs.

"You're telling me that Chihuahua is a seeing eye dog?"

Taking a moment to collect himself, the friend says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?!?!"

An American and an Englishman are about to be executed

The American is put before the executioner and is asked: "What are your final 3 wishes ?"


The American replies: "My first wish is to smoke one last cigarette"



They bring him one last cigarette, he somkes it and the executioner asks him: "Your 2nd wish ?"



American: "To drink one last shot of wiskey before I die"


They bring him one shot of wiskey, he drinks it and the executioner asks: "And your final wish ?"


American: "I wish I was burried near George Washington"


So he is executed an burried near Washington.



Then comes the Englishman's turn.


When asked about his first wish he replies: "I want to skate on that lake over there".


Executioner: "But it's not frozen."


Englishman: "No problem. We'll wait until it freezez!"


They waited until winter came, the lake froze and the Englishman skated on it.


Executioner: "Your 2nd wish ?"


Englishman: "To swim in the lake"


Executioner: "But now it's frozen"


Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until it defrozez"


They waited until summer came, the lake unfroze and the Englishman swam in it.


Executionar: "And your final wish ?"


Englishman: "To be burried near Queen Elizabeth II"


Executioner: "But she's not dead."


Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until she dies!"

It is a summer night and a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit...

...A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"


The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."


The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?"


The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery."


The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?"


"Yes," the man calmly says. "I have the loot in the back."


The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.


"Don't do that!" the man yells fearfully. "I'm scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says.


The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car."


The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!"

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.

The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.

The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."

A Jewish boy was failing math.

His mother had tried everything. Special classes, private tutors and even a summer at a math camp. Nothing worked. Desperate, she decided to send her son to a Catholic school one of her friends had recommended.

The boy came home the first day, slammed his coat on the table, ran to his room and stayed there the entire night until it was time for bed. This continued for the entire semester. On the day of the next term, the boy came home as always, slammed his report card on the table with his coat, and proceeded upstairs. When the mother reviewed his report card, she was astonished to find he had gotten an A in math for the first time ever. Delighted, she ran upstairs to congratulate her son. She found him scribbling furiously in his notebook.

“Zach! You got an A! I’m so proud of you! Are the nuns really as good of teachers as Jodee said they were?”

“No.”

“Then what is it? How come you’ve gotten so good at math all of sudden?”

“Well mom, when I walked into that school and saw that poor man nailed the to the plus sign, I knew these Catholics were serious about this whole math thing.”

Boomboxes on the beach

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."

"No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's selling batteries."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore."

God will save me

Heard this a while back at summer camp or something of the like. Haven't seen it on here yet.

A man is drowning in a lake. A boat drives up and the captain asks him, "hey buddy, need any help?"
The man responds, "No, God will save me."

The captain reluctantly goes about his way and a little later a speedboat drives up to the drowning man. "Hey buddy, can I help you?"

"No, god will save me."

The man drowns and up in heaven he goes up to God and says, "Hey, why didn't you save me?"

God simply replies, "I sent you two boats, dumbass."

Irish intoxication

From Ireland, where driving while under the influence is considered a sport, comes this story:
A routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in Donegal Town. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as more of the other patrons left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said Paddy , truly proud of himself. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy!

A wealthy British gentleman, Reginald Harper, took a trip to India...

During the summer of 1967. One day while on an adventure he found an elephant in obvious pain, pawing at the ground. On the bottom of his foot, there was a large cut. Reginald took off his shirt and bandaged the elephant. The beast then dropped onto its knees, and lifted him with its trunk for him to climb on for a ride. For the rest of his vacation they were inseparable, and went on long rides daily.

Eventually Harper returned to his country, with the wonderful memories of that elephant.

7 years later, he moved to America, San Diego to be exact. One day, while exploring his new city, he went to the famous San Diego zoo. As if by fate, he felt drawn towards the elephants. Lo and behold, as he approached the mighty bars of their enclosure, one tired old elephant started pawing at the ground and then dropped onto its knees. Tears ran down Harper's face as he ran forward and squeezed through the bars, once again reunited. The elephant gracefully scooped him up with its trunk, and proceeded to brutally smash him to death on the bars of the cage.

Turns out it was a different elephant.

Redneck DUI

A routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin , Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off–it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.’
“I doubt it”, said the truly proud Redneck. ‘Tonight I’m the designated decoy.’

What will the neighbors think?

With summer getting sunnier a woman asks her husband:
"What do you think: should I go sunbathing in the nude in the backyard?"
The husband just shrugs and says:"Do as you like."
The woman replies: "What do you think the neighbors will say if they see me sunbathing like that?"
The husband replies:"They'll probably think I married you for the money."

A preacher, a priest, and a rabbi ....

A preacher, a priest, and a rabbi are walking together on a hot summer day. They happen upon a nice looking pond and decide to take a dip. Having no clothes to change into; they agree to skiny dip. Just as the three are getting into the pond they hear a group of people approaching the pond down the same path that their clothes are on.

The preacher decides to make a run for it. He covers his privates and makes the run to his clothes. Upon seeing the preachers success; the priest makes a run for it following the preachers method.

The rabbi, being the last one left in the pond, quickly covers his face and makes a run for the spot where his clothes are at. After making it the run and putting his clothes back on, the three of the see the group of people pass giggling and whispering to themselves.

Once out of earshot, the preacher and the priest turn to the rabbi and ask why he ran the way that he did. The rabbi responded; I don't know what kind of churches you guys have, but the people at mine recognize me by my face!

A husband and wife on a hot, summer day . . .

A guy as watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer afternoon. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for dinner.

The wife was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can’t believe you’re asking me about dinner right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out fot yourself.”

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and a tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine??”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”

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