Gross Jokes

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

A drunk German is urinating on a bush An American walks by, sees what the German is doing and says, "Gross!"

The German says, "Danke!"

Why does Donald Trump finish nearly every tweet with an exclamation point? Because he thinks periods are gross.

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.

Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"

The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

What do you call a child born from incest Gross domestic product

A vegan said to me: People who sell meat are gross. I replied: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Wanna hear something gross about USA? $18.124 trillion

What's grosser than gross? When a midget walks by and says, "Mmm, your hair smells nice!"

I put together a list of 288 dead baby jokes to post. I decided not to post them because it would be two gross.

Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators? They want to increase their gross domestic products.

A mathematical limerick A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.

(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park. Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream “Gross!”
The German man responds, “Groß? Danke!”







Translation - “Big? Thanks!”

I told my teenage daughter “There are two words you need to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome’ and the other is ‘gross’.” “Okay,” she replies, “what are they?”

You might think incest is gross... **but it's** ***all relative.***

I think I have a crush on my teacher Me: I think I have a crush on my teacher

Friend: That's gross

Me: I've heard it's pretty common

Friend: But you're homeschooled

What's grosser than gross? When a midget walks past and says your hair smells nice!

The other day my daughter said, "Mold is so gross." I told her to "respect its culture."

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good. Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot, kinda gross, and picked up at the gas station.

I hate the number 288 It’s two gross

Boss: "and this is what you'll be making before taxes" Employee: "that's gross"

Knock knock Knock knock

Who's there?

I smell a map.

I smell a map who?

Gross.

My least favorite number? Probably 288... It's two gross.

A penguin took his car to the mechanic. The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.

"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.

"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

Why does the number 288 not come up in polite conversation? Because it's two gross.

( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0 A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more

Knock, knock. Who's there?

[B]I got up.[/B]

I got up who?

[B]uhhh, okay, gross, I guess we can finish the joke later? Bathroom's down the hall.[/B]

Why should you never mention the number 288? Because it's two gross.

source: someone told me this joke, it's not my joke.

I like my women like I like my coffee Left in my car till its cold and gross...then dumped on the side of the road.

A judge was fired for gross incompetence He was having trouble putting sentences together

There is a country whose main export is spiders... They have a gross domestic product.

Fat people are like spiders: I'm not afraid of them, they just gross me out.

Watching Amy Schumer is a lot like watching surgery. Watching Amy Schumers Comedy is a lot like watching surgery videos on Youtube.
It's unsettling, it's gross and it doesn't make you laugh once.

Why can you only put 287 beans in a pot of beans? Because one more would be two gross.

Gross! A German farmer is standing in his field peeing. And American tourist sees him and says "gross!" And the farmer says "danke."

What's grosser than gross? 144 squared.

What war-dance did George Washington perform after becoming incontinent? (Not gross) The War of In-Depends Dance.

I ate a piece of sushi last night that had a giant green booger on it. It was disgusting. I HATE Sushi. It's so gross.