Summer Jokes

Contents

Funniest Summer Jokes

People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years. I'm more of a glass half full kind of guy,

I'm thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years!

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Funny Summer Jokes
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What happened in Hong Kong this week? According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

Score: 686

Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp

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I love summer in the UK. My favourite day of the year.

Score: 400

It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

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Where do admins go for summer break? Banned camp.

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My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short.

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As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick... "Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

Score: 344

Humpty Dumpty always had a terrible summer. At least he had a great fall.

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Why was Donald Trump watching the Summer Olympics? To see how high the Mexican pole vaulters could go

Score: 159

Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original. What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?

He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"

Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.

Score: 152

After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall.

Score: 137

What was the most unexpected summer hit of all time? DES...





PA....




-nish Inquisition

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I asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer... He said his ancestors made that mistake and he's not falling for it.

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What's the easiest way to lose 20 pounds? The Steam summer sale

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Why are there so many public mass shootings in America? Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.

Score: 91

I love summer in Canada! It's my favorite day of the year!

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Asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise.. I just asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer. He said his ancestors made that same mistake and he's not falling for it.

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For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!

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I love summer here in Ireland It's my favorite day of the year.

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Pride is like the summer... It comes before the fall.

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Why do lions only mate in the summer? Because the pride cometh before the fall

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The doctor has given me two months to live. I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.

Score: 66

Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

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Where did the ADHD kid spend his summer? (Dark) At a concentration camp.

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I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way

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What's the best thing about summer in the U.S.? No school shootings for two months!

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I vacationed at a nudist colony this past summer... the first few days were the hardest.

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This and That are both on summer break. That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.

i have no idea where this is going

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What's Irish and comes out in summer? Paddy O'Furniture

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My New Years Resolution was to lose 20 lbs. by the end of summer I’ve only got 30 lbs to go.

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It's been a few weeks since the last school shooting. Oh, it's summer.

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I wanted to open up a summer camp for kids with learning disabilities apparently people think calling it a concentration camp is wrong

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What’s the best part about summer in America? 3 months without a school shooting.

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My teacher took my phone after he caught me and said I could reclaim it next class It was a long summer vacation

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My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes... "Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."

I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."

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Why are there no more Finnish Muslims? They all died one year when Ramadan was in the summer

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What's the best thing about summer in America? Three months without a school shooting.

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summer is like communism there are no classes

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New Summer Jokes

This summer, Johnny's parents want to send him to a concentration camp. They complain that he can't concentrate.

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With large events, circuses, concerts, or other parties being canceled soon because of covid, especially going into the summer and fall, It’s really no fair.

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Me and my wife had a really nice time at the seaside last summer We burried each other in the sand when we were at the beach. First she burried me, than I burried here. I’m going next summer there as well, to dig her up.

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Courtesy of a little kid in Hebrew school: What do Israelis do in the summer? They fly kaitz

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Where do ADHD kids spend their Summer? Concentration camp

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Me and my dad go camping every summer I always remind him to not forget the claymores.

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What do you call senior citizens with erectile dysfunction training for the summer games? Oldlimpdick athletes.

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What is the National Flower of Summer? The orange traffic coneflower.

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I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up. According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

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What does my summer assignment and women have in common Fortnite stops me from doing it

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A hot Summer day is the best time for a wedding Because noone will get cold feet

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Having a crush during school makes it 100x better... and makes the summer 100x worse.

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You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.

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Wieghtt loss I tell ya🤦‍♀️ *Beginning of June*
Me: “I should really start my summer body...”
*Now middle of June*
Also me: “ehhh next summer...”

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What is Post Malone's favorite summer fruit? Water Malone

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You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."

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Why didn’t the math professor teach during the summer? She needed a tan

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All my Jewish friends must have really liked their summer camps ...because they haven’t come back

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I tried to set up a new summer school in Isreal ... For kids with ADHD, but now I am told the name of it, Jewish Concentration Camp won’t work 🧐

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A kid was sent to a French summer camp program that lasted three weeks. It was called “Vingt In the Sun”

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On warm summer nights I like to stare off longingly into the sunset and wonder Why can't I see anything?

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You know the best part about summer time? No school shootings.

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Why is Pride month is Summer? Because Pride comes before a *fall*

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I remember the Swedish summer of 2017.. It was the best day of the year.

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Why are there no Finnish Muslims left? They all died one one year when Ramadan was in the summer

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Why doesn't David Lee Roth drive a car during summer? Because he can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it.

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Everyone else has 4 seasons to look forward to: Sping, Summer, Fall, & Winter We Seniors have only 1 season: Fall

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My son went to camouflage camp last summer. We never saw him again.

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Two old men are sitting on a park bench in the summer... One turns to the other and says "it's nice out isn't it?"

The other replies "yes, I think I'll take mine out too"

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With the success of Universal Studios' summer blockbuster, "Straight Outta Compton", a separate documentary based on former N.W.A. member Eazy-E is in the works. The project has been labeled "Straight Out A Coffin"

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My new years resolution was to lose 40 pounds by the end of summer... I've only got 50 to go.

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