Hilarious Duck Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Duck Jokes

What has 6 eyes, 16 tentacles and quacks like a duck? I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.

Score: 1606

Secret Service no longer yells “Get down, Mr President” any more when the President is under attack Now they yell “Donald, duck”

Score: 1286

What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at? "Donald! Duck!"

Score: 1235

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

Score: 932

Score: 903

If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"

Score: 745

I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!" They told me I'm not to use fowl language

Score: 681

I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.

Score: 624

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant last night The bill was huge!

Score: 598

What noise does a subatomic duck make? Quark

Score: 547

What will the secret service yell when something is hurtling towards the president? Donald duck!

Score: 535

What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated? Secret Service would shout "Donald, Duck!"

Score: 238

Having a duck orgy at my house... If anyone wants to come on down.

Score: 229

I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.

Score: 227

What do you call a mouse on 2 legs Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"

Score: 218

Did you know the Secret Service is no longer allowed to say "GET DOWN!" when the President is getting attacked? Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"

Score: 208

If someone tries to assassinate Trump what will the secret service shout? "Donald, duck"

Score: 174

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven until its bill withers.

Score: 160

Duck Joke Q: Why did the duck go to jail?

A: He was selling quack.

Score: 128

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers

Score: 126

There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see? His but-quack.

Score: 119

How did the duck rob the bank? It quacked the code to the vault.

Score: 118

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken said.. "dont do it man, you will never hear the end of it"

Score: 107

The bodyguards of the POTUS used to shout "Get down, Mr. president!" during assassination attempts Now they just say "Donald, duck"

Score: 92

What happens when you call a duck? His phone wings

Score: 91

Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack

Score: 90

The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger Now they yell "Donald Duck!"

Score: 79

Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped? An abduction.

I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

Score: 78

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

Score: 78

How do you turn a duck into a blues singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

Score: 76

Why did the duck go to prison? He got caught selling quack.

Score: 61

Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"

Score: 46

The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger Instead of yelling "Get down!" they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

Score: 45

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown: "Quack!"

Score: 43

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!

Score: 42

What did Mickey Mouse yell when the president was about to be shot? Donald!! Duck!!!

Score: 35

I want a pet duck But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.

Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.

Score: 26

What goes "quick, quick"? Duck in a hurry.

Score: 19

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. It points a wing at the man behind the desk and says with a frown: "Quack"

Score: 18

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

Score: 16

New Duck Jokes

What did the duck say to the duck? Goose.

Score: 7

What did one duck say to the other that had lost it's voice? How's it, quacka-lackin'?

Score: 5

Which mouse can walk with two legs? Mickey Mouse. But which duck can walk with two legs? All of them dumbass

Score: 15

What do you call a duck in a dark alleyway? A quack dealer.

Score: 10

A man is returning to the vet to see if a surgery was successful. The vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."

Score: 6

Why did the duck divorce his wife? He found out she was a quack addict.

Score: 6

From my 7 year old son: Why did the duck have to fix his bill? Because it had a quack in it.

Score: 3

Lots of people hit their heads at the geese bar. More should duck.

Score: 3

What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies

Score: 9

What does a male duck go through during puberty? Voice quacks!

Score: 6

I had my pet duck drug tested this morning... Turns out he’s been doing quack this whole time!

Score: 3

What did the abusive mallard say to his duck wife? Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack.

Score: 4

What do you call a duck that falls out of a palm tree? A quackanut

Score: 3

What do you call a duck that’s addicted to drugs? A quack addict

Score: 9

What did the duck tell the prostitute? Put it on my bill.

Score: 3

Why did the duck get arrested he got caught selling quack.

ok you can ban me now.

Score: 14

How do you turn a duck into a famous soul singer? Stick it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers

Score: 4

What do taxidermists say when you don't have enough money to pay for a whole duck? "I'll send you the bill"

Score: 3

A duck walks into a drug store and asks for some chap stick.

The pharmacist asks if it will be cash or charge

The duck replies...

Just put it on my bill.

Score: 5

What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn

Score: 12

Why did the duck have to go to rehab? He was addicted to quack!

Score: 6

What's the national bird of Iraq? Duck.

Score: 5

Someone stole my duck I guess you could say he was abduckted.

Score: 7

What do you call a duck with a drug addiction? A quack addict.

Score: 11

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

Score: 15

A duck waddles into a store, asks for some snails. The woman behind the counter asks, "Wait, ducks don't carry cash, do they?"

The duck replies, "No, but you can put them on my bill."

Score: 5

Why did the duck cross the road? Because it wanted to prove it wasn't chicken

Score: 3

Secret Service Have Undergone New Training, Instead of "Get Down Mr. President!" it's... "Donald, Duck!"

Score: 8

A man walks into a bar The next two duck

Score: 7

Which cartoon character have you seen live? Donald Duck

Score: 3

Silence is golden And it just so happens that duck tape is silver. Either way you will get silence

Score: 12

How do you turn a duck into an R&B singer? You put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

Score: 4

Why did the duck get suspended from school? For fowl language

Score: 6

Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!

Score: 4

Lady walks into a bar carrying a duck. Bartender "Hey, we don't serve pigs in here!"

Lady "Excuse me but this is a duck. "

Bartender "I was talking to the duck. "

Score: 4

What do you do when a goose swoops above your head? You duck.

Score: 3

What did the duck say to the funny joke? That really quacked me up.

Score: 3

I heard the secret service had to change their commands. They can't say "Get down!" anymore when the President is under attack.

Now it's "Donald! Duck!"

Score: 3

The secret service doesnt yell "get down!" When the president is in danger. Now they yell "Donald, duck!"

Score: 5

Why did the duck get arrested? He got caught selling quack

Score: 4

A Duck Walks Into a Drugstore A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick. The cashier says to the duck, “That’ll be $1.49.” The duck replies, “Put it on my bill.”

Score: 2

Two Jewish duck hunters make a kill on the same waterfowl But who takes the bill?

Score: 6

How do you make a Duck sing? Cook it in the oven till it's Bill Withers

Score: 3

I was sitting in the Chinese restaurant, thinking about how duckling means little duck... So I canceled my order of dumplings.

Score: 15

What do you call the killing of a duck? A murder moist fowl.

Score: 2

So The Duck Says... "Put it on my bill."

Score: 2

Why did the duck go to rehab? (Different answer than normal) He wanted to quack down on his drug usage.

Score: 2

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Donald Duck? There is a human being inside of Donald Duck.

Score: 3

What do you get when you send a duck back in time to meet itself? A pair-o-ducks.

Score: 4

Why shouldn't girls wear duck pants You can see their quack

Score: 2

What do you call a duck with fangs? Count Quackula.

Score: 4

What's a duck's favorite drug? Quack.

Score: 9

Duck jokes are usually funny... ...but sometimes they're fowl.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck? He was suspected of Fowl Play

Score: 11

A duck walks into a bar and says "Get me some chapstick, and put it on my bill!"

Score: 3

What does a duck put in its burrito? Quackamole.

Score: 11

Two ducks walk into a bar. The third duck ducks.

Score: 3

What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to? Rub-a-dubstep!

Score: 2

A guys wife is in the kitchen making a sandwich when he walks in with a duck under his arm

Score: 4

What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head? Duck.

Score: 10