Spring Jokes

Contents

Funniest Spring Jokes

Funny Spring Jokes

How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Add spring water

How do you make a water bed bouncier? You use spring water.

How do you make a waterbed bouncier? Fill it with spring water

What kind of water do you put into a waterbed? Spring water

How do you make a water bed more bouncy You add spring water

Finally my winter fat is gone... Now I have spring rolls.

If you want your water bed to be more bouncy... Use spring water.

What did the overly excited gardener do when spring arrived? He wet his plants.

My winter fat is gone... ... now I have spring rolls.

What did the excited gardener do when spring finally came? He wet his plants.

What's the worst time to use a trampoline? Spring break

[Slinky] When should you wash a stinky slinky? During spring cleaning

Spring is here, and the trees are getting their foliage back. What a releaf!

What's the best time to use a trampoline? Spring time.

What makes a waterbed more bouncy? Spring water

Why does Manny Pacquiao hate Spring so much? Because of May weather.

Just finished my spring cleaning. Sometimes I wish I'd never bought a Slinky.

I'd like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress? Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.

Why does Connor McGregor hate the spring time? Because he hates MayWeather

Spring is here and the trees are getting their foilage back. What a releaf!

what do you call water that bounces? Spring water.

I put my foot through a trampoline last week... I’ve had a spring in my step ever since.

Spring is here I'm so excited I wet my plants

How do you know when spring is here? the Leafs are out!

Saw 1st signs of spring today. Two crackheads were carrying a space heater into the pawn shop.

What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time :D
I'm not funny (._.)

Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug? She gave birth in the spring

Before I get into Spring Break traffic, I cover my car in Mucinex... It really thins out the congestion.

I’m really allergic to pollen But I feel this spring will be breathtaking

On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month This is ridiculous!

How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!

Spring is like a deadbeat dad It keeps promising it'll be there, but never shows up.

Last night I thought I heard the spring onions singing Bee Gees songs in my fridge. When I opened the door I realised it was just the chives talking.

Found on a gardening store sign: We're so glad spring is here, we wet our plants.

Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug? It gave birth in the spring

I was walking by the fridge last night and I thought I could hear the spring onions singing a BeeGees song. Turns out it was just the chives talking.

My mom called me 4 times in a row and woke me up to tell me this joke. I'm so excited about spring i wet my plants!

What is a bed's least favourite time of year? Spring break.

What says the nymphomaniac's right leg to her left leg, at the end of spring break ? "Long time no see !"

At what time of year does F=-kx not hold? Spring Break.

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New Spring Jokes

What time of the year do big girls jump on trampolines?? Spring break..

My wife turns on the alarm even when we are all home enjoying a quiet spring evening. I think she is unnecessarily alarmist.

I dropped a bottle of spring water into a pool It turned into a trampoline.

Such nice spring days and we are locked in because of Covid-19, it's a real pity that my wife and kids can't leave the house

Due to COVID concerns, short-lived games of Major League Baseball spring training were cancelled... right off the bat.

Its 60 degrees outside I think I have spring fever.... Or I have the Coronavirus

If Boeing was a Spring manufacturing company, They would name their springs “*Boing* 747”.

September really puts a spring in one's step in the southern hemisphere But for the North, they really take the fall

I’m quitting spring mix. Just checked into a mesclun clinic this afternoon.

I used to have winter fat But now I have spring rolls

What did the pirate say to the spring apparel? Ahoy May-tees

What did the spring say to the airplane? Boeing!!

Spring is finally here I got so excited I wet my plants.

Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend?? Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend??



It doesn’t last long and barely gets you wet!

To celebrate the end of winter, my local bed shop is having a spring sale. The rest of the bed is still full price though.

Why did Larry the gardener stay indoors on such a beautiful spring day? Crippling depression.

Which city has its seasons reversed? Tornto, the Leafs always fall in the spring

How do you make a waterbed more springy Fill it with spring water

The first snow of spring here in the Midwest is alot like some other great firsts.... Like the first dent in a new car.

You know its spring in Boston When the leafs get blown out.

I'll see myself out

They should change the Canada Goose to America Goose They're far from being the normal polite Canadian you meet. They come back every spring all rude and acting like they own the place.

Why did the mechanic powerwash his shocks? Because he wanted to do a little spring cleaning.

How many spring steel springs could a spring steel spring steal if a spring steel spring could steal spring steal springs? A pint.

Stop trying to predict the next Arab Spring Just pencil it in six weeks after Arab Groundhog Day.

What is the best season to jump on a trampoline? Spring time!

Girl, your parents must have been groundhogs... Because when I saw your shadow it was spring in my pants.

How did the deciduous tree feel during spring time? It was re-leafed

I prefer to do a snowwoman instead of a snowman That way I know I will make some woman wet when spring comes.

Spring training camp for the midget basketball league is coming to an end and the coaching staff is being quite lazy... There's going to be a lot of short-cuts taken.

Spring is here! Im so excited I could wet My plants

I got so excited spring was finally here, I wet my plants.

I lost all my winter fat thanks to this seasonal diet. Now I have spring rolls instead.

The seasons are all mixed up right now. It's supposed to be spring but it feels more like salt. I'm so wintery

Why wasn’t the robot at school for a week? He had a spring break

It's spring in New England, so I bought a high quality bug zapper to help deal with all those pests, and I woke up to protests outside my house. # Blackfliesmatter

Why did all the Mexican girls get pregnant on spring break? Their teacher told them to go home and do two essays.

What do you call a Calvinist who makes reservations for spring break? predestined

Winter is finally coming to an end It's putting a little spring in my step

How do you know it's spring in Israel? There's a Rosenbloom on every block!

What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use? Arab spring

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Long Spring Jokes

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."

"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."

That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're on the team for this Saturday's match!"

skipping church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee,
he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from
the heavens and exclaimed "You're not going to let him get away with this, are
you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

4 college students are having a great time on spring break.

So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".

The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".

So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.

When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.

When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"

After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Beer is good.

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."

The bartender gives him one.

Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."

He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"

The Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

Only Beer drinkers would understand

In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held.

The presidents of many of the world’s greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening.
The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, “The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!”

The president of Budweiser asked for “The King of Beers, make it a Bud!”.
Adolph Coors requested a “From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coors if you don’t mind.”

And so it went around the large table, each president asking for the brew from his own company as if it was the best.
Finally, the waiter came to Arthur Guinness.
“And you sir?” he queried.
“I’ll have a Coke!” was Guinness’s reply.
“A Coke??!?” The waiter was shocked.
“Wouldn’t you rather have a Guinness, sir?”

Arthur looked at the waiter, and gestured to his companions. “Well,” he said, “If they’re not drinking beer, then neither will I!”

The Beer Festival

After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." The bartender hands it over.

The guy from Guiness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" The Guiness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

An old Italian man lived alone in the country...

It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

"Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad"

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

"Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love Vinnie"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie"

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

An old Italian man lived alone in the country

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Vinnie

An Irish Priest was transferred to Texas

He rose from his bed one fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter."
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good Father, replied,

"Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Then, Father O'Malley replied,

"Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

It’s the end of spring break at college

These four buddies have an exam on Monday but decide to go out and party Sunday night anyway. They wake up and skip class because of the bad hangovers they have from all of the drinking. They walk in Tuesday and apologize to the professor, saying their car got a flat tire, hoping he’ll let them take the exam anyway.

Prof: “you’ve all been good students in my class, so I will let you take the exam this afternoon after class.”

Ecstatic, the buddies go through the rest of their day, coming in after class to take the exam. The Professor seats them in four different rooms, each with a copy of the 2 page exam and a pencil. They all start, and the questions are very easy on the first page. They flip over the exam and the whole page is blank except for one question: “Which tire was it?”

Importance of Audience

Father Murphy woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just
had to play golf.
He told the Associate Priest that he was feeling sick and persuaded
him to say Mass for him that day.
The moment the Associate Priest left the room, Father Murphy headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.Setting up on the first tee, he thrilled at having got away with it.
He was completely alone.
After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
Completely transfixed as they watched him tee up from the heavens, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord and exclaimed "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not.”
Just then Father Murphy hit the ball. It shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished.
He looked over at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?”

Something Interesting

A 3rd grade teacher gave her class the assignment to find something interesting over spring break and tell the class about it next week. Spring break came and went and the teacher instructed the class, "When I call your name I want you to come up to the front of the class and tell me something interesting you learned, heard, or found last week. Johnny, why don't you go first?"

Johnny went to the blackboard, drew a little dot, and turned around to face the class. After a small pause the teacher asked, "Johnny, what's that?"

"It''s a period," Johnny replied.

"I know that, but what's so interesting about a period?"

Johnny shrugged, "Beats me, but last week my sister was missing one, mom feinted, dad had a heart attack, and the neighbor next door shot himself!"

Father John's Worst Round of Golf

Father John woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So ... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father John headed out of
town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! He tee'd up on the first hole and started the day off right with a birdie, which was way better than he normally played. At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord, while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father John tee'd up the ball on the second hole and swung. It shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 365 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

[Long] Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives...

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played cricket on Saturdays together for so many years.
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's bat and ball there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years.
If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."

"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe.
Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe."
I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's bat and ball in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play cricket all we want, and we never get tired."

That's fantastic," says Mike."
It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So, what's the bad news?

"You're in the team for this Saturday's match !!!"

Tomato Garden

An old man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

*"Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad"*

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

*"Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie"*

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

*"Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie"*

The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and now it was dark, very dark, and he wasn't sure whether he had turned down the third alley, or the fourth. Or maybe the fifth. The second?

But he could see dim light flickering at the end of the alley, past the shrouded grey cobblestones and the hulking black dumpsters, and with the light headed optimism of the young and intoxicated he was quite sure that he was heading in the right direction.

He moved towards the light, and when he was 20 paces away he saw it to be a single small window, glassless, spilling a dry and irregular orange glow out into the gloom.

His body had started to slow before his brain had time to think. A dull feeling of *wrongness* crept into the night air, mixed with the bitter tang that seeped out of the dumpsters into the warm air around him.

Without willing it, his breath became quieter, his footsteps lighter, his approach more cautious. But he kept moving forward.

He found himself drawn to the window, and such was the compulsion that it seemed to The Boy like he was standing still and the window was floating towards him. Like the distance was being closed whether The Boy wanted it to or not.

He watched, detached from his own movements, as he came silently in front of the opening. His eyes pinched for a second against the glare of the quietly thrumming lantern that illuminated the room, then the soft pain behind his eyes receded and he began to make sense of what he was seeing.

The window opened into a single small room that was cluttered with an incomprehensible multitude of instruments, many of them of bronze and leather, and all of them of a variety of shapes and sizes that seemed recognisably functional but otherwise alien.

The instruments were arranged in orderly rows along the walls, but were so great in number that they also accumulated in disorganised piles around the periphery of the space.

In the middle of the room was a square wooden table, and hunched over the table was a small figure.

The figure was facing diagonally away from The Boy, and The Boy could only make out a weathered grey overcoat and the flickering suggestion of the wizened profile of a wrinkled old man.

The figure was absolutely ensconced in whatever he was doing, and The Boy found himself irresistibly drawn to the windowsill as he squinted and craned, trying to see what the figure was doing.

The Boy barely breathed in the warm night air. Everything was quiet.

The Boy watched as the figure lifted a coiled silver spring from the table and held it up to the lantern light. The figure methodically pulled a pair of pliers from the wall and pinched it to one end of the spring. With a slow, fluid motion, he pulled on the end of the spring with the pliers and drew the spring out until it was almost an arm's length. The coils unfurled smoothly and silently.

The figure lifted a square white cloth from the table and began to run it along the length of the uncoiled spring. The figure's motions were slow, almost loving, as he drew the cloth back and forth across the shimmering wire.

After some time, the figure drew another tool, a simple metal shaft with an indecipherable inscription along its length, and began to coil the spring back around it. All of this was undertaken with an unhurried but incredibly focused fluidity that suggested true artisanal mastery.

When the spring had been returned to a tight coil, the figure lay it gently on the table, and picked up a second, smaller spring. He reached slowly for a different set of pliers and then paused. His back straightened imperceptibly and he stopped. The air stopped moving around him. The Boy's breathing stopped. Time stopped.

The figure began to turn towards the boy with what seemed like the speed of an hour hand on a watch face. The lantern light flickered across the figure's profile and The Boy saw on that leathered face the deeply etched lines of Time so heavy that it filled The Boy with empty fear.

The figure turned completely to The Boy and The Boy was consumed by two huge black pupils, enlarged into grotesque caricature by a thick pair of gold-rimmed spectacles.

The figure assessed The Boy silently, and after several eternal seconds The Boy found some remnants of his voice and managed to speak.

"What are you doing?" asked The Boy.

The figure's mouth creaked open, his tongue sliding across his top lip like an inquisitive worm testing out the outdoor air.

The figure spoke.

"Just some spring cleaning"

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