What has 6 eyes, 16 tentacles and quacks like a duck? I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.
Secret Service no longer yells “Get down, Mr President” any more when the President is under attack Now they yell “Donald, duck”
What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at? "Donald! Duck!"
I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"
I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!" They told me I'm not to use fowl language
I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.
I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant last night The bill was huge!
What noise does a subatomic duck make? Quark
What will the secret service yell when something is hurtling towards the president? Donald duck!
What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated? Secret Service would shout "Donald, Duck!"
Having a duck orgy at my house... If anyone wants to come on down.
I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.
What do you call a mouse on 2 legs
Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"
Did you know the Secret Service is no longer allowed to say "GET DOWN!" when the President is getting attacked? Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"
If someone tries to assassinate Trump what will the secret service shout? "Donald, duck"
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven until its bill withers.
Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
A: He was selling quack.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers
There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see? His but-quack.
How did the duck rob the bank? It quacked the code to the vault.
A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken said.. "dont do it man, you will never hear the end of it"
The bodyguards of the POTUS used to shout "Get down, Mr. president!" during assassination attempts Now they just say "Donald, duck"
What happens when you call a duck? His phone wings
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack
The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger Now they yell "Donald Duck!"
Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped?
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.
I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!
How do you turn a duck into a blues singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers
Why did the duck go to prison? He got caught selling quack.
Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"
I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!
What did Mickey Mouse yell when the president was about to be shot? Donald!! Duck!!!
What do you say when someone throws something at the president? Donald Duck
What do you call a duck that gets addicted to drugs? A quack head
What do you call a duck in a dark alleyway? A quack dealer.
What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies
How to turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.
Why did the duck divorce his wife? He found out she was a quack addict.
Why should you never order chicken or duck on a first date? Because no one wants to kiss someone with fowl breath!
One guy is returning from work with a duck under his shoulder.
The husband opens the door and the wife greets him.
Husband: "See, I have been f*cking this pig for a while."
Wife: "But, I see no pig?"
Husband: "I wasn't talking to you."
2 guy walked into a bar. One of them said “duck!” The other guy looked and saw a duck. He then bonked his head on the bar.
Did you know the secret service doesn’t say “Get down Mr. President” anymore? They say Donald Duck!
What did the duck say to the cheese grader. nothing ducks can't talk
How do turn a duck into a soul singer? Bake it in the oven for two hours and his Bill Withers.
I just learned that my great grandpa was a duck Turns out I’m a real quack
A blonde comes back home from hunting
\- Have you hunted a lot?
\- Nope! Not a single duck!
\- But... There's plenty of ducks out there. How could it be?
\- Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm not throwing the dog high enough...
What do you call a duck that went to medical school? A DUCKtor
Tinder told me there are 50000 hot american singles in my area This vacation in Iran's gonna duck
What’s so special about Mickey Mouse
What’s so special about Mickey Mouse: He walks two legged
What’s so special about Donald Duck: You guessed wrong all ducks stand on two feet
A man is returning to the vet to see if a surgery was successful. The vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."
You should have seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the costume party. Yeah I was wearing no pants and I arrived with three boys who are not mine.
From my 7 year old son: Why did the duck have to fix his bill? Because it had a quack in it.
Lots of people hit their heads at the geese bar. More should duck.
I had my pet duck drug tested this morning... Turns out he’s been doing quack this whole time!
What do you call a duck that falls out of a palm tree? A quackanut
Did you hear the one about the injured water fowl? It's really a lame duck joke.
Why didn't the duck ask his date out to dinner again? She wouldn't touch the bill on the first date.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Trump when Goofy threw a shoe at him? DONALD DUCK !!!
Why do NBA players like poultry? Because they love to slam duck!
Why did Mickey get hit but Donald didn't Because Donald Duck.
What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat? A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!
What do you get when you drown the third wheel in a duck trio? A sad paradox.