Accounting Jokes

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Funniest Accounting Jokes

Funny Accounting Jokes

A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"

One More For All The Philosophy Majors Out There The Physics major asks: How does it work?

The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?

The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?

The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?

My Accounting Teacher Told Us This One Today If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail.

The opposite of self-deprecating humor is accounting Instead of making jokes at your own expense, you makes jokes about other people's expenses.

Accounting Joke Hey Guys

Need a good accounting related joke for work, if anyone has any good ones please share

The five senses have had massive lay-offs in their financial department. There's no accounting for taste.

Did you hear they banned accounting if Afghanistan? Apparently there's a tally ban

Accounting Joke: Why did the accountant cross the road? Because that's what they did last year.

The benefit of taking a job as an accounting teacher in a community college You never have to guess if you'll be broke.

When you think about it, the idea of a food bank is kind of ridiculous. There's no accounting for taste.

Accounting 102 It’s great having all these repositories of photos, home movies, and journals detailing all our meaningful experiences and adventures. You can always review them when you’re dead.

Why should you not rely on your CPA for restaurant recommendations? There's no accounting for taste.

My Dad had 2 very attractive sisters that worked in the accounting office of the same company... ...it was the department of fine aunts.

If you go to school for accounting be sure to study hard so you can be audit you can be Its accrual world out there

I woke up this morning and all of my bank accounts were empty! Not sure what happened. First thing I’m doing is calling my accounting firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe.

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Long Accounting Jokes

Do you drink beer?

Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending
each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400
…correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought
a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
What color is your Ferrari?

A woman asks a man - "do you drink beer?"...

Man: Yeah.

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00, including the tip.

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: What color is your Ferrari?

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

Do you drink beer?

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes.

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about three.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip.

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 - correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: If in one year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: Where's your airplane?

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."

"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"

"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.

"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"

"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Do You Drink Beer?

Lady: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes.

Lady: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Lady: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5 with a tip.

Lady: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: 20 years, I suppose.

Lady: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be $5400 correct?

Man: Correct.

Lady: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct.

Lady: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?

Lady: No... Why?

Man: Where's your Ferrari?

Accounting Joke (from my professor)

A priest, a lawyer, and an accountant were all at the bedside of a very ill man. The man said to them,

"Gentlemen, I'm dying. Before I go, however, I want to ask you one final favor: My family is rotten and I don't want to give any of them an inheritance. I would like to be buried with the remainder of my money." He then hands the priest, the lawyer, and the accountant three envelopes that contain $100,000 each.

"While my coffin is being lowered into the earth, please throw each of the envelopes in. Don't tell anyone what's inside the envelopes."

So the three men leave. Sure enough, one week later, the man dies. During the funeral, the three men toss the envelopes into the grave whilst the coffin was being lowered. After the funeral, the three men go to a cafe to discuss the life of the old man. The priest says,

"I have a confession: I took $10,000 from my envelope. But I used it to fix up the children's home. The old man was always very generous and loved the children. I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing where his money went."

The lawyer pipes in,

"Well, I also have a confession: I took $30,000 as payment of a personal loan he borrowed from me years ago."

The accountant, looking rather shocked, says,

"I cannot believe you two! I wrote a personal check that covered the whole thing!"

Do you smoke?

Lady : Do you smoke ?

Man : Yes

Lady : How many packs a day ?

Man : 3 packs

Lady : How much per pack

Man : $10.00

Lady : And how long have you been smoking ?

Man : 15 years

Lady : So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be$10,800 correct ?

Man : Correct

Lady : If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct ?

Man : Correct

Lady : Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari ?

Man : Do you smoke ?

Lady : No

Man : Where's your Ferrari then ?

Cell phone in public...

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.

My grandpas joke

A man is hiring for an accounting position, and is conducting interviews for each of the hopefuls. The first accountant walks in and starts to introduce himself.

Accountant1: I'm here for ther job, I'm great at d-

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant1: 4

Boss: get out

Sad, disappointed, and a little confused, the accountant slowly leaves the office. Then a new, fresh accountant comes in.

Accountant2: hey I'm here for the-

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant2: 4

Boss: get out.

Just as confused as accountant1, number 2 leaves thinking that if the boss is that stupid he doesn't want to work there anyways. On the way out, a new accountant walks into the office.

Accountant3: hi, I'm here for the ne-

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant3: anything you want it to be.

Boss: you're hired.

The Job Interview

This is a joke my friend told me a while back:

A company has opened a new position and is trying to fill it from a pool of candidates with diverse majors. First the interviewer calls in an art major. The interview goes well, and the interviewer asks one last question: "what's 9x9?" The art major thinks and replies, "I don't know, but that sounds, like a great idea for a painting." He then leaves the interview, and the next candidate, a music major, enters. The interview goes fine, and when the interviewer gets to the last question the music major replies, "I don't know but that sounds like a great idea for a song." The music major leaves, and the next candidate, an engineering major, comes in. When the interviewer gets to the last question, the engineer replies, "Are you kidding me? It's 81." The interviewer thanks the engineer and calls in the last candidate, an accounting major. When the interviewer gets to the last question the accounting major stands up, looks under the desk, closes the blinds, locks the door, and finally replies, "All right, what do you want it to be?"

A man is constantly asking his wife for a threesome for his birthday

and every year the wife says no.

This continues on for several years, until finally the wife has enough and finally agrees.

“Ok George, yes you can have your damn threesome. Who do you want it to be with?”

George quickly responds with... “Well, do you remember Sarah who works in accounting at my office?”

“Yes, of course....” the wife responds!

“Well, with her... and one of her friends.” George responded.

Male logic. Another joke from an 83 year old dad.

This is a conversation between a man and his new girlfriend.
Please note that she asks 5 or 6 questions, which he answered quite simply.
She is speechless after answering only one question.

Critical Thinking At Its Very Best!:


Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes.

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary!).

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: Oh, about 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So, a beer costs $5.00 and you have 3 beers a day,
which puts your spending each month at $450.00.
In one year it would be approximately $5400.00 correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400.00, not accounting for inflation,
the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000.00 or maybe more, correct?


Man: Correct.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been
put in a step-up interest savings account, and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years,
you could have now bought a Ferrari?


Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: Where's your Ferrari?

Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes...

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up
Interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years,
You could have now bought a new Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

Ferrari

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

A conversation between a man and a woman

Conversation between a man and a woman. She asks him 5 or 6 questions that he answers quickly and easily. She, however, will remain silent after answering a question asked by the man:

- woman: "Do you drink beer?"

- man: "Yes"

- Woman: "How many beers do you drink a day?"

- man: "Tre"

- woman: "How much do you pay for each?"

- man: "€ 5, tip included"

- woman: "How long have you been drinking?"

- man: "Ehm ... more or less for 25 years"

- Woman: "So, if each beer costs you € 5, and you drink 3 a day, it means you spend € 450 a month, which is about € 5,400 in a year.

- man: "Right"

-Women: "If you spend € 5,400 in a year, without considering inflation, you have spent € 135,000 over the last 25 years.

- man: "Right"

- Woman: "You are aware of the fact that if you did not drink beer, that money could have made you profit, maybe in some bank that would generate interest, and after accounting for the compound interest of the last 25 years, you could even buy a plane?

- man: "Do you drink beer?"

- woman: "No"

- man: "Where is your plane?"

A lady asked a man if he smokes...

The man said yes

Lady : How many packs a day ?

Man : 3 packs

Lady : How much per pack

Man : $10.00

Lady : And how long have you been smoking ?

Man : 15 years

Lady : So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be$10,800 correct ?

Man : Correct

Lady : If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct ?

Man : Correct

Lady : Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari ?

Man : Do you smoke ?

Lady : No

Man : Where's your Ferrari then ?

A graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

My go-to accounting joke

(Acknowledgement: This joke came from the Drew Carey show. I don't remember specifically which episode. I don't even know why I was watching it.)

The owners of a micro-brewery are sitting around a table having their monthly board meeting.

The accountant stands up and says "So, let's see, this month, we lost ... hmm... hmm... Hey! Does anybody have a black pen?"

The CEO says "I can go buy one."

The accountant replies "Yeah, but then we won't need it anymore."

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