Gross Jokes

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Funniest Gross Jokes

Funny Gross Jokes
Score: 23095

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

Score: 19532

A drunk German is urinating on a bush An American walks by, sees what the German is doing and says, "Gross!"

The German says, "Danke!"

Score: 9078

Why does Donald Trump finish nearly every tweet with an exclamation point? Because he thinks periods are gross.

Score: 161

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

Score: 114

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.

Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"

The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

Score: 99

What do you call a child born from incest Gross domestic product

Score: 84

A vegan said to me: People who sell meat are gross. I replied: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 79

Wanna hear something gross about USA? $18.124 trillion

Score: 44

What's grosser than gross? When a midget walks by and says, "Mmm, your hair smells nice!"

Score: 41

I put together a list of 288 dead baby jokes to post. I decided not to post them because it would be two gross.

Score: 40

Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators? They want to increase their gross domestic products.

Score: 30

A mathematical limerick A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.

Score: 27

(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park. Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream “Gross!”
The German man responds, “Groß? Danke!”







Translation - “Big? Thanks!”

Score: 27

I told my teenage daughter “There are two words you need to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome’ and the other is ‘gross’.” “Okay,” she replies, “what are they?”

Score: 26

You might think incest is gross... **but it's** ***all relative.***

Score: 18

I think I have a crush on my teacher Me: I think I have a crush on my teacher

Friend: That's gross

Me: I've heard it's pretty common

Friend: But you're homeschooled

Score: 14

The other day my daughter said, "Mold is so gross." I told her to "respect its culture."

Score: 13

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good. Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

Score: 13

What's grosser than gross? When a midget walks past and says your hair smells nice!

Score: 13

I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot, kinda gross, and picked up at the gas station.

Score: 12

I hate the number 288 It’s two gross

Score: 12

Boss: "and this is what you'll be making before taxes" Employee: "that's gross"

Score: 12

Knock knock Knock knock

Who's there?

I smell a map.

I smell a map who?

Gross.

Score: 11

My least favorite number? Probably 288... It's two gross.

Score: 11

A penguin took his car to the mechanic. The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.

"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.

"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

Score: 10

( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0 A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more

Score: 9

Why does the number 288 not come up in polite conversation? Because it's two gross.

Score: 9

Knock, knock. Who's there?

[B]I got up.[/B]

I got up who?

[B]uhhh, okay, gross, I guess we can finish the joke later? Bathroom's down the hall.[/B]

Score: 8

Why should you never mention the number 288? Because it's two gross.

source: someone told me this joke, it's not my joke.

Score: 7

A judge was fired for gross incompetence He was having trouble putting sentences together

Score: 5

There is a country whose main export is spiders... They have a gross domestic product.

Score: 4

Fat people are like spiders: I'm not afraid of them, they just gross me out.

Score: 3

My wife said my sense of humor towards her has been gross and tasteless lately. So I told her I was sorry and would stop doing impressions of her dinners.

Score: 1

What war-dance did George Washington perform after becoming incontinent? (Not gross) The War of In-Depends Dance.

Score: 1

What do you call the statistics for the total amount of waste produced by the US this year? Gross

Score: 1

12 Chickens lay 12 eggs each for a home run farm buisness. Gross domestic product!

Score: 1

I counted the number of all the slugs in the world It was a gross value

Score: 1

I just saw someone eat 12 dozen custard donuts It looked like a gross meal

Score: 1

What do you call a disgusting guess? A gross estimate

Score: 1

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New Gross Jokes

A drunk German is urinating on a bush. An American walks by, sees what the German is doing and says, “Gross!” The German says, “Danke."

Score: 0

This ones a bit gross 14+. What do you call a cheap circumsision? A rip off

Score: 0

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