Contents
Contents
What has 6 eyes, 16 tentacles and quacks like a duck? I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.
Secret Service no longer yells “Get down, Mr President” any more when the President is under attack Now they yell “Donald, duck”
What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at? "Donald! Duck!"
I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
Where do duck farts come from? Their buttquacks.
If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"
I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!" They told me I'm not to use fowl language
I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.
I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant last night The bill was huge!
What noise does a subatomic duck make? Quark
What will the secret service yell when something is hurtling towards the president? Donald duck!
What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated? Secret Service would shout "Donald, Duck!"
Having a duck orgy at my house... If anyone wants to come on down.
I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.
What do you call a mouse on 2 legs
Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"
Did you know the Secret Service is no longer allowed to say "GET DOWN!" when the President is getting attacked? Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"
If someone tries to assassinate Trump what will the secret service shout? "Donald, duck"
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven until its bill withers.
Duck Joke
Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
A: He was selling quack.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers
There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see? His but-quack.
How did the duck rob the bank? It quacked the code to the vault.
A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken said.. "dont do it man, you will never hear the end of it"
The bodyguards of the POTUS used to shout "Get down, Mr. president!" during assassination attempts Now they just say "Donald, duck"
What happens when you call a duck? His phone wings
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack
The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger Now they yell "Donald Duck!"
Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped?
An abduction.
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.
I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!
How do you turn a duck into a blues singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers
Why did the duck go to prison? He got caught selling quack.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"
The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger Instead of yelling "Get down!" they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown: "Quack!"
I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!
A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck... ...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"
What did Mickey Mouse yell when the president was about to be shot? Donald!! Duck!!!
I want a pet duck
But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.
Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.
What goes "quick, quick"? Duck in a hurry.
What did the duck say to the duck? Goose.
What did one duck say to the other that had lost it's voice? How's it, quacka-lackin'?
Which mouse can walk with two legs? Mickey Mouse. But which duck can walk with two legs? All of them dumbass
What do you call a duck in a dark alleyway? A quack dealer.
A man is returning to the vet to see if a surgery was successful. The vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."
Why did the duck divorce his wife? He found out she was a quack addict.
From my 7 year old son: Why did the duck have to fix his bill? Because it had a quack in it.
A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. It points a wing at the man behind the desk and says with a frown: "Quack"
Lots of people hit their heads at the geese bar. More should duck.
What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies
What does a male duck go through during puberty? Voice quacks!
I had my pet duck drug tested this morning... Turns out he’s been doing quack this whole time!
Two ducks were floating in a pond
One of them said: "Quack".
The other duck said: "I was going to say that!"
Why did the duck cross the road? To get to it's quack dealer.
Trump’s bodyguards have found a new phrase for “Mr. President get down!” Donald duck!
My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river...
As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!”
The hunter responded with: Don’t quack!
a stupid joke I made up
what do you call a shaking duck?
an earth quack
Why was the duck in rehab? Because he was a recovering **quack** addict
What did the abusive mallard say to his duck wife? Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack.
What do you call a duck that’s addicted to drugs? A quack addict
Why did the duck get arrested
he got caught selling quack.
ok you can ban me now.
How do you turn a duck into a famous soul singer? Stick it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers
What do taxidermists say when you don't have enough money to pay for a whole duck? "I'll send you the bill"
A duck walks into a drug store
and asks for some chap stick.
The pharmacist asks if it will be cash or charge
The duck replies...
Just put it on my bill.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn
Why did the duck have to go to rehab? He was addicted to quack!
What's the national bird of Iraq? Duck.
Someone stole my duck I guess you could say he was abduckted.
What do you call a duck with a drug addiction? A quack addict.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words:
defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."
A duck waddles into a store, asks for some snails.
The woman behind the counter asks, "Wait, ducks don't carry cash, do they?"
The duck replies, "No, but you can put them on my bill."
Why did the duck cross the road? Because it wanted to prove it wasn't chicken
Secret Service Have Undergone New Training, Instead of "Get Down Mr. President!" it's... "Donald, Duck!"
A man walks into a bar The next two duck
Which cartoon character have you seen live? Donald Duck
Silence is golden And it just so happens that duck tape is silver. Either way you will get silence
How do you turn a duck into an R&B singer? You put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.
Why did the duck get suspended from school? For fowl language
Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
Lady walks into a bar carrying a duck.
Bartender "Hey, we don't serve pigs in here!"
Lady "Excuse me but this is a duck. "
Bartender "I was talking to the duck. "
What do you do when a goose swoops above your head? You duck.
What did the duck say to the funny joke? That really quacked me up.
I heard the secret service had to change their commands.
They can't say "Get down!" anymore when the President is under attack.
Now it's "Donald! Duck!"
The secret service doesnt yell "get down!" When the president is in danger. Now they yell "Donald, duck!"
Why did the duck get arrested? He got caught selling quack
Two Jewish duck hunters make a kill on the same waterfowl But who takes the bill?
How do you make a Duck sing? Cook it in the oven till it's Bill Withers
I was sitting in the Chinese restaurant, thinking about how duckling means little duck... So I canceled my order of dumplings.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Donald Duck? There is a human being inside of Donald Duck.
What do you get when you send a duck back in time to meet itself? A pair-o-ducks.
What do you call a duck with fangs? Count Quackula.
What's a duck's favorite drug? Quack.
Duck jokes are usually funny... ...but sometimes they're fowl.
Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck? He was suspected of Fowl Play
A duck walks into a bar and says "Get me some chapstick, and put it on my bill!"
What does a duck put in its burrito? Quackamole.
Two ducks walk into a bar. The third duck ducks.
I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.
A guys wife is in the kitchen making a sandwich when he walks in with a duck under his arm
What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head? Duck.
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