Duck Jokes


Funniest Duck Jokes

What has 6 eyes, 16 tentacles and quacks like a duck? I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.

Score: 1606

Secret Service no longer yells “Get down, Mr President” any more when the President is under attack Now they yell “Donald, duck”

Score: 1286

What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at? "Donald! Duck!"

Score: 1235

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

Score: 932
Funny Duck Jokes
Score: 903

If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"

Score: 745

I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!" They told me I'm not to use fowl language

Score: 681

I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.

Score: 624

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant last night The bill was huge!

Score: 598

What noise does a subatomic duck make? Quark

Score: 547

What will the secret service yell when something is hurtling towards the president? Donald duck!

Score: 535

What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated? Secret Service would shout "Donald, Duck!"

Score: 238

Having a duck orgy at my house... If anyone wants to come on down.

Score: 229

I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.

Score: 227

What do you call a mouse on 2 legs Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"

Score: 218

Did you know the Secret Service is no longer allowed to say "GET DOWN!" when the President is getting attacked? Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"

Score: 208

If someone tries to assassinate Trump what will the secret service shout? "Donald, duck"

Score: 174

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven until its bill withers.

Score: 160

Duck Joke Q: Why did the duck go to jail?

A: He was selling quack.

Score: 128

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers

Score: 126

There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see? His but-quack.

Score: 119

How did the duck rob the bank? It quacked the code to the vault.

Score: 118

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken said.. "dont do it man, you will never hear the end of it"

Score: 107

The bodyguards of the POTUS used to shout "Get down, Mr. president!" during assassination attempts Now they just say "Donald, duck"

Score: 92

What happens when you call a duck? His phone wings

Score: 91

Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack

Score: 90

The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger Now they yell "Donald Duck!"

Score: 79

Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped? An abduction.

I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

Score: 78

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

Score: 78

How do you turn a duck into a blues singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

Score: 76

What's the difference between Turkey and Duck? Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.

Score: 50

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!

Score: 42

What do you say when someone throws something at the president? Donald Duck

Score: 15

What do you call a duck that gets addicted to drugs? A quack head

Score: 10

What do you call a duck in a dark alleyway? A quack dealer.

Score: 10

What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies

Score: 9

How to turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

Score: 8

What did the duck say to the duck? Goose.

Score: 7

Why did the duck divorce his wife? He found out she was a quack addict.

Score: 6

A man is returning to the vet to see if a surgery was successful. The vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."

Score: 6

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New Duck Jokes

Why should you never order chicken or duck on a first date? Because no one wants to kiss someone with fowl breath!

Score: 0

One guy is returning from work with a duck under his shoulder. The husband opens the door and the wife greets him.

Wife: "Hello,honey."

Husband: "See, I have been f*cking this pig for a while."

Wife: "But, I see no pig?"

Husband: "I wasn't talking to you."

Score: 0

2 guy walked into a bar. One of them said “duck!” The other guy looked and saw a duck. He then bonked his head on the bar.

Score: 0

What did the duck say to the cheese grader. nothing ducks can't talk

Score: 0

How do turn a duck into a soul singer? Bake it in the oven for two hours and his Bill Withers.

Score: 0

I just learned that my great grandpa was a duck Turns out I’m a real quack

Score: 2

A blonde comes back home from hunting \- Have you hunted a lot?
\- Nope! Not a single duck!
\- But... There's plenty of ducks out there. How could it be?
\- Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm not throwing the dog high enough...

Score: 1

What do you call a duck that went to medical school? A DUCKtor

Score: 2

Tinder told me there are 50000 hot american singles in my area This vacation in Iran's gonna duck

Score: 2

What’s so special about Mickey Mouse What’s so special about Mickey Mouse: He walks two legged

What’s so special about Donald Duck: You guessed wrong all ducks stand on two feet

Score: 2

You should have seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the costume party. Yeah I was wearing no pants and I arrived with three boys who are not mine.

Score: 1

From my 7 year old son: Why did the duck have to fix his bill? Because it had a quack in it.

Score: 3

Lots of people hit their heads at the geese bar. More should duck.

Score: 3

I had my pet duck drug tested this morning... Turns out he’s been doing quack this whole time!

Score: 3

Where does the junkie duck live? At the quack-house.

Score: 2

Did you hear the one about the injured water fowl? It's really a lame duck joke.

Score: 1

Why didn't the duck ask his date out to dinner again? She wouldn't touch the bill on the first date.

Score: 2

What did Mickey Mouse say when a Frisbee was heading towards Trump? Donald Duck!

Score: 2

What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north? A pair of ducks.

Score: 2

Why did Mickey get hit but Donald didn't Because Donald Duck.

Score: 3

What is a duck's favorite drug? Quack.

Girlfriend came up with it. It was so bad it was good.

Score: 4

What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat? A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

Score: 2

What do you get when you drown the third wheel in a duck trio? A sad paradox.

Score: 4

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